


There Goes Hoping

by Kino46



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Action, Adventure, Confusion, Crack Treated Seriously, Dogs, Drama, F/M, Facing Problems like a Pro, Fighting, Friendship, Hello person reading the tags, Hisoka's crazy scary, Horror, Humor, I can write horror, It's Hunter X Hunter, Leorio's like a dad, Minor Character Death, Non-healthy ways of coping, Pets, Romance, Self Insert, Ships? What ships!, Trauma, Trust, Watch out there's Humor, everyone loves dogs, no seriously, there's totally some horror here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2018-10-13 09:32:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 113,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10511043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kino46/pseuds/Kino46
Summary: Well, she'd already died once. (Or: Where a Fanfiction Author gets sent into their own fanfiction)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings, humans. This was once a different fanfiction called 'World's Collision', but I never posted it on AOO, so I'm not too worried about any confusions or such.  
> This is a Self Insert fanfiction, though, and more of a fanfiction-about-a-fanfiction kinda thing.  
> But that's not really vital information, as the story is likely fairly clear in itself. I do hope you enjoy.  
> Disclaimer: I own nothing but my shoes and my character.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings, Humans!   
> This is a story about a fanfiction author being put in their own fanfiction. Basically, some Crack Treated Seriously.  
> And I own nothing but my laptop and my shoes.

 

Salt. 

Wet. 

Painwatercoldhotsunburninghurtstopstopstopstop-

She came awake, startled and cold. Wide eyes took in the marble blue spread above her, the specks of blurred white shards. Birds, she took them as, when her eyes had focused. They sort of floated over the wind, hovering before swooping between ropes lining the sails above her. The sky was calm, the sun bright and hot and welcoming, yet it wildly baffled her because the last time she was awake, she remembered a ceiling.

Unmoving, but wildly alert, she noted a dull buzzing in her ears. Her flat blue eyes sluggishly blinked once, twice as her mind whirred over her basic bodily features. All her limbs felt intact. Didn’t feel right, but didn’t feel wrong. Appendages responded properly—whatever she woke on moved as well—and she could breath deep–

_ Oh-gosh-her-lungs-hurt.  _

Hand shooting to her chest, grasping it desperately as if to ease the flaring burn buried in her heart, she gasped and clawed her skin. But then the panic stopped and an odd, cooling pressure filled her, and she could only stare at the length of foreign, black-brown curls dipping over her shoulders to pile in her lap.

She shook her head. Taking a slow breath to test the spring in her lungs and, finding it satisfyingly cool, bare of fire, she relaxed. It was then that she noticed the salt in the air; then, that she could hear. Creaking groans of wood, what sounded like people chatter merging with the sharp screes of birds, and the flashy, sucking noises of water. Lots and lots of water. 

She sat up and saw she was on a ship. At the tip of a bow, specifically. It explained the masts, ropes, and sails. That, and the rolling lilt of the ocean-sprayed deck. From between tawny wood railing bars she could see an expanse of ocean, white scuffed and glassy. Like a marble. A very large, flat marble. A meager wave rolled beneath the ship, giving sway to the wooden, old style travelling device. Above her, the masts fluttered with soft wind. It was...nice? Peaceful, in a way? 

Where the heck was her ceiling?

Behind her a ways were the stairs leading to the main deck, where there were various shiphands carting boxes and clusters of men resting, or talking, or just observing the ocean. Most were in dark colors, while a few others, like her with a strange, pale purple dress, wore richer or vibrant clothes. They were the kinds of colors that caught the eye. A long haired man with a red bandana. An orange vested fisherman. A teenager with spectacularly bright blond hair, reclining against the netting beside the main mast. There were a couple others her eyes passed before they drew back to the blond. The roundness of his face just tugged at her memories. That, and his clean, blue tabard, which had odd, square-like designs–

A bird screed not a foot from her head and she jumped, wide eyed, then paused. A seagull flicked its head to stare at her sideways before squawking and looking out the other eye. It’s feathers puffed before it hopped off the railing and onto the deck, coming closer, curious. She didn’t move. 

A jolted shout from behind her startled the bird back to flight. Upon glancing back, she saw it was a shiphand with disturbingly cat-like eyes who had tripped and spilled a crate of apples. A couple men beside laughed at him, gesturing, and a small, green-clad kid looking so oddly young amongst the bigger, tougher fellows bent down, grabbing an apple before holding it out to the cat-eyed shiphand. The boy looked familiar, too. Her eyes returned to the blond and–

She turned to face the sea and swallowed, nervous. Blue sea, a boat. No ceiling, a dress. Long hair, small body. Sails, seagulls, strangers, shiphands. Frick.

She looked at her hand. Clean, raw, and useless. Thinner, paler hands than the ones she’d so often used. The skin looked so soft, so white, with fingers that were long and fingernails that were a glittery gold. The scar on her wrist was gone, the one from when she’d accidentally stabbed herself when removing fudge from a pan. Not that it was an important scar but it was one she liked enough to stare at, and now it was gone. That bothered her a great deal. 

It meant these hands weren’t hers. 

She scratched at her nails.

These were not her hands.

There was a chance she knew whose it was, but it was so slim and ridiculous she was scared to believe. But it was obviously  _ something. _

What if it was a prank? Unfortunately that didn’t seem too likely. Insanity or a dream, perhaps, but really, all one had to do was taste the salty air and the sweet, soft milking sound of the sea to know it was not a dream. At least not hers. Her dreams were never peaceful. 

So that left insanity. Which could easily explain everything but it just… it sounded so complicated. If she was insane this would make sense, at least, probably? Where was her ceiling? Why was the sun so bright? She wasn’t that much of a shut in, she was fairly tan, why was the sun so bright, so  _ hot _ ? Where was her freaking ceiling?

The wind ushered zephyr across her shoulders and she shivered, eyes narrowing. She wasn’t insane. Not enough to hallucinate a shiver and a cold and a whole ocean. And if she wasn’t being pranked, wasn’t dreaming and wasn’t insane, it left one little tiny thing that sort of made sense. Not really, but yeah, really.

Simply put, if right, she would be Kaia. A twelve year old female self insert about to take the Hunter’s exam. One with a magic bag that could store anything, a mysterious Mr. Wind who’d help her in need, and an alien dog for kicks. Her sister, Kurisutaru, would be right beside her, and they were both very skilled, and very lovely. And the male characters of their choice would fall in love with them. 

Kaia was a character from a fanfiction.

That  _ she  _ wrote four years ago.

She slowly rescanned the bow. Sunlight, railings, seagulls, a little black bag. No big, blond sister. Taking the surprisingly heavy bag, she dumped it’s contents on the boat, yet the only thing that fell was an iphone. A peek inside revealed absolutely nothing behind the weight. Tossing a mental note in her head, she pushed it aside and lifted the phone, which was just a dinky pink device with that common apple logo on the back. Curious, she turned it on.

It immediately started ringing. Startled, she dropped the thing, then hurried to swipe the little green phone sign on the screen so as to stop the noise. It worked, and the boat was quiet. 

She looked behind her, offering an uncomfortable smile at the numerous stares pointed her way. Then, she picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Congratulations, Kaia.” It was a strangling masculine voice. In the background she could hear a low rumbling, like a truck’s start up. “You have been included in an experiment I, actually… You have been called forth to serve in my experiment–no, ignore that, that sounds stupid. You have been–oh forget it, you get the idea. Just know your bag’s magic or whatever and it’ll give you what you need to live on. Haha, live on. Ahem. There are no rules or regulations. P.S. You are dead. Okay, there, I sent the message—ah, wait, is it off? Stupid phones. How do I–”

She blinked twice when the line went dead. 

“Shoot.”

She sighed, head dropping back against the railings so she could see the sun. It was what she thought. Wasn’t no need to deny it, either, because she wasn’t stupid enough to do that to herself. She wasn’t stupid. She wasn’t stupid, and she wasn’t gullible, and she wasn’t supposed to be  _ dead. _

“...Shoot.”

Her forehead pressed against her knees, or maybe her knees against her forehead. Either way, the two met and the skin burned when it touched. Perhaps she was sunburned. That would make sense, she was lying in the sun. And on the bow, in a dress, and she should put her legs down because being up like that lets in a lot of sea air. 

Kaia—because that was her name now, wasn’t it?—grabbed for the bag and the phone, and stood up. The ship wasn’t really rocking much, being as big as it was, and the sea was calm, but her legs wobbled beneath her and threatened to buckle when she tried to walk. It was jittery and pudding-like. She made to steady it.

“Hey, are you alright?” a young, boyish voice asked. Kaia scratched her cheek and turned slow, giving a lazy look to the kid. Big, wild brown eyes stared back at her. They belonged to a brown, round face faintly recognized as the boy who’d picked up the apple. Gon Freecs. Character from an anime, character from a  _ fanfiction,  _ which is what  _ she  _ was.

_ He smelled like fish. _

Kaia stood a little straighter and nodded. “Probably not.”

“Are you seasick?”

“...Probably not.”

“Is this your first time on a boat?”

Kaia pursed her lips, then, slowly, she said, “probably not.”

The boy cocked his head. “You don't remember?" 

"Don’t reckon so," she answered lowly. The boy frowned at her, which made her uncomfortable, and she eased onto one leg, then the other. After sloping her eyes across the ship again, she gestured to the middle deck. "If you'll excuse me."

"What are you going to do? If you're sick, you should drink some water and-"

"No thanks," she said, moving down the stairs. "I'm just going below deck..." She hesitated, looking back at him and his young face. Childish and curious. Big, such familiar brown eyes. "I um… I guess you can call me Kaia."

Twice the eyes blinked, then he smiled. "Okay, Kaia. I'm Gon."

She nodded shortly before turning on one heel and stalking down the stairs. There was a door, an old, rickety thing, she found there. Opting to open it, Kaia cast a glance to the scattered men, the blond boy, Gon, then she went inside and collapsed, whispering under her breath. 

“Well, shoot. That happened.”

Because she knew that boy’s face and it shouldn't be talking to her. She knew this boat and she knew this bag and she knew this story line and for goodness' sake, she had written this for a dozen laughs and a cup full of drama. She wasn’t fourteen anymore, she was eighteen years old. She was graduating high school. She was getting her life together and she was satisfied with where it went and she was not, ever, at all, supposed to be in her own fanfiction.

“Ahh…  _ Shit _ .”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing but my shoes and my character.

 

Watching the mirror was a new hobby she'd recently found in the last two days at sea. Perhaps because there were all these little specks of old toothpaste and mud across the glass. Perhaps, because the face that always stared back really, really wasn't hers. Kaia didn't hate it, exactly. She was the one to create it, so how could she hate it? She just didn't exactly appreciate it being attached to her head; in fact, she didn't appreciate the head currently on her, nor the body she was in. But Kaia couldn't change those things.

So she cut her hair. Barely long enough to be pulled up, and now stuck like a rabbit's tail behind her, her hair was short. What might once have been long bangs drifted onto an ugly tiled floor, beside an ugly bucket sloshing yellow human waste, while the rest messily curled above her eyes. Those eyes she was still adjusting to. They required no glasses, no contacts, and they were a heavier blue than she was comfortable with. It looked odd, distorted on skin far too pale to be healthy. Kaia had scrubbed all traces of makeup from her face and, although it looked a fair bit better than the purple monstrosity it was before, she was still displeased.

She was eighteen. She was fond of simple things. She wore whatever she felt like that day, enjoyed shorts that were baggy enough to work in. She was strong, she had her body toned and lithe enough to do what she wanted. She had a high pain tolerance, and she had blisters worked up to callouses she was proud of.

Kaia was twelve. Kaia was an unrealistic dreamer. Kaia wore a stuffy dress that looked better on that ugly floor than it did on her. Kaia was not strong, she did not have the muscles required to do what she needed. A scratch sent her reeling, the skin on her palms looked red and soft, and she found nothing here she could be proud of.

Now Kaia wasn't Kaia and Kaia was cautiously determined to build up _something_ from this body. So, donned in cargo shorts and a yellow t-shirt she’d stolen from her magic bag, she attempted push ups. On the ugly bathroom floor which probably hadn't been cleaned in a while and stunk something awful, but the point was there, and her mind was made. She'd already tested the air; none of her ridiculous requests were answered. Therefor, no Mr. Wind—the person her original Kaia had always relied on. Her sister wasn't there either, and neither was that little alien dog, Neko, but he might have arrived further into the story...

Mud stirred in her arms when she collapsed, eyes glazed, teeth bared in a quick pant. Three seconds she rested, then she gathered her bearings and forced her body into a sitting position, furthering her struggle with a stand. Her skin burned strangely and her legs felt loose, disjointed, but she was standing.

 _Something,_ maybe, _she could become proud of._

But her lips curled deeper into themselves. "It stinks," she muttered, running a hand through her bangs. Without another word she collected her bag from the floor and snapped it sideways around her waist. Pre-Written-Kaia had been able to fold the bag into itself, because of whatever nen-sorcery cast on it. Current-Kaia had tried it and found that it worked, and kept it in its fanny-pack state. Because fanny packs were cool, useful, comfortable, extremely convenient, and did she mention cool? Perhaps she was a little vain. That was fine.

Upon leaving the bathroom and subsequently attempting to walk, Kaia understood noodle legs were of little help on a ship roiling like the waves outside. The storm must have started, she mused, before dipping into the hall, under a man jerking toward the bathroom. There was the noise of retching and Kaia paused, frowning, but she didn't stay longer than that. Instead, she turned on one heel, breaking into a trot when she passed a friendly, red haired ship-hand who wanted to chat. It’d be best to land in the cabin the other contestants hid in. At least that way, she’d be assured a solid plot course, and wouldn’t have to worry about too many people bothering her. Most were too sick to stand.

The door did not take long to reach.

When there, it was loud to say the least, and louder still when she nudged the door open. Unwashed bodies and sweat and sickness thickly coated all breathable oxygen but she did little more than grimace at the strength of it, opting to find an empty hammock where she could sit and ponder actions. Already could she see that blond boy, relaxing in a hammock. On her left was Gon, scurrying between morose applicants with sweet words of better bellies. There wasn't much room to sit.

When a particularly heavy wave rocked the ship, sending a fatty, ugly man rolling before her feet to barf, Kaia went right back out the door. She crossed the dimly lit halls to the outside brigg, took a breath, and hesitated. She was...doing what, here? Standing before a sealed door that leaked freezing water from the storm outside? Listening to the panting, furious roar of the ocean while it tantrumed like a soul who’d lost? Watching swinging lanterns flicker and spark weak orange light against the bare boards of wood, for what?

She didn’t particularly like the ocean, anyway.

Perhaps Kaia was a fool.

Kaia pressed a hand against the slamming wood, and thought, _I’m already dead anyway._

The ship sank on her left, drastically, and her right knee bent to keep her balance. She could do this. She needed to get stronger. This body...irritated her. What merit did one have if they had nothing they could do? Surely, this idea belonged to an idiot, but Kaia...was simply a fool.

A stubborn one, because if she did survive this, she’d be stronger. She’d be sure her willpower could hold out—and if the ship hands could withstand this, and they weren't even training to be Hunters, she could too. She would do this.

She stepped into the storm.

_Like a fool._

But a confident one.

"Hey, kid, I don't remember seeing you in the cabin last night."

Kaia opened an eye at the voice. She was lying flat on her back, resting in the sunlight in hopes of darkening her sticky, ocean-sprayed skin after a bout of exercise. Nobody on the ship had bothered her since the storm had passed. Something that she appreciated, as she tended to avoid interactions anyway, and focusing had always been easier without being stared at.

Besides, she thought. She could ponder better without distraction. For example, last night, in the storm. She’d clung to the mast like a particularly stubborn wasp the whole, freezing encounter--though her insides remained that cool, syrupy warm. Odd, she figured, since she’d have assumed the cold on her skin coupled with the wind would at least hurt a little. Perhaps she simply had a very odd sunburn. She’d consider it more later.

For now, she considered a man she sort of recognized, curiosity lining both their young faces. He looked maybe twenty, short black hair, little round glasses on a long face. He wore a suit, and his shoes shined brilliantly in the sun near five feet from her head. She figured she knew who it was.

"Kid! I was talking to you, and I know you heard me. Hasn't anyone told you to respect your elders?"

"Oh," she blinked quickly and rolled up, crossing her legs. "Sorry."

The man pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes, which were a gentle kind of brown. Kaia decided to enjoy the color. Then, he said, "Why weren't you in the cabin with everybody else?"

The boat rocked in a smooth manner and Kaia took her time answering. "I didn't want to be inside. Why're you asking me?"

He pulled out an apple, shined it on his coat. "Thought you might have been sick or something."

Kaia watched him take a chunk from his apple. It crunched, and juice splattered against her cheek. She left it, studying him decisively before saying, "I'm Kaia."

"Leorio." He didn't look at her.

She flashed her teeth. "Cool. I like your suit."

He paused, then took another bite. "Thanks. I like your... shirt."

"Oh, thanks, it's um," she lowered her gaze to the fabric. "Yellow." Almost as an afterthought, she said, "this doesn't match... Should I get yellow tennis shoes? Camo goes with everything..." While considering it, wind licked at her neck and she lifted her head, eyes rolling from the wide space of flat blue to the barely clouded sky. They lingered there for a moment before returning to Leorio. "I'm tired."

He squinted at her, pursing his lips. "Okay-"

"We're going to enter into a turbulence zone two times more violent than the last one," a sharp voice bellowed. Kaia pegged it to the bullhorns hammered into the cargo hold on the main deck, the one that the many other heads on the ship were turning to. "The ones who fear for their lives can take the rescue boats to the nearby island," the voice continued.

There was a taste of quiet, only the water lapping lazily in the background being heard, then a heavy man scrambled up, screaming for a boat. After that, many men began squawking, some even bursting from below deck just to leap over the railings where their bodies clunked lowly on a dingy.

One of the last men gave Kaia and Leorio a parting glance. "You two sure you don't wanna get on? It's a death sentence out here!"

Leorio spat distastefully and Kaia flashed her teeth, declaring she'd be fine. When the man had shrugged and jumped off the railing, muttering something about another two who'd chosen to stay, Kaia stood up. Leorio did the same, cracking his neck.

 _He’s built like a tree,_ she thought.

"You sure you can handle it, kid? It's gonna get really rough out here, if what the captain said is true."

"It's true," Kaia stretched her arm and bent her wrist, switching to the other arm, other wrist before continuing. "I might be able to handle it."

"Might?"

"Might," she repeated. “I’d say my chances were a fair, ‘maybe’.”

He offered her another squinty eyed stare, with the full tightening of his thin lips, for a long moment. Kaia made sure to meet it evenly, all wide eyes, childish, bright smile painted on. Apparently finding her response acceptable, Leorio shrugged to himself (he spat, actually) and started to the double doors. Kaia followed, but paused just outside to again take in the salty air and the chilly breeze and the hot, burning sunlight. Her eyes slipped shut, and she breathed.

Kaia couldn't smell the storm.

Shadows slunk violently in the captain's room. A lamp hanging from a ceiling plank flashed light in wild directions, never staying put, depending on which way the storm outside wanted it to turn. There were no chairs in the enclosed wooden room; in fact, nothing lay on the floor except a beer barrel that a blond teenager faintly familiar sat on.

Kaia flicked her eyes back to him. Perched on the barrel, the blond was. His back strained too stiff and his shoulders too low to be sitting. The teen had a confident, selfish feel to him, something that seemed both worldly and vain. He wore a patterned tabberd and blue slip-on shoes, and even though he'd yet to introduce himself, speak even, Kaia was fairly certain she could name him.

She lent against the wall, adjusting her footing for a harsh upturn in the sea, and shoved her hands in her pockets. Aside from Kaia and the blond, there were three others in the room. The young boy, Gon; the kind man, Leorio; and a big man in a captain's robe who was currently drinking from a bottle of beer. He took his time swallowing, side-eyeing Kaia and the others. When he dropped the bottle, Kaia watched a little beer drip across his pipe, into his beard. Her teeth bared themselves.

"Finally." The captain's voice was gravelly and self-respected. "You're the last four?" He shifted his weight, humming. "Your names?"

"I'm Gon."

"I am called Leorio."

"...My name," the blond waited, as if for dramatic effect, and removed himself from the barrel to stand by the others. "Is Kurapika."

Kaia slanted her hands in her pockets, leaning back. "Call me Kaia."

The captain nodded again, running his eyes across them. Then, he pulled his pipe from his mouth, saying, "why do you want to be Hunters?"

"Excuse me?" Leorio stepped forward, his shoulders hunching skeptically. "I don't think you're an examiner..."

"Answer!" the captain demanded.

"Why should we answer you?!"

Gon shot a hand in the air and said, with a grin, "I want to know what my father's work is like!"

There was a pause, then Leorio wheeled around, shoving a finger against Gon's nose. "Hey, not so fast, brat. Who told you to answer?" He pressed a little harder and Gon went cross-eyed. "Don't you have any team spirit?"

"I'm giving my reasons. What's wrong with that?"

"You shouldn't, that's all. For me, it's a matter of honor."

"I agree with this guy," Kurapika's soft, almost feminine voice broke in and Leorio wheeled on the blond.

"How old are you? It's Mister Leorio, were you never told to respect your elders?"

Kurapika opened his mouth to speak, not a glance at Leorio, when Kaia kicked the wall with her heel. It echoed ‘bout as loud as the thunder outside. Heads turned to her and she muttered, "I'm looking for a teacher. Wanted to say that before you guys started fighting."

The captain breathed through his pipe. "Why?"

"...So I could still answer your question?"

"Why are you looking for a teacher, brat."

"Oh. That makes sense. To get strong." Kaia glanced outside, watching a flash of lightning bust the clouds apart. "I'm pretty weak. Things won’t move when I push ‘em. I figure there's a couple real strong guys at the exam, and I can be pretty persuasive when I wanna be, so, yeah. Also... I really want to meet a clown, you know?"

"...Alright," the captain flicked his gaze to Kurapika. "And you? What's your reason?"

"Speaking honestly in front of people I've just met..." The blond's eyes closed, his hand moving to his chest in what might have been a heartfelt image if not for the amount of sass practically dripping off the teen. He took a deep breath, reopened his eyes. "The reason that makes me wish to become a Hunter are mine, and are personal. That is why it is impossible for me to answer in this place."

Smoke rose from the captain's pipe when he took it from his mouth, leaning against the door, in the flickering half-shadow. "Well... I see," he said slowly. "In that case, you must get off my ship as soon as possible."

"...Huh?"

"You still do not understand?" the man went, wildly amused. "The Hunter's exam has already begun."

"Well, yeah," Kaia said dully. At the look he gave she flashed her teeth. "Sorry, continue your speech."

There was a crash outside and the screaming of a ship hand, and then quiet aside from the milking water, and then somebody claimed to be 'okay'. It felt comically out of place in the tense atmosphere, Kaia noted. Kurapika had settled to study the placement of his shoes on the rocking floorboards, face scrunched and conflicted. Gon, kiddish as he was, pat his shoulder.

"Kid, uh, Kaia." Leorio's eyes tightened when she met his gaze. He squatted in front of her, jerking a thumb at the big Captain. "You're gonna believe this old guy? There's no way this is the exam."

“Why not?”

The bearded man chuckled deep. "You can't ignore that there are as many applicants to be Hunters as there are stars in the sky. Because of the lack of time and space, it's impossible to judge everyone." He shook his big head, chuckling some more. "Guys like me are used to diminish the number of candidates. Except for you four, all the other passengers have been registered as failures for the grand jury. Even if they can get to the place where the exams are held, the doors will stay closed to them."

Kaia rose her hand. "Like the doors would be locked shut or somebody would throw them out?"

"Depends.Why?"

Her smile caught a little feral. "Throwing people seems fun."

"Stop interrupting me, kid." He took a smoky breath, eyes all squinty, then he crossed his arms. "The decision of whether or not you go to the exams belongs to me. So put away your mistrust and answer my question."

"...I," Kurapika started, voice lingering in the salty air. He seemed very hesitant, eyes flicking across each face in the room before they hardened, like he came to a decision, though his fists clenched and his chin dipped downward. "I am the only survivor of the Kuruta clan."

He held for a moment. Silent, lost in a memory of some sort. Kaia shifted uneasily as the ship rocked, and, nervous, she scratched at her neck. She could remember this, sort of. It had been a long time ago and she'd never had a good memory. Most things passed her mind as quickly as they came, only a select few images and trivia staying with her through the years of high school. Not that knowing was much of a help in all reality. In situations like this, where a man is speaking of his sorrow, how is knowing it to happen supposed to help you? It'd help you decide on an action? That was a fool's wish. Situations change and people respond differently due to those around them.

All Kaia knows is Kurapika's selfish streak, and his thirst for selfless revenge. Selfish revenge. A bit of both.

Slowly, the blond's features softened and his eyes grew glazed, and although he moved his stare to the captain once again, there was no recognition in it. "Four years ago," he began, "all of my relatives were killed by thieves. The reason I want to become a Hunter is because I want to capture the Genei Ryodan."

"Becoming a Hunter of the Blacklist?" The captain's lips tightened but his stare remained steady, unfaltering." The Genei Ryodan belongs to Class A. Even the best Hunter will think twice before helping you." Almost in a conversational tone, he added, "you're chasing after certain death."

Kurapika's chin raised. "I do not fear death. What I fear most is that my anger never leaves."

From her spot on the wall, Kaia tapped her chin with her thumb. As she thought, it moved to a rubbing motion, and then it stopped. Her memories were never perfect, yes, but a line like this she was certain was wrong. At least, saying it this way was different from what Kurapika's character might have been. Perhaps her presence had changed his statement but... no, it wouldn't be that. This was his conviction. And, according to now, he was scared of remaining angry.

Kurapika was a teenager. He was young and he'd been hurt. He was an unrealistic dreamer with enough drive to get things done, and he was stubborn enough to have conviction, but he was definitely a teenager. Perhaps he’d simply misspoke.

Kaia didn't say anything.

"In short," Leorio looked to the blond with taunt in his eyes. "You want to avenge yourself, and you need to be a Hunter for that?"

Kurapika relaxed and crossed his arms. "That, Leorio, is the stupidest question I've ever been asked. If I do not become a Hunter, I won't have access to certain places, information, and actions. It's probably a detail that your little brain missed."

"Hey, it's Mister Leorio to you."

"Well," the captain broke in, "what about you, then?"

Leorio went stiff before stretching back and pulling up the collar of his suit. "In fact, you have a good head, and I'm going to answer you. I won't use four different ways to speak.” He coughed and brought a finger to the bridge of his spectacles. "Money. With money, I can have everything. A great house, a classy car, the best alcohol..." He sighed delightedly.

"Unfortunately," Kurapika said, "manners can't be bought, Leorio."

Visibly a tenseness swept the room. A low growl was heard from Leorio, whose hands found their way to his pockets as he glared over one shoulder. "That's the third time," he stated, voice dangerously low and cool. "Follow me to the deck. Let's spill a little 'noble' blood of the Kuruta clan, or something."

Kurapika's face reddened. "Take back what you just said, Leorio."

"...Mister Leorio." He exited the door, at ease with the violent shudders of the ship. "Come."

Face still dark and red, Kurapika ascended. "I'm right behind you."

"Hey," the captain shouted, "I'm not finished! You don't want to go and pass the exam?!"

"Let them fight," Gon spoke swiftly, sturdily.

Quietly, Kaia raised her hand, gathering attention. "So... I'm tired."

"So?"

She frowned at the captain, but the man returned to Gon, asking, "Why should I let them fight?"

"'If you want to know someone, start by finding out what makes them mad'. My aunt Mito often said this phrase. I liked it a lot." Gon tugged on his backpack straps, nodding. "From my point of view, both have good reasons to be angry. It's better to let them fight."

There was a thud, a flash of the lantern. One of the shiphands, a skinny freckled man, burst into the room, frantic. "Captain," he shouted, "the wind is blowing stronger than expected. At this rate, the sails are gonna fly off!"

"Handle the wheel, I'm going above deck." Swiftly the burly man left the room, Gon never hesitating to follow, leaving Kaia and the skinny man in the quarters. Kaia observed the man, the wrinkled clothes and poor attempts at a mustache; he barely glanced at her before moving to the big crooked steering wheel and yanking it right. The ship jerked around a large wave, folding under another, yet remaining unscathed.

"I'm tired," Kaia stated.

The man cast her a considerate look, just a split of a second look, but when the ship shuddered and shrieked, he grabbed hold of the steering wheel. Kaia listened to the low groan as the huge hunk of boat attempted to fight the sea itself for a while, balancing from foot to foot with each large roll of the waves. Then she seated herself on the stationary barrel Kurapika’d abandoned--surely it’d been glued in, or tied, somehow. There was no other reason for it’s stability.

She waited a few longer minutes. The man continued gritting his teeth and straining his arms against the wheel that just refused to turn fast enough. The lantern swung and skittered light across the floor. Kaia considered going outside again, and considered the soft-spoken whisper of exhaustion creeping along her mind, and asked, "am I allowed to sleep?"

The freckled man flashed her a look. "You can do whatever you want, for the moment. Unless Captain gave you specific orders..." He squinted in the low light. “No? Then yeah, you can sleep. Dunno how, considering the storm, but you can try if you wan..."

It was a blissful sort of unawareness. Not the usual type she fell into, where she was alert, yet peacefully in a dream-like trance, but the kind where literally nothing affected her at all. The screeching wind that sounded like cats brawling numbed into static, the angry roar of the waters and the ships incessant complaints merging with a monotonous drone, and Kaia was asleep.

Just a little, she missed her ceiling.

"You're still here?"

The voice was gruff and low in a friendly, curious sort of way. Kaia's eyes slid open and her head slid up, a violent stabbing pain registering in her neck. The captain was in front of her. She was still on the barrel, her knees still tucked close to her chest, now absolutely numb. Kaia brought them down and shook them, grimacing.

"Yeah," she answered. "I was napping." She glanced at the window and took in the calm, clean waters, the clear sky. She still didn’t feel cold, strange as that was, and the earlier bright red to her sunburns seemed to have faded to a smoother tan. Three of her blisters were healed. ...She still felt tired. “Huh… That was a nice nap."

"Yeah, yeah, good for you. Everyone else was up working their butts off to keep this vessel afloat and you were here napping..." He pulled his pipe from his mouth and scanned her up and down. "You were outside the first storm, right?"

"Yessir."

"I see... Why?"

Kaia yawned and scratched a stringy clump of her hair, dismissing other notions. Her belly growled and she glanced at it sharply. "Wanted to see if I'd fall or not."

Grunting, the captain took hold of the wheel, gesturing to the door behind him. "You pass. The other brats are up there, nipping at the fresh air 'cause they're going to Zaban City... Now get out of my cabin!" He shot her a glare and she scrambled off the barrel, saluting once on her way through the door. Behind her, Kaia heard him chuckle, and felt the boat sway as he rolled it a new direction.

She supposed she was a fool, perhaps, but she’d passed the first exam so jokes on...whoever else called her a fool, she guessed. Regardless, she had ten more exams to go? Twelve?

She didn’t care. It didn’t really matter.

Kaia ignored her natural distaste of the ocean, and ate until she didn’t feel hunger any longer.

  



	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings, Humans. As promised, here is the third chapter of There Goes Hoping. Congratulations for reading so far.
> 
> Did I ever mention my editor? She's a ninja and she's awesome. I spam her a ton of work all the time, and she always goes over it in detail (sometimes with a sledgehammer, occasionally a stick of dynamite) and it's something I highly appreciate. Guess who this ninja is? My older sister. She helped me write my first fanfiction and she's helping me now. And even if she's not actively writing any characters, she's helping me write plot in an understandable way so THANKS TO HER! Yup.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing but my shoes, my laptop, my character and the occasional gibberish word I pass off as real.

 

Solid ground was... strange, in a word. Stuck in a constant vertigo, Kaia stumbled for the first few minutes off the boat. She'd been so used to the rocking, the wooden floorboards groaning and creaking and rolling when she walked. That, and the stench of sweaty, rum-stinking men, so when she stepped away from the saltwater, she... 

Actually, she didn't do anything. Aside from her legs crumpling beneath her for a couple steps, she adjusted fairly fast, and the city didn’t quite amuse her. Perhaps she could marvel the grass and the bees, or perhaps how the sun glinted softer on cement than it did on the water lining the port, or perhaps where all the stores and restaurants and fishing homes lay, but there was still stinky, sweaty rum-drinking men wandering all throughout the port so she didn’t care enough to jump into detail. 

What she did focus on was the shop before her. Out of all the places on actual land, her nose’d lead her here. From outside, Kaia smelled a sweetness attributed to foods she couldn’t recognize, and it called to the hollow hunger gnawing inside her stomach. Sure, it'd been only three hours since she'd eaten on the ship, but her head had been killing her, too, and she’d figured she simply needed a diet of something other than apples and oranges, or fish. So the moment she’d gotten her legs beneath her, she’d zoomed straight here.

So, after breathing in sunlight and pushing the orange curtained entrance aside, Kaia went in. It was warm, and dry, and dark. There was a quiet glow given off by a wooden chandelier hanging center of the room; it emitted a peaceful, comforting, homelike feel. Below the chandelier was a long counter lined with salt shakers. Along the sides were round, glossy rose colored stools that fit nicely with the orange lighting seeping through the two curtained windows. She decided she liked it. 

There were three men in the room: two on the stools in the far corner, and one in a chef's hat behind the counter, where a fire flashed below a skillet. As Kaia approached, the one in the chef's hat welcomed her warmly before sliding a plastic menu across the counter and returning to his fire, where he rolled whatever he was cooking inside the skillet. Kaia sat, two stools away from the men in the corner. For a moment, she stared at the menu, then she, dejectedly, pushed it away. 

The man closest on her left, who was served with a plate of rice and... something yellow... stared sideways at her. "Not to your tastes?"

"I can't read," Kaia said plainly. 

"That sounds tough! Shame, kid." He chuckled, using chopsticks to take one of the two things from his plate. A yellow roll, it looked like; it was also what was trailing out that thick, clouding smell she'd initially entered for. Kaia's nose twitched and she cocked her head, studying it curiously. 

"Whatcha eating?" 

The other man raised his bushy brows. "Never seen sushi?" 

"...Sushi?" She frowned, thinking of a different world. "Where's the fish?”

The man laughed roarously, and she noticed that he had crooked, gapped teeth. The mister with the food, who reminded Kaia of a noodle with glasses, jabbed the crooked toothed man in the shoulder. "Don't be mean, Gil," he chided. Morphing his lips to a smile, he pointed to his own plate. "Nigiri sushi doesn't have to be served with fish. Just a little eggs, a little rice, and some soy sauce and  _ boy  _ it hits the spot!"

She picked up the discarded menu, nodding. "Oh. Gotcha.” There were no pictures on either side of the menu. Shame. 

A cool wind filtered through the dim room and Kaia’s mind supplied, ‘someone entered’, before she returned to inspecting the few ‘to go’ meals lined along the bar itself. But, the person’s walk was quiet all the way to the counter, and Kaia became alert as their soft steps came near. When they sat beside her, exactly on her right, she snatched a view and was surprised by the reveal. Kurapika perched there (because he really didn't just  _ sit _ ), hands folded in his lap. He scanned the room, silver eyes lingering on the two men opposite her, then said, "were you hungry?"

Kaia put an open, purposefully childish gaze on. "No, I was just looking for a place to sit down. They have lovely stools, don't you think?"

His lips tightened. "No need to be sarcastic. Although I suppose it is something someone like you would say... When we first landed, you jumped ship-"

"You got real curious and ditched everybody to follow?" Kaia snorted at his silence. "Your curiosity surely disappoints you, then. You probably shoulda stayed at the ship and gotten further instruction."

“I did get instruction.” He took her menu and for a moment, it was quiet, then, "So why didn't you stay? In fact, the captain had given us new directions that you missed because you were  _ hungry _ ."

She shrugged and flashed her teeth. "Wanted ta sit down."

“To think,” Kurapika muttered, “I’d actually believed you to be slightly more bearable than the others.”

She squinted. “I ain’t even held a conversation with you yet.”

“And hardly anyone else, for that matter.” He nodded his head decidedly. “I had assumed you would be the most beneficial company for the time.”

“...I’m pretty sure you’re just suspicious of me,” she stated. His eyes shot open and he blinked quickly, as if caught, and Kaia grunted. “Was it my blandness? Me hiding out in the storm? Or all the naps?”

"Well!" Gil, in a sudden, short voice, grunted. "I think I've had my fill, and this conversation over here is very awkward, so I believe I'm going to leave. Only two ways stuff like this ever ends… Thanks for the food, old man. C'mon, Gin." On his way out, he paused and said, "and kid? If this ends in a fight with Blondie here, call me over again. Always find it funny to see midgets beat the shit out each other."

Kaia was silent during his exit. Slowly, the blue of her eyes rolled back to Kurapika. He was frowning at the door, so Kaia shined her canines again. "If we fight, I'll win." She flexed her measly muscles. "I'm definitely tough enough for you."

Kurapika scoffed. "Very unlikely." He swung back around the stool and picked up the menu once more. After a moment of him just staring at it and Kaia just sitting there, and the chef preparing food that wasn't going anywhere but the fridge, Kurapika dropped the menu. "What are you going to eat?"

"I dunno." Kaia plopped her chin on one hand, blowing a raspberry. With that done, and another awkward silence in the room, she side-eyed him. "How much money you got?"

"Due to the circumstances, I believe it smarter to keep that number to myself."

"Stingy! Hey, Mr. Chef!" She waved for his attention and he gave it to her with a grin befitting of a cook. Kaia flashed him the largest smile she could muster, squeezing out every ounce of hungry child she could. "Can I please have two of whatever that other mister had? They smelled suuuper good and I'm suuuper hungry! Thank you!"

"I," Kurapika quickly cut in, "will have the chirashizushi.” 

Chuckling, the chef nodded and started on the meals. And once more, the room delved into silence. Kaia knew it was awkward but as more time passed, the only noise being that of the cook's steaming rice, she couldn't find a way to break it. Well, no. She simply didn’t want to break it. Kurapika seemed at ease in the silence though, what with his posture and easy set eyes and still body, so perhaps it was just her who found it awkward...

Her eyes caught on his pointer finger which, as he sat hands folded in his lap, tapped incessantly quick. She breathed through her nose and smiled, looking back at the chef. Kurapika, she had to remember, was still a teenager like her. Younger than her. Older, in this body, but whatever. He had his own concerns and he was probably just as uncomfortable with this situation as she was, but was just too prideful to show it. Ah, the wonders pride could do to a man... And a woman. Kaia was rather prideful too. 

"Your meals," the chef murmured, sliding a plate literally filled with those rolls to Kaia, and a bowl to Kurapika. Kaia offered a quick thanks and broke her chopsticks, flitting them between her fingers with practiced, Cup-a-Noodle styled ease, and shot into the meal. It was sweet, and flaky, and the egg rolled off the rice like a gentle wave of sunshine and–

"I'm done," she stated while pushing her empty plate away. Smoothly she hopped from the stool and rapped Kurapika twice on the shoulder with her knuckle. His tapping finger froze in the air. "I'll head out first," Kaia said, nonchalant, letting eye contact hold for just a little more than two seconds before breaking. "Thanks for the meal."

She glided under the curtained door with an air of confidence that blew into a quick-footed storm-like run 'cause when she left, he’d probably realize she’d ditched her pay... Well, it was too late now. What was the saying? ‘Take it as it is, leave it as it isn’t?’ 

Perhaps it was just, ‘be a troll’. Actually, that sounded very, very appealing. She’d keep it in consideration.

"Kaia!" An older, rolling voice immediately pegged to Leorio called from the crowd. He trotted up to Kaia, who was peering inside a bookstore. Curious, he stared at the store before glancing around the port-side. "Where were you? I haven't seen you since we got off the boat."

"Got hungry. Sat down."

"Oh, I see." Leorio's mouth shut. He swallowed, twice, and glanced around the sea-sprinkled street. "Gon and Kurapika just started for the big tree further inland, because the Captain said it was some sort of shortcut, but I think they're getting played."

She paused, seeming to consider, then Kaia said, "if he told Gon to go to a tree, then we should probably go too. He likes Gon." 

"Wait, you too?"

"There was a map in here..." Reaching into her pack, Kaia withdrew a scrawled on, scratched up, half crumpled roll of yellow paper. She rolled it out, lips pursing. "The big tree up north? There's only one path there... We can catch up to them pretty quick. Probably." She put the map away and pointed. "Wanna run?"

"No, absolutely not. I thought you were smarter than that." His tongue he clicked sharply. "That captain's an old fool who's probably out to make us rookies fail... You are a rookie, right?"

"Mn, I think so. But the captain did say we were going to Zaban, so even if he's trying to make us fail, I'll go anyway." Kaia turned, paused, pulled out her phone. The screen would flash when she tapped the button on the side, much similar to the few Iphone's she'd seen as a different person, but... "Leorio," her smile lifted as she held out the thing. "D'you know how to use this? I’m bad with technology, so this is my first phone."

"Huh? This? Yeah, it's easy... No pass code?"

"Show me how to set one up."

"Ah, alright, you just do this here...and...that's just a square. Are you sure you don't want to make it more complicated?" At the shake of her head, he sighed, defeated. "Kids... What else did you want to know?"

She had to stand on her tiptoes to see, even when he was crouching beside her. "How do I access my messages?"

"See this little chat bubble at the bottom of your screen? You press that, and you can access anything... See, you have two messages unread... Kaia, is this phone yours?" He side-eyed her, suspicious. She dropped an easy nod.

"Don't know how to use it, is all. Dad told me I’d have to pay for my own phone, and the bill, and I didn’t have a job, so…. Do I have any contacts?"

"Your contacts will be in here. See? You have a couple. Are these your family members?"

“I dunno. I can’t read. What do they say?”

“You can’t read? At all?” Leorio gaped at her, then shook his head, pushing up his glasses. “I can show you later, I guess, but only because I like you. It says, uh, ‘This is This Dad, Lady-Boss, um… LethalSquirtz… Tomiko and Kurisutaru’. Wow, that’s not that many. This really is new. Do they sound familiar?”

Her breath came short and she took the phone, tongue twisting dry bewilderment. Everything went quiet for a moment—that, or she stopped listening. Above her, a cloud filtered light, shading the vicinity and those milling through it, but Kaia's focus was caught on a single name Leorio had said.

_ Kurisutaru. _

That was the name of a character she'd helped create. Write. Wrote. The character her actual sister had played into, somebody who was supposed to have woken up with her but didn't and Kaia had thought she'd be alone in this, that she wouldn't have anyone to talk to or rely on or remember with–

She had the phone to her ear before she caught back into time, and even then, it was blurred; the waters lapping at the far side of the road were a numb sort of sound—like the one she'd woken with. She could hear ringing, high pitched and dull in her ears. It was sharp and direct and almost musical, in an odd way, and–

" _ Hello? _ "

She swallowed her tongue. "This is Kaia."

" _ Kaia! _ " The voice brightened, scratchy and pitchy and so oddly comforting through the static and strangeness of distorted telephone nonsense. Over the static, Kaia could hear clatter of pencils, perhaps desks screeching against hardwood floors and people chattering wiles. " _ I thought you weren't gonna call me till after the exams! Ah, I was so depressed when you told me not to call you... Wait, does this mean you finished already? That's great! Are you a Hunter now? When are you going to tell dad? I'm so happy for you! ...You did pass, right? _ "

"Kuri... Kurisutaru," Kaia started, hearing the other end go quiet aside from the chatter. "I... I just–shoot, what was I supposed to say? Gosh," her eyes shut and her head slipped back; deeply, she breathed through her nose. "Not done yet. Just missed you."

" _...Really? _ " It was said doubtful, and Kaia glanced at Leorio, who was kindly watching a seagull steal food from an unsuspecting teenage girl. Kaia looked to the water. 

"Mn."

" _ Aww! _ " It went back to that pitchy comfort, and Kaia smiled. " _ You're so cute. And I love you but you caught me right between classes, and I have to hang up or Ms. Arrinson will get mad at me. I've got an A right now and I'd like to keep it. Can you call me later? Or are you gonna be off limits while you bring about your brighter future–oh, I get it. _ "

"You... Ya do?" Kaia leaned forward, hope bubbling in her chest. "So then you're really-"

" _ Kaia, I love you, but I can't talk about boys right now. Send me a text, I'll read about your Mr. Prince Charming when I finish class, okay? _ "

The seagull blundered off with a french fry, and behind it, the sea sprayed.

"...Yeah, alright," Kaia said, a smile lighting her cheeks, her eyes folding to half-lids. "I'll tell you about it later. Talk to you then. Have fun in class. I um... Stay safe, kay? I'll call you later." 

" _ Alright–Sorry, the bell just rang, gotta go. Bye! Good luck! Love you! _ "

The line went dead but Kaia's smile remained steady. Quietly, she mumbled a goodbye to the silent phone, before loosely dropping it in her bag. 

Leorio turned her way upon noticing she was no longer speaking and, for a second, he seemed flustered, but then he said, "that was your sister?" He stood, and she nodded, and he frowned. "Something wrong, kid?"

She took a breath, then finally gave a real smile that creased her eyes rather than lidding them. "Yessir. Gon and Kurapika are halfway to that tree and we're still here. I also can't read. So we should go." Kaia jerked a thumb past the buildings, where she could see hills rolling into sky. Leorio snorted, a harsh, annoying sound, and shook his head. 

"No thanks, kid. I'm sticking to the buses. If you happen to come to your senses, I'll see you at the exams. If not, well... It was a short time together, and we didn’t talk much, but still, good luck!"

Upon his leaving, taking his briefcase with him, Kaia frowned. Her thoughts traveled back to Kurisutaru and lingered there a moment before turning to the hills. No sense in worrying about anything now. No sense in stressing, or getting upset, either. Things were just back to the way they'd been before. Kaia was still alone in this story, and she'd deal with it as such. Just, this time, she has a family she has access too (even if she didn’t know them, not really) and she... No, that was pretty much it. 

With that odd dread in mind, she slapped her cheeks twice, ruffled her crisp and short hair, and took off at a long-legged run that ate the ground with minimally awkward effort. It was little time before the street curbed to a wide and dusty path lined with buffets of long grass and dandelions. The hills loomed swollen and beautiful, divided only by evergreen trees and the tawny crack her path disappeared into with distance. Kaia struggled on the risings, found ease on the dips of lower ground. Eventually, sound turned to only soft grass battles and whispered wind musings. She’d always liked running.

It’d made her feel strong.

But then, Kaia heard the steps. She'd been aware of eyes on her—multiple—but she hadn't expected any to follow her directly. They were quick and light and fifteen yards away, on the path, back right, creeping closer. Not human, too light, too many feet. Kaia's ears strained and her heart fluttered with a different, breathless kind of energy that had nothing to do with running. Her tongue both went dry and moist in the same moment. The pattern of steps came closer. Kaia continued running. 

At ten yards, which she pinpointed carefully with cold ears, her palms went sweaty. At eight, her pupils dilated hugely, now only a sliver of blue as a rim. At seven, she could hear her heartbeat. At six, her legs became liquidy numb yet fiercely stable. At five, she flung left with a twisted step, turned, and landed in a crouch, eyes stretched far past wide, mouth open to shine her canines. Then the flood of oddness left her body and she stood, blinking away the largeness of her pupils. 

"Neko?" she said. Sitting on the path was a small, ridiculously fluffy black Pomeranian. Its tongue was out, declaring its absolute pinkness, guarded with a glimmer of tiny white spikes most might call teeth. Kaia repeated her phrase in a louder, more assured tone, and the dog barked twice. Feeling a bit ashamed, Kaia walked off the grass. 

"That was terrifying," she muttered, squatting down beside the beast. "Do you realize how terrifying that was? For shame, little dog... You gonna follow me, then?" At that, the dog barked twice and stretched onto all four paws. Kaia nodded to herself before pulling back into her run, the pitter patter of steps behind no longer concerning.

Now, that's not to say they were a comfort. In her original story, there had been a tiny alien dog Kaia called Neko, much to the chagrin of Kurisutaru—her sister, who was  _ supposed _ to be beside her. Neko had been given a male gender and there was no real point to his creation—it was for fun, for a trance of fear that never happened because she hadn't written that far into the story line. Him being here... Well, she wasn't sure what would happen. She just...wished he wasn't such a small dog. 

A while later, when the sun was just sitting in the sky, not really doing anything but burning, Kaia heard another set of feet behind her. Like low thunder at a sixty yard distance, maybe. When her brain registered it as a person rather than an angry deer, she looked back. Surprisingly, it resembled an angry deer.

“Hey!” Leorio, red faced and violently charging, waved like some sort of tiki monster. “Wait for me! Wait!” Kaia slowed but did not stop because his long-legged stride would easily catch her within minutes—something she was now irritably aware of. She’d been used to longer legs.

True to her assessment, he reached her in short time. And, after a quick, 'thanks!', he kept his way over the next hill. Now, Kaia knew she had a couple problems. Most were easy to work with, and many she saw no reason to change. The smack of competitiveness that surged through her right then, doubling her running pace, was one she considered working on. 

The other half of her didn’t really care since it’d never come to matter.

When she could see the distinct outlines of Kurapika and Gon up ahead, she allowed her breath to hitch so she could speak. "L-Leorio," she panted, glancing as a bird swooped by, then refocusing on the road. "See, uh, them."

Leorio sucked a deep breath. "Hey!" he screamed, loud enough for the two figures ahead to pause. "Wait for us! You two, don't you feel lonely? I missed you, same with you guys, right? If that's the case, too bad for the bus, we'll be accompanying you!" He broke off with a spattery chuckle that Kaia attempted to join but failed miserably. Her body wasn't used to hard work, even if her mind was. 

Speaking of mind… Kaia furrowed her brows and considered the needlesharp pain lounging just above her eyes. It’d been what, two hours since she’d eaten? A food headache should have been relieved by then. So perhaps it was stress, though that was usually on the left side of her face. But as this was a different body, she reminded herself. Perhaps it was from something else entirely and her usual pain-spots were in different places.

Kaia's speed dribbled to a walk a mere ten feet from Gon and Kurapika, her eyes half lidded and slack. Recognizing a familiar stickiness on her tongue that she usually got from running distance, she asked Leorio for water, figuring he had some in his briefcase. He did. Half-way through downing it came the thought of her own magic bag, which probably had water of its own, along with whatever food she wanted. Unless it didn't store consumables... If it was anything like Fanfiction-Kaia's bag, then it stored  _ everything _ anybody could possibly want. 

She grimaced. That was a very selfish move on her part, planning that for a character. Even if it was helpful now... Could a body be hid in it? Without being dead? Could she hide in it? Would it be like a black space or a vacuum, or would it just insta-kill somebody? Either was useful... 

“Kaia, we’re leaving.” At Kurapika’s voice, Kaia refocused on the now. She nodded at him, dropping the empty bottle in her bag. Kurapika stared at her and, upon noticing, she stared back and then, with an indifferent face, he asked, “do you need to stop?”

She blinked, twice. “Never.”

“If you are unwell...”

She glanced at the sky and the sun burning a hole through it. Left her skin warm, though, like when she'd first woken. An intimate kind of warm—less unpleasant. A breeze took up sweat from her neck and she sighed, feeling her heartbeat thrum a mildly concerning roll of pain over her right eye. Slowly, Kaia looked back to Kurapika, meeting the silver of his gaze. "Fairly certain I'm fine. Thanks for the concern, though."

The blond nodded. “I see. Let us continue, then-”

“Who’s dog is this?” It was Gon who asked the question and Kaia flicked her attention to him, a crooked smile splashing her cheeks. 

“That’s Neko.” She crouched, feeling the singe in her legs as the numbness turned to an itchy sprawl, and reached to pat the fuzzy dog on the head. “He’s been following me.”

“Dog? Wait, how long has that dog been following you!?” Leorio shot out. 

Kaia shrugged. “Before you caught up. You didn’t say anything so I didn’t mention him.” She stood, stretched long and high. “I’m kinda hungry...” There was a sharp snort and Kaia whipped her head around. “What’s that for, Kurapika?”

“Oh, I was just wondering,” he tilted his head but didn’t make eye contact, “how much money do you have?”

“...Oh,” she stared steely eyed, then her lip curled and she looked back to the road. “Due to the circumstances, I believe it smarter to keep that number to myself.”

“Stingy.” The blond boy nodded to himself. “Don’t expect me to pay for you again.”

“I don’t expect much at all,” she quirked amiably, kind of tossing the words out there as they started forward. Kurapika paused in his step. 

“That was rude.”

“Whoa, whoa, wait,” Leorio, suddenly, jammed himself between the two. “Since when did you two get so chummy-chummy? Eh? And what’s this about paying for who?”

“I think it’s a good thing that they’re getting along!” Gon piped up. “I was worried since Kaia didn’t seem to like Kurapika that much.”

“That’s exactly why it’s weird, Gon! Side with me! Kurapika, what did you do?”

“Firstly, why would you assume she did not like me?”

Gon raised his hand. “I know! It’s because she kept on moving to the other side of the ship every time you came outside!”

He squinted at Gon, then turned steely eyes to Leorio. “And just why do  _ you _ assume I did anything—”

“Kurapika,” Kaia interjected, giving a very much fake side smile, “it’s fine. I’ll spill the beans.” She took a little pride in the look of dawning horror—even if it was more like mild concern—across his face. In a completely stable voice she said, “Kurapika asked me out to sushi, because he’s such a gentleman. Unfortunately I had to turn him down because I’m not interested in dating at the moment. Maybe in the future.”

Not. 

“Relax, Leorio, she’s obviously lying. I’d not stoop so low to date someone who’s barely out of diapers.”

Kaia chuckled, cracking a smile, but when a sudden bout of dizziness folded the path in front of her, concern splashed her mind. She steadied fast enough—she’d always been quick to pick up on bodily reactions—but it left her stock still, running over each and every feature she could. Her head did hurt; it hurt an awful lot and seemed to simply get worse as time passed, not that the chatter between Leorio and Kurapika was any help. Her skin still felt sunburnt even with no marks. Her eyes chugged drowsiness and her feet felt a little weak, though that was likely from running… Her stomache gurgled, uncontent. Hunger. She was just hungry, she told herself. And tired. She could feel sleep coaxing her from behind the headache.

Or perhaps this was all a response to her once being dead.

Kaia bit her lip, thinking, and began walking again. That message had said she was dead. Meaning she'd died as her... As Her. But the last thing Kaia remembered was her ceiling, so... heart attack? 

‘ _ You were eighteen.’ _

Kaia faltered once. Glanced around. Saw the edges of a forest creeping between two hills, and the curbs of what looked like a town inside, and continued walking. What she'd just heard she was sure was a voice. Young and childish and girly—there was a tilt at the end of her words probably meant to seem cute but was really just odd. Tentatively, Kaia searched her mind for anything foreign. Aside from pinpointing the squeeze in her skull, there was nothing; so Kaia called out. 

"Runa?" It was quick and breathless and in a whisper. Gon's eyes flicked toward her but otherwise, nobody seemed to notice. 

‘ _ That kid's gonna think you're crazy. Actually, I think you're crazy. Who's Runa?’ _

Kaia smiled. "Guess I'm not alone, then. Nice to meet you, Runa. I'm Kaia." She glanced at Gon, at Kurapika and Leorio. "Let's talk later, kay?"

‘ _ Normally when people hear a voice in their head they think they're crazy, and yet, here you are, not doubting yourself. Like you expected it or somethi—oh, wait, I can see your memories. That's weird. Wait, you wrote about me? Aww, that's... kinda weird. Ew. No, really, ew, do you know how gross that is? Like I'm not even real or something? Did you plan on killing me off!?’ _

Runa was something Kaia had been expecting. Runa was, in reality, the real Kaia. The one who'd lived as this weak and pretty person for the past twelve years. She was now stuck inside Kaia's mind, just waiting to... Waiting for nothing, in reality. Nothing to wait for. She was stuck there. 

A bad decision from a beginner’s fiction. Too late now.

Grass flitted softly beside the group and Kaia decided to stop thinking. They were nearing some buildings at this point; just a couple tall, old wooden things. The town only had one street and it was old and beaten with weather. What seemed to be an abandoned saloon greeted them—across from that, a cracked and peeling store. Past that were homes, and a chipped hotel made of sand-colored wood. Clotheslines with tattered fabric hung above the street on a string, dusting the sky. Leorio had to duck beneath a line strung too low. 

It was a quiet trip, the only sound being that of the wind on half-broken beer bottles and the pine trees caging the area. As they continued moving with the quiet, Kaia scratched at her neck, where the skin was prickly and tingling with–

She tripped and hit cart remains. A crow laughed. Nose smarting and pride stinging, Kaia worked her way back up and sheepishly gave a laugh, and then stiffened, feeling above her lip. "I... have a bloody nose,” she marveled.

Leorio dropped his case. "I don't like this place at all. There's nobody out here, and all this trash is lying around... Here, Kaia, tilt your head a bit... Pinch right here..."

She snorted and immediately regretted it, as did Leorio, who had a splatter of her face on his sleeve. "Sorry," Kaia bared a grin. "It's just, I've never had a bloody nose before. Wasn't expecting it to feel so... bleghlur. Tilt like this? Oh shoot it’s like liquid snot. Ahh... And there's people here, Leorio."

“Stop talking!” He paused. "Wait, what?"

"There are people here," Gon said. "Lots." 

Kurapika nodded shortly. "Let's keep our guard up."

Leorio released Kaia's nose, letting her hold a rag to it herself, and they started walking again. Just a couple steps, then Leorio bent real low beside Kaia and said, "how do you know?"

Kurapika responded without looking back. "Don't you hear the sound of breathing from everywhere, Leorio?"

"Yeah," Gon agreed, "and the sound of cloth scraping, too. They're trying to hide."

Leorio listened, straightening and cupping his ear. Evidently, he heard nothing, as he huffed and shook his head. "Unfortunately, I'm a normal guy."

Kaia chuckled. "It's not what you hear, it's how you identify it. You just probably don't know what you're listening to—"

"Shh!" Kurapika flung out a hand, stilling. From the crevices and larger holes in doors and walls came people; some tall, many short, in pig-like masks and muddy cloaks dipping down to their ankles. When an old woman shuffled out, the masked people gathered behind her, and she set a walking staff solid on the earth, holding it with both hands. 

Beady, crinkled eyes that proved a life of enjoyment scanned them, while stress lines tugged her lips down before branching into pale brown wrinkles. Two teeth stuck out the woman's mouth as she hummed. “Very interesting..." she croaked. Abruptly, her eyes flared wide and she shouted, "the exciting quiz of two answers!"

The masked pig-people's wild, cluttered hair wagged with their applause. Kaia shifted and, over the noise, asked, "why do ya’ll look like pigs?"

The old lady's eyes beaded over Kaia, rolling up and down in assessment, before she snorted and addressed the whole group. "You're heading for the tree on the mountain, aren't you?" Simply, Kaia gave a nod, and the woman continued. "First, you have to succeed in getting out of this town... The other paths that could lead you there are like labyrinths, in which reign terrible, bloodthirsty monsters. So I will ask you a question. You have only five seconds to consider your answer. If you fail, your mistake will disqualify you from the Hunter's Exam this year."

Kaia hummed, as did Leorio. Kurapika brought his thumb to his chin, considering, then said, "I see... One more test."

"Because that wasn't obvious enough," Kaia muttered below her breath, grin muffled by the cloth over her nose. Speaking of, she could probably remove it now—nosebleeds didn't last that long, did they? 

The thought was quickly slapped aside while the cloth moved back to her face, and, oblivious or just uncaring of Kaia's musings, the old, buck-toothed woman started speaking again. "You'll answer with either ‘one’ or ‘two’! Any other answer will not be valid!"

"Eh? Wait, you mean only one question for four people?" Leorio pointed to Kurapika. "If he answers and is wrong, I, too, would be eliminated?"

"Not very likely..." Kurapika glared reproachfully. "The idea of you disqualifying us is much more realistic." Muttering, he continued. "This makes me sick..." The comment resulted in Leorio going after Kurapika's neck and hashing the blond into a noogie. At the side, Gon seemed deep in thought, then he snapped his fingers. 

"But if one of us knows the answer, the others will gain! Pretty cool, in fact."

Leorio released Kurapika slowly, frowning, a thoughtful set in his brows. "I guess that's true... But-"

"Oh come on, hurry up!" A new, scratchy and low voice said from behind. The group turned to see the newcomer, a man Kaia'd realized was following since they'd first touched land.  _ She could always tell if she’d been watched. _

He was short for his age, though taller than Kurapika, and his shoulders squared away a good solid force. But his face was ugly and round and suspiciously free of scars or traces of harsh training. "Well, I'll answer for you," he stated, smugly. To Gon he added, "sorry, boy, I heard everything at the port."

Kaia stepped back easily, one hand sliding into her pocket. When Gon shot her a curious look, she said, "he wants to go first and we're not in a rush... Wait," she glanced at the sky. "Are we in a rush?"

The old woman waved her hand for attention and stared hard at the four of them. "Well? Do you accept his proposal to go first?"

Leorio hummed. He side-eyed Kaia, Kurapika and Gon, then the man, before finally nodding. "We accept." More to himself, he said, "just so we see the kind of question she asks."

The round faced man indulged in an apology incredibly fake when making his way to the front, where he stood before the woman, resting easily on one hip. Old as she was, she had no amusement in her eyes during the transaction, nor interest when she monotonously said, "here is the question. Your mother and your girlfriend are captives of a demon. You can only save one. Your mother, one, or your girlfriend, two?"

Kaia watched the man shift position, a flash of concern crossing his face, before that confident tone came back and he declared the first option. When the woman asked why, he explained, "a mother is unique, but not a girlfriend." The old woman turned around and the masked people huddled close. In short, muttered voices they conversed before, swiftly, the wrinkled hag turned back.

"Pass this way." 

Grinning, the man left, and Leorio spat. "Are you mocking us? What's with that weird quiz! This game, it's messed up! Who can say what's the right or wrong answer with that kind of question?" He held still, as if waiting for someone else to agree with him. When no one did he wheeled sharply. "I'm leaving. I'm taking another path."

"Too late," the woman bit out, voice gravelly and old and now...oddly amused. "If you abandon this, you'll be disqualified..." When Leorio stopped but did not turn around, she smiled strange and slow. "You do not have the soul of a Hunter."

Kurapika jerked suddenly. "Leorio-"

"Wait!" The woman interrupted. "I don't want to hear anything else. From now on, any useless words will be punished by disqualification. Now answer, ‘one’ if you accept the quiz, ‘two’ if you refuse it."

"One!" The answer was immediate and by Kurapika.

"Then here's the question. Your son and your daughter have been kidnapped, and you can only save one. Which one do you choose? One, the son, or two, the daughter?"

Leorio grit his teeth loud enough to hear in the following quiet. After a moment, the wrinkled bag of bones began counting down from five. Kaia stepped aside when Leorio swept past her, aimed at a pile of wooden boards leaning against a crusty, rust-colored wall. She watched, ears twitching at an odd, pitched noise in the distance, as he took a long stick and broke it from the pile it was in. He weighed it as the numbers fell, and when the woman hit one, Kaia faced front. 

"There it is..." the woman mumbled. "It's over."

And Leorio slammed his stick over her head, but wood hit wood and only Kurapika's training swords withstood the blow. Leorio towered over Kurapika, who had jumped in just in time to block Leorio's swing. Fury written in his face, Leorio threw the stem of his stick aside. "Why did you stop me!?"

"Calm down, Leorio!"

"You're kidding! I'm way too mad for that! I'm going to bring a little present that I can offer in Zaban: her head! I'll also kill her haughty friends, and after this, I'll be the one that tells them the rules. Becoming a Hunter? No, there's a better thing to be done for society; to get rid of these enigma makers!"

Kaia chuckled below her breath while Kurapika shoved Leorio away. "We won, and you want to mess everything up with your staff?"

"...What?"

"We gave the right answer, Leorio," Kaia mumbled, softly. "Silence was the right answer. You said it earlier: 'Who can say what's the right or wrong answer with that kind of question?'. This quiz has no right answer. The only rule is that we answer one, or two."

"So we can't answer." Kurapika nodded, bringing a finger to his lips. "So, the solution is silence."

"But..." Leorio stuttered, red face clearing to more of an off-shaded pink, before he jerked a thumb down the street, where the ugly man had went. "But just a little while ago, the other guy, he..."

"He was told to go," Kurapika explained calmly, "but nobody told him he answered correctly. I heard him shouting a while ago... Unfortunately, he must have been devoured by some kind of monster. In fact, this road isn't the good one."

Leorio's jaw went slack. The old woman looked at him in a bored manner. "Exactly." At the wave of a hand, two of the masked people went to a wall to begin sliding it apart, revealing a dark tunnel with a puny inch of a light at the end. "The right way is there. There's only one road. After a two hour's walk, you'll reach the top of the mountain."

Surprisingly, at that moment, Leorio bowed his head. It took Kaia off guard and even if she gave no outward comment, her respect for the man rose massively, before he even began uttering his apology. It took a special kind of pride to say one was wrong; it took another to bow one's head when doing so. To submit physically to show remorse... Yes, Kaia's respect for that man went very, very high.

The old lady mumbled something kind in response, though it was low and Kaia could not catch it all, only hearing the tail end which consisted of the words 'great' and 'Hunter'. A smile tugged at Kaia's cheeks and, belatedly, she realized the odd stinging in her nose was no longer present. Aside from her headache and that odd burning sensation over her skin, she was free of injury... Now her question was for the bloody rag, which she could either toss or return to Leorio...

"Pfft," Gon, abruptly, started laughing. He did so in that tilted voice of his, arms crossed, grin over his face. "No," he chuckled, "I really don't understand!"

Kurapika shot him a big smile. "That's okay, you can stop wondering."

"Huh? Why?"

"'Why?' Because the quiz is over."

"I know, but..." Gon frowned. "If someday, I could only save one person out of those who are close to me... What would I do?" All shuffling and odd mutterings stopped. Leorio and Kurapika both stilled, uncertain, and Gon continued. "I'm not asking to have an answer to the question, but a day may come... I might have to make that kind of choice."

There wasn't much said to that and there wasn't much one could say. It was a little awkward, but the old woman shuffled everybody through the gap in the wall, starting them down the tunnel with a near silent bid of farewell and a bit of advice for what they'd find on the other side. 

But...Kaia stalled before they got too far, and looked at the woman watching them again. 

Kaia met the woman’s eyes with bright ones of her own. Curious, open, wide ones built to show nothing but an idle wonder. Gon paused just in front of her, and Kaia heard Leorio and Kurapika’s steps stop as well. The woman looked on.

“Do you have a question, child?” she asked.

“‘Which would you choose, your mother or your girlfriend.’ I have a question on that.”

“Ask.”

Kaia’s hands found her pockets. “What would you have done if a person came through here honestly wishing to kill their, say, mother. Would it have immediately been marked as wrong?”

Leorio startled behind her. “Kaia! What are you saying?”

“...I would aggree with you, Leorio,” Kurapika muttered, “but she does raise a valid question.”

The old woman studied the two of them. “How?”

“For example,” Kurapika went on, “what if the mother had been an abusive parent? Or was a truly evil person. What’s to say it is wrong to pick someone you can love over another you hate?”

Leorio quieted behind her, and the woman in the light nodded sagely. “You have a splendid question.” She met Kaia’s eyes. “There is a reason I ask ‘why’ at the end of the quiz, should they provide me an answer.”

And Kaia figured that solid enough, so she nodded to herself and went on her way, regardless of the others when they took a second to keep up. It wasn't until near half way through did someone speak again.

“Kaia,” Gon began, and Kaia made to side-eye him. He had a petulant frown on his lips. “That was a good question. What made you think of it?”

She shrugged, and offered, “just wondered about the fairness of the test itself.”

He looked away, finger coming to his chin, then the brown of his gaze rolled back. “What would you have answered, if that was your question?”

“I wouldn’t have answered.” She heard a sigh of relief at that from Leorio. Did he think her abused? 

“Oh. Okay.”

“But, on say, an actual answer... Gon," she scratched her cheek, staring straight ahead at the shaggy haze of light so far from the shadows. "Well, I'm pretty weak right now, so I don't know how much this'll make sense, but we're friends. Friends help each other. If I were ever caught in a situation like that... and I had to choose one person over the other... I like to think I'd have a friend beside me who could get whoever I couldn't go after. I might not be able to save them both that way but it's the closest I can get, 'cause I'd like to think my friends will be strong. All of them. At least," she paused, and, feeling increasingly uncomfortable with the shadow-distorted looks she was getting, dropped her voice to mumble, "that's what I believe."

Gon was quiet. Then, "I'll remember that. It sounds really nice, too. I didn't have any friends my age at Whale Island, so I didn't even think of that. But it makes sense since we took the test together." 

The thought struck her hard and fast. “Shoot. I’ve seen this multiple times and didn’t get the message. Wow… I was halfway there.” Because really? The whole test was in a group—the point was literally to rely on others.

“I’m not sure I know what you mean, haha.” Gon smiled. He reached out his hand and Kaia only caught the movement with her peripherals, which had always refracted light better than pupils in blackness. Slowly, she took his hand, and felt the grit and youngness to it, and felt him move to lock his pinky around hers. "But it's a promise! We'll both become strong friends and help each other when we can't help ourselves!"

Kaia smiled.

  
  


  



	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings, humans. This is the fourth (complete) chapter of There Goes Hoping. Now that my internet’s all well and good, I am posting. Thank you for your patience.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing but my characters and my shoes.

 “Wur...wuuule...d?”

“No, that’s not even a word, Kaia.” Leorio pressed a long finger on the paper. “Look closely. You’re mixing up the sounds.”

She scrunched her nose and guessed with the decisiveness of a dog. “Red truck, then.” She ignored Leorio’s groan in favor of peering over her sketchbook’s edge. Neko trotted along the dusty path below her, staring up with a lolling tongue dog smile. Upon meeting her eyes, he barked and did a little dog skip. Kaia refocused on her sketchbook, where Leorio had drawn out a number of letters for her to learn. She already knew the vocal language, obviously, so reading shouldn’t have been too difficult.

"It says 'little bush', Kaia."

Unfortunately, Kaia’d always been a fool.

“Oh. Well,” she yawned, thinking about the ache pulsing just above her right eye. Still had that headache. “I was totally wrong. My bad.” 

Kurapika, in front, barked a haughty laugh. “I guess my initial understanding of your person was completely wrong,” he called. “I take back what I said to you earlier about company, Kaia.”

Leorio snapped his head up. “What’s that supposed to mean, Kurapika?”

“She’s an idiot.” He peered at them from over his shoulder, puffed another laugh, and looked ahead again. “But maybe it’s just her teacher.”

“You little--do you want to fight?”

When the two began a short bicker, Kaia watched impassively, tired eyes flicking evenly between each of them, then to Gon. He similarly watched, though his young features had a general boyish curiosity and glee to them. Kaia studied how he drew his eyebrows, and made to copy it before saying, “I always want to fight.”

Kurapika paused mid-step, shadow catching in the dust, but continued without any sign of pausing. “Of course you do.”

“Yeah, well,” Leorio growled, “I’ll take both of you on if you’re trying to start one.”

Kaia blinked at him. “I’d win,” she commented, after a moment.

“Hah? No you wouldn’t!”

“As much as it pains me to say this,” Kurapika tittered, “Kaia could beat you.”

Kaia cocked her head. “I’d beat you, too,” she said over Leorio’s outraged response.

Kurapika cooly waved a single hand over his shoulder, as if brushing the mere idea away. “You could try. Have you ever been in a fight?”

“Never needed to be.” She considered her sketchbook, a contemplative frown touching her lips. “But I’m confident of what I put my mind to.”

“Yet,” Kurapika retorted, “you cannot even read a mere two words.”

She sorrelled her face, then pushed the indignation aside and nodded. Lifting her chin and brightening her features to something like Gon’s face, Kaia asked, “Leorio?”

Leorio grumbled over the difficulty, but pointed out her mixup of sounds. She appreciated it. The hot day rolled on.

All but an hour after the sky curled pink, a smooth darkness crept over the forest, blackening the trees and leaving a pale sheen to the path they walked along. It was a usual darkness; the kind that allowed a person’s peripherals to catch movement, rather than the shadier center of one’s eye. Kaia still had a pulsing headache, but she’d walked the woods before with problems and had never before let the pain keep her from enjoying herself. After four or five minutes, she figured the taxing process of learning letters would dissipate with the last of the light, anyway.

She pressed her fingers on a blocky group of symbols she still confused, a quiet part of her welcoming the evening chill. "Mi... Miin? Oh, wait, no," again, she tiled the book, bringing her head closer to the dust-lit paper. "Those are 'o's. Moon, then." 

“Hey, there you go!” A cold hand scrambled her hair. “I told you, you could do it. Oh, before you put that away, I’ve got to ask. Where did you get the notebook? It’s a pretty nice one.”

"Bookstore."

"And do tell me," Kurapika started, without turning back. His tabard bounced almost hypnotically against his calves, and Kaia found herself distracted. "How you managed to secure the money for your book, seeing as you cannot read nor pay for your own food."

"I stole it,” she admitted rather easily. Kaia drew her eyes to the sketchbook, considerately drawing a wobbly line in pencil across the open page and using the soft ‘scritch’ it provided as a poorly disguised nonchalonce. She should probably act sheepish, she knew, but… To be honest, Kaia didn’t feel all that bad. She knew what the mind of morals said. Though, the way she saw it, morals didn’t have much of a standing now that she’d officially died and got handed a ‘welcome to your nightmare’s care package. That included her body, a really, really small dog, and a fanny pack. Her fanny pack’s ‘unlimited space’ only contained clothing items, too—not even money—so when she’d seen the sketchbook…

She really didn’t feel all that bad, not even slightly. She figured to return to the owners when she did have money, and simply pay them then. Nothing to regret, at least.

Gon turned backwards, his hands folded neatly behind his head. "You stole it? ...Why?"

"I do hope you are aware stealing is wrong," Kurapika broke in, when Kaia remained quiet. She...knew, again, this belonged to the mind of morals. What were morals in the face of death? Slowly, she lifted her eyes to the towering figure of Leorio. At his sharp, disapproving glare, her shoulders drooped.  

"Look," she explained, flipping to the front of the book. "The price was whatever this symbol means. Like Kurapika so kindly pointed out, I can't read it. I don't have money now and I need some stuff, like this, so I can make myself better. When I get money, and I can read this, I'll come back here and pay them for what I took.” But when she said this aloud, it sounded...foolish. She’d been fool, she realized. She didn’t steal back Then. Why did it feel acceptable now? ...She was a fool. “...'M sorry."

What a shame, she thought. She’d messed up so early in the game.

"I am disappointed," Kurapika muttered lowly. 

"Yeah. I'm going to pay them back."

“That doesn’t make it right.” 

Kaia frowned, beginning to skid toward the back of the group. “I know. I shouldn’t a done it. I guess I just… It was just a sketchbook. I shouldn’ta done it, even if it looked the cheapest.”

“Kaia,” Gon frowned resolutely, folding his fingers around his backpack straps. “‘A thief is a thief, whether he steals a diamond or a cucumber’.” 

“...Yeah.” She zipped her book inside her fanny pack, and ducked her head. Her dropping her eyes also showed a sign of shame, and she curled her shoulders with it, slowing her breath. “I gotcha.”

Leorio gave her a hard look. "Even if you're a kid, you should know better than to steal. You could have asked one of us for money if you wanted the sketchbook that much. I, personally, don't care for thieves."

"...Gotcha.”

Part of her riled because of the continued digging, but as she found no reason to actually anger, she pushed the feeling aside, and tried to focus on fixing herself. She’d liked to think she adjusted well enough to new situations. She had a habit of modifying herself to fit wherever she needed to go best...and she didn’t see that as a problem. She’d found no sense in crying, or screaming about waking as her Fanfiction character. She had simply tried...adjusting. 

Here she was in a world that wasn't supposed to exist and she was already stealing. 

She vowed to pay it back, and stop being a fool. She would get better.

Regardless, Kaia did not let the submission keep her down for long. She’d always had a fondness for mountains and trees, forever been pleased by the subtle quietness that came with the company of crickets, tree frogs or owls. Not even a bitter set of eyes or reprimands could keep her from enjoying the wildness around her. Kaia let a part of her relish the sweet pine and fern-thick scent that the cool breeze carried. With it, the longer grasses and high trees brought enough noise to dismiss all those loud, clunky steps her companions had out here. 

Her head ached when she stared too hard at moving shadows, though. The thousands of stars fared no better, only offering a crick in her neck for companionship. Kaia shook it off and focused on the forest.

She wondered, for a split of a second, if she should remain ashamed for a while longer—was a single minute an acceptable time? But nobody mentioned a thing when she glided between their ranks, and no one but Kurapika bothered watching when she childishly inspected the few night fireflies dusted about, so she concluded she’d be fine. She continued enjoying their walk.

"Bah!" Leorio's voice, quick and loud and frightfully abrupt, brought Kaia to a jerked stop, and she remained that way, at attention with her stomach taut, until the tall and dark outline of Leorio kicked up dust. Leorio continued talking, obnoxiously loud enough for his voice to echo off trees further back. "How dark it is here! 'A two hours walk'...? Two hours? Two hours was two hours ago! We've already walked two hours."

"Leorio," Gon called. "We should hurry up. You'll get left behind. You too, Kaia."

She pulled her eyes from the darker shadows and sounds further behind the trees. “On it.”

"I don't care!" Leorio shot back. Kaia heard him spit. "I'm hungry, I'm tired! ...I have to go to the bathroom!”

Kurapika chuckled and Gon offered a quipping laugh. Kaia looked it from the corners of her eyes, observing, then provided her own quick laugh. She stalled just a moment after, staring over the next rise on the path. A very soft yellow light glowed against the tips of the taller grasses just ahead. Ears pricked immediately, straining for sound, Kaia trotted up those last few yards to see the cause.

The path they’d taken split before them to form a wide, scoped bowl filled with meadow grass and guarded by rising black pines that offered a caped, secluded feel to the valley. One of the splits in the path lead through the valley and into the wall of pines, while the other to a large logged house with glinting square windows. From these, the light of a lamp peeked through. 

Wind played by, bringing with it soft scents of sweet grass, of fresh cut wood and dust, and Kaia cocked her head, eyes dilating. She heard a very soft sound, very slight. On her neck, hair pricked like stingers, and her tongue went dry with nerves, her stomach dipping below her waist.

She strained her ears to listen very, very carefully. "Something's wrong,” she murmured, knowing a whisper carried louder than voice in silence. There. On her left, there were claws slowly clicking across a--a log, it sounded like. Something shifted wrong with the wind and the brush. Forty...six, yes. Forty six yards, on their left.

Leorio blurred past her like a splash of cologne, oblivious. "We're finally here!"

"How quiet," Kurapika murmured. He, too, passed Kaia and she was left standing uneasily on tense feet. Gon came by her side and scanned the valley with a wide observancy to his amber brown eyes. Kaia swallowed, and rolled her own blue across the line of trees without staring directly, focusing on her peripherals. Those were apt to picking up movement in darker hours when compared to the pupil, which often caught little.

"Do you feel it?" she asked, voice low enough to not be there. She glanced over the tops of the trees now. A quick span across the stars.

"Feel what?"

"We’re being watched," she replied uneasily, beginning to coil into herself in rigid anticipation as Leorio stomped straight up to the house. "Feel it? One... Two." Her breath slowed. "Two are watching. Left, far back, ‘bout forty yards now. There’s another...thirty? No, twenty five, maybe, yards behind. Just passed a stream."

Gon bumped her shoulder with his own. He had his fishing pole out and gripped it tightly. "You can hear it too?" he asked. She grunted in agreement. She was a hunter back Then. She’d learned how to listen. Sometimes, that included what she did not hear—like the crickets, whose silence only came with a disturbance. Kaia knew what she heard, and it made her wish for her bow again, for the comfort of a weapon she knew in her palms. She stood stock still now, her fingers loose but prepared for movement. 

Somewhere in her mind was the word, 'Kiriko', yet Kaia's ears remained strained to listen closer, and they rang so pitched, so high, while beneath the pitch was violent crashing she knew to be her heart but...

"Gon, Kaia, hurry up." Kurapika, from ahead, gestured to them. Kaia barely flicked her eyes to him, but he was not looking back, instead observing the house. "We're going to go inside... There's nobody else here. Perhaps we are the only ones to have gotten this far?"

"Probably," Gon said, then he pushed further into Kaia. "Whatever's watching us isn't human...They don't seem to be aggressive—ah."

The loud bang of the door slamming open came first. Then, a wild, startled yell. Something huge burst from the building and blundered over the pale grass, straight for Kaia. Acting on a flash of instinct, Kaia flew into a crouch, lips curling far enough to show her gums. Like a  _ dog _ .

She drilled painfully stretched eyes at the spindly furry legs and dripping fangs that hovered above her. Above that, a set of raw, umber eyes tilted like a cats. Heat billowed off the rat-like creature as it towered over her tightly wound body. It scanned her face, shadowed face peeling black lips back to match her own and Kaia responded by  _ snarling. _

_ Snarling _ . Rattling in her throat, dry and grating like her nerves. At her feet, Neko copied.

They all held for a moment; just a single, cold, terrified second. 

"Interesting."

Then it was gone and Kaia dug her fists into the cold grass to calm her heart, because she had been _ terrified. _ Kaia did not flinch when Gon shot past her. She nodded distractedly when Kurapika hurriedly asked if she was alright. She stayed in the grass though, coiled with her heart screaming in her chest, when they left. She was so very, very, _ terrified. _

_ A coward. Weak. Get up. _

Eventually, Kaia became aware of the dog licking at her hands enough to release her white-knuckled grip. It then became known to her that her teeth were still bared, her eyes still wild. Slowly, she closed her eyes, breathed in wildflowers and dry dirt, and let her face relax. Kaia waited another while, willing her heart to slow, finding the best way was to listen to the forest again. Thunderous crashes echoed over the hills, furthering away. Almost hesitantly, crickets returned to sound.

_ Brave, not weak,  _ she thought.  _ As long as I keep going. Get up. _

So Kaia stood on legs that felt heavy, like stones, but were sturdy enough to hold her up, like stones, and she started toward the house. 

_ Hunters did not fear the dark. Hunters lived in the wilds, in the woods. She was fine. She was not afraid—oh, but how she was afraid. _

She marched right up that porch and plopped onto her seat, turning her back to the opened door where, from inside, she could hear Leorio mumble gentle words to the injured 'man' she knew so little of. Although she remembered the plot of the story, stories were not a background. Kirikos, that's all she knew those beasts as. That's what had just stared her in the eye, smelling of scorched stone and sour blood, breathing like a broken fan. Harmless—they were not to harm, but...knowing the way something was did not mean you wouldn’t fear it. 

Kaia took in the moonlight on the grass and the chill that left goosebumps on her sweaty skin and the wonderfully earthy smell from the fields, and hated being scared. She hated dark. She hated not seeing. She hated being stared in the eye and she hated being unarmed, and she hated being  _ weak _ . She wanted her home. She wanted her ceiling. Oh gosh, she wanted her bow, the feel of cold, heavy wood in her hands where she would grip it, and she yearned for her arrows, those chilly strips of aluminum with fletches like a setting sun. She hated being without her bow in the dark. She hated being scared. She hated being scared. She  _ hated being scared. _

Gosh, she was such a wimp. 

She hated to hate and hated to want. Kaia was a fool. 

"Stop," Kaia abruptly muttered. She spread her legs to rest her elbows on her knees, staring out at the lumpy mass of trees shadowing the field. "I will stop thinking about this," she told herself. Quiet passed again. Kaia watched wind play shadows and light with the pale moon grass, and she breathed like it did before rolling her stare above, where a sky infested with lights so small, so very, very far away winked at her. A big star, out beside the swollen moon, blinked blue against swooping black. A small trinket of another flickered red in passing before bursting into a white, tilting tail. Kaia rigidly brought her hands to rest behind her, and leaned on her shoulders. Some hair tickled her ankle and she startled, glancing down. Panting, a little poofy ball of fluff half crawled up her lap. Kaia lifted a hand to pet.

"You know," she said, "I've never liked small dogs." Her voice carried wispy over the grass. "Bigger dogs, ones you can grab and hug for a good long time, I like those dogs… I had three of them, yeah? They were pretty fun. If I ever laid down on the floor, which I often did 'cause floors, man, floors and ceilings... He'd hobble over to me so he could cuddle. He'd just lay there beside me. I’m...not actually a fan of physical contact, but dogs were okay. Wouldn't push me or nothing, just lay there, all cuddled close..."

She stopped, staring at a crack on the porch, frowning. For a while, she did nothing more than that. Just stared, mind lost. Then Neko whined, and Kaia jerked, as if awakened. She blinked quickly, muttering without thought, "I'm hungry. Erh… No, I’m fine. Time to get out of my head, I suppose.”

Her belly, which had finally settled from fear and the roiling reassurance that she wasn't dead, growled. Kaia sat up, then stood up, then squared her shoulders and turned on one heel to enter the house. Before her stood a large, square room with wooden floors scraped, littered and scuffed. Beside a large mess of home items and furniture, Leorio treated a bandaged, round-faced man. Kaia observed them impassively for a second, mind whirring slowly, thinking of nothing in particular. She cleared her throat.

"I've got a headache," was what came out. Kaia stilled, blinking quickly. That was not what she'd intended to say. 

"Kaia, you're back. I just finished patching this guy up. What kind of headache?" Leorio asked, leaning away from the bandaged man lying prone against the far wall. Kaia took a moment to refocus on the most familiar person. 

"Head one. Um, wait, I wanted to say that was a Kiriko." 

She got a blank look. Slowly, Leorio nodded. “Yes, that was. We established that.”

“We did?” For a second, Kaia paused, confused on how she’d missed that discover. For just as long, her eyes glazed. Then she snapped her fingers, brightening. “Oh, wait, not the one that ran out. That one. The guy right there, he’s a Kiriko.”

"He’s a..." Leorio stiffened. His head turned, all cautious like, and he carefully pushed up his glasses. "...What?"

It was then that the injured man opened his eyes, which were a slanted, wily brown set deep on his oval face. His finger twitched and Kaia's lip lifted just to show a canine. But then, the man pursed his lips, cocking his head. "I'm a Kiriko? One of the things that just kidnapped my wife? Are you trying to tell me that I assisted in the kidnapping of my wife?"

Kaia's pupils dilated. "No, sir."

"Then what are you saying?"

Her chest tightened with that fear again as its eyes sharpened. "You're a Kiriko, sir."

Standing, immediately on guard, Leorio whipped out his switchblade. The Kiriko and Kaia, though, remained focused on each other; Kaia being far more nervous than the other. Her belly cringed and rolled at every twitch the humanoid made, her fingers loosening in preparation.

Its smile near cracked its face in half. "How do you know?"

"Kitchen," she mumbled. "No kitchen."

Fur bulged in a spasm on the man's cheeks and his eyes stretched to his forehead, his whole face contorting to narrow. It sounded like snakes on rocks and as the thing's shoulders popped outward, Leorio hurried back. While the beast's legs contorted like sticks, his shoes turned to claws long enough to gouge out a throat.

But when the beast finished growing, saw how the two of them stood, together, short shoulder to high waist, it started laughing. An awkward, cackling kind of laugh, but definitely gleeful. Kaia's ears twitched. For a moment, nothing happened, and then the Kiriko’s cackles stopped. 

"Good job. I’m impressed," he declared. "While we wait for my family to finish judging, shall we go outside?"

Leorio glared with a narrowness. "Why should we listen to you?"

"Huh? I'm an examiner, that's why." 

"...Really?"

Kaia relaxed her stance and shoved her hands deep in her pockets, recovering far faster than earlier. "I believe you." She scratched her nose. "Leorio?"

His lips tightened as he considered this, then he straightened and swallowed twice. "I'll believe you for now... But just know, if you try anything funny, I'm watching you!"

The huge beast cackled once more before sauntering past them and out the door, taking with him any leftover fear. Kaia scratched at her neck. Her fingers caught a mosquito that she deftly killed, her face oddly blank until her gaze returned to Leorio's tall form. She made to mimic Gon’s happiness. 

"That was fun,” she said cheerfully. “Now, I'm hungry."

"Me too." Leorio hunched his shoulders further, shoving his hands deep in his suit pockets. "Neither of us can take that thing on headfirst. We're lucky it's just an examiner...Pshi! It just makes me so angry that he was fooling us this whole time! I was treating him as if he were actually in a dire situation, and he's treating us like a joke!"

"Probably. Might just be testing your mettle. Pretty sure you passed." Kaia shifted her feet. Her previously white tennis shoes were scuffed and dirt trodden. She’d have to get a different pair, maybe. "I'm...sorry about stealing the notebook."

"Consider yourself forgiven." A hand, heavy and strong, tussled into her short, tangled hair. "Just remember, if you need help, ask us. I haven’t known you for a long time but you seem to have a good head on you. I like you, kid. I'd hate to see you turn into something you don't have to be, 'cause then I'd have to beat you out of it."

"Mn."

"Glad you understand," Leorio grunted. He took a long legged stride to the door to stick out his face, seeing only night, then plopped down beside the door frame, on the inside, muttering, "Whew, patching up a mythical beast is hard work. I'm a little tired so I'll stay right here until the others get back."

Kaia let a smile slip up her freshly chapping lips. Heart sufficiently lighter, Kaia clicked her tongue, knowing Neko would follow, and stepped through the door. Outside, the air was cool on her face, the backs of her hands and her neck, and she chose to enjoy the darkness and the crickets that came with it. When she thought about it, they were a sort of kind reminder of her headache. Perhaps she would ask Leorio for pain medicine...but the pain was more of a steady ache, so perhaps not? She could manage. 

A light crunch of grass by the treeline had her alert, watchful of three figures stepping out from the shadows. Long ears set on the two towering figures, while the middle was small and thin, and the clothing he wore was recognizable. Light hair, a tabbard, strut-like steps: Kurapika. Kaia rested her chin on the porch rails. Behind her, she felt a sudden heat she assumed to be Leorio. 

"Oh look!" It was scratchy and pitched and definitely not Leorio. Kaia did not move whilst the Kiriko leaned over her, pointing a long, bony, clawed finger at the shadows. "Father and sister have returned with one of your friends. Just like your tall friend said, everyone is unharmed." 

"Mm." Kaia shivered as long hair, course as dry grass, scraped the skin on her arm. The Kiriko breathed by her ear, and she glimpsed long, bone-white teeth. 

"So," he began easily, and Kaia felt a twinge of nerves muddle in her belly. "Why were you looking for a kitchen?"

She blinked, quick and thrice, and met the umber of his eyes. "I was hungry."

"...You were going to eat our food?"

Kaia turned wide, owlish eyes to the forest again. "Yeah. Might have made some soup for everybody, too, but 'cause there's no kitchen, I can assume you guys aren't human. There wasn't even a stove, or a food storage container, and I can't smell any smoke so you haven't cooked on a fire recently."

"Kaia," Kurapika called. He left the two beasts’ sides, gliding toward the porch stairs. "Where is Leorio? Is he still inside? Oh, did you realize the injured man was a Kiriko? His sister was as well. They are examiners, though I suppose you already knew that, as you are talking to one." 

"Nah." Kaia slunk away from the rails to meet Kurapika at the stairs. "I thought I was talking to a tree, but you do know more than me. Leorio's inside." She first scanned the blond up and down, lingering on his tousled hair and a fresh scrape bleeding on his cheek, then turned to the meadow. "Where's Gon?"

Kurapika completed a similar scan over her, albeit less detailed. Nodding to himself, he leaned on the porch rails, tilting his head to the trees. "Gon chased after the last Kiriko. It should not be too long before he returns, I expect."

If what she remembered was anything to go by, then what Kurapika said would be true. Her only main worry now would be if  _ she _ passed or not. Gon did, because he was Gon, as well as the other two, so Kaia was not overly concerned. Still, Kaia glared at the sea of stars in contemplative silence before finally saying, "your tabbard's dirty."

"...Yes, that does seem accurate, as I was running through the woods, in the dark, chasing after a monster. Your shirt and shorts are a little muddied... Did you perhaps fall down?"

"Yes, I did. You probably forgot. Age does do that—oh, I see Gon."

Which was true. Just on the edge of the meadow, in the pale-blue grass lit with moonlight, two more figures approached. One, a wide chested, thin waisted Kiriko, the other a short child in his shorts and jacket. As they came closer, Leorio stomped onto the porch, grumbling about a new knick on his suit. Kaia flashed a smile at him before waving wildly to the smallest figure—something Gon easily returned. 

"Guys, isn't it cool?" The boy charged toward them. "The Kirikos can fly, and they're really nice too!"

"Honey," the Kiriko behind Gon slipped in beside the other three. "This kid could tell I wasn't you!" He looked at Gon, stretching that odd cheek-smile. "It's been a very long time since we've met anyone who could tell my wife and me apart. It gives me great pleasure."

Kurapika and Leorio whispered to each other; quick words lacking understanding. Kaia leaned back to join the conversation, body lithe and relaxed. "Look at the ears and the eyes. Droopy eared is the sister, skinny faced is the brother. There's more black on that one's nose, see? That's the mom. The one next to it, with the tilted eyes, is the dad." 

Leorio popped his mouth open, closed, then open again. "You can see a difference?"

"...Kinda? It’s subtle but it’s there. It’s more like I’m just recognizing the differences. Suppose it’s the same thing. I used to hunt a lot. I notice these sorts of things."

Go tugged suddenly on Kaia's shirt, leaving long dirt smudges on the corner. "Guys, look," he pointed at the four Kirikos. "He's the one who tricked Leorio, he's the one who hit Kurapika. And you're the one that I hit!"

The skinny faced one stroked its nose. "Very good.”

"Now, then," the Kiriko with tilted eyes stepped forward, tapping himself on the chest. "Know that my wife and I are your navigators, as well as my daughter, my son. They will decide if you pass."

There was a loud 'snap!' when the Kiriko with droopy ears suddenly shaped her face back to that tattooed daughter. Her shoulders cracked into place, the fur growing back  _ inside _ her body as clothes formed to cover now bared skin. When her legs had finished distorting, and she stood on solid human feet, she pointed to her wrist which was decorated with black, spiraled lines. 

"The young girls of the ancestral clan 'Sumi'," she began, voice soft, placid like well water. She went on to explain the detail of knowledge behind it. While she spoke, the Kiriko who'd been playing injured shifted into his man form—the same unsettling scene of bones popping inside themselves repeating. Kaia found herself incredibly, immensely intrigued, and tried not to show it. After the woman finished, he gestured to Leorio. 

"Leorio understood nothing until the end, but he knew how to give me first-aid, maybe better than a doctor. But above all...when I was worried and asking news about my 'wife', he stayed confident and sure of himself and spoke reassuringly." He nodded at an abashed Leorio before turning to Kaia, who was staring in fascination at the tuft of rat hair poking out his chin. "Kaia had left to stand guard outside. Through observations of the house, she understood that we were not a human family, even if her reasons were a little odd. Also, she has the soul of a Hunter."

He looked at her expectantly, eyebrows raised as if trying to convey a silent message to her. Kaia blinked slowly. He laughed. She scowled.

Tilted Eyes pointed to the boy. "As for Gon," he said, "he walked straight ahead, showing extraordinary movement and observation."

Gon gave a sheepish laugh. "I hit you around a little without thinking."

"That's fine," the Kiriko said. In unison the two humanoids returned to beast form, just as fascinatingly grotesque as before, and stretched out their arms, revealing leathery wings connected at their wrists. "We'll take you to the testing site." 

The broad shouldered one moved first, slamming his wings down to lift off. Gon grabbed hold of his feet when the beast hovered beside him. Seeing the droopy eared Kiriko start up, Kaia quickly dropped to one knee and zipped open her fanny pack. It was probably a bad time to test her bag, but she didn't wish to leave Neko behind. So, she ushered said bouncy dog inside while praying for a good outcome. As it zipped shut she again thought she should have tested it earlier, with a bug or a worm, because as far as she knew, the inside of that bag could be wide empty space that killed anything put inside. Unlikely, but possible.

Too late now. She’d leave it to fate.

The droopy eared Kiriko catapulted into the air. Its nails curled around Kaia's shoulders, dragging her off the ground. Uncomfortable, Kaia wiggled to release the tight, boney grip of its claws. No luck. She twisted with her legs and the claws moved slightly, but when Kaia looked down and saw the earth spreading like wildfire beneath her feet, she stilled and accepted the chilly temperatures. She'd deal with cold skin if it meant not falling inside the river flicking beneath the trees...although, she remained far from freezing. Perhaps this body was simply used to cooler temperatures and had its own furnace in the belly.

"Hey, Kaia," Gon called, about twenty feet on her right. Kaia made a noise of acknowledgement so he'd continue. "Look! You can touch the clouds! I used to only be able to do this if I hiked up to the top of Whale Island in the morning. Isn’t it cool?" True to his word, he was slicing a hand through foggy clumps of cloud. 

“Yup. I saw the fog come in out hunting a lot, too. My favorite was when—" Kaia stopped talking, squinting. Gon asked about her well being but she just scrunched her nose, shrugging off the spasm of pain behind her eye.

“Gon.” Kurapika had to twist his head awkwardly over his shoulder to see the boy. “Earlier you quoted something about thieves. I found it very fitting, but it did not seem like something you’d have come up with. Where did you hear it?”

Kicking his feet, Gon answered, “My Aunt Mito told me once when I took an extra cookie.”

Kurapika nodded. “She sounds very wise.”

“She is! She’s like my mom, but better.” He grinned, toothily and broad. “She’s really smart, too!”

“Like your mom?” Leorio asked plaintively. 

“Yeah! She basically is, actually, since I never met my real mom. But that’s okay, because Aunt Mito’s super nice, and even if she didn’t want me to become a Hunter, it was just because she was worried, and...” 

The conversation carried like that, thousands of feet above earth, somewhere between the milky twilight and shady, twisting forest. It was nice. 

She caught on fire. She burned. Her ceiling burned and her fingers burned and smoke  _ pouredfromhershirtshewasburningburning— _

Kaia’s vision snapped out of control and colors whirled, but she felt the claws steady in her shoulder. A moment passed, and she was staring calmly at the jumble of dark tree limbs from the feet of a cruising Kiriko. 

Hunger must be making her dizzy.

  
  


 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There Goes Hoping, Chapter five.
> 
> I own nothing but my shoes and my laptop. Hunter x Hunter does not belong to me.

 

With a great and powerful yawn, Kaia stepped out of the shower, snagging one of the fluffy white towels beside the mirror. With reasonably sore arms, she shook the water from her short hair. She let the curly flop of brown dip over her eyes when finished, scratching idly at where it tickled cold little spikes against her nape. Edges of a sunburn had been starting on her chubby cheeks. Distractedly, she prodded the burn, testing its degree. Due to the steam on the mirror, she could only see the foggy figure of herself. She considered the fuzzy outline, a thoughtful twist to her lips, then smeared away just enough steam to see her eyes.

When she’d first arrived, her reflection had shown bright, eager blue eyes belonging to a face she’d made up.

What she saw now differed greatly. The bright roundness had flattened, roundness giving sway to a bored, but plaintively watchful casualty. They returned to that child-like gleam when she tried for it, then tired as she relaxed. 

It reminded her a bit of her previous eyes, and she found a comfort in it.

But her head still hurt, and her stomach just couldn’t seemed to have a grudge against anything put inside it. She seemed to permanently be tired. Perhaps, she mused, this body was not quite the ideal one her early-writer’s mind had made.

She shook her head and yawned. Cracked a smile, flashed her teeth, eyed her canines. Her tongue flicked across them, marveling the sharpness, then Kaia hopped twice to settle her mind before drying the rest of herself off. Another fresh yellow shirt was pulled on, the rest of her garments being more bland colors aside from the muddy tennis shoes. She supposed there were advantages to her bag being filled with clothes.

As Kaia left the shower room, heading out to the waiting area of the bath house, she looked at the poofy, bouncing creature at her heels. Neko yipped when she bent to scritch his pointed velvet ears. 

“ _ Hey, you there?” _

She hesitated mid-step. “Runa? Sure am.”

“ _ You said the dog’s supposed to be an alien.” _

“Lotsa things are ‘supposed to be’s and they sure ain’t happening. Shame, though. I could have used a violent ball of fluff to have my back.” As Kaia neared the main waiting room to the bathhouse, she added, “we can talk more, later.”

At the far wall was a line of chairs, one taken by the father Kiriko. Kaia carefully surveyed the bamboo plants along the receptionist’s desk, then the door opposite that lead to the main street. Seeing no strangers or friends, Kaia took a moment to admire the orange spiraled rug she'd ignored on the way in before setting across the room to sit beside the Kiriko. They nodded in meeting. 

She waited. Pet her dog, and thought of how much she’d like a set of arrows to accompany a bow. She leaned back.

"Hey, examiner," Kaia started, slowly to test the words. "Leorio finished yet?"

They hummed with a quick gesture outside, so that’s where Kaia went. A step past the door, the sun took its chances blinding her, blinking off the sidewalk and nearby windows. Kaia squinted, shaded her eyes. 

“Oh, you’re out.” Leorio closed the thin book in his hands. It read, ‘Sutures and Stab Wounds’ across the front. 

"Sure am,” Kaia replied, letting off a kindly smile as she took to leaning against the other post guarding the entrance. After a short silence, aside from the mumbling of other people passing down the cemented road, Kaia said, “I need some cash.”

“I did tell you to ask me, didn’t I?” Leorio grumbled, slapping his book shut a second time. When he pulled out a wallet, Kaia snorted.

“Ha, I meant I wanted your help selling my dresses." Her fingers found her neck in a sheepish manner, and she stifled a yawn with an easy half grin. "They're fairly nice, in good condition. I don't have a use for them anymore."

Leorio replaced his wallet and cracked his neck. Jovially, he joked, "ah, I think I see what's happening... It's the same reason you're so hungry and you've been getting headaches, though those are usually less common. You're hitting a growth spurt!"

"No, I shrunk." 

"What? Are you taking me for an idiot? What do you mean, you shrunk?"

"I got smaller," was her response, added with a scratchy laugh. Before the conversation could drift further, Kaia gave a quick gesture to the early morning bustling street. "I'll leave a note with Neko. Hopefully this'll only take 'bout half an hour. I get the feeling Kurapika will be in the bath for a while, so we should have some time. Wanna help?"

"...Yeah, yeah, alright." He pocketed his book. "Let's go find a barter shop... I expect money for this."

From there, the two of them traipsed their way along, Kaia walking steadily in a comfortable rest that left her almost leaning back, while Leorio’s taller, hunched figure swayed with each step. They passed seven clean buildings reading ‘Barter’ before stopping at a shady looking store tucked away between two skyscrapers. 

They sold all twelve of Kaia’s dresses for a very, very good price. A quick trip to a shopping market later had Kaia stocked on food and odd but useful looking knicknacks, along with a couple hunting and cooking knives, and some basic cooking materials.

"You take a long time to decide on shoes." 

"They shoulda just put out the better pair of hiking boots first, is all. Um, we should still have…” She glanced at the sky. “Four minutes? Where can we find a bow?"

It took less time to find what she was looking for than she was expecting, after she'd clarified what type. There was an Archery store nearby, which they found rather quickly, and Kaia remained quick to judge each item they brought her. Those that she admired shot well, and before long, Kaia found a Recurve she liked. It wasn't incredibly expensive, so she snagged two dozen wooden arrows, and headed out. Overall, it was an enjoyable trip. She decided to give the remaining jenny to Leorio.

"I don't need your money."

"You love money."

"I love other people's money. Not yours."

She huffed, amused. "I'm gonna change my mind if you don't take it. Plus, you said you expected some cash outta this."

"I'm going to earn it through my own hard work, Kaia! Not from you."

"Leorio, we really shouldn't be having this conversation considering the both of us love money. Give me your wallet."

"No! I'm not taking money from a kid!"

Kaia huffed, but conceded, but not before adding a falsely bitter, "Fine. I'll pay you back some other way. Now I owe you. Thanks a lot, Leorio."

He squinted with the same amount of wanna-be-venom. "Brat. You owe me nothin-"

"Hey, they're back!" Gon's sudden shout startled both Leorio and Kaia into attention. With a grin that matched a dog's, Gon waved them toward the front of the bath house, where Kurapika, the Kiriko, and Neko were gathered around. "Kaia, Leorio!” He cried cheerfully. “What a relief! We got the note, but we were a little confused."

Kaia was content to follow Leorio over, and the larger man was content to address the question. "Confused? How?"

"You said you were getting kidnapped and would be back in half an hour. But that didn't make sense, if you were really getting kidnapped. Otherwise we'd have to go save you, but if you were going to show back up, we didn't want to leave."

There was another hard stare fixed on Kaia, to which she returned with an easy thumbs up and an "evasion successful!" which was dully accepted by the rest of the group. 

About then, the Kiriko decided to return to their initial goal of entering the Hunter's exam. So, after checking that everyone was ready to leave, he lead them further into the clustered, crowded center of Zaban, occasionally keeping short conversation to pass time. 

"So, you're all rookies?"

"Yes," Kurapika answered. "Is it that strange?"

"Haha, usually we only get experienced contestants. It's nice to see some young, new faces."

Kaia rested her hands behind her head. "Ever seen a gal who looks kinda like me, but with blond hair and big boobs?" Beside her, Leorio spluttered, and Kurapika went red in the face. Kaia snorted. "Oh please, you guys are older than me. If you can't take somebody mentioning boobs, you're gonna fail this Hunter's Exam. They’re just rolls of fat. Anyway, Mister Examiner, have you?"

With a thoughtful hum, the man glanced at Kaia, working his jaw back and forth. "Can't say I have. Why? Your sister took the exam?"

"Maybe. I was just curious. Hey, Gon, you're gonna get left behind if you stay over there."

Gon laughed, delighted at something or other, while returning to their group. "They have some amazing stuff here in the city! I've never seen anything like these glowing rocks before, but Aunt Mito would love them!"

The Kiriko chuckled. "I've been surprised myself by all the interesting things they get here in Zaban. After I drop you kids off, I was going to see what was new this year."

"You do this every year?" Gon asked, skipping forward to look at the man's face. 

"Every year the Association asks me to!"

"Do you ever guide the same people, Navigator-san?"

Kaia yawned, feeling her mind shift. Part of her remained aware of her surroundings, and she easily weaved between the crowd to keep up with Leorio, respectively, but her thoughts were elsewhere. Back home, she didn't really do cities. Nothing against them, she just preferred a less populated walk by a river. Or maybe just to sit along a mountain ridge to watch the sun rise. A creek, a field, a bracken grove. Somewhere she could sweetly wander, a colder, hollow hunger in her belly with an even colder bow in her hand, rather than this heavy, fiery hunger and empty, sticky fingers. 

She was standing so close to Leorio she could smell the thick, cucumber-like scent of his cologne when she realized they'd stopped. Blinking twice to drag in her awareness, she leaned around the aspiring doctor, staring across the road. 

The Kiriko guiding them ran a humanized hand down his reddish hair, grinning. "Tsubashi Quarter, Second District, 5th block, 10th building." He had a taunting, whimsical look in his eyes, not at all an unfriendly one. "The building across here."

It was a tower of rounded windows and stretched pews, decorated with what seemed to be dragons gliding up the sides. They stared up, squinting into the sunlight. A fairly large building indeed. Gon made a noise of wonderment and Leorio muttered, "then that's it?"

Kaia's attention riveted to a stranger by a far back alley. Frowning, she muttered, "that guy has steak..."

"They've come from the four corners of the world..." Leorio whispered, hands shielding his eyes. 

"Courageous men," Kurapika continued, but in a more assured tone of voice, his shoulders straightening accordingly. "Dreaming of becoming Hunters, they find themselves here."

"That man had steak," Kaia stated simply, "and I am hungry."

"Haha, the exam site is not there..." The Kiriko's voice was bent light, and with a peculiar humor in his features, like he'd been expecting this reaction and enjoyed breaking their expectations. Shruggedly, he pointed off to a more run down shack called 'Paroxysme' on the side. "It's there."

There was a collective silence that Kaia broke. "I'm down with it."

"But..." Kurapika dropped a hand on Kaia's shoulder when she started forward. "I only see a boring restaurant."

She inspected the hand, almost irritated."Yeah, and I'm seeing food. Leggo, I'm hungry."

Leorio stepped in front. "Oi, oi," he muttered, "Navigator, if this is a joke, it's in bad taste! You want us to believe that thousands of candidates are waiting inside—" he swung wildly at the building "-that?"

"Precisely!" The Kiriko took a long draw of breath, obviously satisfied with himself. "No one could imagine that the place where thousands of Hunter candidates are assembled is here."

Everybody shut up. Then, Gon said, "that's really cool! Where do they all fit?" and whatever Kurapika and Leorio were hung up about was gone. 

Once inside, they were greeted with stale, hot air smelling of grease and broiled meat. Tables were spread in checkered patterns, much like the inspiringly clean floor. People chittered freely, set sporadically across the floors. It was an alright place, Kaia decided, but a little too bright. Her belly growled 

"Hello! What would you like?" 

A quick glance at the cook decided her distaste. He had slanted, honey-brown eyes and a round, friendly face, but her instincts didn't like him. Though at the time, she mused, it didn't matter, as she wasn't here to like him. All she was here to do was eat his food. 

"A steak!" the Kiriko demanded, and Kaia perked up the same time Neko did. 

"How would you like that cooked?"

"Slowly, rare."

They did a little stare down that wasn't too clear or comfortable for anybody around. After that, the cook gave a shallow nod. A waitress came up shortly thereafter, carrying a tray of meat. "This way, please. At the room in the back, sirs and misses."

Kaia snorted. Chuckled. Mused to herself a bit more, then laughed outright all the way into the back room, barely calming before the Kiriko started talking again. Apparently, nobody was as attentive or caring as they were made out to be. Kurapika’d likely been mistaken as a girl. Ah, well. She'd tell them later. Maybe. After she got some of this steak moved from the grill to her stomach, where it would surely be put to better use.

"One out of ten thousand." The man-disguised Kiriko leaned casually against the door of the single-celled room, scanning the group. “That’s the proportion of candidates that get this far. You’ve done quite well for new candidates, so have courage, my little friends. I would be pleased to be your navigator next year as well."

He hit a button on the side wall on his way out, barely pausing long enough to wave farewell. The door shut, and the room gave a sudden jerk before sucking downward. Kaia stopped mid-bite, unstable. But alas, she had always been quick to adjust and that proved true when she quickly returned to her meat. T’was not the best, unfortunately. A little bland, and barely passable in her standards. 

Gon was digging in right beside her and eating at a pace Kaia felt was only fit to match. Leorio, after steadying himself, dropped onto the seat across from her, begrudgingly taking a plate of his own from the mass on the table. After a moment, he said, "this is unbelievable."

Kaia nodded, swallowed hard. "Seasonings could be better. Not enough salt, and wasn't beaten enough before cooked. Maybe if they marinated it, but this is average at best. The grill is nice though, just enough pink in the-"

"I meant the Navigator!" Leorio grumbled. He spoke around his food which probably should have, but didn't, ruin anybody's appetite. "He's making fun of us!" Angrily, Leorio stabbed another slice of meat to hold it out threateningly, steely eyed. "As if he were sure we won't pass this year!"

"Here's to failing and free steak!” Kaia lifted her fork for cheers. “Ah, they don't have any juice. Did I buy any..?"

"One every three years," Kurapika quietly interjected. He had a manner of speaking that was was both irritating and knowingly irritating, with a little condescension worked in there too. Stoically, he dabbed his mouth with a napkin. "That's the number of candidates who pass this test on their first try. You understand now? There are those who crack under the stress of the test, and there are still others who are torn to pieces by the veterans of the test, and they will never be able to pass the test as long as they are in poor condition."

"Which I am." Kaia wiggled the water bottle she'd taken from Leorio. "Mostly. Pretty weird, just started working out and bam! I'm getting the muscles I used to have like crazy fast." Which was true. She'd noticed it in the shower, seen the traces of abs that were certainly not supposed to be there after a measly week’s worth of work. Thoughtfully, she added, "maybe I got blessed by a genie."

Delicate brows pushing down, Kurapika turned to her. "Used to have?"

Still thinking, Kaia nodded. "Or maybe I'm reverting back to my original form? Leorio, you're a doctor, see any wings on my back?"

Scoffing, Kurapika continued fighting his steak. In all honesty, it was more like a peacefully calculated massacre that left all the losses on the enemy side, whereas the others were drunkenly brawling their way to a full stomach. Kaia popped another half steak in her mouth, not bothering to finish chewing before swallowing harshly. 

"Hey," Gon said, suddenly. He had a contemplative look to him. "Why are so many people ready to do anything to become Hunters?"

Leorio squinted, then jerked up. "What? You don't understand that? Are you doing this on purpose?" At the blank look he received, he straightened, astounded. "To be a Hunter, it's...it’s the thing that brings the most money—"

"The most noble thing!" Kurapika shot in, excitement swimming in his eyes. 

"In the world!" Leorio finished. His smile dropped, in favor of a dark glare sent Kurapika's way. "Suck up!"

"Greedy!"

Then they launched into a spiel about nobility and money and Kaia calmly, casually, removed the meals from both parties' plates. Evidently they'd be talking a while, and as the elevator could stop sinking any minute, she was of a mind to take in all the nourishment she could. It was a little odd, she supposed, as she finished off Gon's plate, that she was actually able to consume this much in such a short time. Ah well, didn't she always eat more when she was young? And exercise certainly had its pull...

"Gon! Kaia! What type of Hunter do you wish to become?" Both of them demanded the answer in the same huff and Kaia brought herself back to attention. Then, as an afterthought, dropped a single steak for Neko, who was sitting at her heels. 

"Well," Gon started, lowering his fork for another bite. It scratched against his plate. "Huh? Wait, where's..."

At a sharp ding, Kaia sat up, sucking meat juice off her fingers. "There we go," she grinned, "'bout time! Neko, come!"

_ You know _ , Kaia thought upon entering the strange, elongated, lantern-lit tunnel,  _ probably shouldn't have eaten all those steaks right before running _ . In hindsight, that was probably why the exam served them free. Kaia felt her belly and considered the numerous faces turning in the shady tunnel. A man with a broad, square jaw scowled at her. Kaia powered Gon’s pleasant appearance, and grinned sunnily at him.

She had a headache, and felt more tired than a dog, but she’d be fine.

She could still smile, after all.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note, this is a double update. If you have not yet read chapter five, please do so before reading this chapter. It will probably make a bit more sense.
> 
> I own nothing but my shoes and my laptop. Hunter x Hunter belongs to Yoshihiro Togashi.

Ah well. Too late now.

Kaia gave an apathetic scan to the wave of faces staring back at her. They were hard faces; calloused, driven faces, and most of them mean. There were a dozen or so in purples and neons that flicked off the lanterns in the tunnel, but most wore greys, browns or common blues that left little to differentiate. One that stood out was a long, black skinned man with earrings that looped down to his shoulders. A little farther back, Kaia saw a giant with a beard and a hammer that rivaled Thor's. She yawned.

"It's dark here."

Kaia nodded at Leorio's statement. "Seems to be the case."

"We could wonder," Kurapika murmured softly as he came up on Kaia's right, "if we were in an underground passage." Tempting as it was, Kaia decided not to respond to that, instead opting to lean against Leorio, on her left. It was a comforting sort of contact. About then most of the eyes in the room returned to whatever they'd been glaring at beforehand. Gon, easing through the tension, stared studiously at the tunnel walls.

Readjusting his backpack, he said, "I wonder how many people there are here..."

"With you, there are four hundred and six," a man from far off left offered. He had a friendly, pleasant smile above a round jaw, with chubby cheeks. He himself was a little on the chubby side. Kaia saw the fat beneath his common blue tunic roll with each step. When he came close enough to drop his voice quiet, he said, "hi! I'm Tonpa! Nice to meet you!"

He shook hands first with Gon, then the rest of the group, while a short little man with shiny, bald, green skin came up and handed them a chest pin. Kaia took it—405—with a muttered thanks, more intent on studying Tonpa. He was taller than her, she could see that now. He didn't stink like she'd initially believed—he actually smelled rather nice, like ocean spray, and his eyes were of a pretty brown that rivaled a robin's chest, yet attractive he was not. Ugly, though—that he also was not. The idea that bad men from the anime would not actually seem all bad in reality...it settled uncomfortably in her gut. Along with the instinctive distaste for him for whatever reason, aside from the obvious.

He shied her an amiable glance, cocking his head. "You're new here, aren't you?" and she shrugged, features a mild mix between curious and apathetically neutral.

Gon took lead here. "How did you know?"

"That's easy! I went to the test for the first time when I was ten. This is my 35th time!" He laughed heartily. His pin read '16'. "Hehe! I'm what you'd call a veteran. If you have any questions, just ask me!"

Gon just smiled, blundering on. "So you know everyone here, don't you?"

"That's right! Well, I'm going to make introductions..."

There was enough conversation in the tunnel that Tonpa didn't seem weary of neighborhood applicants listening in, though his voice did drop just a shade more. It was helpful knowledge, and solid warnings. A little more detailed than she'd been expecting, considering the overall plan to 'rookie crush'. Unless that was just a trick of the show but Kaia's gut said 'steer clear' so that was what she'd stick by.

While Tonpa ran down the list, a scream stuttered loud through the tunnel. It was ragged, and bone dry. It echoed off the walls, ringing through the metal pipes, and Kaia's teeth bared just the tips. As soon as the screams came, they drifted out, but it left the area quiet enough to hear another man speaking softly over the crowd.

"Oh, how strange," he said, with a tone rich and low enough to send curls through Kaia's toes. Her eyes dilated as they landed on the man speaking. Tall, well filled and vibrant was he, with wide shoulders, and a narrow waist that filled around loose, lilac colored pants of a satin-like-shade. She wasn't able to see his face, but it at the time she wasn't bothered. "He doesn't have any arms..." His voice curled like her toes and she was glad his back was to her. Because there was a definite fear she felt right then. "Just magic, ladies and gentlemen."

Fur brushed her ankle and Kaia jerked, then calmed. "Thank you, Neko," she whispered. And her bearings returned.

"You have to be more careful..." Hisoka, it could only be Hisoka, continued. "And do remember to apologize when you hit someone."

There was a short silence as Hisoka strutted, with an unusual sort of grace, further into the crowd. Then, Tonpa leaned back toward Gon. "There are always guys you shouldn't trust. Number 44, Hisoka, the Magician. Last year, everyone said he would have passed, but he almost killed a judge because he didn't like him. He was disqualified."

"And..." Leorio seemed aghast. "And this year, he's being allowed to retake the test..?"

"Sure!" Tonpa responded. "Judges change every year. The judges are the ones who choose the contents of the tests. They hold all of the power: if a judge says 'it's okay', even if they're the devil... Last year, number 44 not only mutilated the judge, but 20 participants you won't see this year." Tonpa's face got a haunted, ominous look. "Try to avoid him as much as possible."

"I want him to teach me."

"...What?"

Kaia nodded, more to herself than anyone else. "I want him to teach me. Alright," she tapped Leorio on his hand and motioned the crowd. "I'm going exploring. Meet up with ya later." She made it all of about two steps before Tonpa was in her way, still with that pleasing disposition and awfully friendly smile. She yawned.

"Ah, before you go, want a drink? I have some juice here." He pulled a couple cans from a bag around his shoulder and popped one open. "Shall we drink to celebrate our meeting? Let's drink to wish ourselves good luck in the tests!"

Kaia stared at the cans. Shrugging, she snagged one, pocketing the orange drink in her fanny pack. "Thanks. I don't generally like oranges but why not. I might find a use for it later. Alright, bye." She gave a short wave, held her head high, and skipped off into the thickest part of the crowd.

An older fellow with a frown that looked well practiced caught her eye, and he took a measure of her as she passed. Kaia herself tried to do the same to him, relying more on her gut than any experience in this sort of thing. He had no weapons to speak of, and he donned the wear of a monk. 362 was his pin. Kaia memorized it, then moved on.

She weaved in and out of the crowds, doing her best to memorize anybody who seemed interesting while taking care to not bump them, but mostly she was just getting a feel for the applicants. It was like a high school SAT test. Professionalism, sweat, confidence masked by a jumbled mess of nerves and, amusingly enough, bad hairdos. At least eavesdropping was fun.

"...you understand? This is highly secret. I have trained in Ninja ways since the birth of..."

"Woah! Brother, we must try using a fork next time! Fingers just don't..."

"And then I gutted the man's daughter, and while she screamed, I tore out her throat! That'll teach him not to make fun of my mother!"

Kaia studied the last who spoke with swift eyes before turning on a swifter heel and hightailing it to the other side of the tunnel. There was a fairly thick cluster before her then, so she weaved around, then one man stepped back and—

"Oh! You're the boy that was with Gon, weren't you?" Tonpa smiled down at her. "Find anything interesting?"

Kaia nodded. "Yeah. One of the lanterns on the other end keeps going out, but if you hit it, it shocks you." She scratched her cheek. "Well, it shocked the guy who hit it. Hey, Tonpa, you said you'd give us help if we needed some, right?"

He seemed to hesitate, but quickly recovered. "Of course! What did you need?"

Kaia jestured to her shirt. "Think I should change this?" It was a stark yellow shirt, still as yellow as she'd first gotten it. It was also the only yellow shirt she'd seen in the whole excess of applicants.

"Your shirt? Ah, that's—"

"Oi! Tonpa!" A young, unfamiliar voice shouted. "Would you give me another can?" It was a kid 'bout twelve, Kaia guessed, who came trotting up to them, skateboard in hand. Stark, white hair that flopped down to his ears, with sly eyes about as cold as a bucket of ice in winter. They passed to Kaia as he neared before sliding back to Tonpa with a sudden lightness that leapt to make the ice disappear. "This causes me stress," he said, tossing out a smile, "and I'm so thirsty..."

Tonpa shrugged and handed him a couple more cans, to which the boy accepted gleefully, immediately chugging one down as he snatched a couple more.

Kaia's belly rolled. She glanced down. "Darn it. Hungry again." She heard a chuckle, and looked back up to watch Killua (which was the only possible person the kid could be) finish off his drink.

"It's too good!" He crushed the can, handing it to Tonpa. He waited, watching the fat man start to shift nervously, then he laughed. "You're worried, right?" It was a quick sort of laugh that kind of carried through the air in a mocking manner. It was quickly replaced with that cold look from earlier. "Me, I have no problem. Because I've trained myself... It's not a poison that will kill..."

Kaia still had people to see, things to do, conversations to avoid, so, yawning, she skidded around the assassin wordlessly, aiming for another group of brisk men who dressed like Vikings. Neko bumped her heels. Kaia made to look at him. "And just what do you want?" she asked, not really expecting an answer but still waiting for one.

"Nothing, really," was her answer. Kaia stopped short, eyes widening, then she relaxed and offered a lazy look up. Killua stood in front of her, nonchalant in such an easy manner and Kaia marveled at the way his gaze didn't seem any colder than a cat on a summer's day would. They stared at each other for a minute. His head tilted. "Tell me, how old are you?"

"Right now I'm twelve."

"Just like me..." A grin splashed his cheeks. "Finally! I was beginning to think I was the only one here."

Kaia watched him, then, unsure, stuck out a hand. "Cool. Call me Kaia."

He looked at her hand, all considerate-like. "Killua." His hand gripped hers then, before squeezing just hard enough to crunch her knuckles together.

Kaia tried to take back her palm but it wasn't working, and it hurt. It hurt a lot. It kept on hurting too 'cause the pressure kept rising. "Good friend, you have a very strong grip that I would very much like not on my hand, please and thank you, oh thank you so much—I can't feel my fingers anymore. " She shook the freed appendage, marveling. "How on earth does that even work? You like, broke my hand."

"I didn't break it."

Kaia folded it back and forth, then held it up to the nearest lantern. Pursing her lips, she said, "Yup. See that there? Those are called bones and they belong beside each other, not inside each other. Ow. Okay, now that we have that settled," she dropped her arms on her hips, staring Killua up and down. "Hi."

His lips quirked. "You're pretty funny."

"I do my best."

Kaia started to bow when something heavy slammed into her side, startling her into the wall. Instinctively locking up, she bared her teeth and cringed into herself, staring wide eyed at a man who was oddly beautiful.

"Sorry sir, was not meaning to stare—Oh, sorry," the man, maybe nineteen, said, giving her a look over his shoulder. He must have seen something he liked 'cause his haughty expression morphed into something of gleeful recognition. "Kaia! I have not seen you in what, three, four years? You're so much bigger! Well," the stranger paused, scanning her slow up and down. "Not that much bigger. Tell me, how is Tari doing?"

Relaxing her body, Kaia said, "Akihiko?" and was rewarded with a knock on the head that did not help her continuous brain-ache.

"Oh, you remember me. And here I was hoping I'd scared you..."

Now, Akihiko was, from what Kaia remembered of her fanfiction, an emo-look alike with a positive personality and an insane crush on Kurisutaru. But Kurisutaru wasn't here. And the man she stared at didn't really look all that dark, angry, or... Well, he looked a little dramatic. He was tall, with a wide set of toned shoulders, and waist long black hair that hung from a ponytail high on his head. A tanned, angled face, with wide eyes that were more grey than silver. And he had a fair amount of pimples dotting his chin, along with some patchy stubble, but he still struck her as beautiful. It was the first time she'd seen a face such as his in this new...whatever world it was.

He caught her look and felt at his chin. "Oh, this," he said, voice a quick, tilted sort of draw that Kaia hadn't heard yet. "It's supposed to be the mark of a man, according to my father. Hey, kid—yes, you. Are you Kaia's friend?"

"Friend?"

Kaia looked at Killua who was looking back at her almost curiously, then she flashed a grin. "He's Killua. He's pretty cool, I guess. He has a pretty strong handshake, and can drink orange juice, so kudos to him."

The boy's face scrunched and Akihiko gave him a once over. "Orange juice? Orange... Oh, were those from Tonpa? Wow. Did you drink any, Kaia?"

"No. I got one though."

At that, Akihiko's face split into a grin that could rival the Kiriko's. "You should give it a shot!"

Killua shifted. "It's poisoned."

"I know." Both Kaia and Akihiko responded. She wasn't surprised.

"Getting rid of the competition, eh? I'm up for it." She flashed her teeth, dropping into a boxer's stance. "Let's go, right here, right now."

"You think you can take me on?"

"I think Killua can. Killua, wanna join? We team up, we can take this guy down."

"Ganging up on me now?"

"Not if Killua doesn't jump in. C'mon, Chicken Smoothie, this'll be the fight of the ages!"

Killua watched with careful consideration the two applicants before him, who were in mirroring stances, fists up and ready. Somewhere, somebody snickered, and Killua finally released his skateboard to drop into their stance, albeit far more hesitantly than the other two.

Kaia was surprised. "Really?" At Killua's blank expression, she grinned and moved her fist out. "Sweet! Okay, on scissors! Rock! Paper! Scissors!"

The tallest of them suddenly jolted back up, out of the game. "Wait just a minute, you never answered my question!"

"Shoot, how did I lose? Hey, Killua, again!"

"I thought we were on the same team."

"We were. Rock, paper, sci-"

She was jerked into the air, where she hung from Akihiko's arm. He held her like she was a stinky towel, only using his index finger and thumb. "Ignoring me now? Well? How is she?"

Whatever he wanted, it was lost on Kaia. "I have a bad memory?"

The pretty boy released her, his features returning to that haughty one from earlier. "As I was saying... I'd ask Tari myself but my calls have not seemed to go through. Thus, my only option is to relate to you, whom I have not seen since near eight years ago. So? How is my friend doing?"

Tari, meaning Kurisutaru? Wasn't that the nickname from the fanfiction? Kaia held out her phone. "You can use this yourself later. She'll probably pick up."

"May I? ...What do you want from me in return? If it deals with the exam I must, unfortunately, decline. I'll not help a weak person pass unfairly." He paused. "You never were one for physical labor, and you do seem rather small... Have you been training?"

"I am." Her nose scrunched. "I'm also not the only twelve year old here, Akihiko. There's Killua," she tapped the assassin's shoulder, "and there's Gon."

"So there's someone else, too?" Killua asked, again with that almost curious but not quite look.

Kaia nodded. "He's in a group with an irritating blond kid 'bout sixteen and a doctor named Leorio." She hesitated. Then, uncomfortable, Kaia shifted. "I backed off a while ago 'cause I wanted to check the competition out. So, if you'll excuse me..." She gave a deep waisted bow, nodded, and receded into the crowd once more, thinking.

When she'd initially taken off to explore, it wasn't just to, well, explore. Much of it was just to get away from Kurapika and the others—mostly Kurapika. Since appearing in this...world...she had been in the company of those three near constant. The boat had provided a little solace because nobody wanted out in the storm. Now that she'd made friends, though, when she went off to be alone, she was usually followed. By Kurapika. A lot. And that wasn't bad—she still got a couple minutes to ignore humanity—but constantly being by the same people... itched.

Kaia scratched her nose, yawning. There was a guy near her with a nice looking short bow leaning on his shoulder. She'd left her bow in her bag, which probably wasn't the smartest move since she'd be drawing it from basically nowhere. Ah well, later she'd put it on. For now, how to approach Hisoka...

A shriek of a bell jerked her to attention, eyes wide. Weird bell, almost like somebody shrieking 'lililili' over and over and over again. It was held by a slim man with elongated legs and arms, who donned a mustache. He was standing on one of the pipes lining the walls. Features flat, he bowed.

"Here I am," he said, "the reception is over. Now the exam can begin." Hopping off the pipe and, landing in the middle of the tunnel, he gestured into the darkness. "This way, please." He started walking. Kaia stretched her arms, face going carefully stubborn while weaving to the side wall.

"Hookay, Neko, think you can keep up?" she whispered. He wagged his tail, and Kaia nodded. "I might need your help later, but let's see how far I can go."

Satotz, who Kaia assumed the mustached man was, continued his strut a short ways before speaking again. "Well, we'll begin with a short verification. This is an extremely difficult exam, sometimes you can miss a chance and can end up hurting yourself, or you can simply die. There are moments, like a little while ago, where we get irreparably hurt in an accident with companions. There are things that cannot be avoided. Now, please follow me."

And Kaia did. Staying near the far side of the crowd, she dropped into a light, stretching jog that was barely faster than what Satotz was walking at. She was well aware of the dangers involving unwarmed muscles. At that, even if she did this, she was feeling pretty nervous about running the distance in general mostly because her current body was extremely weak. Getting stronger at an uncomfortably fast rate, but still.

A shift of the air had Kaia alerted to a person walking just behind her, a little to the side. As she focused, she could feel their eyes on her, and their slow approach. Just as her hackles started to raise, Killua stepped those last few steps forward to walk beside her. He didn't say anything—just walked beside, watching her in her light, easy jog. Kaia didn't say anything either.

Satotz did. "Count is okay. Four hundred and five contestants for the next phase." With an enviable grace, Satotz doubled his speed, waiting for those behind him to adjust before saying, "I forgot one detail: I am Satotsu, and I'm in charge of the first round. So, I must lead you to the place of the second round."

"Satotsu?" Kaia repeated, musing. Killua shot her a look and she shrugged. "Thought his name was something else. No biggie."

"Wait," an armored bald man from the front area of the crowd waved for attention, dropping into a jog as well. "The second round? What about the first?"

Satotsu spoke over his shoulder. "The first has already commenced. If you're able to follow me to where the second round stands, you'll have passed the first test... I can't tell you where or when we've arrived. You'll have to be content with following me."

So for a while, they just jogged, until the pace drew up to a run. About that time, Killua flipped onto his skateboard and started a conversation.

"What's your dog for?"

Kaia drew a breath. "Being a dog." Her face pulled. "He can't fight and he's too small to be guard. He just started following me. He's pretty good at that."

"Hmm." Killua appeared thoughtful. "I have a couple guard dogs back at my place. They're really good at killing people, and they're really-" he drew out this word, "-big."

"You lucky duck. Big dogs are the best. Small dogs are kinda scary."

"Your dog is small."

Kaia flashed a smile. "Sure is."

For a while longer they were quiet again. Kaia focused mostly on her breathing, and finding the right pace to stick with that wouldn't draw her too far behind, while Killua rolled along on his board. When the tunnel hit its first bend, Kaia decided to break the silence.

"Your skateboard's pretty cool. I've always wanted to ride one."

"Eh?" Killua gave the board a long look, then side-eyed Kaia. "Right now?"

"I'm running right now."

"Do you want to ride it right now?"

"But I'm running."

"You don't have to."

"But I can."

"So you don't want to?" He seemed confused.

"I do want to," and she flinched when her head spasmed all sudden-like, just for the pain to fade a minute later. Regaining her bearings, she continued. "I'm just running right now."

"Oh. So later, then." Killua lifted his head, staring at the ceiling as it glided behind. He hummed, and maybe thought of something funny because he started to smile again. "Alright. Do you have anything cool?"

Kaia's face blanked, refocusing a moment later. "I have a magic bag. It's freaking awesome."

"Really? What's it do?" His eyes sparked, and Kaia's drifted to match.

"Unlimited storage space, bro. Unlimited. As far as I know. Either way, it can fit a whole lot inside. Think of all the snacks I could hide. Think of the pranks! Road trips will never be the same."

He laughed, and she laughed, and then she gasped and coughed because she couldn't really breath while laughing and running at the same time. Killua frowned while she struggled to regain herself. Tilting his head, he said, "you're not very good at running, are you?"

"Hah, not right now I'm not... I'm-" she coughed again. "Working at it. Agh, let's move up, we're losing ground. I can go faster... Probably."

Neither said anything after that, not during the next half hour, or hour, of running. Kaia continued to tire, her teeth starting to bare as they usually did. Killua didn't seem to mind the facial expressions. He even laughed at a couple of them, mostly when her tongue would bite out because their pace increased. But overall, it was a comfortable time. Tiredness was nothing new, and neither was hard work, if only in her memories. And she'd been working hard since she showed up so really, the biggest struggle here was trying not to think of sleep, because goodness, how good a long nap sounded. To just curl up on a big red chair with a plate of sausage, or sardines, or maybe spinach. Oh, how she longed for food... But again, she shook the thoughts away and focused on increasing her speed.

"Hey! Kid!" The shout was abrasive and far too close to require such volume, but it was from Leorio, who apparently was in the running group they'd just passed. "That's not allowed! That's cheating!"

Killua slowed his skateboard, something Kaia matched. Leorio was glaring at Killua alone. A couple of the men grouped around him gave a glance, like Kurapika, but they quickly refocused on wherever their thoughts took them. Kaia couldn't see Gon yet.

"Why?" Killua asked.

"Why? Because it's an endurance test!"

"You're wrong," a skinny, pale little girl said, from the sharp right of Leorio. She had roller skates that looked fairly new. "We can use whatever we want."

Gon, coming up from beside her, nodded, adding his own line in. "He just asked us to follow him, didn't he?"

"Gon! Which side are you on?"

Kaia just stared at the girl while the two youngest boys conversed. No higher than her cheek, with wide green eyes that struck like glass on sand, the girl looked almost like a collectible doll—some sort of rare edition. Was there supposed to be a girl? No. Somebody new? Probably. Already things had diverged from what Kaia initially thought would happen. This was no different.

Refocusing on her steps, Kaia shrugged off her confusion for simple acceptance. What was done was done, the end. She still needed to get past the first stage anyway. With that in mind, she settled back into her earlier, quicker pace.

"Oh, Kaia!" Gon, abruptly, called her back. He rolled those big brown eyes between Killua and her. "You guys met earlier?"

Killua nodded. "Ah, I was running with her a little bit ago."

"No" Kaia panted, "you weren't."

"I walked."

"That you did." Kaia nodded, then decided to address the question on her mind. Flicking her wrist at the unknown party member, Kaia breathlessly said, "You're new."

The girl gave her a careful stare, reaching up to pull on her scarf. "You could say that."

Gon smiled bright. "Kaia, Killua, this is Lorerei-"

"Lorelei!"

He scratched at his neck, laughing a sheepish kind of laugh. "Sorry, sorry. It's just really hard to pronounce. Anyway, she gave us some snacks earlier. We... didn't save any for you." He glanced at Lorelei, who shook her head. "Sorry, Kaia."

Well, that was offensive. There was only one thing here that Kaia even liked and that was food. "It's fine," she said, but it burned a quiet little jealous rage that was immediately talked down. And then it was dismissed, and bent to be forgotten. Rude. "Call me Kaia."

She was graced with a small, sweet, coy smile that was fairly easy to see through. "Lorelei." Then the smile dropped. "Wait, you're a girl?"

"Last time I checked," the wall was looking awfully welcoming over there, "yes. Kay. Bye."

Though Killua and Gon seemed eager to strike up a conversation, Kaia slid back to the wall, giving a small nod to Killua as she left. She'd started running alone, and if she wanted to finish, she needed to be alone. Neko didn't talk so he was fine. Killua, earlier, was okay because he was pretty quiet too, but now that Gon was there... She wasn't too interested.

In the meanwhile, what to do with Lorelei. Obviously the girl was a fair amount more interested in Kaia than was healthy, if that coy grin was anything to go by. There wasn't really any malice though—just a possessive curiosity, like she'd been owed something that was being threatened. Yet what it was certainly eluded Kaia... Even being born a girl didn't help in understanding them. Ah, well, she'd ask later, maybe.

She kept running.

Taking out the bow when they hit the swamp lands outside would be beneficial. There was supposed to be a short time to rest then, if she remembered right. So she could practice shooting, or confront Hisoka, or snack...snacking before running again would be bad. Her ribs already hurt from the steaks.

When Satotsu started up a set of stairs that went on forever, Kaia grit her teeth, forcing her feet to keep moving one more step, glaring at the red of her tennis shoes. She'd change them, too, outside, to the hiking boots. They'd be waterproof and hoo boy would that be nice. Then, what she'd do, was shoot her bow, confront Hisoka when he arrived, and change her shoes. Three things, in an estimated time of thirty minutes, fifteen minimum. Five for bow, five for Hisoka, five for—no, eight for bow, six for Hisoka, one for shoes. Unless she made it out later? Shoot, she had to pick up the pace.

Amidst her musings, Kaia stepped into sunlight and stumbled, surprised, when there were no more stairs. Gasping hard with teeth bared, Kaia scanned her surroundings quick, noting the fog and mud and croakings of frogs hidden too far to see, and then she stretched her arms high, mentally willing her heart's rate slow.

Walking in measured, sharp circles, Kaia stared at the other's who'd passed, which was likely around seventy people so far. Gon and Killua were arguing beside the gaping hole leading back inside the tunnel, along with Satotsu. A crow was propped on that tunnel, bouncing. A couple of the men dressed as Vikings emerged, grinning, to join another two of their kind sitting on the moss ground, and there was Hanzo standing proud not too far from her. Kaia panted, making her way to the two boys she knew most.

"Gon," she called, still watching around, now looking to the layers of fogged trees. Gon gave her a look and brightened. Kaia quickly interrupted before he could say anything. "I'm napping." She yawned for good measure. "Kick me awake when we gotta move."

Killua caught her eye. "You're going to sleep? Wow, you're tired already?"

"Killua, Kaia's been tired since we first met. It's really amazing, actually!"

"Ehh?" He popped his hands in his pockets. "You don't sleep?"

"No, she's been sleeping like the rest of us, she's just always tired. That's why it's amazing! Actually," Gon hummed to himself, tilting his head to either side, "she sleeps more than all of us. Like with the captain, and the Kirikos—you fell asleep in the middle of our conversation!"

For a minute, Kaia just stared narrow eyed at the brown skinned boy, then a yawn broke her focus and she shrugged, gesturing at the outer wall of the tunnel door. "Wake me whenever, please and thank you."

So then, forgoing all other plans, Kaia sat down, folded her legs, dropped her head and proceeded to pass out.

A kick brought her awake. Bursting into alertness, Kaia started to stand, but a hand on her shoulder pushed her back down, albeit gently. Before her was a pair of vaguely familiar green eyes. Confused, Kaia yawned, taking in the mass of people who were now impatiently waiting to move again, and the girl crouched at eye level.

But since Lorelei didn't appear too intent on speaking, Kaia did. "I'm tired."

She got a laugh. "I can see. Gon said you wanted to be kicked awake," she gave a slightly grossed out look, but shrugged and continued with, "I wasn't sure about it, but if it's what you wanted... Are you a masochist?"

"...I'm both disgusted and amused. Well, that decides it," Kaia scratched sleep from her face. "I'm gonna love you or hate you."

"Oh. I wasn't trying to be mean, I was just curious." Ahh, wrong answer. If it was on purpose, it'd have been kinda funny. "So...are you?"

Kaia smiled. "I don't think so. Sister said I am, but she's a sadist, so who knows."

"Do you like being kicked?"

Shaking her head, Kaia muttered, "was there a reason you woke me up? Need me for something, or did you just want to ask if I was a masochist?"

"Oh, oh! Yeah! Right, um, how old are you?"

"Twelve right now."

"Cool! So am I!"

"And so is Gon, and Killua. And Kurapika's sixteen, and Leorio's-" she yawned long and loud, "-nineteen."

"Haha, yeah." Lorelei plopped onto her seat, copying Kaia's cross-legged pose. Her cheeks were a little flushed, Kaia noted, and the girl's pretty black hair mussled. Noticing, Lorelei blushed hard and ducked her head. "I wasn't expecting the run upstairs to be so hard. I brought my skates, but I had to change them to get up the stairs and I almost didn't make it… How did you run the whole way? Aren't you like…I don't know... Are you secretly super strong? Ooh, do you have a cool background?"

"I dunno." Well, Kaia did know, but it only counted if her family followed her fanfiction she didn't finish. "I like running."

"Really? It's really hard. I thought it would be more fun, since I was with Killua and Gon, but it was really hard and I thought I was gonna die. Hey, hey, you said you don't know, does that mean you don't remember your past? Or your family's just not that cool?"

"I may or may not hail from a rabbit farm in the country." She picked at the moss beside her legs, rather confused on why the girl was talking to her or what her point was. "What about you?"

"Um…" Lorelei did a quick glance either way, all sideways, like she was trying to hide the fact she was looking, then she leaned closer and whispered, "don't tell anybody, okay? Girls are supposed to stick together, right? I...I might be royalty." She had a kind of quiet voice that was both high and lilting, which was a little odd to hear, but nothing too weird.

Kaia blinked real slow, then, "Okay?" She scratched her hair, feeling awkward. "Cool, I guess?"

"That's it?"

"Well," Kaia shrugged, put on the noblest face she could manage, and bowed. "Forgive me, your gracious highness, I have not responded the way you so wished. Whatever shall you punish me with now?" She ended it with a sweeping arm to cover her face, but peaked between her fingers, grinning wide enough for Lorelei to see.

The girl started giggling. "Really? Do you think I'm lying?"

"Nah, I just don't care that much. Was I supposed to do something else?"

"Oh, no, I see… Thank you… So how long have you known Gon?" Lorelei asked, mood brightening severely.

Kaia shrugged, counting eight fingers. "Two weeks?"

"Oh, that long?" at this, she brightened considerably more. "That's cool. Gon's surprisingly incredible. I was feeling a little down, nerves I guess, but he just jumped into a conversation with me, and it made me feel a lot better." Pausing, she blushed. "It's kind of why I shared my snacks. If there were any left, I'd give you one too."

"Is 'kay."

"Well... Um, Kurapika's pretty cool, isn't he?" She looked hopeful. The fog seemed to light the paleness of her skin, too, like she was glowing or something.

"He's 'kay,"

"Haha, you're a little funny. I think Kurapika is really smart. Kind of has that heroic feel, right? And Killua seems really nice so far. He has a nice smile, and pretty eyes, don't you think? I've always liked gentle, blue eyes, like the ocean," she said. Kaia figured them a more brittle teal though, like crushed glass, but whatever. "Oh, have you met Tonpa yet? I don't like him. And I'm sure you've heard about Hisoka, the magician guy. He's scary, isn't he? Oh, oh, and have you met this ninja guy named Hanzo yet? I did. And, and, over there you can see that archer guy, he's named Pokkle, and...um...who else?"

Well, Kaia knew a guy. "Leorio?"

"Leorio? Eh, he's..." She dropped her head closer, whispering, "just between you and me, he's kind of stupid. And he looks really...you know, and he's kind of bossy, right? You were hanging out with him earlier, I know. You were probably running alone to get some space. Haha, it's okay, your secret's safe with me."

Now, Kaia was feeling pretty tranquil, relaxed with the serene, foggy forest around them, but those words bristled in her chest like a poison, surprising her at the intensity. Binding the feeling, Kaia let her face slacken. "Talked to him much?"

Lorelei seemed surprised. Slowly, she shook her head. "No, just a little bit. I'm, um, good at figuring out who people are really fast, though, and he's just… He just doesn't seem that… you know," she puffed her fingers like fireworks. "Dazzling, you know?"

"...Okay. But just between you and me? Leorio's freaking awesome. I'll stand by that."

"...If you say so..." Lorelei, baffled, shook her head unbelieving. Suddenly, she snapped her fingers. "Um, okay, this is probably gonna sound really weird for a second, but I'm really curious and I think I know what's happening here but I'm not sure, so, um... Hunter x Hunter? Like, 2011, anime?"

Kaia nodded, relaxing again. "A very good show. Preferred the manga, though."

A rush of intensity. "Which one do you like more? Killua or Kurapika?"

Kaia frowned. "Leorio."

"Seriously?"

"Nope."

And they stared curiously—Kaia more laxly—at each other for a long while, sizing one another up, then Kaia gestured back to Killua, and Gon. Lorelei picked up the hint. Blessing Kaia with that coy little grin from earlier, Lorelei stood, dusted off her reddish garb, and joined the two boys.

Kaia just sat there, quiet.

Leorio dropped down beside her, bumping her shoulder with his elbow. Kaia side-eyed him. Still such a tall man, imposing in his suit—the top had been foregone in favor of a bare chest—and he was sweaty all over, stunk with a mix of cucumbers and sweat. But Kaia still saw those gentle glints in his eyes, and her gut trusted the man. Out of all that she'd met, she liked to say she considered him the closest.

"What are you smiling at, brat? Lorere-Lorelei say something funny about me?"

"Yeah. You pinned your number to your skin."

"Huh? Oh, right. I found out I could run farther if I didn't care about how stupid I looked!"

"Mm. Say, Leorio, how much time you think we got before we keep going?"

"Hmm... I would think just a couple more minutes. A lot of people are out already. The Examiner's looking like he's ready to start, and I'm getting pretty antsy myself."

Kaia nodded, yawning. "Cool. Kick me awake." She paused, rethought. "Shake me awake, when we start, please. I'm gonna nap."

And as she dropped her consciousness, she felt the tap of a hand on her head. It was quick, and short, and it was just a simple touch. Like something a dad would do.

Yeah. Leorio was freaking awesome. Lorelei was missing out.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings, Humans! This is the edited chapter 7!
> 
> Also, my younger sister has informed me that I’m shipping characters in my story? I mean, I have ships planned, yes, but she claimed I was setting up ships already. What do you guys think?
> 
> I’ll post a couple ship names here anyway, ones she came up with BTW, just for kicks and giggles. You can comment your favorite I guess, or maybe agree I’ve been setting stuff up (other than that April Fool’s chapter), or you can just leave a question about anything unclear. I do enjoy comments!
> 
> Ship names: Kaiapika. Kaillua. Kaiorio. Gaia. Hisokaia. (Anyone see any others/have other ship names? I know which one’s I’ll drown with but it’d be amusing to hear new ones)
> 
> Nothing much else to say here, other than the typical disclaimer.
> 
> I own nothing but my shoes and my laptop, and maybe a couple characters I’ve added here.
> 
> With my pleasure, here’s chapter seven!

 

Her teeth shone like knives against the fog. Puffs of breath curled out like smoke between them. Mud dragged her hiking boots to twice their weight as sweat drenched her shirt and chilled deep. Exhausted, yet proud, Kaia lifted her chin. Her eyes were a bold mix of wild and wide; they sloped over the rugged, fierce faces of others who'd passed the first exam. Akihiko's pleased face—though he was using her phone at the moment—and Hanzo's arrogant face, and Tonpa's greedy face, and that monk man’s confident face... She matched those faces. She too made it. The whole way, she ran the whole first exam. For that, she was more than a little proud. 

Her legs gave like soggy pancakes beneath her. She rested for a while in the cold, monitoring her body and the quivering of her reddened hands. At the base of her left wrist sat a fresh scar born from a stray twig. She liked it. Scars were good. Scars were steady, proof that something'd happened, just like the muscles she'd have from doing this ridiculous run. Which was really very awesome because  _ she just ran the whole thing _ . Out of stubbornness. She  _ made _ it. 

Definitely more than a little proud. 

As her body cooled, she took a better look around. A large and slightly worn cabin rested at the edge of a clearing. It had straight-planked egg-shell walls excreting a sharp scent of fresh paint, and a clock strung above closed doors nobody'd been able to open. Nearby, a soggy old stump that was sunk several inches into green moss gave Kaia pause. Making her way onto shaky legs and walking to it, she used broken fingernails to carve out a good circle from one side. A target. 

_ You aim small, you miss small. _

Her dad had told her that after she aimed a shot at the middle of a big, branch antlered buck and missed completely. If she guided her arrow to a specific, small target, she was more likely to hit. 

She stepped back twenty five yards, making sure the area was clear of other Hunter examinees, and pulled her bow from her duffle bag. The string was tight and familiar against her fingers and her grip was solid and easy, the bow resting comfortably in the palm of her left hand. After a few minutes, twelve arrows lay buried inside or very near the circle, with a pattern about the size of a dinner plate, fastly shrinking. She mulled over each shot, figuring on why they weren't as precise as she wished, then adjusted to shoot again. She'd fired forty eight times before somebody came up to her, just as she collected her fourth barrage.

"Oh, there you are." Killua crouched beside the stump, watching her slide an arrow out of the moss while he leaned his arms on his skateboard. "What are you doing?"

"Dying," was her answer, and she flashed her teeth brilliantly. Which she thought better of soon after because a blast of something sour in the air, something moldy, almost like a dead fish, danced across her freshly uncovered tongue. She scrunched her nose, displeased, but chose to speak anyway. "Guess what?"

He hummed, tilting his head. "You're not dead?"

"I made it."

"...So? I made it too."

"Yessir, you surely did. Awesome job, by the way." Having all twelve arrows back in her hand, she flopped onto her back. For a moment, she enjoyed the feeling of the cold moss on her sweaty, cold neck, then she said, "Okay. Someone over here stinks real bad."

Killua turned his head the other way, making a show of sniffing the air, and Kaia found herself amused at the way his tussled hair dripped over his cattish eyes. "I think we both smell pretty bad. I was eaten by a frog. What's your excuse?"

"I need a shower is my excuse. A frog, though?" Kaia fiddled with the fletches along the spine of an arrow, intrigued. "How big was it?"

Killua scowled. "Really big, about the size of a house. I used the fat guy's poisoned drinks to get out."

"Where?"

"In the forest?" It was a question, like he was confused at her probing. The boy regarded her strangely, taking his time. Then he said, "don't tell me you want to find it."

Kaia scratched her neck. "I like frogs."

"I guess frogs that can eat people are cool... kind of. You're weird."

"Mmkay. Anything else cool about your run?" At the quizzical look she received, Kaia clarified. "What else did you run...haha, get it, run, cause—sorry. What else did you run into?"

Sucking in his lips, Killua hummed. "Nothing that interesting. What did you run into?"

"A tree, once. That was fun. But I was mostly focused on staying by Satotsu the entire time, 'cause if I lost him I'd probably die... Huh. Actually, that's weird." Her thumb tapped her chin. As she thought, it turned to a rubbing motion. She hadn't actually run into anything aside from that tree. At all. She barely made it, yes, but that had to be some sort of super luck to avoid everything. Unless...it was because she stayed so close to Satotsu? She’d remained within ten meters of him at all times, as best she could, and he never had any dangerous encounters. Coincidence? Probably not. What to do about it? Probably nothing.

Kaia's thumb relaxed. If it was useful later, then so be it. It was too much thinking for now.

Something smacked the side of her head. 

Kaia bared her teeth and growled, then immediately calmed, face returning to normal. "Reason you hit me?"

Killua blinked a couple times, then said, "felt right."

"Ah. S’that so." Moving to stand but, noticing the blood lining her fingers where the bow string had ripped them raw, she paused and considered. Shooting any longer could potentially do more damage than was safe. Her shoulder ached, now that she focused on it, and the skin on her left arm also burned from when a wrong angle dragged the string against her skin. Forty eight fires wasn't a bad run for a first day of practice, and her pattern had shrunken now that she'd fallen into old habits. They really did die hard, she mused. Deciding against another round, she eased again on the moss.

Killua, now on her left, leaned over her face, frowning. She met his eyes for a brief moment before rolling her gaze to the people around her, flitting quickly here, lingering there, hesitating on the egg-shell cabin. There were low growling noises seeping from it. Kaia, thoughtful, hummed. "I'm hungry."

"Okay." He hesitated, drawing his fingers from his pockets as if to hand her something but they were empty, and a look crossed his face that Kaia couldn’t pinpoint, then it dissipated to simple acceptance. His eyes rolled to Neko, at her heels, then back to her.

"Wow, this conversation is awkward," she said. Killua shrugged, leaning back on his skateboard. Considering, Kaia tugged her shirt. "I'm going to have mud stains on this." Dabbing at a blotch of brown, she said, "I thought you were running with Lorelei and Gon."

Killua’s scowl drove a line deep between his brows. "Lorerei couldn't keep up, so we left her with the old man and girl-guy, Kurapika? And right before we got here," his face twisted, "Gon ran back. So I just finished alone."

"Oh wow, sounds harsh."

"What? Disappointed?"

"Should I be?" Abruptly yawning, she looked around again before kicking a foot in the air, huffing. Killua rolled a chuckle, his cheeks drawing a crease on his face while his hand hid half his mouth. Kaia side-eyed him hard. Yes, she mused, his eyes were a more brittle green blue, stark against his skin but far from the oceanic deep Lorelei described them as. In the anime, they were a baby blue. In the older version, a sly green. In her fanfiction, they were the prettiest freaking blue that'd ever existed because it was a freaking fanfiction. 

Kaia kicked his shin.

It did absolutely no damage and wasn't meant to. Maybe dirtied his leg hairs a little, but he was already stinky.

"What was that for?"

"Felt right. I'm tired."

"Weren't you sleeping just after the first half of the exam?"

"To be clear, there's two things I want forever: food and sleep. It's not smart to eat before running, so I slept. And Leorio woke me up late."

"Hmm...really? I guess that's okay..." Killua ruffled his hair, staring out at the forest beyond. Slowly, he said, "you seem really close to the old man."

Kaia shrugged, dragging her knuckle over her eye. "He's cool. Has a good dream, nice eyes. I'd probably fall in love if I was a little older."

"Ew. Yup, you're really weird. That's really weird. Why would you like him?"

Kaia laughed at the poor boy's stricken face. Leorio took good care of himself, and was careful not to stink of sweat, unlike Gon and Kurapika who were often found reeking of fish or sass, respectively. He had the build of a tree and the smile of a...something. Something nice. Sometimes there was food stuck between his teeth. 

Kaia never claimed to be a poet. 

She rubbed her stomach, settling her laughter. "You're very funny. Leorio's really cool, and he's a friend who'll stick with you when things get tough. But not everybody likes him. Give him a week, he warms up to you. Ah, well..." Her fingers flitted over the divet of her belly button, then the crusty remains of some mud on her shirt. It was shortly picked off with mud crusted fingernails. "Hey, ho, lookie there. Found Leorio. Oh, Hisoka's here too."

"Hisoka?" is what echoed her, but the boy followed her line of sight. Near the other side of the cabin, Hisoka’s bright hair bobbed through the fog. He carried a misshapen mass of what was very obviously a swollen and bruised Leorio, and almost carefully, the great, vibrant colored magician set him against a larger pine. Then, Hisoka stepped away, twirling one of those oddly intimidating cards between his fingers. The few contestants nearby parted for the magician, giving him space before returning to their earlier tough-guy clusters, some casting Leorio curious stares, while none actually did anything.

Kaia's head hurt. Right between the eyes.

"Congratulations to those of you who managed to get out of the marshes alive and well!" Satotsu exclaimed suddenly, abruptly and crisp in the lifting fog. He stood at the edge of the clearing, taking measured stares over the area and examinees with that regular dull, flat-faced look. "You are now in the Biska Woods, the place where the second round will take place. On that note... I wish you luck on the next part of your trials." 

That said, Satotsu swerved around, strutting straight into the mist.

Kaia yawned, scratched her eye, and sat up. "Whookay. Better make sure Leorio's not dead." 

Standing was a strife and Kaia flinched at the burn of her muscles, the heaviness in the hand that held her bow, and the ache of her raw fingers. It was something she was both familiar with and utterly new to. New body and all that. Eventually it would be easier, she knew. The only real concern she had now was how her body seemed to be recovering. Near constantly tired, hungry, and pained, yes, but her muscles were gaining ground fast and her strength was turning into something to be proud of. It was building too fast. But that was a thought for another day. More important things were aport. 

Leorio was a mess. His hair was sweaty, he had mud and brier scrapes across his bared chest, blood lined his knuckles and he had a cracked thumbnail that drilled a lazy bit of blood. Cheeks swollen, he wore a lovely shade of blue brown under his right eye, which blearily cracked open when Kaia prodded it with a stick. He squinted at her, stubble catching the dooling blood from his lips, and Kaia flashed her teeth. 

The sight of his bruised, confused, horribly disoriented face bubbled a slow, rumbling laugh that delved into quicker, high pitched chuckles sounding almost like a windshield wiper, which was odd in the eerie silence, but it felt nice all the same. 

"What? Wha'so funny?"

"You're-" Kaia struggled, catching her breath, "I mean you just waltzed in here on Hisoka's shoulder and now you're all 'what's so funny' like-" she wheezed, holding her mouth. The wiping wheel dropped to a quick chopping laugh. She'd have been embarrassed, but really, what had happened was...not actually all that funny. Kaia stopped laughing. Then started again. "Ha, haha, never mind, Leorio. You've got something on your face."

He reached up a paw-like hand before pausing at the broken nail. "When did this happen?"

Lowly the chuckles continued. "Dunno, but it's funny!"

"...Bah, you're making fun of me." 

"No sir, I'm not the one who did that, that was-" she caught herself with a snort. "I can't talk anymore! Hookay, hookay, I'm cool, I'm cool. Alright. Hey, guess what? I ran the whole way!"

"Oh, really?" Leorio bleared around. The cabin nearby, the ring of examinees, the weird hollow trunk tree twisting over by Hisoka, the newly arrived Gon and Kurapika... Kaia hesitated at the last two. A little scuffed but they weren't dead, which was always a good sign. Leorio grunted. "Wow, we really did make it!"

She snorted. " _ I _ did.  _ You _ got carried." She started laughing again, unbidden against his squinty-eyed glare. "I mean it's not like Hisoka's your buddy or anything, it's just—he just—and you're all—okay, okay, I'm fine. I'm good."

Her head hurt still. 

Leorio gave her a long look, a contemplative look that somebody might use to figure whether they should go ahead and kill the fly or just leave it be. It was amusing enough, and Kaia took it easily. Shortly after, while she non-too-carefully scraped most of the blood from Leorio's cheek, Gon and Kurapika came up on them. They made a few greetings, offered their pleasuralities.

It struck Kaia that maybe that wasn't a word. Language was fun. 

"Well," Kurapika poked at Leorio's bloodied finger with a contemplative frown, drawing a groan from the man. "Except for your arm, everything seems fine."

"You mocking me? What about my face?"

“Yes, everything seems fine.” Humming, Kurapika turned to Kaia. "And you seem like you made it out fine as well."

"Bzzt, wrong. I died half way through. Got eaten by a bug. You can find my corpse half a mile back, rather, just my arm, because that was all that the bug didn't eat. Makes me wonder why. Was my arm not good enough? Maybe that weird tree sap made it taste bad—I wouldn't know, I didn't try it. Or maybe it just doesn't like left arms...Or was it my right?" She frowned serious. "It's hard to remember when my brain has been eaten."

He rolled his eyes and Kaia chuckled before folding into a seat beside Leorio, leaning against his shoulder. Gon tilted his head, thoughtful. "When did you regain consciousness?" he asked.

"Well, after getting here," a butterfly drifted past, closely followed by a flying spider that ate with no regard to anyone else, catching their attention for a short moment. Lifting his eyes away, Leorio continued. "...I think... It still doesn't explain the thing on my face... I must admit, I don't quite remember what happened after we reached the marshes.

Hesitating, then turning to Gon, Kurapika said, "No use telling him."

"Yup." The response was quick. Then, quicker, Gon asked, "why is everybody waiting outside the hanger?"

"We’re not supposed to get in yet." Killua abruptly appeared on their right, giving a short nod.

"Killua!" Gon jumped, waving.

"Yo." The boy gave a casual look, and bumped his fist with Gon's before probing, "you use some kind of special attack or what out there?" He stared over the slowly fading mist. "I thought I'd never see you again."

Gon raved what happened—a face off against Hisoka, being frightened but left alive way off the path, found by Kurapika after Hisoka'd taken Leorio, and following Leorio’s scent to get back. He'd followed the trail like a dog.

"Thank's to his aftershave?" Killua seemed surprised. Gon nodded sheepishly.

"Yes..."

"You're no ordinary guy. That's weird."

A loud and long groan ached from the cabin. Gon looked to it, glanced about. "So why can't we get in?" 

Kaia, all easy-like, fiddled with a handful of moss, seeming to pay no mind to anybody or anything else. "Door's closed," she said, "and Satotsu didn't give us any instruction when he left. Just said it was here. So, we wait." Shruggedly, she gestured with her elbow to a big clock sitting atop the white-painted doors. "Something will probably happen when it hits a certain hour. I guess noon."

Kurapika stared at her. "What makes you think noon?"

She put her hand on his shoulder softly, whispering, "that's lunch time, dear." And boy, was Kaia hungry.

As the clock ticked on by, closer and closer to twelve, the heavy fog lifted further and further toward the sun till there was nothing left but a silky blue as far as the eye could see. Suddenly, the trees were a little less scary, a little more like the usual pines someone might find on the countryside out past farming land. It reminded Kaia of where she'd used to hunt. Yet, with all that, she remained still, just studying, because she was as aware as anyone that the monsters would still be out even with the fog gone. Quietly, she rolled her moss, and listened. 

Leorio stood now, watching the cabin. "It's almost as if," he said, and shifted uneasily, "you can feel the tension building up."

"Normal, since we don't know what will happen." Kurapika replied. Then he absentmindedly wiped his hands on his pants. It was the kind of action somebody doesn't realize they're doing until it's pointed out. Almost like a nervous habit. Kaia found it funny. "What are you laughing at now?"

"Who knows? Kurapika, let me tell you, I might be laughing at everything at this point. You all are looking mighty strange, all tense, just staring at a shack in the woods you aren't even trying to go in." 

He hesitated, then eased into a more relaxed position, deliberate-like. "Let's stay put," he said. "It wouldn't be strange if we were suddenly attacked."

But then the clock hit the dead of noon and the cabin doors shied open, real slow, as if they hadn't been used in a long time and the hinges were rusty—which would also explain the scratchy, pitched noise. The sitting examinees stood, anticipating what was to come, even though when the doors settled, there wasn't much happening at all. Nothing but darkness lay inside. Some started for the door, careful and edgy. Kaia, still reclined against the pine, did not move. 

Just as one of the taller men came up to the opening, lights came on and two people walked out. One was a strikingly pretty slender girl with a heart shaped face and well-endowed body that her outfit made sure to express. Her teal green hair stood up in five long braided hair-buns and looked well cared for. The other person was a little more eye catching, if only because of his size. He could easily eat a house, Kaia thought, though he had a round, pleasant face with a second roll of fat under his chin, and his shirt a lovely shade of yellow. She decided she liked him. 

The man's stomach rippled and growled, and the girl looked up at him, a coy smile on her tanned, brown lips. "So," she said, all friendly and casual, "you hungry?"

"You bet." The big man nodded seriously while giving his belly a pat. "I'm starving."

Smile widening, the girl looked over the applicants. Her eyes were a wild green, a bright, fresh, sharp color that Kaia liked. "You heard him! Therefore, the second trial of the exam will be...cooking!" She sauntered forward a step, lifting her chin. "We are both fine gourmet cooks! Thus, your mission will be to satisfy our appetites by cooking us a meal!"

"You'll start," the big man explained, after the initial surprise had passed the contestants and they were left with cold, determined looks, "by cooking the plates I'll ask of you."

"Then," the girl continued, "those who qualified will have to satisfy me! You will qualify for the third round if you hear, 'it's good'." Suddenly, her smile turned wicked. "The test will be over when we're no longer hungry."

Kaia watched a buzzard fly from a hundred feet up. It circled, a black shadow, before drifting down past where she could hear the trickle of a nearby stream. She stared hard at where it left, then out between the small, still growing set of pine trees on her right, then at the splashes of open meadow straight out from where she ran. Already her mind rolled through what kinds of grub she could scrounge up.

"For me," the big man began, and Kaia listened with a quiet anticipation. "It will be... Roast Pork! That's what I like best!" He scratched his bulging, protruding belly with a smile. "I don't care what kind of pork it is as long as you catch it in Biska Woods."

The slender girl rolled a chair to the center of the room and sat down with all the eagerness of a business-man who'd just found a potentially wealthy investment. "Okay," she said, "let the second round begin!"

The examinees took off as if a fire breathed on their tail, or a really big bear. All but Kaia. She still sat beneath the large pine, still contemplating her surroundings. Roast Pork, she thought. A fast cooking would take a minimum of ninety minutes, a good cooking a day, depending on size and how tender someone wanted the meat. She’d have to hurry to get a pig, then, if she expected to pass.

After the clearing went quiet and the crashing of other contestants was a good hundred yards away, she eased up, standing on light feet, giving one last scan across what sunlit trees she could see. A wind pushed by, ruffling her hair above her ears, and she closed her eyes to listen for a good while.

Crashing brush, people, the stream, voices, a bird somewhere high, a growl from the big man's belly, and the groan of wind through heavy branches. Kaia opened her eyes, nodded at the examiners with a smile, and walked toward the stream, bow and arrows in hand. She'd need to make a quiver to carry them. As she swung beneath a low hanging branch, she listened, and thought hard about what she could use for one. A quiver on her back was out of the question, for then she couldn’t nap without removing it. One on her bow, like how it used to be, also wasn't in because it was a short bow and not a compound, which would allow such. Maybe she could get one set on her hip. She could draw from that, could shoot, probably. She'd have to try.

There was a rustle of movement against grass far off on her left and it gave Kaia pause, and her peeled eyes fixed on the spot, ears straining. Then, twirling an arrow between her fingers with an old-ingrained ease, she curbed around toward a thick group of young pines to the right of the noise, steps noisy, but natural. Neko padded lightly behind her. When she eased around the pines, she came upon a large carnivorous deer with long fanged teeth. She watched it glide through the short grassy area, in an alcove, before she turned to walk out the same way she came in. 

This new area whispered to Kaia. so she listened to the best her ears allowed. She heard much, and years of hunting allowed her to differentiate the slightest of sounds, even if they didn't make much sense to her. In this way, Kaia found a variety of game animals, such as a small, flat toothed bear, a four legged goose, a strange twisted bug that she'd thought was a small tree until it moved, and a few others, each with their own sound.

But she found no boar. And, from the movements and voices of the other examinees, very few had found any as well. A single here, a couple far back near the cabin, but no one had seen anything of late. Suddenly, a thought struck her. 

“Neko,” she whispered, crouching near the dog who eagerly leapt at her legs. “Can you find a boar?” Kaia had used hunting dogs in the past for birds. Now, Neko wasn’t a hunting dog, and he was very small, but perhaps he’d be able to sniff something out.

The black puffball simply panted and ran in a quick circle just to jump at her legs again. Kaia frowned. Then she sighed, stood up, and continued on her way, wistful of big dogs.

Finally, as it was nearing an hour past, she heard a new sound—the crack of a stick she could distinctly recognize as broken by a hoof. There was a low grumble, not quite a growl yet not quite anything else, and she eased onto her knees, moving slow. As she neared fifty yards from the sound, now hearing bare crunching noises and grunts, she walked in bunches. Five steps here, pause, listen, then another five. Like this, she came to the thick trees blocking her view, where she ghosted around them, arrow notched but facing down. Careful, yet eager with an old excitement that lit her eyes and clipped her breath, she slowly peeked around the edge of the tree line. 

A small valley, with long, pasty green grass and a paler kind of tree looking almost like blue firs, all small, but there was no movement. Not at all deterred, Kaia let her eyes drift slowly across the valley, holding on any shadow. Shadows could tell a lot more than light could. Still, as at least three, four minutes passed, and nothing happened, she got confused. No longer could she hear the brushing of grass, which told her both everything and nothing. If it was a rock the grass made noise on, then she should still hear it. If it was an animal, it would still be here, but there was no noise of any sort, other than the wind alone and the few birds flitting through the trees. So, she waited.

The animal came fast and without warning, straight to life from a mound of dirt. It, not thirty yards from where she stood, rushed like a blur of sand at a tree four arms couldn't wrap around. The wood gave like a stick in the mud, creaking, groaning, roaring all the way down. Another mound burst to life, then another, and nearly the whole field came alive with huge, people sized pigs that scattered every direction, squealing, growling, charging for the mass of people who'd just popped their heads over the hills. Two beasts stayed back—one huge with flaring nostrils and a smaller one with a long scar down the flank. Both circled a black bush from a dozen feet away. It was when it moved that Kaia realized it was not a bush, but a person. A skinny, short little girl screaming for all her life could give her. Before Kaia could think anything else, she drew back, stepping around the trees. Eye dilated and teeth bared, Kaia yelled, "Lorelei! Go left!" 

The girl barely seemed to hear her, didn't acknowledge her, but broke from her stupor of fear to lunge right, and as she did the first boar squealed and jerked, preparing to charge. 

“Twenty seven yards,” Kaia whispered, right eye draining into focus, breath beginning to slow, “twenty six…”

The beast opened its mouth and let out a shriek. Her hand braced where her ear met her jaw and she stared down the arrow. She could see its throat. 

“Twenty five yards.”

That's where Kaia aimed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome! I own only the wisps of ideas that dangle around my head, whispering tales in my mind; and my shoes.
> 
> Enjoy chapter eight!

 

There was the boom like that of a gun. Another followed, then another, three more, then empty clicks alongside the wind rippling through the trees and grass. It buffeted past Kaia's head, tickling her ears, drifting along her extended arm, bow loose in hand from an arrow she’d placed her bets in. Three feet ahead of her lay a dead boar. A thick, heavy blood pooled from its mouth, stark against the flattened pale green grass. She'd shot it through the throat, straight to the brain, killing it instantly just as it was starting a charge. It'd run all the way to her, dead. Some might call it a 'dead run'. 

She snorted. Flinched at the strike of pain in her head, the heavy drag in her stomach. Snorted again.

Releasing a slow breath and, mentally counting to twenty with her heartbeat, Kaia lowered her bow, thrilled with her kill in a quiet sort of manner. Not far beyond her boar was a second, the face behind its nose busted and bloody, stuffed with holes. Its right ear was gone, blood drizzled down its nostrils, and one of its eyes hung low, threatening to drop out. Lorelei sat a couple feet away, holding a small pistol that she pulled the trigger on over and over again, though it was clicking empty. She was crying. A snot-filled crying mess, a jittery and shaking and terrified mess, nothing but scared, and she pulled the trigger again.

Kaia's pupils slowly shrunk to their normal, small size, just a black dot inside a ring of blue. "It's empty," she said shortly. Lorelei jumped, swinging the gun around. Kaia's lips curled and her teeth showed in a sloppy half grin. "I'd prefer if you didn't point that at me, seeing as what it just did to that boar there."

Slow-like, the girl's wide green eyes drifted toward the pig and she started, as if seeing it for the first time and it sickened her. Hesitantly, voice light and shaky, she said, "I killed it?" 

"You are holding a gun," Kaia reminded her, idly twirling an arrow, "and it's still pointed at me."

Lorelei blinked four times quick before glancing at the weapon. "It's empty."

"It's the thought that counts, deary."

She dropped the gun like it was on fire. Leaping to her feet, she stumbled back, breathing hard. "I killed it! I just... It was gonna eat me and I just killed it and—" Her tears started again. "I j-just killed something and I was gonna die, I thought I was gonna die, I was so scared!"

"Looked like it." Slowly, as not to scare her anymore than she already was, Kaia walked toward the pistol. Kneeling and, picking the thing up, she looked it over. "This is a nice gun," she said. "Ha, I had one of these back home. A .357, huh?" She lifted it, checking the caliber, then she pushed the shell eject to get the empty canisters. "Don't need these no more, I guess." Shrugging, Kaia looked at the busted up pig. "Nice shot."

"I killed it..."

"Yup. Come get your gun. You're a little late but hey, you can still make the second round."

"I... what?"

"You're late," Kaia answered, smile returning as she viewed her own boar. She couldn’t see her arrow, but she could see the hole her arrow left inside its mouth. Straight to the brain. Wasn't too bad for a first kill here, she'd say. Placing her bow lightly against its front shoulder, she scanned the animal's belly, then pulled a gutting knife from her bag. 

Lorelei hesitantly approached her. "What...what are you doing?" she asked, as Kaia felt along the stomach. Soon, she had a good hold that let her knife slide easily through the gritty belly hairs and tick-infested skin, and she wasted no time peeling it back far enough to grab hold of the gut sac inside. Now, the gut sac was something of a comfortable thing for her—the strange, hard, pinkish balloon like feel to it had grown to a warm, reminiscent thing. It also meant she killed something. Out it came.

"I'm gonna cook this guy later. I figure I might as well clean him, too. First time gutting a pig, though. Say, you should probably get started on yours." Kaia worked quickly with that same old-ingrained practice she'd had from years back of not being dead. Her knife flipped easily in her gritty, bloody hand as she turned to detatching its lungs. "Haha, I think this is the biggest thing I've ever shot, aside from my bull elk. Huh. Maybe I shouldn't have worn yellow."

She struggled a bit with the right lung, unable to grasp the chunk of flesh that kept it inside the animal. It was supposed to be a scratchy, hard thing, with the feel like that of a sponge, but all she was grabbing at was loose blood clots and fat lumps. Eventually she did find what she wanted, though, cutting it fast before holding out the lungs proudly, laughing. Some blood splashed on her cheek. Pausing, as another bust of fire flitted down her skull, she grunted, tossed the lungs to the gut sac a few feet off.

Lorelei was quiet. A glance back revealed her sitting, shivering, staring red eyed at Kaia, as if she both couldn't believe what she couldn't understand and she couldn't understand so she didn't believe. Neko came up to her, licking her hand. Soon after he was curled in her lap while she cried. Kaia turned back around. After a while, just as she was finishing, the girl finally spoke. 

"That's the first time I killed something, except for a goldfish but I was just a kid then and no one told me I shouldn’t let it swim in rain puddles, so that doesn’t count, because I wasn’t told and it wasn’t my fault—” She stopped, curled into Neko’s wet, stringy fur. “Doesn't that make me a bad person?"

Kaia took a moment, leaning back on her haunches to fully look at the girl. Her pretty black hair was strewn across her shoulders, stained to her cheeks along with mud, which clawed down her face from tears. Her eyes were bright but bloodshot, a stark kind of green, abrasive and sharp in a rawer kind of pretty. Some people said eyes were the window to the soul, and you could read a person based on them, but so far, Kaia'd yet to read a person based on their eyes. She'd look at them 'cause it was pretty, but that was about it. 

"That was a fast conclusion. You're funny."

Looking down and frowning, Lorelei scratched at a bloody scrape across her knee. "I was just so scared... I didn't think it was supposed to be like this. It was—this was—I was gonna..." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I was supposed to have fun. This isn't right. I'm...sorry...I'm such a bad person..."

Kaia, buried deep in the boar's ribs and unable to see her hands, nicked her finger with the knife. Like usual. She expected a couple cuts by the end of the harvest, and this was sharp and hot, but it didn't feel too deep, so she barely paused while working. The animal was still steamy. A few times, inner gas puffed at her cheeks, and her nose scrunched hard but she continued on with that same eager pleasure she always got when skinning or gutting an animal. Hunting was in her blood.

"Why aren't you saying anything?"

Kaia squinted, bared her teeth. Carefully, in a dramatic manner, she reached inside the chest cavity and...drew out the heart. “Look at this thing,” she balanced the heavy, hard muscle with both hands. “It’s the size of my head!”

Lorelei’s mouth contorted. “That’s disgusting! Stop squeezing it!” 

For a second, Kaia just grinned at her, then she flinched as her head spasmed that strange clawing scrub it’d been testing her with for so long. It dulled shortly after, but that was just it—it dulled. Didn’t fade, but just dimmed enough to barely think. Kaia really considered asking Leorio for pills.

“Hey, um… Kaia… Why—would you please put that down, stop squeezing it, please!”

"Haha, alright. Also, Lorelei? You made a choice." Kaia stated, panting. "Don't regret it. Anyways, this is feeling mighty dramatic, and I've got a headache and I'm starving—atch! Ah, man, I always end up cutting myself somewhere when I do this... Second time now. Oh well."

"You know, Kaia, I appreciate the sentiment but I’m trying to be serious here! This is really, really… Like, aren’t you even a little phased? Doesn’t this bother you?”

“Why would it?”

“Because this was supposed to be fun? Because this was supposed to be a dream come true?” She looked at Kaia the way someone would look at an idiot. Kaia didn’t do much of anything, figuring she must be one since she was mighty confused on what Lorelei was getting at. “Seriously? Nothing?”

“Ah… I think I’m missing something. Oops. Can you explain again?”

“I just murdered an animal!"

"Yes, ma’am, you surely did. I did too. Ever ate a hamburger?"

"What? Of course I have, what does that have to do with this?"

Kaia pulled out her knife, amused. "Did you like it?"

"Yeah, I love hamburgers."

"Cool. Now shut up." Standing, and stretching her neck and shoulders, Kaia walked to the other pig, feeling along the belly. Lorelei stood to follow. 

"I don't understand," she said.

"Yup," Kaia responded. "That must happen a lot."

"But I—hey, that's mean!"

Kaia flashed her a grin and the girl halted, then what skin wasn't covered on her face flushed a deep red. For a while longer, Lorelei was quiet, and Kaia didn't talk while she worked. When she was done, she wiped her knife on her pants and flipped it around. It was the kind of move somebody made when they paid no attention, something they were just so used to doing they didn't even think of it till afterward. Like Kurapika's wiping of his hands, or Leorio's second blink, or Gon's fishy smell. And boy, did that child reek of fish.

She huffed a laugh. There was a stream that could be heard not too far off, a quiet, temperate bubbling creek winding through the marsh. Just down the side of the meadow they were in, Kaia guessed. In order to cook the pig in a decent amount of time, she'd have to wash down the skin and insides, burn off the hairs and lather the skin in salt. If she did that, and had a high fire, she could finish the food in ninety minutes. She wouldn't accept less.

Shrugging, Kaia took up her bow, her arrows, and returned them to her bag. Until she had a quiver, it was where they’d have to stay. No longer holding anything, she took a look at the cut along her thumb. It was a short, sharp cut that looked deep but would probably heel pretty fast if she didn't pester it too much. Accepting that with a nod, and giving a good long stretch that left her strained and sore muscles yearning, she took hold of her boar's tusks. It was a big animal. She expected it'd take time to move, she wasn't that strong. But she also understood that if she pulled hard enough, it'd eventually budge. Will power had a lot to do with power overall. That, and her body was very quickly rising in strength, even though everything she remembered told her it should be over-worked and exhausted. 

She was tired and hungry and had an awful, drumming headache, but she wasn't exhausted. 

When she pulled that boar, it moved. 

Surprised at the sudden give, she stopped and stared back at it. There was a definite tension there—the animal was dead-weight heavy, bulky and fat—and her legs, which she pulled with were hard strained, yet she hadn't expected the thing to move more than a couple inches at a time. It'd gone a good foot. 

Suddenly gleeful, she bared her teeth, faced toward the stream and heaved another step onward. A couple more steps in, hard as they were, had her extremely pleased with herself. She started to sing. It wasn't anything specific. She made it up along the way.

"What are you singing?"

"Ahh, now isn't that a question? Maybe it's a Christmas song?"

"I've never heard a Christmas song like that. You're kind of weird, you know that? I... Thanks for not being... Well..."

"Ha, haha," Kaia chuckled breathlessly, stressing over a bump in the earth. "You're kinda funny. Your emotions sure like going places pretty fast."

Lorelei blushed hard and fast. "So? I'm a little more emotional, is that so bad?"

"You're funny."

"Ergh, I can’t understand you… Is this your dog?"

"Is it?" She pondered, grinning. "Neko started following me a while back. I ain't did nothing, and I ain't claimed him, so I guess not."

“Neko? Can I keep him?” She was following behind Kaia almost absently, holding the dog close to her face. “You’re a good dog aren’t you? I can take good care of you, if you’ll take care of me. Hey, Kaia, are you sure you don’t want him?”

“Never said I didn't…” She struggled when the boar caught on a log. Pulling got her nowhere, so she panted and looked back. The log was too high to slide over. Which meant that she’d just have to try harder. It made her grin, flashing her teeth ferociously as she readjusted her grip, leant down, and forced herself forward. It made her growl. But the animal’s corpse sagged and gave way, and she made it over, then she stopped completely and sat down, laughing. 

Lorelei sat down beside her. “I don’t think I’m fit to be a Hunter,” she said. Kaia shrugged, catching her breath. They were about half way down to the stream now—the bubbling, sucking noise was clear and distinct, even over the gleeful shouts and newly started fires of the other contestants. Lorelei, oblivious, catered to the dog. “Maybe I should just run a store that helps Hunters out. Do you think Killua would like a homely girl?”

Kaia shrugged. "You're thoughts move pretty fast."

Lorelei popped out her tongue but continued. “I mean, I can’t do this here. There’s no way I can...kill…like that again. I’d rather die...I saw its eyes, Kaia. It was looking right at me. And I killed it.” Kaia grunted. Lorelei frowned before burying her face in Neko’s fluff. “Maybe I’ll just keep Neko, he can be my right hand man. He’s special, too. I know it. I can feel it.”

"Really?"

"Yeah. Maybe he has a special power, like... Maybe he's a shadow dog!"

Kaia shrugged, grunted, clicked her tongue. Neko lept from Lorelei’s grasp with ease, landing excitedly on Kaia. He was quick to start licking the salt off her chin and cheeks. “Lorelei,” she said softly, “I don’t mind if he starts following you, but right now he seems to be of a mind to stalk me, if this wasn’t evidence enough. As for Killua,” she paused, thinking of the boy. “He’s twelve.”

"He's also... Wait," she gave Kaia a solemn look, one of new understanding. "You said you weren't interested in him."

"I'm not. He's twelve." But then she considered. "I think I'd like to be friends, though. I always liked him back when he was just a character, and he seems fairly decent now. Yeah, I'd like to get to know him, I guess."

"But you said..."

"Hm?" Kaia picked at one of her cuts, mildly interested but not engaged in the conversation.

“...I won’t lose.”

“Lose what?”

“I called dibs. I said it right at the start, you can’t do that.” 

Kaia, confused as to her sudden anger, then amused, grinned. She put her hands down. “Did you now? How old are you?”

“Thirtee—erh, twelve now.”

“Yeah, I called dibs when I was twelve, and that was six years ago.” She stretched her arm, pushing Neko from her neck. “Don’t see why it matters, though. I’m not inclined to romance.”

“I won’t lose! I… I love him!”

“Okay.” And Kaia’s smile widened, her eyes creasing. “I really was just talking about friendship, but you're welcome to try for his heart.”

“You don’t believe I’m a threat, huh? You think I’m weak just because I… because I don’t want to kill something! What’s wrong with not wanting to kill something?” Her voice was becoming erratic and high. It surprised Kaia how much it amused her. “Well, what’s wrong with you? You shot this thing just a minute ago and you’re acting like it’s completely okay. Well it’s not! It’s dead now, because of you! And what about all the other people, too? There’s so many people who’re dead now because of people like you making these exams. You’re cold, and cruel, and horrible! These exams are horrible! I wish it’d all just disappear! I want to go home!”

Kaia stared, grin wide and eyes alight with humor, and she said, “okay,” before standing up, gripping hold of the boar tusks and barreling on. She didn’t have to click her tongue to know Neko was at her heels. Lorelei, however, was not. Somewhere, Kaia probably also missed her home. “Probably… Yeah, hard to tell,” she said.

“Also,” Lorelei shouted from behind. “You look like a boy! Weirdo!” She stamped off back toward the meadow, and when she was gone, Kaia just started laughing. She laughed and laughed and had to grab her belly, squeeze it a little 'cause it started to hurt. Because it wasn't that funny. Or, it probably wasn't supposed to be, but that whole fiasco just seemed to pass a little too quickly to make much sense, and Kaia found that very, very amusing, so she laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and stopped, eyes falling flat.

Almost boredly, she muttered, “I shoulda handled that better… Pft, Boar-dly, haha.” Then she shrugged and continued on, dragging her weight to the stream.

Once there, she was quick to start a small fire using a match and some dry grass, humming while she worked. While waiting for it to grow in heat, she took a stick and burned off the boar’s hair, cleaned the remainder of its insides, and started scrubbing the animal down with the salt she’d bought with Leorio. Halfway through she remembered to soak a heavy, sturdy stick a little longer than the boar in the river. See, fires were hungry things that'd eat through the wood you cooked on. Because of this, one had to drench whatever they were going to use, unless it was metal and that required an entirely different method to burn altogether.

Pretty soon Kaia found her fire bright and hot, and a bed of coals was starting at the bottom. She felt the heat with her hand, feeling it burn just a little too high. Not enough coals, then. Coals, and charcoal, made for excellent flavor when cooking over open flames. If there was a lack then the fire was still too young, needing to be nurtured more before it could grow like the starving monster it was.

As Kaia dropped some sweet smelling wood chunks in the flames, she paused, and looked at the boar again. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew it wouldn't cook right, still needing something done. The question was, what?

"...Maybe if I split it? Nah, it's gotta be whole," Kaia spoke softly to herself, contemplative while rubbing more salt into its skin. "Hmm... Oh yeah, the ribs." Smiling now, Kaia took another knife from her bag along with a big rock nearby, and, using the rock like a hammer, she split the bottom of the boar's ribs all the way to its neck, where she removed the windpipe before carefully detatching the spine. Then, she cut herself. 

It was a sharp, direct, heavy cut down her palm and it bled fast. Surprised, Kaia just stared at it for a good long minute before even moving to the stream, puzzled over why she’d gotten cut in the first place. She was steady with the knife, sure she cut herself sometimes but they were always small, and she wasn’t anywhere near nicking herself so—

She stumbled and the cold water hit her fast, waking her instantly, for she’d fallen asleep. Bubbles and blood roiled below her, elbow deep. Crisp red lines coiled around her knees. Somehow, the hands gripping the stream’s bottom stones buzzed like a haze of summer heat. Odd, because water like this usually stayed cold. Hadn’t it hit her cold? Why wasn’t she cold any longer? 

The blood whispered away. 

Blinking to awakeness, Kaia coughed, grunted, clicked her tongue, made noises she figured she’d wake up from. Her head jerked and twisted, her cheeks puffing, wheezing out air she didn’t have. Curling her fingers into blurry, jagged rocks that creamed like butter, and drawing up her knees, she dropped her head below, letting the blast of cold run over her shaking skin. This sudden catch of unawareness scared her to the bone, or it should have, because the bone could feel much at all. She shivered. She wasn’t cold.

“Shoot,” she gasped, “up, get up, up, up, up,” her claws dug into a chest she couldn’t feel, “wake up, wake up, you’re fine, just fine, get up.” The stream turned black, along with everything else, and Kaia scrambled to feel the water, a stone, anything at all. Her head went under. She woke up breathing air and it was a stream again, brighter than before. Kaia, stock still now, shivering, tense, growled. “P-peter Piper picked a peck of…of, uh… Peck of, come on, you’re fine, a peck of peppers, of Peter Pickles,” she growled louder, glaring at the swirling below, “Peter! Piper! Picked! A! Peck! Of! Pickled! Peppers! You’re freaking fine! Get up!”

She swayed and sagged, staggered and strained, but she ended on her own two feet. Her eyes reeled across the everything; the sky was too blue, too hot too cold too blue, too many trees and not enough cover, the leaves fell too loud to hear anything at all, her head too awful. Breathlessly, she dared a step toward her fire, toward the sharp crackling heat she couldn’t register, muttering, “All’s good, haha, all’s good. You’re fine, all’s good.”

Neko barked at her heels. Kaia stilled, realizing she’d left the stream, and that she needed to do something. What it was evaded her. She was… she knew she was in a forest, and the leaves were loud and she could see a fire, she was all wet, perhaps she was to dry off? No, no, she had extra clothes so that wasn’t it. Then what…

The boar!

She moved with haltered motions, barely thinking enough to put the animal above the fire rather than inside it. Mostly, she tried focusing on not being dead. It occurred to her that she was still wet, and she needed to change, which...was the reason she had the fire? Was the reason she got wet? It was a reason for something, but her head stayed too swollen to remember right, so she just started stripping. 

“Hey, kid, I don’t remember seeing you in the cabin last night.”

Kaia faltered, jerking her eyes up for Leorio. But nobody stood anywhere near. Scanning the hazy treeline didn’t reveal much of anything either, just sticks and her fire and her bag and the wet clothes. She looked at the clothes, and to her bag, and reached for a yellow thing, which turned out to be the only dress left. A simple thing, just plain yellow cloth, more like a slip than anything else. Kaia didn’t need pants. Didn’t she hate pants? Something told her she’d thought that before, so the dress was pulled on—

“Earlier you quoted something about thieves…” 

She flared and called, “Kurapika!” but nobody was there. “Scary, okay,” she whispered, squinting through the fog, which didn’t make a lot of sense because there hadn’t been fog just a second ago. “Life flashing before my eyes? Ears, I guess. Shoot,” she glanced at the boar, “I’m going crazy, I need to sleep...I need to stay awake, awake, up, yes. Focus. I’m… I’m uh, getting…uh, no, no, focus.”

“What are you going to do?” Gon said. “If you’re sick, you should drink some water and—”

“Absolutely insane!” Kaia felt a laugh bubble up through the haze and she let it, freely choking on her own humor. “Ha, hahaha, I’m, ah, going to die! Yeah! Oopsy daisyyyyy!” Her chest didn’t feel like much at all. “Daisy, daisy, daisy where are you? Ah, I’m going to fall asleep here, I need to do something… Ha, haha, hahahahaha, let’s get eggs, Neko! Sushi!”

In a sort of marvelous way, the world curled, a murky miasma of colors that swam like all the blood down the stream, only this time, Kaia knew she walked awake. She thought she saw Kurapika, by some bubbling ferns, but he’d hurried after who might have been Leorio in a fuzzy kind of way, and the ferns were empty of eggs.

She halted, blinking fast. That wasn’t right. Of course there were no eggs inside the ferns, they’d be in the trees, where the people kept talking. She scanned the branches dazedly, hands shaking. No eggs, though she saw the dimness of a fire not too far off, or maybe really far off, so she walked toward that. That pull of heaviness had disappeared, but she remained alert the best she could because she feared it. She needed to focus. Focus on her steps, and her breath, on being alive. 

"Kaia, Killua, this is Lorerei..." Gon said, but since Gon wasn't near her, or maybe he was and she just couldn't see him, either way he definitely didn't speak, hadn't she had this conversation before? Total deja... deja something. She couldn't remember. 

"Speaking honestly in front of people I've just met... That is why it is impossible for me to answer in this place." 

"Nope," she sang. "Can't fool me none, haha, hahaha, Kurapika's not here! I'm hearing things!" Suddenly, she stilled, bare a dozen yards from the boiling flames she’d come upon all too fast. Her face drew blank and her eyes glazed, not a single part of her moving. She didn't even breathe. Neko barked at her oddness. A second later, he howled, finding it unsettling and she woke up, bursting into movement again. Her eyes curbed bright. "I'm in so much pain I can't even feel it."

Without notice, she came to see the flames. Somebody’d set a pig on fire. Smoke was pouring out its mouth, and it made Kaia start laughing. “It’s like a dragon!”

“Do not laugh, Kaia!” A familiar, many-voiced man called from her left and Kaia blinked at the shiny brown shoes. “‘Tis no dragon. What you see there is one of the finest boars of the bunch. I picked him out carefully, as I expect you did to your own.”

Her eyes googled up to a pretty face riddled with puberty. “Can I have my phone back?”

Akihiko caught her look, frowning. “...Yes, you may. Thank you for allowing me to borrow it.” He handed her something that she stared at hard, confused, because she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do with it. Lowly, Akihiko continued. “The Hunter’s exam has already began.”

“Yeah, I know.”

His arms fastened on their hips. “You know what? That I allowed you to borrow it? That I’m thanking you? You’re as funny as...Kaia, are you alright?”

“All’s good, I’m fine.” She blinked again, head dipping back. “Throwing people seems fun.”

“...I suppose it can be, at times. Say, why did you delete my contact number from your sister’s phone, much less during her changing numbers? I haven’t spoken to her for two years because of you.”

“That’s...rude.” Kaia struggled to find what they were talking of. “Why’d I do that? Why’d…Oh, yeah, haha. I wanted to see if I’d fall or not, isn’t that the correct answer?”

“...Kaia?” He hummed, tilting left or right, or maybe that was her. Watching him split into two looked so odd. "Oh, your hand is bleeding. Is this due to blood loss? Kaia, give me your hand."

Her head jerked straight. “Hey! Boar! You’re boars on fire! Needs ta be…ta beeee... atop the fire! Three feet, see, or it won’t cook right. Right, Neko? See, he agrees, you need toooo… Gotta cook it above the flames so it don’t become one!”

The man looked to be considering something, and was eyeing her oddly. “Your hand, Kaia.”

“Nope.” Shaking her head, marveling at the ragged screech of her brain against her skull, she giggled. “Bad idea, should probably stay awake right now. All’s good, I’m fine. Say, know where I can find eggs?”

"Kaia, stop moving and give me your hand."

"I'm hungry. Need to eat or I’ll die."

His lip curled. "Of course you will.” He kneeled, jiggly-like. “Kaia, hey, Kaia, look at me. I have three eggs here, do you see these, Kaia? I found them earlier. Kaia, look at me. Do you want them?"

Kaia blinked twice, stilling as a shock of total clarity hit her. Slowly, her gaze drifted over the clear sky, the open field and long blue-stemmed grass peeking up from the moist earth. Her skin prickled. Goosebumps spread over her arms, up her neck to her scalp. Hesitantly, she lifted her left hand. It was a long cut. Blood so red it looked almost purple pulsed from it, swelling into huge beads that rivered down her fingers, off into the world. It...hurt. Kind of stung, a little. Like her chest, now that she noticed.

A larger hand took hers roughly. "This looks rather deep... I'm not much of a doctor, but I think one of the other examines had the look. Alright, come with me, Kaia. We're going to find the doctor, then I’ll give you the eggs."

“Wait, let me wrap this," she mumbled. Closing her eyes took a rugged effort, yet opening involved a war against sand and sluggish, desperate fatigue. Things started to fog again. Upon noticing, her mind whirred to a sharper awareness, fearful of the fading. Wasting no more time, Kaia reached for her fanny pack. She realized a moment later it was gone, left back by her own fire. And she was bleeding heavy. A strike of lethargy hit her again and she bared her teeth, shakily grabbing at the bottom of her dress to rip a chunk of fabric off. It melted like butter. But then it reformed back into cloth, and she used her teeth to fasten it to the bloody, bloody mess of a hand.

Akihiko watched her silently. His eyes were a steady silver, his figure tall. Kaia looked at it while he merged to a milky film. Then, she started laughing again, finding his changing colors incredibly amusing. 

He took her by the arm. "You need a doctor."

"I need food, actually," she grinned. Barely, she had any sort of thought left. Best to keep moving, then. "If you'd be so kind, I'll take some food, Akihiko." Her grin widened till her lips ripped, but that didn't matter. "This is what usually happens when I'm hungry."

He viewed her skeptically but eventually conceded, holding out a set of eggs, saying quietly, "for the phone. And for the cooking advice... Here is some smoked fish. If you're really fine..."

She stared at the bag of fish. Suddenly, she was drooling.

"I see," he continued, raising his eyes. "I do remember you acting like this once before when you'd forgotten lunch...Regardless, if you are fine, begone. You're distracting me and I'm not inclined to fail. Only come back if you really need help, Kaia! Focus on passing the exams with your own power."

Thanking him turned to be easy. So was wheeling and trotting back to where she figured she'd come from. Although her eyes were still milky, she'd bargained her way into thinking a little closer to normal again, and the focus of available food kept her moving till she stood far out of sight, back by the stream. It was only then that she let herself begin gorging on the fish.

There didn't taste a lick of salt. Her fingers were covered in it. Idly throwing that to all the sweating, she growled, choking on a chunk she didn't chew, but then gouging down another fistful. Akihiko'd given her a whole bag full of the stuff, and it tasted good. Needed more salt. Her fingers were covered in it—

"I thought you were smarter than that. That captain's an old fool who's probably out to make us rookies fail... You are a rookie, right?"

Biting her lip drew blood. She could taste that. Abrupt enough to focus again, at least. Muffling laughter, she said, “I thought it was supposed to flash before my eyes. Not repeat in my ears, haha. Well, that’s probably ‘cause people usually only die once, ha, haha, hahaha.” 

Round her fire was a dry pile of wood chips she must have gathered earlier. They added to the flames, a brilliant, golden orange color surfacing against her own pig's crinkling skin. She turned it, so it would cook on the other side. Stepped back. Fiddled with the cloth on her hand. By now, the bright yellow was stained with that purple red grit, but it looked to be clogging the rest that tried to seep out, so she turned to fiddling with the skirt of her dress. Frayed, partially splattered with blood, it rested just above her knees, which were bare, along with her feet. Made her wonder where her shoes went. Smart people wore shoes. And glasses. Didn't Leorio wear glasses? Ha, she always knew he was smart. She was so very warm, though, and maybe smart people were really warm too. 

Her eyelids flared open and she convulsed, gasping. Responding fast, her fingernails dug into her wrist, just above the bloody wrappings, which were starting to crust. Kaia swallowed hard. Turned the boar. Tried and tried to stay awake, even scraping specks of mud from the three eggs Akihiko had given her. Rather nice of him, she figured. Back home, when she'd been making him up, all he ever did was fan over Kurisutaru and add a taunt of drama for ‘Kurataru’s romance. Or maybe it was Kurisupika. 

That sounded stupid.

She snorted.

Anyway, wasn't this such an odd, odd thing. From staring at a ceiling, remembering years of wistful dreaming, of childhood fantasies, to seeing this harsh, volatile, beautifully endlessly blue sky above. It wasn’t that she ‘missed’ it all. Blue skies, open air, trees; the world had always held a safe spot in mind, but… Perhaps the correct term was ‘longing’. 

Kaia shivered, but she wasn't cold. 

"That was your sister?" Leorio said. He hesitated, and she hesitated. No one stood around her. Leorio continued. "Something wrong, kid?"

She laughed humorously. "Probably. Alrighty," the phone was cool in her grip, and clear enough to sort of make out the letters. Just a little, she could understand the words written and names set. Same as before, with one new contact as 'Glorious One'. Or Glorified One. The square confused her and she didn't need to think about it right then. Either way, Kurisutaru was there, and Kaia needed to stay awake. 

She pressed a button.

" _ Hello? _ "

"Hey, Guess who?”

* * *

 

_ Her head really, really hurt. _

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings, Humans! I bring to you chapter nine of There Goes Hoping.
> 
> I want to thank all the reviewers thus far--I did go into a shpiel where I wasn’t responding, my bad. I’m making up for it though! Also, to the guests who left comments, thanks for enjoying the story! And the Beethoven joke left me speechless! Much appreciated, and please enjoy the next installment of TGH!
> 
> I own nothing but my shoes and my laptop.

 

“Ha, hahaha, hahahahahaha, do please enjoy yourself, sir.”

Kaia squinted as a fade buzzed through her skin. Focusing remained strenuous, a couple stretches here and there, but she figured as long as she kept awake she’s keep alive. She’d already died once. No hurry to die again.

Her stomach growled low and sharp, convinced her throat'd been cut. It didn't help that before her was a beautifully cooked roast boar, all red and ready for the taking. Its smell clouded the air like a wave of fog--thick, heavy, but enticing and alluring and Kaia's lips were stained with saliva no matter how often she wiped it off.

And it was right there. Right in front of her, the whole thing, just waiting. That, in itself, hurt nearly as bad as the sucking, thundering shock in her head, but since this was food she decided against comparing them. It sure looked good, though. Probably.

All she allowed herself was a thin string of meat from the inside of its ribs. Meat, pure, fresh meat had always tasted better when she'd killed it herself, and this was no change. The only problem was, the pig wasn't for her. Pig wasn’t for her… For him? For her?

She grinned and dug her canine into her lip, letting it bleed, like the smell. Made for a shameful sight, it did. Right about then, Kaia decided if she was gonna have to cook for anybody else like this, she was gonna cook twice as much so she didn't have to starve herself. Or she was just gonna eat the whole darn thing herself 'cause hunger was irritating, but again, it didn't ever seem to go away so she'd just deal with it.

She swallowed spit. Buhara, in front of her, didn't. Instead, he took to that boar like a fish to water and went through it just as fast, and it tore Kaia a hole in her chest that nearly knocked her off her feet. Pretty soon only bones remained. They glistened savantly, almost like they were mocking her or maybe gloating about her not being able to eat, or maybe they were just seeming like it and Kaia was just hungry.

"Mm, yup!" Buhara, stomach bulging beneath his stained yellow shirt, grinned at her. "This was delicious! You pass!"

Kaia stared at him for a moment, frowning a little, trying to hear his words. Then, she cracked a smile, laughed a bit. "If that's the case, I'd be happy to cook for you again. Thanks for liking it!" Off on the side, Menchi slammed a big baton against a gong. It went off like a firework, startling Kaia into baring her teeth, but she calmed just as fast, looking to Menchi with patient but eager eyes.

"It's over!" Menchi declared brightly. "Results of the Roast Pork test: Seventy people pass! I'm warning you, it won't be as easy with me. I'm very cautious when it comes to taste." Confidently, she balanced the baton on her shoulder, lifting her chin. "You have fifteen minutes before the second part of the second round begins. Someone come clean up these bones!" As Menchi placed the baton down, Kaia gave a short bow addressed to the two of them, opting to meet back up with Leorio and the rest, but as she straightened, Buhara caught her shoulder.

His hand was huge compared to her frame. Just one of his fingers took up most of her shoulder. Easily, he could snap her neck and Kaia could picture it, but his shirt was yellow and Kaia already figured she liked him, so she turned easily to listen as he spoke. Even though, at this point, she was well into wanting to pass out. Her head hurt something awful, and Leorio would have pills to numb it. Maybe something for whatever was happening to her. But, figuring on paying respect to the big man before her, Kaia made sure to smile through the drag that thrummed hard enough to demand tears, and listened.

"This may not be my place," he said, voice quiet, low in a soft way, "but if you keep leaking your aura like that, you're going to get sick."

Kaia stared. Somehow, thinking straight hurt even more.

"He's right, you know," Menchi called from on her right. The woman walked with a special kind of swagger that demanded attention and a lot of confidence. Her green eyes were sharp, but curious. "We would just leave it be, but it almost looks like you aren't doing it purposefully. As a Hunter, it's our job to make sure rookies like you don't kill yourselves accidentally. So? Can you pull it back?"

Kaia stared, face relaxed and easy, then said, "I'm awful confused." A second later, understanding lit her eyes. "Oh, nen. You're talking about nen."

Menchi's frown deepened. "If you already know about it, stop leaking it. Number 44's already grating on my nerves. I don't need a brat adding in."

Now this, this confused her. And really, that's all she could say about it. Slowly, Kaia's thumb met her chin to tap it, which then slowly turned to a rubbing motion, and all Kaia could think was that she was confused again, and that her head hurt a whole awful lot. Because what else was she supposed to think for this? Or, better question, how to respond? What, exactly, was she supposed to do at this moment in time, because she was all sorts of awfully confused all over again.

Because, in a word, _what?_

So she started laughing.

"Number 405?" Buhara prodded gently. Kaia blinked out of her stupor to look at him. It followed by looking at Menchi, and then at the bones of the boar Buhara had picked clean. "Can you pull it back?"

A new thought struck her hard enough to make her eyes suddenly turn feral and her teeth sharp in the sunlight. "What a wonderful question," she said, edging into an excited, terrified fear. Her stomach found her spine. "I'll go find out."

That said, Kaia turned and trotted off, quickly so there wouldn't be any argument, aiming for the one person she could confidently say might help her. Might, being the key word. Whether or not he did was up for him to know and her to wonder about, but since wondering sure wasn't gonna do a load of anything, she might as well just ask. She'd been putting it off for too long anyway. That, and she had a mighty hard time understanding anything, so actions at this point were best.

Finding him didn't take much time. Most contestants cast him cautious glances with quick eyes when he was too far to see, and those close gave him a wide berth, so all Kaia had to do was follow the trails of fear. Being as she was too short to look over the monsters of height, it worked out rather well. Now, head barely above the lilac buff his pants gave at the hips, Kaia swallowed the fresh pit of terror from his eyes along with the inane desire to run just because he smiled at her, and she said, "You're scary."

His eyebrow quirked up, "Hm?" and she quickly backtracked.

"Ah, haha, sorry, that wasn't what I meant to say." She paused, blinking quickly as to let her mind reboot to where she wanted it, but then what just happened caught her and she started laughing. And laughing. And laughing until she couldn't breathe, and then she just stopped, and stared. "Sorry."

Her head really, really hurt. Somebody must have slammed it into a dragon's rib cage, with lots of fire and pointy things and pain.

In the background, which had an eerie silence as people were caught in the watching, she heard someone whisper, "that kid's crazy," before it was quiet again. She didn't say anything. Her eyes, wide and blue as the empty sky above, remained stationed on the vibrant, clear yellow curbs of his. They were weird eyes. Like a bird, in a sly way. She couldn't find a single ripple in the color, as if the whole eye was just a bright ring of sunlight or daffodil or, in the same haunting way she felt now, an owl's.

He looked like he was hunting her with just his eyes.

She was terrified. She responded like usual.

He smiled. "Well, well, apology accepted. Now, what could a dear like you want from me?"

Silence. Dead, drawn silence. Kaia swallowed, licked her canines. "I want to be strong."

"Is that so..." that thick, rich, beautifully mortifying voice was as pleased as he looked. He flashed out a card, showing the red of its back. "Will fighting me make you strong?" And then, the air burst tense.

Violently tense, gripping and pulling and strikingly tense. Even the grass stretched away, and those around quickly passed further, and a beetle that had been investigating the edge of her foot flipped over and died kind of tense.

Kaia snorted. Flinched, and snorted again.

"That'd make me dead," she said simply. Her teeth were cropped in a maybe feral half grin. "I was hoping you'd be my teacher, actually. Apologies for the confusion."

Whatever made the hairs on her arm stiffen suddenly dropped away like a blast of sea water. Hisoka, himself, had a caught look on his face, one much like confusion. Or maybe a better word was bafflement, Kaia guessed, because probably not many came to him with this question. There was a fair chance this was a first. So, she smiled as bright as she could and bowed deeply at the waist and said, "Hisoka, the magician, please teach me."

Somehow, it got even quieter.

A second later, a gong went off loud enough to startle Kaia into shining her canines. She calmed just as fast, straightening until she stood upright while remaining intensely aware of each and every whisp of movement around her, because she was still utterly terrified.

"Listen up, you all!" The woman who'd drummed the gong kicked open the doors of the old cabin, the one her and Buhara had been hiding in straight till noon. Inside, Kaia could see rows and rows of counters, lined with pans and knives, and there looked to be a bag of rice by each individual sink. Menchi flared back around with that same swagger-like confidence. "I want sushi!"

 _Whoa,_ Runa, in her mind, suddenly spoke. _You were right. It is the manga._

"Nope," Kaia whispered. "This is the fanfiction. Welcome back, too. Was hoping you’d keep me company in death, haha.”

No response.

Menchi frowned when nobody made a motion inside. "You all seem bothered... But even if you've never seen it, you can still make it. It's a small island's traditional meal. I'll give you a hand!" She strutted inside and, belligerent but wary, the contestants began to follow. "Look over here. You'll be cooking here. Everything is all set up. There's also the rice, essential in making sushi. One last thing," she went on, holding up a finger, "I'll only accept hand-made sushi. Alright! It's up to you now! You can make as many as you'd like, but don't forget that when I'm full, the trial is over!"

Although they'd made it inside the cabin, which was set nicely and lit in a pleasant manner so one could easily see whatever they needed to do, Kaia's stomach remained twisted against her spine and her head wasn't any better than a dead fish's. She'd been sure to keep close to Hisoka, standing just a few feet away at any given time. Until he gave her an answer, at least.

Swiftly, she started laughing.

Hisoka rolled those burning eyes toward her. "You have found something funny again, I see..." His grin spread fast. "You look so terrified of me. Shaking like that, yet approaching me for such a reason... You have surprised me, little girl."

Kaia laughed harder. "Sorry, sorry," she chuckled out, grasping her belly that felt hollow and cold. "I just thought this was like a love confession, just a little. Anyway, you haven't said yet, so I'll ask again." Regaining herself, she bowed once more. "Please be my teacher, Hisoka."

In her head, she thought maybe she’d die anyway.

He hummed, low and thrumming, like her skull. "There are plenty of strong," his eyes glazed here, "people out there to choose from. Why pick me, who terrifies you... Could this be a love confession?"

Her face dropped to something absolutely expressionless. It held all of about ten seconds before abruptly splitting to the widest grin she had. Something challenging stirred in her chest. "Could it? I feel all sorts of ways right now, so who knows? Hard to tell with me. So? Your answer?"

For a while, they just looked at each other, one gradually growing more enticed, more caught by the other, or maybe it was both of them. Prickles felt their way along Kaia's spine. They crept up her neck, down her arms, making her fingertips buzz with a violently _ready_ tautness. It wasn't until a heavy man who wasn't watching where he was rammed into Kaia, who, in turn, rammed into Hisoka that they returned to the world.

Kaia's fear splintered and twisted again. He'd stopped her from moving with a finger to the forehead.

Slowly, he withdrew the sharpened claw, and said, "You know my name. It is only fair that I know yours, no?"

"Call me Kaia, sir."

"Mmn… Wonderful… Now, Kaia," when he said it she shivered, "it seems a crowd has gathered. Let us continue this conversation at a more...suitable time, hm? Oh, also," eyes like the sun's burned into hers as he stepped away. "It would be shameful for someone like you to die early on because of a little mistake, wouldn't it? That warmth you have... Do keep it from flying away, _Kaia_."

He lilted at the last part of that, at her name, and all Kaia could do was stare at his back while he walked away, into the crowd of contestants that were by far very, very much weaker than him. There was no doubt that, if he so chose, he'd swallow them all.

Her hair tickled her neck as somebody swished behind her. Body relaxing, Kaia let out a sigh and held up her bloody hand, thinking about what he'd just said. 'The warmth,' he'd said, 'do keep it inside you'. Kinda like a riddle but nothing made sense anyway. This’d be no different.

Carefully, she made a fist. After, she released it, focusing hard on the feel of air around her hand, and it was then that she realized why she had yet to feel cold down in her bones. She'd known things were cold, could feel the chill against her skin, but she'd yet to be _chilled._  Suddenly, a whole lot of things that hadn't made sense before made an awful lot of sense. The burning of her skin when she first woke up. The tiredness. The fast build of muscles. Pulling the boar. Hazing. It was as obvious as the sun during noon, and obviously, just as unnoticeable as your own heartbeat. She'd awakened her nen.

Knowing that, and now being aware of the strange warm liquidish thing hovering over every inch of her body, she willed whatever it was back inside her stomach. For a second, nothing happened, so she imagined herself touching the thing surrounding her. After that, boxing it, guiding it into its own looping gate until it gradually shrunk back into a little ball stored in her gut. This was no different from when she'd first heard her own heartbeat, she figured. Back Then, it'd happened during a hunting trip out when the sky was black as a stone, and upon hearing, she became more curious than afraid and eventually she'd figured out how to make it beat at the speed she wanted when she wanted it. So, pulling in this weird, sticky feeling, would be no different. She wouldn't let it be different. Because this was supposed to be her body and her nen and for the love of freaking _dogs_ , it would listen to her.

Her heartbeat slowed. The liquid went away.

Suddenly, her fingers became actual fingers. Kaia, in a flare, could see. Her legs burned in a natural, old way. The tips of her ears were numb. The dress was scratchy on her waist, her scratched, bare feet stung brilliantly, as well as the cut on her palm. Her lungs, her chest, wasn't tight, and her head _didn't hurt._

For the first time, Kaia felt like this was her body.

"Shoot, this," she whispered, eyes widening in startlement. "...It feels freaking awesome."

Happiness hit her like a bullet to the back.

“I feel freaking awesome!” She blinked fast, a completely different, completely gleeful grin shredding her face while she focused where Hisoka had gone off to. "This was the best freaking decision I have ever made in my entire life. This," the glee was bubbling and weightless and seemed to carry her off her feet on its trip upward. "This is freaking awesome. Oh my gosh, I can breath right! My head doesn't hurt! Dude, I don’t hurt!"

"Kaia, do you know what Sushi is?"

She wheeled around with that exploding kind of happiness and Gon flinched.

Killua, beside him, edged back just a centimeter. "What's up with you?"

"I feel like I could cry," she explained, coming close to them, so close she could hear them breath. Her nose started to burn a bit, and when she brought up her hand, one she could marvelously feel completely, she hadn't even noticed when it'd started not feeling and it feeling again was such a wonderful feeling, she was crying.

She was crying a lot, too. That made her laugh. So she laughed until she couldn't hardly remember where she was anymore, or who was talking to her, or what they were even saying, or anything at all because she was just so happy she was crying and that was incredibly, amazingly, wonderfully not very funny at all.

_Oh, but it really was._

Kaia stopped abruptly, breathless, grinning at Gon and Killua, who looked back with worry and confusion, respectively, and just as abruptly, Kaia said, "Can I hug you?"

Killua quite literally did nothing. Gon, confused but willing, said yes, so she hugged him. He still smelled like fish. But, his skin felt sharp against her cheek, and the intense heat vibrating off his chest was swallowing hers, and the hands on her back left distinguished imprints in her memory. It was easily the best hug she'd had since she'd shot her first elk. Maybe even as splendid as that, who knew.

Withdrawing, Kaia whispered, "I'm so happy I could kiss you right now," but before she did she turned on Killua and asked, "you too, could I hug you too? Please?"

Before he could decline she decided she'd hug him anyway, so she did. He, unlike Gon, didn't hug her back. He felt stiff against her. Almost like wrestling a tree, but it just made her tighten her grip a little more, trying to squeeze that feeling of absolute amazement into him as well. She waited till she figured it was awkward enough for the both of them to finally pull back, but at that, she kept her hands on his shoulders, and smiled at his stunned face. At the teal of his wide, round eyes, and the slack on his cheeks and chap on his lips, and the edges of red creeping up his ears.

Her own eyes slipped shut and she smiled toothily. "You are both wonderful, incredibly human beings, thank you so much for letting me know you exist, I love you both."

.

.

.

Just kidding. Actually, she stared at the slight pinch beneath Killua's left eye, where it drew up because obviously what she did completely baffled him and he was wanting none other than to get as far away as he possibly could, but again, he was baffled and thus unable to do anything but make that funny little face, with his mouth open, his hands half raised in a defensive manner. As if she were a box in his room that'd moved for no reason. Or a tree that suddenly spoke. Or a person who just hugged him when he wasn't expecting it. To be fair, she had given him a warning.

She pat him twice on the shoulder before humming gleefully and skipping down the rows of kitchen tables. She kept on going, too, till she found one unused and vacant of nearby contestants. She acted from there almost with no thought at all. As she washed a collection of rice, her hums turned to a song. As she put the rice in one of the largest pots, and filled it with almost twice as much water, she turned on the electric stove, and started dancing. And while dancing, she took out some butter from her fanny pack and cut it about halfway down, and after that, she crushed it into the rice, and salted it, and put on a lid, and took out the eggs she'd gotten from Akihiko, and a pan, and some soy sauce, and she didn't hesitate at all when people started looking at her strange, or when they started pointing her direction.

She was happy. Completely, utterly, _only_ happy.

Kaia loved being happy.

Around then, somebody came edging up on her left, quick-like. Kaia met them with an eager grin. "What's up, Kurapika?"

He seemed a little put off by her demeanor but whatever pushed him to approach her in the first place kept its face up. "It appears you know what sushi is, going by how fervently you're preparing the food." The silver of his eyes drifted from the pot of rice to the eggs, the soy sauce, then her own face.

Kaia nodded. "Yessir, I surely do. Tastes pretty good too."

His eyes narrowed, and his voice went quiet, as if he was sharing a secret. "I was under the impression it was made with raw fish. Yet, you are using eggs."

"I am?" Smile still lit, Kaia rolled one of the eggs between her fingers in contemplation, humming, before saying, "Whoa, either both of us are right or one of us are wrong." She glanced behind him and brightened further. "Leorio!"

"Oh, Kaia, haven't seen you for a while. I almost thought you didn't make it through the second round, but I guess you were fine after all!" He came right up to her, not at all deterred by any usual standards of personal space, to scrutinize what she had out. "You know what sushi is?"

She flashed her teeth. "Thought I did, but Kurapika said it was made with raw fish over rice, so maybe I'm wrong."

"Fish!?" Leorio shouted, as if outraged at the idea. "Where can we find that in the middle of a forest!?"

The smack was instantaneous and Kurapika followed with another upside Leorio's jaw. "Why don't you speak louder, moron!" Almost as an afterthought, he added, "there must be pools or rivers nearby."

"Too late," Kaia pointed at mass of contestants charging out the only door in the building, "off they go. You guys probably wanted to keep that to yourselves, yeah? Might be running short on fish pretty soon, haha. Ha, hahaha, haha. _Running_ short. Ha."

Leorio spat. "They were all spying on us!"

"Leorio, we should have expected it. Let's hurry and catch some so we can still serve the meal."

Kaia smiled as the two hurried off. When they were out of ear's reach, she mumbled, "I’m so freaking glad I’m not crazy, man," and then she pulled out a bottle of rice vinegar, along with some sugar and that nice rice wine she'd persuaded Leorio to grab for her, under the pretense of storing it for him later.

Unfortunately, he didn't have much of a chance. Food was the mind of the soul and for that, it came first in all things but maybe sleep. Speaking of, she wasn't feeling very hungry anymore, nor tired. Perhaps the constant drain of using nen had been pulling from that?

Thoughtfully, Kaia turned the rice down to a low simmer before pouring the sugar, rice vinegar and salt into a saucepan, along with the vegetable oil set beside the sink. As she stirred, she remembered the stark driving hunger she'd found herself stationed with for the past week or so. Initially, she'd just pegged it to her increasing workout, knowing effort required nutrients. It made a whole lot more sense if she was draining her nen the whole darn time without even being aware. What really confused her was the fact that she wasn't dead yet. Hadn't Wing, or maybe Bisky, said something about how when nen first awakened in a person, they'd die if they didn't contain it?

Say Kaia had awakened her nen on the boat, when she first woke up. That would mean she'd been leaking nen for a solid nine days. Now, Kaia had always been proud of herself and did like to imagine having unnaturally powerful abilities, but she wasn't naive enough to believe she woke up with enough nen stored up to literally drain it for nine days without getting killed.

She took the rice off the burner and mixed in the saucepan's inventory, still thoughtful, even as she cracked the eggs and beat them with a careful hand of chopsticks so's to keep the air content low. Her musings continued even still while mixing the rice wine, some soy sauce and a tid bit of sugar into the eggs. Continued, still, while greasing an unused pan with oil, and heating it till it burned to the touch, where she smoothly lowered the heat and began frying the eggs, aware very, very few people were left in the cabin, and that those who were mostly seemed to watch her.

It hit her when she finished rolling the omelette together, just as she was starting to cut it. "It's like cooking," she whispered, tilting the knife in her hand. "I didn't die 'cause I was cooking." She grinned, then, and started chopping. "Hey, Neko, I figured it out. See, when you cook, you expend energy. But, cooking is done so you can eat, and eating gives you the energy you need to cook, and that's why I'm not dead!"

The dog panted exuberantly and Kaia chuckled, dropped a string of egg. "What I'm basically saying is that while I was spending all that energy, I was killing myself a whole lot slower than I could have been. 'Cause I kept sleeping, and eating, I think. Remember how I ate all that steak? And I pretty much constantly snacked on the apples on that ship. It gave me enough to stay alive and thus, I am alive, which is pretty darn cool considering I'm dead. Glad I found out when I did, though." Contemplative, she began flipping the knife. "I'm pretty sure I would have died again otherwise. I never stopped, just slowed the process, I think. Probably hit my end point back there though. Huh. That's kinda funny."

She paused to look at the plate before her. What sat in the middle made for a pretty picture, it did. Steamed, glistening white rice topped with that golden yellow roll of egg, all about half the size of her fist. One was set aside just for her. She ate it slowly, savoring the taste. Sweet. Light, fluffy. The egg rolled off the rice like a gentle roll of sunshine, mingled with the memory of spring rain and the starch of pine in the evening light, and it was good.

It tasted good.

Kaia felt good.

She was the only one of the contestants left inside when she walked up to Menchi and Buhara. The rest had all forgone whatever trust they had in themselves, turning blind eyes to the options inside. Kaia was the only one there to watch Menchi scrutinize her mean’s appearance, to see her dub it edible and dip it in the soy sauce that'd been sidelined like an archer. They never won the battle, but they sure made things easier, and Kaia figured it made the sushi taste a little better too. Menchi looked to be of the same mind.

"What made you think of cooking this?" The beautiful woman leaned back when she asked this, her arms straping over the back of a rich, red colored love seat.

“I thought I was dying and wanted eggs.”

“...Can you repeat that?”

"Well, I was looking for somewhere to sit down, and this one restaurant by a harbor had some lovely lookin' stools. Somebody there was eating what they called a special kind of Nigiri sushi... Tasted pretty good."

A delicate eyebrow raised and her glinting green eyes stationed on Kaia and Kaia alone. "You made this all from the memory of the taste? With no technique?"

"Kinda."

"Oh, so somebody taught you?"

"No, ma'am."

"...You might just be a genius in the making. But I'm curious. These eggs you used are from a White Chick-Bear." At this, Menchi paused, as if for dramatic effect. But since Kaia didn't have any clue of what a White Chick-Bear was, she didn't do anything other than smile. After a while of looking, Menchi must have found something she liked, 'cause she said, "You pass."

"Freaking yes, awesome. Thank you."

"One last question, before you go. Why did you take these eggs instead of any of the other normal birds in the Biska Woods?"

"Ah, good question, haha." Kaia pondered, tapping her chin. It slowly turned to a rubbing motion. Just how should she respond to this? Now that her head didn't hurt, it felt easy to think about things, to just ponder them, so she was enjoying taking her time on an answer. She could say she knew the future and grabbed the nearest set of eggs. That would be a lie, but she could say it. She could also say that Akihiko had handed them off when she'd given him advice on cooking. That was the truth, and she could say it. She could also say something unrelated that could be interpreted as an answer but not quite. So, smiling, Kaia lifted her chin and said, "Tasted pretty good."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing but my shoes and my laptop.

 

It was drawing late in the day by now. Birds outside called for companionship, lonely with the almond shaped leaves of nut and pine trees. The low bubble of a stream drifted through cold shafts of sunlight. Tentatively, a cricket hiding in the tall grass tested the early evening. It dared a second chirp, then a third, when a crow swooped down to investigate. The cricket, deciding it'd enjoyed enough bravery for the day, returned to quiet and the crow was left pecking at clean blades of wet grass.

Eventually, the crow's attention drifted, focusing on bigger and brighter things, such as a strange ring of shiny beside a human corpse. Usually, the crow would dive straight for the shiny thing, but for the time it was cautious. This was because the corpse, though small compared to others of its kind, lay very, very near an old Human nest. That, and cautious meant not being dead. Not being dead appealed to the crow a great deal.

Studying the area around and, finding it clear of potential enemies, the crow came closer to the corpse. Since nothing moved, it dared a bit closer, before just going straight for the shiny. It started picking at where it connected, making sure to keep one eye on the dead and the other on the nest's opening. But, no matter what the crow did, the shiny refused to come off that black little bag. Frustrated from both the lack of cricket and shiny, the crow squawked, coming close to the corpse, itching for an eye or two.

It flared wildly as a dog blasted toward it, snarling. Neko stood atop his master's chest, tall with head high and ears erect. It painted a dramatic picture, the dog guarding his human master while she lay unconscious under a chilly evening sun. As to why she was unconscious... That remained unknown. As well as how long. Neko stood guard while waiting. 

He was a dog. Dogs waited.

Soon enough, another crow came by and he barked at that one too. It flew off. Pleased with himself, Neko returned to waiting. 

What for? For his master, of course. Good dogs waited for their masters for everything, and Neko was a good dog. His master was better though. She could walk on two legs, and talk to other scary humans, and make food. Sometimes, if he was good, he would get to taste it, too. Because he'd recently gotten some yummy yellow stuff, he knew he was a good dog. This dog yearned to be a good dog. 

Another crow! Neko leapt after it, challenging it to just try, when it flew away. Tail raised high, he bounded right back onto his master's chest and settled between the straps of her dress. She lay awful still, but he was a good dog and would wait. Now, do not misunderstand. Neko had a smartness to him. He may not understand most commands or human speech, or where the wind came from, but he did know that his master should not sleep the way she did now. What she did now felt wrong. Alive, he knew her to be, but for what reason did she sleep so soundly? 

The yellow thing! She had eaten that yellow thing!

Neko jumped, sniffing quickly around her mouth. It didn't smell like poison... But he then remembered he also ate the yellow thing, to make sure it was safe, and it tasted good so that must mean the yellow thing was fine. Whining, puzzled, Neko sat down again, watching the tall grass. His master liked long grass. She liked to stare at it for long times. Usually in the middle of the day. Or the morning. Or the evening, if she could find some. 

He shook his head, berating himself for getting distracted. His only goal should be to understand why his master stayed caught in this unnatural sleep when just before, she'd been happy and fine. She'd made the yellow stuff in that big house, talked to a scary human, eaten what looked like white bug-shells. Then, when many loud humans ran inside, she came out to this long grass, and fell down. 

She'd yet to get back up. That is why he was worried. But, he didn't have the answers, so he would wait for her. Absolute confidence, he had. And he would wait for that confidence to be proven true, and when it did, he would still continue being a good dog because that is what good dogs did. They waited, and they served, and they waited again.

He jerked up. A bulky, limp body smashed through one of the windows, hitting the ground hard, splattering glinting shards of glass. Neko rose to guard, lips curled with a quiet growl, cautious but eager to fight any potential threats. And, from the looks of the limp human's bloody face just a mere ten feet away, there was a definite threat. 

The body wheezed in a scratchy, squeaking tone. Neko leapt between it and his master, hackles raising. As he did, more humans burst from the building, garbling speech his direction, and one in particular was the scary human female his master had fed the yellow thing to. His claws dug into the earth, growl raising till he felt certain she would hear and stop coming toward them. She stopped. More of a pause, actually, with a quizzical glance at him, then his sleeping master. 

A massive shadow suddenly rose from the forest to swallow the earth. The sky itself turned dark with it, and Neko became afraid. Not of the shadow, for he could see it came from a huge white fish-cloud, or because all the humans had started garbling at each other, fervently pointing to the cloud, but because there was a human falling from the cloud. They, he could sense, were powerful. The same trickle of feeling he'd gotten from his master when he first saw her was rolling in waves from this strange, falling human, who was  _ right above them. _

And his master was still asleep. 

Ferociously, he snarled, running onto his master's unconscious, drifting chest to howl. Surprised, the falling man looked down and a second before he landed, he moved so his feet slammed on either side of Neko's master. As the dust settled, only the noise of Neko's low growling and the few coughs of nearby humans littered the air. When the man became visible again, his robes were clean and white, like his hair. His age was evident. All of a sudden he started garbling nonsense, hooking Neko by the back of his scruff to hold at eye height. 

Apparently there wasn't much to look at but Neko kept right on growling even as the old human laughed, yet he was set down easily and no further pursuit of him occurred. Rather, the old human simply walked over to that scary female girl to garble nonsense at her. She garbled nonsense back. Eventually, they started for the fish cloud, which had come down from the sky after the falling man, but far by the treeline rather than the tall grass. The woman paused, turned to garble something else at all the humans around, and they all started in for the fish-cloud. Even the bloody-faced man stumbled inside.

Neko huffed. Settled on his master's chest, content to watch the fish-cloud thing fill with humans. Right as the last few were moving in, one abruptly stopped to look at him, stock still. It was a recognizable human, a tall one with wide shoulders and shiny things on his face, by his eyes. He carried a box with him wherever he went, as he did now, jogging toward them with long legs. For one reason alone did Neko refrain from growling; this man was one he knew his master liked. For that, he would let him come near. 

The big man did just that, even going so far as to crouch beside his master and touch her arm and neck. He too garbled nonsense. Then, carefully lifting one of her arms, he guided her onto his back. Neko allowed him that, but made sure to stay close as the man trotted over to the huge fish-cloud thing, where there were stairs strapped onto the side, leading to an open door. When they started up the stairs, the big man was stopped by that older fellow from earlier. None too soon, his master lay in the arms of that powerful, scary old man. 

A man who laughed at him, flipping his master like a dog toy.

He lunged for a heel. Then for the other, since the first moved. Bolting up the steps right after them, Neko scrambled to sink his fangs into any form of that man's flesh. Led by the nose like a dog (which he was), teased down unfamiliar, red carpet hallways...Neko's only drive hung on his limp master, hanging precariously over the shoulder of that terrible old human. He brought them through another door, then, still avoiding every attack Neko threw. Almost carelessly, the old man tossed Neko's master on a cushion. And then he began...inspecting, perhaps, her? Neko didn't care. The man was touching what wasn't his and wasn't awake enough to fight back. So Neko would defend. Good dogs defended their master.

He never landed a hit.

Soon, the old man left, and Neko became left with his master in the small, square room, alone. 

He growled at the door.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing but my shoes and my laptop.

 

Warm.

What Kaia knew, all Kaia knew, lay warm.

Warm like a dog's fur against a bare chest, like sand brisking beside a fire. Like summer wind, and hang-dried clothes, light bouncing off stone. Like a blazing sun hot against her back.

Kaia molded awake, eyes blurring over distant gold. Rolling gold, vibrant, speckled, shining gold, as if mounds and mounds were sat far, far below her, rich as a penny. Pretty, she thought, how the birds sank through the air. How little specks of petals or dust or maybe rain drifted slowly down the walls of whatever she lay on...so very warm. Half her face felt the grit from stones the same color as the walls that stretched forever into the gold... 

Kaia’s head tilted closer, then dropped over the edge.

Her nen flared wild like her breath before sucking back inside her spine. She shot up, violently aware, scrabbling for a hold before straining a halt, hands clawed. Blue. Now all she could see was blue. The kind of blue that faded lighter as it reached to touch the earth, the kind that one would see if they sat rather high up. Odd, because last she remembered, she'd been under a canopy of marsh trees. 

But blue.

And below, gold.

And she stood on solid, hard sandstone slates cut into misshaped squares. Slowly, she took in the colors and the wind brushing her mostly bare skin, then turned to take in the same far behind her, though she realized she was not alone on this odd, huge rock tower. It spread about two hundred yards across each way, forming a massive circle she stood at the edge of. Another teen prodded the center. A grouping of those mercenaries she'd investigated in the tunnel clung far and to her left, while various other unknown contestants picked and poked at their footing. 

Kaia's eyes tilted right. That old monk she'd taken notice of at the start of the exam, with a pin she recognized reading 362, frowned at her, a glint of something she couldn't name on his features. He looked tired, a bit worn. Mud stained the bottoms of his robes, and he donned a hollowness to his cheeks, a sunkenness to his eyes. Sweat tickled the hair on both their necks. 

Finally, he acknowledged her. "You woke up."

"S'pose so."

His fingers flicked out, gesturing to the sun. "You've lied there for six hours alone. All the time in the airship, you slept also. Why are you passed?"

"Passed? Ah, I cooked sushi." Kaia swallowed dry spit, realizing how thirsty she was, how her dress clung to her ribs, her hips. Her gaze slung down the dust on her arms. It occurred to her that this might be Trick Tower. "Tell me the rules for this test?" 

"It will do you no good. Time has ticked away, and those like us who wasted it will not find a way down the tower any longer." He sighed, peering over the edge. "Climbing is bad luck. Baby birds crave for human flesh. Now, we wait for time to pass again."

Taking that, Kaia pressed her thumb against her chin to think. So that’s as far as she’d go, then. To the top of Trick Tower and no further. A little disappointing, but next year remained an option, and she knew where Hisoka should end up after the exam, so she could always follow him there…

But why had she failed in the first place? What made her come unconscious? Perhaps the drawback from not killing herself was at fault? Maybe she’d gotten hit, instead, or poisoned herself. Either way, she’d failed, and that was...pretty much all. It belted distastefully over her missing out on eating those boiled eggs, but there wasn't much she could do about that. Nor about the airship, since this looked a whole lot like the Trick Tower. What had it been, then? One, or two days? Three?

"Huh, weird." She scratched her hand. Her nails caught on the white gauze peeling off her palm. Slowly, Kaia said, "this is new."

"You were hurt. Doctor healed you. This is nothing new; simple for doctors, normal for patients... Many were surprised at your...gender. You donned the appearance of a boy. Yet, now, you wear as a girl." 

Kaia hesitated when he didn't say anything more. Then, she offered, "I am one?" and for a little bit, they listened to the wind.

Then that old man caught her eye. "Your dog is strong in spirit. He guards you when you sleep. He stands by your side now, guarding. Many respect him. Many," the grey of his irises drifted, "wish to hurt, because while his spirit is strong, he is weak. Choose a powerful companion for the next exam."

"Figures." Kaia sat down, cross legged, facing the fading blue. Far out, the skies blended into a faint haze of green, where forests or the like lay. Wherever they were now, though, was desert land. No water for miles. That shining yellow-gold earth held nothing but death and a few desert critters, and the like she could make out were not of the friendly sort. Made her wonder just where they were supposed to go after passing—or failing, since… Ah, she knew this feeling. Disappointment.

A dry, black nose nudged Kaia's wrist. She let Neko crawl onto her legs, settling on the folds of her dress, adjusting to cover herself more. For a while then she let herself be absorbed into the now. She made to stop thinking, and just feel. Hot, baked sandstone grit dug into the sides of her ankles. A sunburn was itching at her sticky neck, the backs of her arms. Somebody clunked at the stone morbidly behind her, and somewhere, a bird screed. Kaia dreaded the frustratedly resigned curl in her mind. 

"You were fierce, before." The old man spoke with a sudden swiftness that probed attention from the listener, like a direct, commanding order. "I remember your strength. Now, you have none. Why?"

"Hmm..." Kaia took her time answering. Was he talking about her nen, leaking out? "Who knows?"

"You do not?"

"I have assumptions, but I'm hardly certain." Kaia pulled a half filled water bottle from her bag. It was a muggy kind of warm, slimy on her tongue, feeling the same her thoughts did. She’d said ‘hardly certain’, but that felt hardly right. Fairly certain sounded better. She'd basically called what she figured out good and left it at that. She did that a lot. Maybe too much. Like with her existence, her muscles, her bag... 

Abruptly, Kaia's mouth split upward, eyes curbing with delight as a sudden realization slapped her upside the face. Then she choked on her water when it spilled down her lips, her chin, but she quickly shook that off. Her glee moved to her bag, her water bottle. Then the side of the sandstone blocks. The desert down below. Her bag. Carefully, but unable to hide her excitement, she asked the old monk, "sir, the goal is to get down, from what I understand, yes?"

"We were to reach the bottom, that was the assignment. One man did climb—I see those eyes, I had them once. It is a bad idea, young one. Baby birds are fiercer than you."

She tossed the bottle over the edge, watching. It floated down, down, down. About half way, some small bird-like cupid things swerved close to it, obviously interested, but they left it unharmed on its mission to the dusty earth below. Kaia's grin grew. 

Kindly, she appealed to the old man, saying, "It was wonderful chatting with you, sir. Good day to you—and to all you fellows atop here, too."

"What," that teenager who'd been pecking at the stone stared squinty-eyed, "you gonna jump?"

Standing, guiding Neko into her fanny pack, she nodded. "That's the plan, sir. Gotta get my bottle, littering is bad." Peeking over the edge again left a jittery sort of nervousness in her—like one might feel before a roller coaster's about to dip. The sand seemed to fold into itself from the distance, hazy in a shimmery, succulous manner that left a thrilling beat in her chest. 

Squinty-eyed barked a laugh. "You're insane! First asking that creepy magician to teach you, now jumping off Trick Tower! Do you want to die?"

"No, sir. That actually scares me." Kaia turned around, bare heels touching the corner of the stones. Pleased, she saluted the all of those atop, dipping into a fearsome laugh. "Bye!" That said, she fell backward, and dropped like lead.

Wind sucked the breath right from her. Her dress, too, flung up, and somewhere in the back of her mind somebody whispered, 'that's unladylike,' when heads popped over the edge to watch her trip down.

Ignoring it, she hurried open the fanny pack against the wind and stuffed a foot inside. No clue if it'd work or not. If it didn't, she'd die. If it did, she'd not. Probably. Either way, she could fit down to her ribs already, and there didn't seem to be a lack of space inside, so she just kept on climbing in. Maybe, she mused when the rest of her finished slipping behind the zippers of that tiny, but heavy little fanny pack, she'd end as baby-bird poo.

...

...

...

It was strange in the bag. Nothing happened. Nothing moved. Nothing touched, nothing brushed, nothing made noise. Kaia couldn't make noise. Thinking ended being the only thing she could do, and it made her glad she'd pulled the zipper inward and kept hold, figuring that after counting time, she could squeeze back out. Problem was, what time? And whether or not Kaia could actually get herself to pull the zipper. Right now, she didn't really want to, because nothing else did. Lethargy, maybe, but of a welcoming sort. Something one might feel after waking from a long, warm nap. 

But she'd have to get out eventually. That way, she could talk to Hisoka. Learn about everything. She'd get to breath wild air again, and feel the strain of her muscles when she pushed too far. Maybe, she could learn to fight... Actually, Kaia...didn't feel all inclined to fight anybody. Rather, she prefered to avoid it. Play fights, sure. Real ones? Kaia was a wimp. But, nothing would be killing her anytime soon, she figured, being in the bag, and...Kaia realized it might not be bad to stay where she was after all.

But nobody got anywhere in life by just being content. So forget it she did.

She yanked the zipper. Plunging from the bag straight into hot, dry dust, Kaia tumbled a good way before gripping herself and landing tense, breathless. Sand sizzled her bare, blistered feet with an unearned vengeance. The slushy sound slung through the air carelessly. Kaia lifted her eyes, scanned the desert around her. Wide, open land that left a blurring heat haze on the everywhere, bouncing off the walls of the tower on her left. Cautious, ears pricked for anything that might jump out the sand, Kaia lifted her fanny pack—lighter than before but still with that weight—and clasped it around her waist, slow-like. Her water bottle burned to the touch, but she hid that away, too. Nothing attacked. Still wary, but relaxed, Kaia stepped backward to the tower, keeping her front at the openness of the world when—

She ducked and threw her hands in the sand, gripping it, baring her teeth at the tower’s stone slate that'd slammed into the dust just a foot away. It made for a wide hole inside. Kaia remained as she was until she felt a cool drift of wind wafting out. It made her neck prickle. Watched, then, but this was obviously meant for her to enter, and she had to get to the holding spot for passing examinees eventually, so...perhaps she would dip inside anyway. 

Inside was cool and dark, and the gritty frame of the hole pulled at her injured hand. A slab from behind her crept up the wall to close the door with a low crunch. That left only a bare few torches inside to provide light on square, cracked walls, and they made shadows that danced across the floors, up to the feet of a stranger. The stranger, who’s head hid beneath a cape, had a burly, broad chest, and he swayed at the end of the room. His outfit looked poor, his feet as bare as hers but half as hurt. His shackles pointed to his occupation. 

Kaia kept loose fists at her sides, for what she figured this to be scared her. 

"Greetin's, sir." 

She waited, but he spoke no words, so Kaia let her gaze drift. A high, plated ceiling with an orange tint from the fires. Four corners, all dark. She’d keep aware of them. It seemed to be a cozy little room one might find gamers in. Or tombs. Behind the strange man there was another open door, though all that sat behind there was black. 

"Greetings, applicant number 405!" A voice spluttered over a microphone, gleeful, and Kaia studied around till she found the small, tawny speaker by the far left wall. "Welcome to the bottom of Trick Tower!"

"Thanks," she replied easily, stretching her toes. "I'm assuming I didn't pass yet?"

"Quick, aren't you? Then I'll make this simple for you. See, nobody really expected an examinee to jump off the side of Trick Tower. And survive. We still had measures to prevent climbing, such as those monsters I'm certain you saw." He didn't continue so Kaia  relayed the baby birds and a couple of the wiley beasts she’d seen far out through the haze. “So you did see them. But you never came into contact with them."

Kaia, mildly intrigued, hummed. "So 'cause of that I failed."

"Wrong!" The speaker cackled. "We just want to test how intuitive you can get. That man you see there...yes, him, stop looking the other way, he's the only one. He's prepared a challenge for you. If you win, you may enter the passing room behind this one. If not...you fail!"

Kaia blinked at the big man, quick and thrice. "To clarify, I'm ta pass his test and get through, right?"

"Yes."

"So, baseline, my goal is to get through, right?"

"That is correct."

"Is passing his test required to pass the exam?"

"...No, that is not a requirement. But he has been given permission to use his own means if you attempt to go around. Any other questions?"

"Ah, guess not, then." An unease started creeping up her back when the big man continued standing there stock still. A mite nervous, Kaia drifted from one foot to the other. “So...a staredown?”

Now, the man had a broadness to his shoulders most couldn't hope to match. Aside from Buhara, Kaia hadn't actually seen anybody bigger than him. Muscles bulged beneath the dirty brown prison-wear, and those shackles didn't look to be of much use. Slowly, he lifted a chained, gnarled hand. "You..." his voice was raspy and grating. Old, then. "To death...me...yes...?"

Kaia hummed, appearing to think on it. Those four corners stayed dark. His shadow stretched for hers. She found herself scared, and responded in kind. “No an option?”

"You...me...fight...death!"

"I’d rather not, violence is bad,” she said obstinately, though there was an evident sharpness, a wildness, to the blue of her eyes and her canines were pointed like a dog’s. Kaia knew it, too. She knew, because she hated being scared. So when the big man started walking towards her, Kaia let her muscles constrict, and let her mind become one with that of hunting. 

Kaia hunted. She was a hunter. And she knew, as a hunter, you’d get one shot. 

She’d only need one shot.

“Sir,” she mumbled, right as his hip towered over her head and her neck cricked just for her to see him. “You’re awful bald.”

His brows quirked, startled, and Kaia flung a fistful of sand at his face. Spluttering, he grabbed wildly for her, clawing air. When he turned to reach for her again, Kaia drilled past him, grinning that malicious kind of glee. The door clipped shut just as he started after her. Swiftly, Kaia’s self satisfaction returned, and her body relaxed to that confident ease it had before.

“Maybe I should just be a troll,” she mumbled humorously, itching at some sweat trickling down her arm. The new room she stood in looked bare of any others, being a small little thing with better lighting and a second door. The floors here were more of an orange color. Smelled a bit different, as well, sort of like rust, so maybe something’d died in this area. Didn’t matter. Kaia scratched more sweat. “What’s next?”

"...We expected that to take a bit longer."

Kaia halted, scanning for the speaker. “Yup," she said. “Definitely a troll.” Then grinned. "You clarified my base goal, so this is on you."

"Yes, yes, proceed, then." The other door started open and Kaia peeked a head around the edge, expecting a trick, but there was nothing in this round, large room but fifty more closed doors and two tall torches staked in the center. Kaia saw nobody inside. Shrugging, she stepped through. 

"Kumori Kaia, applicant number 405," a couple speakers went off at the same time but they were all with the same voice. Weird as heck. "Is the first to pass the third phase. Total time: six hours and sixteen minutes."

Kaia hesitated, "seriously?" before trotting past a torch, followed by bloody footprints she grimaced at. "Now seems a mighty fine time for some shoes, don't it," she mumbled, plopping down dead center. The two torches on either side of her flickered in response. "Hm...I’ll just stay off of them. Maybe I should shoot my bow?" She lifted her bandaged hand. "Mm, probably not. Huh. I am really banged up, aren’t I? Guess it's good I passed early. Hey, mister examiner?"

She waited, curious, but heard no response. 

Frowning, Kaia pulled Neko from her bag, scratched his head. "What do you think?" she asked. "I passed first. Ha, and I thought I’d failed, haha. Anywho, I got a lot to do but no ways to do it. Ain't tired, ain't really hungry… hmm… I’ll put on some shorts." They touched her knees, loose, but paired fairly well with the dress, probably. Orange and yellow matched.

Scratching at more sweat, Kaia leaned back, then halted at the harsh red coating her nails. More intrigued than anything else, she looked at her arm, realizing then that it wasn’t sweat. Her whole arm was an absolute bloody mess--masses of heavy, stark blood pulsed from her shoulder. When she touched, she realized a chunk of flesh had been clawed out. 

Suddenly, it hurt. 

“Freaking-” she snarled and groped blindly for her bag, scrabbling for a cloth she could use. Clumsily, she tied as best she could, gritting through the stabbing, fiery burn, even going so far as to bite a hole in her own lip to keep focus on what she did. After, she glared at the seeping mess. 

Neko barked, and Kaia snorted. “Yeah, I know, pretty funny, huh. Gotta remember I’m twelve and that guy I faced wasn’t. Tsk. I ain’t never trained to fight. ...So? Where’s your magic ability, huh? Healing? Barking? Looking cute?” She stared. “You’re failing, since you’re small. Try again, little dog.”

One of the doors rumbled just then, and Kaia looked at it oddly as it started rolling up. In a startled, amazed burst, she brightened, a magnificent, absolutely ecstatic smile ripping her lips. "Sen-"

"Hisoka, applicant number 44, is the second to pass the third phase," the speaker went. "Total time: six hours and seventeen minutes."

Kaia stood up, reaching for the man who had absolutely, without a doubt, saved her life. Her own thrill surprised her. "Sense-"

"Orpheas Lorelei, applicant number seventy eight, is the third to pass the third phase. Total time: six hours and seventeen minutes."

Kaia halted. Snorted. Started laughing. "Orpheas? Really, Lorelei? You’re Greek?"

"Shut up." The girl trailed after Hisoka with a sourness to her green eyes. Bitterly, she buried her face into her scarf. "I don’t want to talk to you."

Kaia's own eyes, alight with easy humor, quickly morphed back to that excited appreciation as they rolled to Hisoka, just a few feet from where she stood. He had a gash on his shoulder and waist, she noticed belatedly, and his own pale features looked pulled, strained into a facade of calm. She had an odd nagging feeling that he was...frustrated? Mad? Kaia looked at Lorelei again. Him. "Sensei?"

He tilted his chin, scanning Kaia's entireness, before walking without word past her, to the side of wall without any doors. Kaia watched him go, curious. Suddenly, Lorelei snagged Kaia’s wrist. "Why are you here?”

“...That’s a really good question.” Kaia tapped her chin. “How am I here?”

“Hisoka is supposed to be the first to pass, why are you here? What did you do?” A harsh merge of something passed her features, and her voice dropped. “You’re messing up the plot.”

“Yeah, good conversation for a different time. What’d ya do to Sensei? He looks mad.”

“Don’t change the...” She followed Kaia’s gaze, a frown marring her face. “‘...Sensei?’” 

Kaia scratched her neck. Grimaced at the sunburn. "Wonder why he looks so frustrated..."

"Him?"

"Ah, did you talk the whole time?” Kaia smiled, appeased. “Nice note. I’ll make sure to talk less.”

Her words came out like a hiss. "Are you insane? That  _ killer _ ? He's crazy! He just killed somebody! Kaia," she came close, whispering quick and fast, but one could hear its echo around the room. "Do you even think? I don't like you but he’s—he just—you can't be—stop looking at me like that!"

Kaia carefully peeled Lorelei's strained fingers off the straps of her dress, idly musing how they both desperately needed showers. "Hun," Kaia started, "I really don't think we'll get along if this keeps up. Now, if you’ll excuse me." As an afterthought, Kaia gestured to Neko. "Up for a peace treaty? You can pet him while we wait."

"You—you! Forget it. You don’t understand what you’re doing, and I’m not going to spell it out for you." She crossed her arms, stepped back, gruffly stalking to the door she'd just come out of. In a stifling sort of wordlessness, she jerked down, leaving a mean glare equally Kaia and Hisoka's direction. 

Kaia hummed, viewing her frustration, letting her own irritation mould for a second before dismissing it. The girl there had only lived thirteen years. It’d be rude for Kaia, who’d gone a good 18 years, to actually get annoyed. 

So, dripping into her earlier incredibly happy self, she padded to Hisoka as to sit just in front of him. The firelit shadows danced a morbidly scary look across his curbed face. Like a frustrated cat, she mused. 

They said nothing. He never look at her, instead morosely, almost apathetically gazing into the space to his left. Made for an awkward feel, it did, one Kaia wasn't sure what to do with. Most of her begged to thank him. A little to stay still. But she wanted him to know how much that itty, bitty little riddle he’d said meant. He had saved her life. Her, on the receiving end, wanted to give him a taste of that happiness too. She also wanted to start learning whatever he could teach her. She wanted desperately to be strong. She wanted him to be freaking happy.

Instead she just sat, staring at him staring at nothing. 

“Is there something you want of me?” Hisoka, so abruptly she startled, asked. The voice he used held a deeper tone that befuddled her, its oddness alluring in a warning sort of manner.

Slowly, she shook her head. “No. Just thought I’d look.”

Hisoka had long eyelashes. Black ones, that swept in a way many women would be jealous of. They framed those strange, clear yellow orbs of his, and it again reminded Kaia things were awful strange here if a person could have yellow eyes. 

Either way, here he was, staring at her sideways with what really shouldn’t be. “Are you finding me pleasing? I am honored.”

Flat. That’s what it was, she realized. Then he really had to be annoyed. She’d tread careful. “T’was just thinkin’ you’re awful pretty.” Content, she smiled, then cocked her head, then straightened her shoulders and said, "Sensei, thank you." And, because what she said didn't feel like  _ enough _ , Kaia let her forehead touch the stone. After a while, Kaia's scratched and messy legs went numb, and her bruised arms started to shake, but she stayed like that. 

Because nobody got anywhere by being content. So she’d get on her hands and knees to show this great, great man her appreciation. To hope his man, who was so very, very powerful, and she loved powerful, would teach her. Maybe he would.  _ He could swallow her whole. She took it back. She was still scared. Just...less. _

“Bowing? To me? You flatter me, but...” There was a tilt in his voice she couldn’t place. Slowly, wide owlish eyes met eyes like an owl’s. “It’s rude to assume things, Kaia.”

She blinked, confused. For a second her eyes glazed before refocusing. “I’m still killing myself?”

Chilled from a slowly rising buzz, amazed when the curl returned to his lips, Kaia shivered when he leaned forward as if to touch her, but didn’t. “I…” he said lowly, “never agreed to teach you.”

"...Ah, you're right." Kaia puffed her cheeks, thoughts whirring, till she finally just gave up and said, "will you?"

"When a fruit grows on its own...it tastes...so...sweet..."

There. She found it. That toe-curling lilt he had, it came back. That’s what she needed him to sound like to make this work.

"Haha, yeah, probably. Can I just follow you around then?"

His brows raised. "What?"

"I can learn by watching. Promise not to kill me?" Kaia reached for his hand, extremely careful when she tapped the flesh, well aware of how he followed the movement. His skin burned bad as the sand. "There. We shook, it’s a deal. Dude, your hand could eat mine, haha, your fingers are huge. ...Sensei? ...Sempai?" Nothing. "'Kay, Sensei. Wanna test me or something to accept me as a student? I can do tests, probably." She flexed. "I'm tough, bro."

"You're insane!" Lorelei shouted. Kaia ignored her. Hisoka did as well. But some minutes ticked on and Hisoka didn't say anything. Kaia took the time to memorize what she could of him. A fiery sort of heat thrummed off his skin, while the man himself smelled like cinnamon, sweat, and that iron tang of blood. Salt was crusted along his scalp from where sweat had dried. Dust lined his arms. A nice smudge of red splashed his right pant leg. Kaia felt a twinge of curiosity at the cut on his shoulder. Remembering right would mean he got it fighting an old examinee who’d spent years training on something Hisoka’d learned in just a few seconds...

Oh, that wonderful, excited, thrilled hope ended back in her belly. 

"If you want me to teach you," Hisoka suddenly offered. Kaia perked. "Show me," he leaned forward till their noses itched to touch, "your determination. Try to hit me.”

Kaia’s face went lax. “Don’t want to. Literally defeats the purpose of my asking you to teach me. Seriously. Pick something else.”

His own face had a pull like he was half pleasantly surprised and half disgusted at something sour, or maybe a moldy sock. She realized it was a pout. “You won’t fight me?”

“Pick something else. Like… Ah, you could test if I could face a fear, or see how long I can make myself do push ups, haha, those are fun.”

“But...if not fighting… Mmn, perhaps… I know a very” he paused to savor the word, “fun, game. You must come closer...Care to play?”

* * *

 

"Gittarackur, applicant number 301, is the fourth to pass the third exam. Total time: twelve hours and two minutes. 

"Oh, great, another weirdo." 

Kaia’s flat blue eyes flicked to Lorelei, then to the towering pin-filled man who’d walked in, then the cards strewn before her. There was no doubt in her mind that she was losing. Again. Against her ear, a hot, hot breath puffed with amusement, while against her back she could feel Hisoka’s chest rumble. Prickles spun up her neck.

“My my, look who’s arrived,” her teacher’s voice drifted to a higher pitch that left less of a vibration in his chest. “Care for a game, Gittarackur?”

Kaia’s foot twitched. She wore shoes now, her nicer tennis shoes, but she still donned that dress. The rough yellow fabric folded over Hisoka’s lilac pants at the bend of his knee. He was sitting cross legged, indian style. Kaia sat in his lap. Awkward style. But if it pleased her teacher enough to teach her, or at least let her watch him, then deal with it she would.

Gittarackur made odd clicky noises when he stepped forward. “Is that a new play thing?” he asked. 

“Hmm,” that hot breath remained incredibly uncomfortable on her ear, “you could say that.” A large, pale hand snaked around Kaia’s waist, where he squeezed her lungs together till she felt like crying. The other hand pressed painfully sharp fingers into her cheeks, yet, he didn’t cut. “Look at her. She lets me do all sorts of things. Isn’t she cute? I think I like her.”

“As long as it interests you, I suppose. Off limits, then?” 

“Mmn, so glad you understand. Now, Kaia, do you have any...” Hisoka scanned her cards. Then pulled one hand away to lift a card from his own stack, which he’d only glanced at once before setting down to play. A red four turned to be what he flipped over. “Fours?” he finished.

Gittarackur stopped coming forward and Kaia, itchy at the constant touching, grumbled, “yeah. Two of them, Sensei. Wonder how you knew.”

“A magician never reveals his secrets.”

She snorted. “Sure. On another note, is this gonna be a thing? ‘Cause I really, really don’t like this much physical contact.”

Hisoka hummed. Pat her head. Chuckled. “And yet, here you are, in my lap, where you willingly put yourself. See? If I let go...you stay. A good relationship between master and student is so very important...” He brushed his cheek against hers, and it felt smooth, strangely soft. Then the arm on her waist dipped lower and she caught his thumb with her own nen-infused grip, facial expression unchanging. She didn’t know if that made it stronger. Felt like it did. It might.

The man chuckled cinnamon again. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing but my shoes and my laptop.

Hot. It was hot. Kaia's eyes blared open to violent, roaring flames so hot they were yellow, red, and yellow again. She jerked up and her legs snagged in burning cloth, cloth that was a person. Smoke cut her lungs. She tumbled over a bed that sparked, and the person caught on fire, and her shirt caught on fire, her legs caught on fire, she caught on fire, they wouldn't let go, she burned.

"Stop touching me!" Kaia snarled the command, yanking awake, and felt cold. Breath came in clear, crisp, but her eyes were bloodshot and haunted, staring down the dimly lit sandstone room. Nothing smelled of smoke. No burning flesh. Her stare skittered sideways over wary faces of people she didn't recognize, the many closed doors, the high ceiling, the torches. Her body racked in shivers. She looked away, breathing hard, growling with rising fear. Something shifted just behind her and she flared, letting herself become feral. But then she stopped. A strange man sat against the wall, looking peculiarly amused, and...familiar. 

Everything suddenly made sense again, and Kaia laughed. Cold fingers, shaking palms—her hands, rested against her face as quiet, squeaking chuckles bubbled out. Grit dug into her knees. Her chest eased. Carefully, Kaia let herself relax. To stop thinking. Stupid people kept thinking, and that was hard, so she'd just stop. "Shoot..." she mumbled. "Sensei...sorry."

"You are forgiven, of course." Hisoka hummed when she raised tired, sagging eyes to the mess of toppled cards between them. "Isn't it fun to knock them down? I always enjoy doing that myself. For now, I will rebuild them, but next time...do give warning if you wish to join in." 

Shivers still clung to her skin like the goosebumps lining her arms. Kaia nodded, lifting a palm to her chest, feeling for her heartbeat so's to make it slow. It thrummed like horse hooves. Sitting like that, listening to herself and the mumbles of various contestants inside the room, and the sharp crackle of torches...it allowed a sense of...something. Something painful. Kaia viewed the fires again and felt a daunting fear slide up her spine. 

"A bad dream, perhaps?" Hisoka mused. Kaia dipped her head. Her hair was sweaty, stringy, and capped just at the top of her brow. Whatever that was, she needed to stop thinking about it. Frustration remained at her own fear, which Kaia hated, so she needed to stop. Just stop...being stupid. 

"Sensei..." Kaia whispered, grimaced, raised her voice to sound right. "I just had the weirdest dream." Her eyes gleamed and she sat back, starting a quick, choppy, bewildered laugh. "I... Ah, man, I... Hah, yup."

Hisoka tilted his head bemusedly, a coy smile playing at his lips, a brightness to his eyes when he spread his arms wide. "Why don't you come sit over here, Kaia? You ran away so quickly earlier, I didn't get a chance to chase the nightmares."

She snorted. "Funny. As appealing as that is..." Slapping her cheeks twice and standing, Kaia leaned for a stretch. "I think I'll do some exercise first, if that's alright. My feet feel better, my hand ain't killing me and my shoulder’s got no feeling. Alrighty," she called a smile to her face, "push ups it is."

"I see. Hey, you over there...would you care to play?"

Hanzo, at least that's who she thought it was, checked behind him. "Me? ...No. I make it a motto to not come close to others." Somewhere in his mind, he probably thought, 'stay away from clowns', which was funny, so Kaia laughed. Stopped. Offered a light smile to her… Pouting, he had to be pouting again… Teacher. She shook her mind away.

No one came to bother her while she worked, and she didn't expect them too. She only expected to work herself until she had no energy left to worry. So when it came to the first push up, she found no issue. The second, the same. Third, fourth, fifth, eighth, twenty second, forty fifth, ninety third... Her muscles burned. She didn't burn. Kaia kept count out loud. Hit a hundred. Two hundred. Somebody else got welcomed in, their tongue foul and their name calling the thirtieth hour. Kaia found three hundred, four, then stopped counting. All she thought was that she shouldn't be able to do this many push ups, but here she was, doing push ups. Her arms flitted with that usual, inside kind of fire, her stomach taut and strained to level her back. A while ago, she hadn't been strong enough to move, fast enough to stop burning. 

She did another set.

Eventually, when her teeth were dragging bared and sweat rivered down her nose, Kaia stood, started a round of squats. They were good. Healthy for you. It made her stop shaking, at least, but Kaia didn't want to think about that. A growl lifted from her belly somewhere in the higher numbers; it gave her pause enough to stop, ponder her own hunger. 

A low smacking sound caught her attention. Not at all unlike that of a person eating, she figured, and lo and behold, a contestant nearby had food. She glanced around. There sat a food cart in the middle of the room. Unsure how she missed it, then further confused because most everyone else seemed to already have a good hearty start on their meals, she frowned. Shrugged. Headed to the platters available. 

"Simple foods, huh?" Kaia lifted a plate. "Let's see... French fries: salt for the sweat, starch to fill. An apple...fruit's good." An orange rolled from the dish; obstinate but alone. But right afterward, Kaia took it back, remembering that the oranges on the ship hadn't tasted nearly as bad as the ones from back Then. Maybe she could like 'em again. So for now, she'd stick with the french fries and fruits, a sidelined sandwich, and a couple of those chocolate cake slices lingering at the bottom. A second for thought had her doubling the amount. Food decided on, Kaia hesitated just a moment before trotting to Hisoka, where she sat beside him. 

He flicked up a card and licked it. "Care for a game, Kaia?"

She shrugged and took a mouthful. It had a weird flavor, but she didn't taste a lick of salt. Strange, since she could see the white grains over the potato cuts. "More interested in food right now. Did you eat already?"

"Ahh... What would you do if I had not?"

"Tell ya to get food." The apple sprayed juice when she bit. Over the top, Kaia scanned the other contestants. Looked like...fourteen, now. A few she could name from the anime. A few, she couldn't, but could try. Hanzo. Pokkle. That old man Killua'd killed. A man with a monkey. Some weird sword dude who kept looking angry at her, which was funny. After them, there was Gittarackur, of course, and Lorelei. The young gal looked to be sitting with another, talking quietly. It took a moment, but Kaia finally pegged the other person as Ponzu. She looked awful different as a real human. 

Kaia supposed everybody did, but then again, that didn't matter. The woman’s bulbous hat would look weird on anybody.

She stuffed her mouth with cake, chewing with consideration, reaching a point where she was full even though she hadn’t eaten half her meal yet. No matter. So far, things in this story seemed to drift between the 2011 anime, and the manga. Perhaps the 1999 version would also come out to play; perhaps it already had. Since it closely tied with the manga, it was certainly possible, and Kaia hadn't been awake on the airship to see Killua face off against any strange assassin-hunting girl, which'd validate it. Maybe she could ask later. It couldn't hurt... Burning hurt.

She shook her head. Actually, asking that could turn to be a bad decision. She supposed she could say she knew from a woman's intuition, but her body looked to be lacking quite a bit of woman-ness. She was just a girl—twelve. And that brought in its own bucket of problems, but those were unrelated. Kaia snorted, picked up the apple and stilled at her reflection in it. There stuck a boyishness to her looks now, with her hair short and no trace of corrective powders. Made no wonder why some actually thought her male. Perhaps she'd dress up? But...

Kaia kicked her legs out, contemplative. Dresses caused far too many issues to be worth the wear. Of course, special occasions were exceptions, but in general, she'd better wear some decent clothes. Right now she could still get away with it since her body was, again, that of a twelve year old's. But still. 

It occurred to her that she'd changed the subject quite a bit.

"Hey, Sensei," Kaia lifted the apple core with a half grin. "Think I wear too much yellow?"

He hummed, shuffling a deck. "What an interesting question."

"Ah, so." She bit at the core. Neko bugged at her palm right then and Kaia offered him a few leftover fries. Suddenly curious, Kaia held out her hand, picking at the gauze till it came off. Some flakes of dried blood frenzied down, but...what she saw surprised her. "...Say, Sensei." She made a fist with the oddly scar free hand. Nothing but a faint pink line proved where her cut had been. "Check it. I cut this bad earlier, when I thought myself dying." 

"May I see? ...Oh." His face, for an odd second, looked serious. She saw no curl in his eyes, nor frustration on his lips. Just plain...face. Until he brought on his own smile-shattering grin, full of malice and pleasure. "I see."

Kaia swallowed her tongue. "Yeah. Kay. ...You wanted to play cards?"

The air sat dry and smoky like that of the torches. Examinees watched with curious, speculative eyes. Kaia made to sit opposite of her teacher as to play.

The game they started had a foreign name, but it reminded her of an old one she'd played with her Drama class. Looked to be so, as Hisoka stepped her through the process. Fairly simple—all players were dealt 13 cards. Any extras were put in a pile on the side. Then, the players took turns to count all the way to King, where they would start over. To win, you had to run out of cards. Thing is, you had to say what you put down, and if you didn't have the needed card... By the time the rules'd been explained, Kaia figured she'd lose. 

"Are you afraid, Kaia?" He still curled her name. 

"'Course not, losing's fun." She lifted her finger and thumb to point, bouncing with the movement. "You're just better at lying than I am."

"Oh my, accusing me right away?" He chuckled, but didn't speak after that, instead dealing them both a pile of cards. 

She tossed two cards into the middle, face down. "Two aces."

He dropped one card. "One two."

"One three."

"Five fours."

"One--wait," Kaia jolted a stop and counted the backs of those he'd just set. The full five sat there, but every number came in sets of four, maximum, since they played with a single deck of cards... Kaia glanced around the room, the contestants giving curious, anxious stares, then pointed to Hisoka. "Liar."

He smiled grimly. "Oh no, you caught me...see? It appears Kaia is better at this game than she realized."

"...Okay. Third person's a thing, I guess." Kaia glanced at her deck again, confused and incredibly curious. They continued on after Hisoka'd collected the cards they'd set down. "You're first this time," she said.

"Six fives."

Kaia frowned. "Sensei..."

"Hm?"

"...Liar."

"Oh my," he lifted the six cards, five of which were numbers other than five itself. "You caught me. Then, eight sixes."

She set her hand down. "Sensei, I call liar."

Now, he gave that face she knew to be a pout, even going so far as to stick out his lip. "Accusing me again? You do remember what happens if you're wrong, don't you?"

Somebody behind them coughed and Kaia's eyes flicked to them briefly. "I know."

"Then, let's see who's being honest..." Slowly, he drew up the line he'd set down, and...none of them were a six. "Hm? It appears I really was lying." He smiled again. "Be sure to catch me again, Kaia."

They played for a while with no more calls, and no more issues. Kaia'd been a fan of card games way back when, and her dad had taught her the great art of counting numbers. Worked on Board, Poker, Phase 10... So this Liar game looked to be hers in the bag. Which then confused her, since she'd been counting right, and here they were, with a bare few cards left, and...

She hadn't lied even once yet. 

Eyes narrowing, Kaia reviewed Hisoka again. Pleased, he had to be, sitting cross legged like that, smile playing on his cheeks. Suddenly, he seemed a whole lot bigger than before. Kaia felt dread set in her mind as he set his last three cards down. 

"Three eights."

Kaia glanced at her hand. One eight. The other'd been played earlier. She looked at the pile, and the side deck of remaining 26 cards that hadn't been touched. "Sensei..." The pleasure gripping his features just added to the dread. She swallowed dry spit. "...Liar."

"Again? How confident you are. But is it true?" He reached a clawed hand for the far left card, turning it over painstakingly slow. A red eight of hearts stared back at her. "Hm? It seems this one is correct...shall I check the rest?" he asked, and Kaia nodded, and his pale, long nails tapped the next card. "And this one...is also an eight. As for the last..."

There it was. That's where the dread came from. 

Kaia set her own card down.

"I played the other eight earlier, Sensei. That'd mean we had five eights, and we didn't at the start."

"How strange! It's as if it magically appeared, isn't it?"

Ah... Then he probably added a card. No rules said he couldn't. "...Shoot."

"What's this? It appears you lost. So that means..."

"Aw, man!" Kaia blew a raspberry, tossing her head back before she became resigned to her fate. "Kay, I admit defeat, since that makes ya out of cards. Tsk." For a while she sat there, frowning to herself while staring at the flecks of shadows on the ceiling. When Neko licked at her non-scarred palm, Kaia lowered her eyes, which had a new kind of fire in them. "Let's play again."

Three games later, Kaia was dipping further into a festered state of mind determined to do anything but lose. She still lost, but her mind was set. Right as they started the fourth game, Gittarackur folded into a seat beside them. It startled Kaia. She liked to think herself an observant person, made sure to leave a view on what moved around her. She hadn't even realized he'd stood up. The man, tall as Hisoka and just as, perhaps more, terrifying, reached for the sidelined deck with a practiced ease so fluent she became wanting. 

Not wanting of him, by dogs no, she knew full well who he was, but that quiet and that--

His arms became jerky and those loud clicks from earlier rumbled back all of a sudden. His head jerked sideways. "I may join this game?"

Kaia scratched Neko's ear. Never mind, then. She liked his ability to switch but she'd stick to copying Hisoka.

"Certainly," her teacher rolled his words from his tongue while setting up the new cards, "more players mean more fun. Would you like to start, Gittarackur?"

A purplishness had a hold on his skin. The face looked stretched, too, and when he spoke, it sounded heavier in the throat, but without the typical grating one'd expect in an older man. He set down a single card. "One ace. Also, adding cards is against the rules."

Hisoka hummed and went second, "is that so? Two twos."

"One three," Kaia said.

"One four."

"Four fives."

Gittarackur paused, as did Kaia. A five of spades was looking awful suspicious in her own hand now. Shaking her head, Kaia leaned forward, the call on the tip of her tongue when Gittarackur said, "You are lying."

"Oh no, I've been caught right at the beginning again. It seems all these cards are now mine... I wonder if I'll lose?" He shined a perky sort of face, one with a brightness Kaia would usually see on a dog, when someone lifted up its favorite toy. It made a bit of sense. So, the man enjoyed setting up traps such as these—she already knew that, she'd seen the story. It should be noted that he was using it twice...unless whatever he did this time'd be different, which it might, since he hadn't spoken an outrageous number. "One six."

He set down, and she tossed an ace onto the pile. "One seven," she lied. A thrilling wind scuttled through her bones. It took near all of her to keep her face steady, but then she caught eyes with Hisoka, who smiled like he'd caught her bluff. 

"Two eights." 

Hisoka grinned widely after Gittarackur's cards, then offered, "five nines."

Gittarackur clicked. "You are lying."

"Oh my, another accusation, and so quickly too. I wonder what happens when I turn them over...and it seems I am lying. Isn't that strange?" Collecting his dues was something he did masterfully, knowing his way around cards. "Oh my, I have so many choices to pick from, what shall I choose... Oh?" Hisoka paused. 

"What is it?" Gittarackur asked. "Did you find something wrong?"

"Mmn... It seems we have many liars in our midsts. I wonder who they could be? One Jack."

Kaia swallowed nonchalant, well aware he knew what she held now wore the face of a six. "One queen."

"Two Kings."

Kaia had three of those, though, so she called it. "Liar."

Gittarackur stilled. Then, sharp and cracking, his head swiveled toward her and Kaia flinched at the dead gaze he pushed on her. Instinctively, her lip curled up, just showing one canine when Hisoka reached for the cards. Turning back, Gittarackur clicked, "I'm not lying." 

When turned over, it proved wrong, and Kaia's eyes dilated as he retrieved all the fallen cards. She licked her teeth. "You're first."

"That's unfortunate. I had hoped to eliminate extra cards, but I suppose not. One ace."

They played like that for a while—a couple times Kaia felt certain Hisoka, or Gittarackur, were lying, and even more certain Hisoka knew when she did as well, yet nobody called anything till it Gittarackur only had one card left, and Hisoka set down seven. 

"Seven threes."

Gittarackur, face like a stone, stated, "you are lying."

Hisoka chuckled. Quietly, lowly, then increasingly loud. He went to cover his face with a hand, gripping his ribs with the second. It made Kaia glad she hadn't sat in his lap again. "Oh," he went, "how wonderful. You never fail to disappoint me, Gittarackur..." 

Nobody else moved so she took it upon herself to figure what he put down. None surprised when they all ended up being three, Kaia said, "Sensei wins."

"That's not correct. There aren't seven threes in a deck." He got quiet for a second, then, "I see, you must have cheated."

"Actually," Kaia, real soft, muttered, "there's no rules against switching out cards. At least, I think that's what he did. Did you?"

"Perhaps. Oh, don't look at me like that...it makes me so...excited...that despair when you realize you've lost..."

"Sensei," Kaia pulled her legs Indian style, excited. "Again. Let's play again. I can win." And slowly, she became more and more certain she could. He'd cheat. He'd find a loophole, or he'd make one, so she'd just play till they were all called out, and then she'd win. He didn't ever call her anyway--she'd lied many times over now--so she could, absolutely, one hundred percent, win. Eventually. Waiting was never an issue. 

_ It kept her mind from the fires. _

In the background, Kaia  registered another door sliding open and she idly glanced at them. Registered the face, for she knew who they were.

"Akihiko, applicant number 63..." The man walked with a limp and a bruise along his cheek, a bit of blood gristling his stubble, but acted fine otherwise. Slanted silver eyes scanned the room, rolling to a stop on the food cart. "...Is the twenty third to pass the third exam. Total time: forty eight hours, fifty three minutes."

"I am impressed," he spoke swiftly but in a loud tone, "they're feeding us. I'd been under the impression we were to starve."

As he went to snag a meal, Kaia returned to the game, finding it her place to begin and starting it off with an awful sort of lie didn't seem too bad at all. "Two aces."

"I wonder...what would happen if I turned those over?"

She stared at Hisoka, unbelieving. "What?"

He smiled that curbed eye smile before flipping over her threes. "Oh my," he bemused, "these are not the cards you said they were. Liars should be very careful not to show, shouldn't they?"

"...Ha, haha, hahaha," she choked herself laughing, "and here I was thinking you'd let me be the exception. Ah, well, somebody else can run first. Ya caught me."

In the meantime, as the other two considered playing out, Kaia listened to the room. There were few who spoke--echoes bounced from the high ceiling--and those who did never seemed to say much. Hisoka, and Gittarackur aside. The cards Kaia tossed made little noise. Louder was Neko, which was strange, since he really was such a small, small dog, and small dogs really never sounded like much. Unless they barked. Kaia spread her fingers, frowning thoughtfully. Strange. She shrugged. "Two fours—"

"Kaia? Playing something intelligent?" Akihiko sidled up behind them. Kaia flashed her teeth at him, beckoning him to sit, and he accepted smoothly. A little farther from Hisoka, though, but he did add to a nice square formation. Humming, he rested an elbow over his knee, leaning into the conversation. "Are you losing?"

"A friend of yours?" Hisoka asked, pleasantly smiling. "One six."

"One seven. Akihiko, meet Sensei, and..." She paused, thinking, then glanced up. "Gittarku? Ah, sorry, how do I pronounce that?"

"It doesn't matter," was her answer, which caught her as odd but he continued. "Two eights."

"Liar. Ha, thought so, trying to rid yourself of an extra five. Take 'em and weep, Gittaru--tar--Gittarku." Her face scrunched, tongue wadding up. "Saying that's hard. Oh, anyway, Sensei, Gittar...ku, meet Akihiko. He's..." Considerately, she settled on, "human."

Gittarackur clicked. "...You knew I was lying. One nine. How?"

"So 'Sensei', Kaia? What’s that?

They both asked at the same time, and Hisoka seemed pleased to just listen, so Kaia kept patient answering. "Mm...Three jacks. I'm good at guessing, I guess...and he's teaching me...stuff."

"You are lying. You do not have three jacks."

"No sir, those are on the floor." Her grin went wild. "Wanna check?"

Because her set had been an honest one, Gittarackur got to add to his quickly growing collection. A lovely sight, it was. Half focused on the game and half on Akihiko, Kaia considered when he said, "you've grown into something I hadn't expected, Kaia. Think I can ask how you got down the tower so quickly?"

"Hmm...why not? Got a concussion? One ace."

He smiled, chin dipping. "At least you're still funny. So? I fought a skinny little bald man who favored toothpicks as weapons, strange as that is. If I'm recalling correctly, you were far out of it when we landed, and you’re looking pretty beat up yourself." He touched her bandaged shoulder considerately. “So? How did you get down?”

Kaia mused to herself on how to answer. Blatant, or blatantly something else that may or may not seem an answer. A glance to Hisoka made her lean toward the first. Obviously interested, or maybe not, hard to tell. Either way, he'd been turning his head as they spoke, much like a dog might when listening. 

So...he was a cat dog. Fun. "Water bottle fell." Pausing when another examinee arrived, then continuing, Kaia offered, "littering's bad. One four." It is true, she thought. She'd made sure to collect the bottle after falling down, so she hadn't lied.

They played a number of hands for a while longer. Ended with Gittarackur setting down all of his and saying, "four fives."

She sniffed as Hisoka declared a 'wonderful match, how amusing,' but before he could re-shuffle, she grunted, "I'll call liar."

"Why?" The pin man looked awful dead. Had dead eyes. Dead, black eyes beside purple skin. 

"'Just 'cause. And...aw, what? Okay, alrighty, you win... I call rematch!" She stilled. "Akihiko, wanna join? We can have one more player, yeah? Sensei?"

"The more the merrier, right?"

Kaia smiled. Tilted her eyes. Realizing, she leaned back, balancing on her palms to think. In most of her conversation, Hisoka'd answered in a question. People who did that were generally completely uninterested, or incredibly intrigued. With everything? Perhaps he simply preferred others reacting rather than his own reactions. Psychologists, or those who liked psychology, could probably figure him out fairly fast. Her sister had always loved such things... In a genius sort of way, she'd picked apart her friends and favorite fictional characters, finding their reasons for everything. Kaia'd never been good at that. No loss, simple things were a favorite for her—she was certain her sister'd find a reason for that as well, one aside from 'it's easier', but there looked to be a lack of a sister here now.

Kaia blinked twice as a thought struck her. Her sister...was she dead? No, that wouldn't fit, since Kurisutaru hadn't woken on the boat. But what of her family? Kaia didn't live alone—she had another younger sister, a brother, a father and a mother and she had her dogs, her big, fluffy, friendly dogs. Made Kaia curious, for what would they be doing now? Mourning? That sounded...sad. 

How irritating.

"Oh my, is something the matter, Kaia?" Hisoka's voice called her back and Kaia's glazed eyes refocused, her mind whirring back to default. Hisoka looked at a small stack of cards before her. "Will you still play?"

"Ah, haha, yessir, my bad. Um... One three?"

Akihiko shifted uneasily. "That would work better if you called it a four, Kaia. We're not on three."

"...Oh. Whoa, dude, okay, I wasn't paying attention at all. Okay." She slapped her cheeks and tossed a smile. "Three fours, done and done. Your turn, Gittarrr...kur?"

They played. 

It wasn't long before Hisoka started another trap. "Five jacks."

This time, Akihiko called. "Um... Hate to be rude, but I'll call liar on that one."

"Oh my, how endearing. It's like you both all over again...so quick to catch up. Continue to impress me, Akihiko."

No question. But creepy, and has to be a trap. Probably.

They played a few more hands.

"Seven aces."

"I'll call liar, again." Akihiko shuffled his cards together. Kaia noted he was favoring his left arm. "Why aren't you two calling it?"

"'Cause he's lying," she said.

He hesitated. "I was unaware. Thank you for explaining that. Now, I can finally understand that he's obviously not telling the truth."

"Happy to help. One—"

"Don't bother setting any down, Kaia," Akihiko continued with a sigh, "we are all aware you have no threes."

"I can lie."

"You cannot."

"Really? That's a shame." She made to contemplate while the others continued. When it came to her turn again, she said, "what should I do? Lying was kinda fun. Then, two sevens."

There was a fair chance he considered it, but Hisoka dipped a long hand in first to flip over her cards. They were what she said. Still, she found herself confused again. 

"It appears...you are an honest girl. How quaint. I agree with Akihiko here, Kaia. You are much better suited to telling the truth." 

What was he...wanting from her? It was an odd statement she took her time responding to. "...I used to have a scar on my wrist 'cause I burnt fudge. Burnt fudge and knives are bad ideas." 

"One eight," Gittarackur said.

"You play with knives often? Do keep in mind they can be very dangerous... Six nines."

Grunting, Akihiko pushed the pile back, saying, "liar, Hisoka. Kaia, when did your mother start letting you play with knives? Not even Kurisutaru could hold them, from what I remember."

She shrugged. "Went hunting."

"...With your father? I see. When did that start?"

"Five years ago?" She stopped to rethink, counting eight fingers. "No, six years ago, when I turned twelve." She got an odd look from the lot of them for a good long minute before she realized that she probably hadn't made any sense. Then, understanding that nothing really made much sense anyway, she smiled and said, "twelve is a fun age to be. Your turn, Sensei."

"Is that so." There was a glimmer of something flickering across Hisoka’s face, like those of the shadows, but what it was escaped her. "Nine jacks."

"Liar." Akihiko set his cards down to lean both hands on his knees. "You're doing this on purpose."

"Perhaps," he answered, grinning broadly. "One queen." 

They played four more rounds. Right as Akihko had settled down to one card Kaia was extremely certain would win him the game--she herself was a good eight cards out—Hisoka laid down a solid stack, leaving him empty handed. 

Kaia felt her belly. "Huh. I'm getting hungry again. Should probably eat."

"Those," Akihiko said lowly, "are not all twos, and you know it."

"Oh my, they aren't? Then I wonder what they are. If I turn them over...they are all twos! How strange! It's as if they simply became them. That means...it's my win."

Skeptically, Akihiko touched a red heart, then asked, "they can shape shift? These are very odd cards."

"Yup," Kaia yawned, getting to her feet. "No rules against shapeshifting, either. Deal me in for the next round, I'm still planning to win. I'm just gonna grab some snacks. Anybody else hungry? No? ...Ha, ya'll are liars, I know ya love cake. Kay, I'll be back."

She retrieved the food and they ate. After another five or six more games, Akihiko called it off to relax, as it was stretching into the sixtieth hour and he felt tired. Gittarackur followed suit soon after winning twice, leaving only Kaia and Hisoka to play against each other. They did. She lost. When it came around the sixty fifth hour in, dozens of applicants had passed and were finding their own ways of entertainment. Kaia watched them. Asked to stop.

"Just tired myself," she explained when Hisoka'd dropped a curious kind of look. "Want ta," a long yawn, loud and tongue-curling, "nap a bit more..." Behind her, the torches flickered as another examinee strolled in. Kaia listened to it. Glanced at her legs. "Actually, think I'll study instead. Need to know letters, right?"

For some reason, she didn't really care to sleep.

She retrieved her sketchbook. The old, crude drawings she'd done the first day, and the nice four page section where she spelled out everyone's name, she skipped past. The paper was thin and white. Her pencil left a grated sort of speckle on it, which was beautiful in a way that reminded her of old days of writing. Made her muse, then, start in on a short little story of her own. 

Kaia remembered when she loved to write.

The words were blocky, the sentences odd and misshapen. Back Then, Kaia'd written all the time with pencil, only later copying it to the computer to publish. Not that it helped, since the whole story, World's Collision, was an absolute mess and made pretty much no sense. But, as she figured, it helped her out. A good start, at least. And apparently it saved her life too, considering she was dead. No reason to hate that, or get mad, or get frustrated. That'd be a fool's move, and Kaia was not a fool. 

But perhaps that was wrong. Or, perhaps, not right. Kaia let her pencil drift, scratching a dead line across a new, clean page. As she thought, it faded to the outline of an eye, then a face. As for who's, well, she couldn't answer. Looked awful. A big, awful mess, because this little hand here that she used hadn't bothered with practice, hadn't bothered with hard work before. So it looked awful. 

"Ah, man," Kaia mumbled, flipping her book shut. Huffing, she stretched and returned it to her bag. Barking a yawn, she came to the wall beside her mentor, and reclined with her back against a cool, stone wall. He got a short nod while she scratched Neko's ears and said, "I was making things too dramatic. Figured I should sleep before I think anymore."

That stated, Kaia let herself ease into a faded sort of buzz that left her aware, but not awake. The kind of sleep somebody'd use on a dangerous hike, or maybe in an assassin's home. She did so because there were plenty people glaring out at her. Plenty dangers, plenty cards lying beside a plenty scary teacher, and plenty bits and pieces of a nightmare she remembered rawly, but alas, Kaia knew better than to forgo sleep. 

She dreamed of hunting, of standing beside cards in fields colored red, and owls that stared without blinking. 

Kaia was a fool.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the reviews!  
> I own nothing but my shoes and my laptop.

 

"Five minutes remain." The speaker crackled over the room. The many beaten, bruised, but stubborn-headed examinees stirred in their seats. Nearly forty people lingered around closed doors, excited, pleased. But the air remained stagnant and smelling of sweat and blood. These men who'd passed were hard men. Tough, determined men, and Kaia liked the lot. Didn't know near anybody, but those whose faces showed determination... She liked those men. They'd go places.

Kaia hummed and laid back against the floor, offering a light scratch to her shoulder. By now, the wound felt mostly healed, but it itched something awful and her clumsy makeshift bandage pulled whenever she moved. Since she'd had no shower, dried blood still covered her arm and the bursts of red on her dress didn't make her seem any less threatening than all these other contestants. Her hanging beside Hisoka probably didn't help, either. Contemplatively, she tilted to look at the man she'd chosen as master. Evidently a shower would do wonders for him as well.

"Three minutes remain." 

A thicker man with a taste for striped shirts sighed loud and long, calling for his two brothers. "It's finally over," he said.

"Yeah." The shorter one, a skimpy little guy with black eyeliner tipping the tops of his cheeks, nodded. "That took forever."

"Yeah, forever.” Lorelei tapped her head against the wall, voice as flat as her eyes.  “Especially since you've only been here, what, two hours? Oh no, so long. How awful." The girl'd been milling around and conversing with various contestants who were faintly recognizable after the fiftieth hour. Bored, probably. It was a wonder she hadn't asked to play any games. 

"Well," Kaia mumbled, gaze sliding back to her mentor, who cackled over a knocked card tower. "Perhaps not that strange."

"One minute remains."

That bigger brother shot Lorelei a snarky glare. "Think you're smart just because you passed before us? You probably weren't here that long, anyway. And while you're alone, our teamwork is the best. Just watch, too, since it looks like this is all who'll pass. There's a fair chance we'll probably get to fight each other, and when that happens... Remember to watch your back!"

"...Ew." Lorelei scoffed. "Threatening a twelve year old. How original."

One of the doors farthest from Kaia groaned suddenly, and she flicked a curious eye open at the approaching team. The short, tanned boy, Gon, with Kurapika on his left and Killua to his right. All seemed in fair condition, just minor scrapes and a few blue bumps on their cheeks or hands. Kurapika sported a nice little scratch on his neck, but aside from that, she saw no blood. 

"Kurapika, applicant number 404," the speaker barked, "is the forty first to pass. Killua, applicant number 99, is the forty second to pass. Gon, applicant number 406, is the forty third to pass. Total time: seventy one hours and fifty nine minutes."

"My butt hurts," Killua stated. He gave his rear end a rub, listening as Gon murmured something else to him that Kaia couldn't catch, then glanced behind him, where two more figures climbed through the door. 

"Leorio, applicant number 403, is the forty fourth to pass. Tonpa, applicant number 16, is the forty fifth to pass. Total time: seventy one hours and fifty nine minutes. The third phase of the exam is over. Forty five applicants have passed."

Pleased, Kaia rolled into a stand to greet them, her shoes making bare any noise on the stone. "Leorio," she started. They turned toward her easily enough but she made to tap her favored person's arm upon arrival. "You look a little beat up."

"I look beat up?" He laughed breathlessly before dropping onto his knees, grabbing her chin to view her scratches. "What the heck happened to you? You look awful! Kaia, what on earth happened to make you look like this?"

She managed a smile through his grip. "Gravity happened. Is 'kay. But man, dude, your hands are bleeding and it's getting on my face. Hold on—lemme see. Wow. Are all of your guys' hands like this?" One by one, they nodded, and Kaia pulled at Leorio's thumb. The skin was littered with blisters that'd obviously been recently made, and recently broken, and very bloody. A wonder how they could still close fists. Even more surprising was how Gon could wrap his hand so easily around his backpack straps. 

Her smile grew. These were indeed hard men. She liked the type. 

"Kaia," Gon came up to her side, "I'm glad you woke up."

"Woke up?" She paused, mind flashing to fires before they burned back to the swamp. "Oh, yeah. When I passed out. Yeah." She nodded seriously. "I'm glad I woke up too."

"We thought we'd seen the last of you," Kurapika offered quietly. 

"...Love you too, Kurapika. Anywho, ya'll are looking alright. Killua, it's good to see you again as well."

"Hm? Oh." The boy stared at her oddly before shifting as if to speak, but a good chunk of the walls beside Hisoka shot open. Sunlight poured through the gap blindingly. It spun across the room with wind and sand that took down the torches and Kaia edged sideways, then stopped because she wasn't sure where she was edging to.

A figure walked forward. He was a short, slim man sporting a nice grey suit and little square glasses. Evidently an examiner. He looked over the contestants with consideration before saying, "please, follow me," and promptly walking into the desert. 

Tapping Leorio's wrist, Kaia murmured, "I'll catch up in a bit, then." Offering the others a small nod, she carried herself to Hisoka, patient as he collected his cards and stood up. 

The sand was hot. It caught the fierce heat from the sun and threw it back with an heathen-like vengeance. Above, the sky burned its own dry blue with no wind to ease the intense boiling feel. But Kaia kind of liked it. Hearing the sand beneath her, and the quiet buzz of sizzling flesh from a few real ragged guys who couldn't manage a walk, as well as the soft slush of movement across the desert lands. She bent to pick up a fistful of sand before letting it slip between her fingers, where it drained into small mountains of a very pretty gold. She liked the desert, she decided. Wouldn't want to live in it, but she liked it fair enough.

Lippo, perhaps that'd be his name, was standing at the front of an airship not at all unlike a massive whale. Kaia remained crouched when the remaining contestants finished out. They were still gruff men, but the sun did wonders on their sweaty skin. Quite an abrupt difference from the coolness of the tower, she realized. They'd probably take a moment to adjust. 

Kaia remembered hunting in areas that would reach ninety degrees at noon and twenty at midnight. She'd packed out animals in both, and though this body wasn't the same she'd used back then, her mind was. And since she strongly believed in 'mind over matter', this body'd do what she said whether it liked it or not. 

She chuckled. Hisoka quirked a brow and she said, "sounds like I'm in a hostage situation," before kicking to a stand and stretching her wrist. She hopped twice, moving to the other arm, other wrist, then her legs. "Hmm...yeah. I'm a pretty awful person, aren't I?" She shruggedly pushed away the thoughts before driving her attention to Lippo when he spread out his arms. 

"I'd like to congratulate all of you for escaping the Trick Tower," he spoke loud and clear over the desert air and she wondered where he drank water, and why he wasn't sweating yet. Perhaps used to the heat. "My name is Lippo, and in addition to being a Blacklist Hunter, I've been your proctor for phase three. Now," he folded his hands behind his back. "I hope you don't mind this surprise...but you will ride in this airship to the next phase of the exam."

Somewhere off on her left Kaia heard Leorio say, "so there's not going to be much of a break before we get to the next phase, huh?"

"Who cares?" Gon argued. "We get to ride in an airship."

"We already rode in one," this voice she pegged to Lorelei. "You're getting too excited, Gon."

"But it's cool! Right, Killua?"

"Yeah, last time it was fun. This might be the same."

"...If you guys say so... I don't care as much, I guess. I couldn't even sleep last time."

Gon turned his head innocently, asking, "why would you want to sleep?" before dodging a swipe to his skull. Kaia snorted, but stayed beside her teacher while they boarded. Airships were a little odd. The floors looked an awful lot like normal floors, but knowing nothing aside from air lingered underneath intrigued her, pulling at a string in her stomach. Kaia made sure to look from the windows as the thing started to raise off the desert floor. 

No longer hot, most examinees took the time to set down and relax again. This included Hisoka, as he'd already started on another tower. It wasn't till he asked what she found so amusing that she pulled from the cool glass, smiling. 

"I ain't been awake in one of these before. It's neat."

He hummed and lifted a two of hearts, running a finger along the edge. "It is good to have things you like. Most would be interested in what's inside the airship. Are you fond of heights?"

"I'm fond of mountains," she said honestly. Flopping into a crouch beside him, she continued. "I like looking from high up when the sun's rising. Or setting. Or just standing there in the sky. Does that count?"

"I wonder."

She frowned. For a while yet, they sat like that. Kaia moved to a position that wouldn't make her legs fall asleep. Sometimes, she'd start up on her own card tower, but they hardly made it past the third row. After accidentally knocking one down again, she asked, "say, Sensei, what kind of nen do you think I have?"

He paused, then continued moving in slow, rhythmic motions. "Mmn... Perhaps...manipulator."

"Really?" Taken aback, Kaia tapped her chin. Turned to a rubbing motion soon enough. Finally, she said, "why?"

He smiled pleasantly, eyes curbing shut. "I lied."

"Oh. So then," her eyes rolled to her upper left, then scanned along the red-lined ceiling, "you won't say."

"Enhancer."

"So you will say." She considered what he said before nodding studiously. Enhancers built their own strength and multiplied it by whatever number they were stubborn enough to choose. Uvogin had been an Enhancer and Kaia remembered him being one of her favorite characters if only because of the immense power he held. She was fond of strength. She was fonder of people who were also fond of strength. People like Hisoka, who, as she stared, could probably kill her pretty darn fast. "Are you lying again?"

"Perhaps. If I am?"

"I dunno." She leaned on her wrists nonchalantly. "Are you telling the truth?"

He leaned his chin down. "Perhaps."

Kaia's frown creased further. Then, her head bent sideways and she huffed. Supplying a laugh, she said, "yeah, definitely want you as a teacher. Say, Sensei," she waited till he met her eyes to show him her hands, "I wanna get strong. Show me something strong?"

For about a minute he just stared at her without doing a thing. Kaia didn't move, curious but unsure, until he explained. "You do not see anything? Perhaps," he leaned to touch her nose with a nail, "you are looking wrong."

Kaia hesitated again before her mind whirred to life. Looking wrong, she thought. That meant he'd been doing something and she hadn't seen, but she'd been staring. Which meant she hadn't known what she was looking at? No, what he implied was that she hadn't looked right. Which meant...something was wrong with her eyes. How to make them better? He'd said she was an Enhancer, right? Could she enhance her own eyesight to see...

Oh, yeah,  _ gyo. _ Kaia kept looking at the nail but her mind was in her belly. Carefully, she reached for that spinning bundle she knew as her nen and let it buzz up through her skin again. Strangely warm, still slick like slime, all over her flesh but she guided it up to her eyes with a sort of concentration that was more intrigue than anything else. When it settled over her eyes, she pulled the rest away, starting with her feet, her hands, then her torso, until all that was left was her sight. 

It was then that she saw the faint, hazy purplish outline of what looked like fire hovering around Hisoka's body. Abruptly, his smile widened alongside hers, and his eyebrows quirked up. Neko barked, startled, but Kaia calmed him fast.

"So quick to catch on. How splendid...you really are wonderful prey. It will be so appetizing to see how you ripen, Kaia."

"Thanks," she muttered, half paying attention to words. Her eyelids stretched as she focused the slime, squishing it, pulling at it, moving it around like she would binoculars. Since they sort of were. They helped her to see better. She stopped and went back to a squished sight, studying Hisoka's right hand; that purple fire had started coagulating by his thumb and forefinger, where it rested on his knee. Slowly, it rose up, blooming out to a flickering purple heart, then maybe a spade. Kaia's head started to buzz with ideas. He could shape his nen. That was a thing everybody could do, right? That's how he sharpened his cards to kill people. It had nothing to do with which nen type you were... No, that was wrong. Emitters were by far better at keeping their nen from their body. But Hisoka was a Transmuter and if he could do it, she could too.

She leaned out to touch it when it dissipated into nothing, along with all the other fire on Hisoka. Kaia blinked, surprised. A smile split her lips. "Definitely the right teacher. That was freaking awesome, Sensei. Shoot, I gotta learn that too."

His gaze curbed up and around, slow-like, before returning to her. "Tell me, how much do you know about nen?"

"Hmm..." With a touch of eagerness, she willed the slime from her eyes to spiral back to her stomach, where she kept it bundled tight in a forever spinning circle. "It's life energy, there's six different types, if you don't keep it inside ya you can die, and I can use it. But," she leaned on one arm, "I'm not sure why and I don't think I'll get a definite answer, so I don't really care. If you're wondering who woke it up, I'm 'fraid you're out of luck."

He bobbed his hand either way for a while. Occasionally, a card flicked between his fingers before disappearing to wherever he kept them. For a while yet, Kaia contemplated the bundle in her belly, and her own possible capabilities. Idly practicing bringing it from her stomach to her fingers and back again, Kaia spent the time in the airship away, but she remained content. Wasn't till she tried shooting some off her finger like a gun did she remember a little something she'd never returned to the owner. 

"Ah, Sensei, I'll be back. Gotta go return something." 

"Of course. Have fun with your friends, Kaia. They're so very important."

She stopped to look at him for a while. "Probably." Leorio, Gon, Kurapika, Killua... Friends were important. Not sure how much she'd pursue the relationships but they were nice and she liked them. Maybe because she was in such a good mood still, but that was for her heart to know and her mind to wonder about. "Will you disappear when I leave, or will I be able to spot you again real quick?"

He smiled. Taking that as a yes, Kaia sloped through a couple hallways, past a couple examinees. When she passed an archer, she came back around to ask him, "what kind of broadheads are you using?"

The man was a good ways taller than her, standing against a windowsill, and he considered her oddly. "Lightningheads," he said after a while.

"Lightningheads?" She liked the shine on the tips. The blades she could see looked pretty sharp, and the metal clean for a hazardous appearance on the tip of his arrows. Kaia made a mental note to find a similar set, as those already appeared to rival what she used to use. "One hundred grain or one twenty five?"

"One seventy five."

She hummed and crouched down for a better view. The 'grain' they spoke of meant the weight of the broadhead, or the tip of an arrow. A heavier metal meant a harder impact. But, if the shaft of the arrow wasn't stiff enough, the arrow would flop in the air, thus losing accuracy and penetration. Kaia figured with her current arrows, which were only sharpened to a point, she could use a one twenty five. Her length was rather short now though, so perhaps going up to one seventy five was possible. 

"Hey," the man started, "where's your bow? I saw you shooting it in the marshes, but I haven't seen it since."

"I stuck it in my magic bag until I could find a quiver." Standing, she said, "We should talk hunting sometime. You look the right type. Good luck in the next exam."

As she started off, he called out, "I'm Pokkle."

She raised a hand, "call me Kaia," but kept on her perilous journey through the airship. Eventually, she found Lorelei. She'd been hiding out in Gon's little grouping, conversing with the young boys like a school girl would her crush. Probably because Killua was her crush. But that did little to matter. Kaia came up with an easy grin. 

"Kaia," Gon waved at her, something she returned. "Did you see the airship? Isn't it awesome? I think you were asleep last time, but in the last one, me and Killua fought the chairman for this ball and it was really fun because I got him to use his right leg!"

"Stupid," Killua barked, "that confused me and I was there. ...You got him to use his right leg?"

"Yeah! I just head butted him until he did it!"

"That's...really weird. I can't believe that worked."

"Thanks!"

"It's not a compliment."

Kaia took the time to curb on Lorelei's right. It was evident the girl had no interest in whatever Kaia had to say—she'd moved onto the other side of Gon and Killua again just to avoid simple contact. Well, if she wished it that way, Kaia had no qualms with it. "I never gave this back," she interrupted the slight argument between the boys to hand Lorelei her handgun. At the blank look, Kaia finished with, "stored it in my bag until I remembered again. Sorry for the delay."

"A gun?" Gon asked.

"Looks like it," Killua agreed. 

"It's Lorelei's?" Gon clarified. 

"That's what she said," Killua cocked his head and turned to the girl. "Are you going to take it back?"

"No." It was hard and fast and aggressive, bitter again in the fashion she'd showed back in the mist. Lorelei took a step away, never quite looking at the metal. "Not anymore. I don't want it. I don't need it, I'm not going to touch it again. In fact," an abrupt anger...no, just intense frustration...showed on her face. She thrust a finger at Kaia's chest. "I don't want to look at you, and I don't want to talk to you. I thought I made this clear when you first passed."

Kaia blinked slowly, thinking, and Gon said, "she's mad?"

Killua shrugged. "Looks like it."

"We should let them talk it out."

"Okay." They nodded to each other before turning for Kurapika and Leorio, who were resting on a side bench by a nearby window. Before they could go far Lorelei caught their sleeves. Killua paused first. "What do you want?"

"I'm not talking to her. That's what I just said. You can't just leave me with her."

Quietly, Gon shifted, offering, "it's better to talk out your problems instead of ignoring them. That's what Aunt Mito says, anyway."

"That's not going to—that won't—Gon!" She scratched angrily behind her ear. "I'm not gonna, you can't make me, she's too stubborn to think and it's so...frustrating!" When Gon didn't do anything but look at her, Lorelei huffed, crossing her arms while glaring away. "It's not going to happen. I'm not talking to her."

Slowly, Killua looked at Kaia. She'd put the gun away, was just content to listen. Switching which foot he stood on, he said, "What are you going to do?"

Kaia pursed her lips and tilted onto her heels, then her toes. The girl had a point. Kaia knew her own stubbornness birthed from selfishness, no use in denying it. And, Kaia really didn't think about most her actions. Just kind of did them. Made plenty sense that somebody'd have a problem with it. Understanding that, she flashed her teeth. "Guess that means the gun's mine now, haha. Don't got much use for it but ah, well. Should probably pick up some bullets somewhere." Her laugh pulled at her shoulder though, and she flinched. The bandages on her arm were of a darker, grimey brown now. Kaia considered changing them, and instead puffed her cheeks.. "My shoulder hurts."

"That's 'cause it's bleeding," Lorelei stated. Her jaw stuck out a little and Kaia wondered what would happen if she hit it. The thought quickly got shook away.

"Alrighty," amused, Kaia shot finger guns at them while stepping back smoothly, confidently, "this is mighty awkward so I'm gonna go chill with a psycho clown dude. Catch ya'll later."

They let her go, so down the halls she went. Initially, her plan'd been to converse with Leorio after returning Lorelei's gun. Due to her coming unconscious and passing so early, she hadn't had time to spend with the man, and she liked him. But as it played...Kaia supposed another day of wait wouldn't hurt. She'd put off meeting with Hisoka for what, most of the exam? 

She hesitated midstep, then continued. Part of the exam. The first phase only took probably two or three hours, actually. If Kaia remembered right, those Kiriko's had dropped everyone off for the steaks fairly early into the day. The pork exam got held at noon. So then, Kaia'd only held off for four or five hours. He did have a scariness to him, so it made plenty sense that she'd drug it along. At the same time, he was also the strongest person she'd seen yet and from what she remembered of the manga, and anime, he was arguably the strongest man there. 

It occurred to Kaia that her thoughts had drifted. 

She found that fine.

"Back already? That was a very short trip. I do hope you had fun. I know I did, making card towers here all by myself. Look at how far I've gotten!" Hisoka, abrupt and on her left, stacked a final two cards as the top of a very tall tower. Near about the height of her head, when she stood upright. Kaia gave him a nod, a smile, and made to sit on the opposing bench, by another window. Idly, she pulled on her nen, brought it to her feet. Hisoka turned his head. "You seem frustrated. Did something happen with your friends?"

"Nah." Building it by her feet was actually hard. Kaia wondered if she could make herself stick to a wall like that. "Well," she continued, releasing the pull, "maybe."

"You are mad?"

Kaia shook her head and glanced outside. "'Course not. She's just a kid. I ain't got business being an adult if I get mad at a kid." 

"How mature of you. Such a wise statement from one so young."

"Thanks, I try." Out in the open air, the sands seemed to fold over their own hills and valleys. Here and there it broke into slate rock or a few spare trees. In the distance, Kaia could see the green haze of forestry sneaking over from the Westward side, where the sun slid to call forth the night. As it fell, the sand blushed faintly at the sky. Kaia picked at her shoulder wraps, amused, then turned away. "Say, Sensei," she said. He'd knocked down his tower and now clutched at his ribs to cut his laughter. She watched for just a moment before crossing her legs. "Can we play another game?"

They played games Kaia could not win until the sky went dark and sleep whispered soft spoken words of welcome. Cold had come to seep into anyone’s exposed skin. Made speckles of goosebumps along her arms and neck, and Kaia couldn’t find an inch of comfort on the hard, chilled floor of the airship so high above ground. Then Hisoka suggested himself as her pillow, and Kaia... Though Kaia disliked contact, she liked warmth more, so her nap was good. 

By the time she'd awoke, they flew above a sea dusted with early morning stars, and the black outline of a moon shaped island with a brilliant lighthouse flaring into the dark, yawning sky. 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing but my shoes and my laptop!

 

The window glass rested coolly against Kaia's cheeks. Outside, as the sun drifted light with a growing sort of energy, the sea reddened and sparkled beside the moon shaped island, splashing colors against the blackened, jagged bones of crashed ships. With a whimsical tilt on her lips, Kaia watched seagulls sink below a few speckled traces of clouds to land on broken masts. They made for a serene, peaceful sight. Sometimes, a person had to stop and marvel the world around them, lest they forget what they were doing there to begin with. Perhaps, like the sea, she drifted in colors. Or perhaps she burned like the sun, like that dream. Or perhaps, she thought, while pulling from the glass to stare at her teacher smoothly collecting fallen cards, she was just a little insane. 

Kaia decided she didn't need to think about that. 

In a patient but eager manner, Kaia dropped her legs from their crossed position, shaking the prickles and pins out of her ankles so she could stand from the hardwood bench. Since the airship had landed on a cemented dock not too far from the lighthouse, the contestants had received notice to leave, many being woken and ushered outside by a dozen or so Hunter assistants. A squeaking and loud yawn rippled from Neko's mouth, catching her attention. His little pink tongue curled with it as he stretched his paws forward on the red carpet, then he clipped his teeth together to shine brilliantly at her, an eagerness stronger than hers glistening in his marble brown eyes. Kaia liked brown eyes. She liked dogs, and she liked the color yellow, and she liked the carressive ache from sunlight through the window on her neck's sunburnt skin. Thing was, as she figured, she didn't really have a care for small dogs. So Neko's gleeful little march didn't quite appeal to her the way her old dogs' had. 

She slapped her cheeks to ignore the thoughts, shook her head, and sauntered to the side of her teacher whilst he strutted down the hallways. Up by his chest his hands shuffled another set of cards. Kaia watched with no lack of amusement. The movements were something she wished herself to learn; a good thing too, since having him as her teacher would give her plenty opportunities to watch. And watching, she knew, would lead to learning. 

"Sensei," she waited to continue until they'd stepped down the airship stairs, onto water-sprinkled pavement where the salty sea breeze lifted a chill that went straight through her dress. Hisoka, clearing a good dozen steps beyond the line of contestants bubbling out the airship, surveyed the long curve of white sanded beaches, the shipwrecks, and the big lighthouse tower they stood in front of. It was an older building with cracks along its greyness and a dozen circular windows. A bright, welcoming sort of building. 

"You never finished asking your question, Kaia," Hisoka stated measuredly. 

Kaia blinked twice before nodding. "Oh, yeah. What's your favorite color?"

Languidly he rolled his nails across his jawline. When it hit his chin, his hand curled closed, and he made to look at her. "What an interesting question. Are you sure you want to know?"

"Probably." Idly, while he debated an answer, she scanned the rows of contestants who'd finally made it out. Most took in the sight of the lighthouse, while a few others, like her now, surveyed the forestry lands behind the beaches. "Mine's yellow," Kaia offered, "if I'm supposed to say first."

"Yellow? How very bright of you. Something to do with happiness?" 

"Nah, just looks nice." She shrugged and glanced at the lighthouse doors. They'd been edging open, and now an elderly looking couple were creeping out. They seemed like pleasant folks, wrinkled smiles on their chins. Kaia's gut twisted though, so she figured she didn't like them. 

Hisoka chuckled quietly and Kaia shifted uneasily from one leg to the other. Nothing else slipped from his tongue though. Faintly deflating, but none deterred, she lifted a step closer on his right. Not close enough to touch, no, but close enough to smell the blood tinged cinnamon of him and feel his heat. It was a comforting sort of closeness, lined with an edginess that tugged at the knot in her belly, but because she hated being scared she was pushing to turn that fear into an appreciative sort of acceptance. 

Not that she'd stop being afraid. If that came to be, well, she figured she'd get a whole lot deader than she was now.

"Welcome!" That elder woman clasped her hands in front of her, and the tilt of her head made her pale brown pigtails slide across her well-filled shoulders, which, liked the rest of her, looked soft and plushy. "My name is Banner. I'm the manager of this hotel. This," she lifted a darkened palm to the man, "is my husband, Genner."

His hands were clasped behind his back. He wore a little goatee that Kaia liked. "Nice to meet you all," he said, voice more bleak than baritone. A timid man, then. 

One of the examinees marched forward. "Did I hear you say this was a hotel?" he asked. More of a demand than anything else. After a moment of staring at his back, Kaia pegged him to that bald ninja, Hanzo. She didn't quite like him either, but he wasn't awful.

"That's right," the man, Genner, agreed. "Part of this ship—" startled, Kaia stared around before noting the lighthouse was, indeed, part of a very large ship. "—has been converted into a hotel with all the amenities. In the past," here he closed his eyes with a prideful sort of look, "we've had the honor of hosting His Majesty, the King of Nebra. Also, this hotel is a favorite among celebrities of the continent who refer to it as the 'White Palace on the Ocean'."

While the elder spoke, Hanzo waltzed all the way up to him to tower. It was evident the ninja had no qualms using his immense height as a silent threat. "I didn't ask for a sales pitch," he said, conversationally. "You two are not the proctors, right?"

Genner tilted his head, not affected in the slightest. "Are we?" he asked his wife.

The wife smiled easily. "Yes, that's a very good question." Addressing the all of them, she said, "the Hunter Committee has given me a message to deliver to all of you applicants. 'To all who passed phase three, congratulations on a job well done! Phase Four will begin three days from now. Until then, please enjoy your short break on this island'."

Kaia itched at her mind until she remembered where this was from. She'd said it before and she'd say it again; she never had a good memory. But this little trip here, if she was correct, only happened in the old 1999 version of Hunter x Hunter. Weird, since it wasn't what her fanfiction'd done, but neither had the sushi been there, and what did you know? She'd cooked sushi. No matter.

She plopped into a crouch, bouncing with the movement on the balls of her feet. A good number of the contestants began muttering to themselves, a couple laughing. Leorio, not too far away, even eased into an eye-creasing smile while ruffling Gon's hair. A slap of jealousy struck her chest. Startled at its abruptness, and then amused, Kaia allowed it rest by her heart to figure where it came from. Leorio chuckled again, popping his arms on his hips to something Killua said, then spoke something else to Lorelei, who laughed back. Kaia's face remained carefully apathetic. 

A glance revealed Hisoka's own amusement at her actions, potentially feelings, if he could see that far. She liked to think he did.

Kaia flashed her teeth, talking down the spurt of emotion until it had nothing left on her, where she stretched back up. "You ain't answered yet," she said.

"Oh my, aren't you stubborn." A little grin lifted his lips as he bent down, hovering close to her ear. Lowly, he whispered, "pink," and Kaia's eyes dilated at the closeness and the feel of breath on her ear. 

"All right!" Leorio's voice, loud enough to hear now, caught her attention swifter than a piece of grass would a cat. The man sauntered toward the lighthouse, along with the main group and a few other contestants. "I'm gonna take a shower and get all cleaned and refreshed!"

Kaia leaned onto her heels. "'Wonder if I can shower, too. Needin' a bit of cleaning 'bout now. Ha, betcha my shoulder's already good to go." To emphasize, she flexed. Only a small string of pain lingered over her arm so, figuring it good, Kaia laughed.

"Just a minute," Banner lifted a hand placatedly, "please." 

Leorio cracked his neck, but stopped to listen. "What is it?"

The woman smiled. "Here you have to pay in advance. Ten million jenny per person."

A collective pause littered the air. Kaia broke it with a quick, easy whistle before reaching to tap Hisoka's left hand, which hung by his hip. Thinking better of it a moment later, she instead just leaned closer to whisper, "meet back up with you later. Gonna get me some cash."

There were, she mused while swinging over the rail of the large ship, advantages to knowing the plot. Her legs folded softly beneath her when she hit the sand below. It was a cushioned landing designed to allow a quick spring back up, which she did, languid in listening to the waves until her feet carried her toward the bend of trees creeping out by the far corner of the island. If the plot stayed anything close to what she remembered, which looked fairly probable, all the examinees would be set loose on this island and the surrounding waters in hopes of finding some shiny, rich treasures to trade for a room. That said, Kaia came to the idea that it wouldn't be very long at all before many of the easy to find, easy to take, treasures got snagged. When that happened, the only items left would be to dive for.

She snorted. Coughed. Glanced at a nearby wreckage covered in seagulls, the waters on her left and the little sand-bugs crawling by her tennis-shoes. Snorted again.

"Dive, die, since I'm already dead, ha. Not really of a mind to get wet, though..." They were words spoken to herself, quiet over the softly lapping waves. Her eyes, a bottled sort of blue, not quite the color of the ocean nor that of the sky, drifted across the grounds again before returning to the lifts of palm trees by the far corner. Behind her, she heard a jolted shout, not at all unlike someone startled into movement. 

She didn't glance back, just took off running 'long the trees for a nice, wide set shipwreck buried half deep by a clout of palms. Some broken woodwork lay scattered across the white, cool sands, along with a couple other shredded boats that Kaia didn't feel like investigating. The big one had her interest. As for why... Well, she didn't need a reason. Felt like it. 

_...Hey, Kaia, you up for a chat? _

Kaia's pupils widened, then shrunk with notice, but she kept right on till reaching the ship, where her steps became wider and lighter, careful to avoid breaking through any rotten wood. Pulling herself over a half-shredded rail, she muttered, "yeah, here. Go for it. We been putting conversation off anyway."

_ What was...supposed to happen to me? In the end. Because something's been... What was supposed to happen? _

Kaia stilled at a doorway. The top hung low and the sides were peeled, crippled clips of wood sticking out hazardously. The sun left a pale, tawny sort of light across the boards that contrasted sharply with almost fully black shadows that stretched farther than usual solely because of the early day. From the black, gloomy darkness inside, riddled only with the occasional sunlight hole from a break in the ship's planks, she could see only bare, toppled wood and a few bones scattered over the mess. 

_...Kaia? Can you... are you still there...? I've been reading your memories, and... Kaia? I'm...scared. _

Ahh...frick. Runa was dying, then.

She took a slow breath, one of salty, clean air, and stepped inside. A hollow breeze took up her short, brown, nastily curly hair. Kaia sunk her gaze around the wood, digging through the dust with a hesitant sort of care that kept Neko from coming too close. For a while, she was quiet in her search for gold. Found a couple lost coins, a few silvers. Wasn't till she came upon a locked door set by a corner that she found anything of care. 

_ No...answer...I guess... _

"...Nah." This time, she huffed air through her teeth. The door didn't take much force to break through. Down below, where it lead, it was completely dark and Kaia, unfixedly, lit a match, then a stick of wood she wrapped with some cloth, then headed down. "You know," she murmured, eyes reflecting the fire and shine of the many gold treasures piled around, "I never liked the dark."

_ You've...said. _

"I know. Figured I'd say again." Stabbing the stick into the wall like a torch, she set to the treasures, wrapping few around her neck and most inside her bag. "I'm uh," she hesitated on the words before just shaking her head. "Yup. Scared of the dark."

Runa didn't say anything so Kaia kept talking. 

"Pretty scared of getting punched. And ants. Sensei's scary too. I get nervous when I gotta confront people. Hate being cold. Hate being hot. Yelling's scary. Had a bad dream about catching on fire. Don't like lots of physical contact. A little's fine, but a lot makes me want to be irritated. Being around the same people itches at me." She laughed, holding up a pretty red gem necklace, marveling at the way it glinted from the torch. "I'm bad at talking."

_ You seem to be doing fine right now. _

"Sure. Most people are good at rambling, my friend. Ah, where was I going with this?" Kaia trailed off thoughtfully, tapping her chin. Eventually turned to a rubbing motion, as per usual, until she flashed a grin. "Oh yeah. I was gonna say, I don't got much to say. Sorry. Kay."

_ Is that supposed...to be...sympathy…? You’re really...bad at it. Can't believe you're the one...replacing me. ...It's getting hard to...think...Kaia. _

Kaia's eyes flicked at a clunk from up above. A sharp bark from Neko had her standing, shoving the last of the shiny things in her bag, though many were covered in a sticky grit, a couple with dried blood, that was anything but shiny. Kaia didn't care. Money was money and the boat didn't need them no more. 

Whoever was up above started muttering to somebody else, who responded with a deep tone of voice. Kaia grabbed hold of her torch, looking up at the door. Half of a ladder offered a precarious way out. Unfortunately, it didn't appeal to her too much, so she locked the torch between her teeth and jumped for the edge. Cold, grimy, blistered fingers caught the hard wood and held while she pulled herself out. The strain made her shoulder burn something awful, causing her to flinch upon landing, hissing over the torch. Then the pain died down and she stood up, scanning the two men watching her with similarly cautious features. 

Kaia took out the torch and shined her canines at the both of them. "Howdy. Must say, it's pretty dark in here, ain't it?" To add, she swung the torch hard enough to wipe out the fire. Now all she had was a stick. Sticks, she found, worked quite well for hitting, if need be. And with the way those men were studying the heavy chains and necklaces around her shoulders, hitting might be necessary. 

But then the shorter man, who had a puffy red nose, tapped his friend on the arm. A bullet of sunlight caught on his wrist, blinding her from her spot in the shadows. "Don't do it," he said. "She's that creepy magician's student."

"All the more reason to take her down now, isn't it? The clown won't know this spit from any other." Of course, he'd used a different word, but Kaia didn't feel like acknowledging it. "Two birds with one stone. Taking out what'd turn into a threat later, and grabbing some gold for ourselves." The thicker one had some black in his teeth. Or perhaps it was just missing teeth, but at that time, Kaia didn't quite care. She leaned on her heels, nonchalant and easy while slipping her gaze to Neko, who watched her with perked ears and bright eyes. 

Looking at the thicker man again, Kaia said, "are you guys perverts?" They spluttered for a moment and Kaia took that time to walk forward with hard, determined steps that masked the fumble in her gut. Her head cocked sideways as she neared. When it came to be about four feet, her grin went malicious and wild, her eyes stretching out in a heated sort of manner. "Don't care too much for perverts, mind ya. Hope you can excuse the question 'f I'm wrong."

Swiftly, the smaller man slid back, pulling the other with him while Kaia passed through the door. It would have been quite a tight fit if the men hadn't squished so far into the frame. Once in the sunlight, Kaia let herself laugh, since that was rather funny, and she was just a little stressed and just a little irritated and just a little confused, maybe, and it remained a little funny. 

"H-hey!" The thick one grabbed her arm, the bad shoulder, and it hurt. Kaia, acknowledging the pain, made to look at him with a pleasant face but her teeth remained morphed in that bared, feral style. 

"Mind lettin' go?" she asked quietly. He did, faltering. Kaia twirled her stick which, although charred at one end, was hard and wide at the other. Her eyes creased shut. "See, I was under the impression violence was bad." And then she let them open again, leaning one finger against her cheek. "But I've also been told there's to be exceptions..."

"No, no," the short man quickly shot in, grabbing his friend by the arms, "violence is bad. Our mistake."

And Kaia laughed more. And more. And more and more and more, like a windshield wiper during a dry day, or a barely wet rag going over the same spot on glass. It wasn't an appealing laugh. Kaia knew it. But it sounded funnier than the two men did, and she was still a little scared, so she kept laughing right over the side of the wreck. 

Half way back to the main ship, she stopped, let her gaze fall flat and her features return to a normal mix of apathy and mild curiosity. "I wonder," she mused, "if that's how I'll always respond when scared. Gets the job done, I suppose, but still." She fisted her hand before stretching the fingers. "I'm a funny sort of wimp, aren't I?"

Her thoughts flashed to Runa before she flicked them away. Didn't help to think about what she couldn't do, or what she'd made wrong if she couldn't fix it. Then again, it didn't help to not think about it anyway.

Kaia shook her head, slapped her cheeks. That was wrong. Not thinking did a lot. Not thinking meant that she could keep moving and keep going, meant that there'd be nothing holding her back, and nothing there to stall when she needed to have motion. It meant a whole lot and it made things a whole lot easier, too. And, since Kaia liked simple things, and easier was simple, she'd just keep not thinking about such things. 

Mind sufficiently made, Kaia let off a friendly smile and wave lean for the man approaching her from a nearby bunch of boats. Akihiko's pants were wet up to the knees and his hands had the darker lines of wet sand slithered over them, but based on the bronze statuette he held under one arm, she figured his trip to the sea'd been worth it. 

For a short bit they walked without saying much to each other. Then, straight out of the blue, he stated, "when was the last time we met?

Kaia scratched her cheek, giving him a slow, lazy look. "This morning."

He scoffed but kept going. "I mean, before the Hunter's Exam."

"Oh." She thought back, remembered he'd said something about four years. But...hadn't he also said eight? And he'd last spoken to Taru two years back? Ah, she found herself confused. "When we did. I got a bad memory."

"Who are you?" From his height and the angle, he cast a long shadow over her that stretched to the palm trees. She gave him a quizzical stare and he met it evenly. "I am not an idiot."

"Oh. Well, that's no good." She stretched an arm, uneasily watching the trees on the other side. It occurred to her that he may be speaking of her...possession, yes, a possession...of Kaia. "What gave me away?"

"You bared your teeth when I bumped into you in the tunnel. No denial?"

"'Course not." She flashed a grin. "I ain't never kept it a secret either. Is just, nobody asked yet."

Akihiko ran his hand down his stubble thoughtfully. "I see. So? Who are you, miss stranger?"

"Kaia right now."

"You," he threw a darker glower that left a tightening in Kaia's chest, one she was, unfortunately, familiar with, "will answer." 

Kaia's lips began to curl but she kept them from raising too high, choosing to lick at her teeth to focus. "Kaia," she said, "right now. I'm not Kaia, but I'm Kaia, if that makes any sense."

"...How long, then? And do be careful which words you use, miss stranger."

"If you're meanin' not to lie, ain't gotta worry about that. Don't like lying." She fiddled with a bracelet. By now, they'd reached the big ship. A set of stairs up wasn't too far off either, so she started for that, talking along the way, trying to cradle the stretch of fear she felt. "I woke up about thirteen?" she counted eight fingers. "No, fourteen days ago. I think? One or the other. Hard to remember when I'm dead."

He trailed after her with a fluent ease. "Then you are a ghost. Where is Kurisutaru's sister?"

Kaia bit out a violent grin, holding two fingers to her temple. "Up here. She's stuck up here, no way out and time's ticking hard. Say, what do you tell people who're dying?" She paused at the top of the stairs, looking down on him. He met her gaze sturdily. 

"Can I persuade you to leave?"

Kaia frowned. "I don't think that'd go over too well."

A quizzical tilt pulled his eyebrows before he ran a hand through the black tangles in his bangs. He walked up to the same step she stood on, and her head had to stretch to see his face. "I meant," he said, lifting his chin, "can I persuade you to leave Kaia's body? If you need a different host, I'm certain it could be arranged."

Figures. Kaia rolled her shoulders, turned away, and trailed to the end of the very short line of examinees who'd also found treasures among the nearer ships. Now that she understood what Akihiko meant, she decided she should come up with an honest answer that could appease both their minds. 

Akihiko followed her to the line, standing close behind her so they could continue talking in quieter tones that the others wouldn't be obliged to listen to. "Your answer?" he asked.

"Don't think there's much you can do," Kaia explained eventually. "I never purposefully possessed Kaia. Not too long ago she wasn't even a person to me, so like... I dunno, can't exactly leave what I never got myself in."

"That... I see, that's what you meant by 'waking up'." He hummed. "I suppose I could find an exorcist."

Her features bristled as her fear went a newer sort of wild. "Are you threatening me, Akihiko?"

The man wasn't the least bit phased. He rolled the statuette from hand to hand, pondering. "I wonder if someone else forced you to possess her body."

"Oh, yeah," Kaia, slowly, let herself relax, "I got a call right after saying I was in a test or something. Dunno why. Don't really care, either."

"You have no drive to remove yourself?"

"No sir."

"I see. Yet you know she is dying?" He shifted behind her, but she did nothing. Then, he asked, "were you this cold in your last life?"

The words gave Kaia pause. Cold? As in, cold hearted? Perhaps she was. She knew she was selfish. Perhaps they were the same thing, because a true selfishness could not be birthed unless the character did not care of another's well being, which of course, did indeed sound quite cold hearted. Kaia...didn't think she was, though. She liked doing things she liked doing. She wanted people she liked to be happy. She didn't quite care about another's social standing nor their standing at all, unless it dealt with her, but it wasn't that she was cold. She certainly felt things. She wasn't immune to emotions. She just chose whether to continue feeling them or not, to continue listening to their pull. But...she had stolen this body, she supposed, and thus had some owing to the person who'd used it before. Then again, that didn't really matter, since it was hers now and...

Oh. 

She'd heard this before, hadn't she?

Something like...  _ "But I know it doesn't matter to you. You don't care. You don't want to care. Since you're just...cold in the heart." _

Kaia frowned, listening to the seagulls for a while. Banner's soft, layered voice was quick to determine that the man up front's little pot of gems wasn't worth as much as it had seemed simply because many were so cracked and broken from the harsh environment. He got a room though. A third class, and was allowed into the hotel. Kaia watched him go with tired eyes. 

She took a step forward, sighing as the next man was scrutinized, before finally tilting her head back to say, "probably." 

"I see." His face remained stern. "Then yes. I am threatening you."

Then it was her turn. She showed the woman, Banner, her necklaces along with all the golden chains and a few of the silver bracelets. The items in her bag remained in her bag though, for no reason other than her not needing a perfect room. Figuring she'd spend most her time with Hisoka, she'd only need a room to sleep in and that was pretty much it. For what she'd do with the golds, well, she could trade them for jenny later, after gaining understanding of this place's currency, and maybe buy herself...

No, wait, she didn't want to buy anything. She just wanted a lot of money. Money to...just have. Yes, because Kaia was selfish.

"Second class room for you. It's a double room, meaning you will have a roommate, but feel free to enjoy solitude for a while."

"Cool," she laughed heartily when she spoke, but what she felt wasn't amusement. "What time's food?"

"There will be lunch at noon and dinner at six pm. Anything else, my dear?"

"Do all the rooms have a shower?"

The woman offered a gentle, pleasant smile Kaia didn't care for. "Of course. There is also a room to treat injuries. We don't have a doctor with us, but I'm certain your friends would be willing to help bandage your shoulder."

"Neato, thanks." Kaia started for the lighthouse but stopped in favor of waiting for Akihiko. The man was gifted a B-class room as well—a different number from hers—and although he met her eyes when passing, he did not stall for further conversation. He simply up and strutted to the lighthouse, a confident, but frustrated feel to him. Kaia stared after him for a while. Her shoulder buzzed a bit of hurt.

"Shoot."

He'd never told her what to say to Runa. 

She bit her lip. "Ah...shoot."

Well, no sense in worrying. 

"Kaia!"

She turned sharp at Gon's call, catching sight of the tanned boy when he trudged up the stairs. He, and Killua. Between them they carried a large chest of goods. From that moment, it was easy to dismiss any frustration or irritation or thought at all, and Kaia took the chance eagerly. 

"Wow, that looks expensive." She huffed a chuckle, which Gon joined in with a brighter, lighter laugh sounding more like a boyish giggle than anything else. Killua, on the other hand, just scanned her oddly before drifting a toothy half grin. 

"Gon and I teamed up," he said. "so sorry, you're out of luck."

Kaia followed them over to the lines. "Really? I'm all sorts of unlucky today."

"Killua, what do you mean Kaia's out of luck?" 

The blue eyed boy tossed a 'heh' over his shoulder. "You're probably waiting for somebody to drop extra gems or something, right? So you can feed off of it?"

"Killua," Gon reprimanded, "that's mean. ...Did you need help, Kaia?"

"I am..." Kaia scratched her neck, where her sunburn had edged into a small peel. "Amused. Yes, amused is the right word here."

Gon turned his head. "So..." he glanced at the sea spray, then the light house, then her. "Did you need help? Because me and Killua can give you some—"

"What? No we won't!"

"We can! Kaia's our friend and if she needs help—"

"Argh, Gon! I was joking! She probably already has a room, that's why she was up here!" He jerked his eyes towards her. "Right?"

Kaia pulled her key from her pocket. "Right-o, Chicken Smoothie."

They moved up when a contestant was denied a room. Then, Killua leaned back to say, "you called me that when we first met. What's it mean?"

"It," Kaia, completely honest and straightforward, answered an instinctive response she’d been told before, "I-T, is a two letter word to identify a something. Said something could have been referenced or be a person, or creature."

Gon laughed but Killua chose to scoff instead. "Fine. What does 'Chicken Smoothie' mean?"

"Oh." That made sense. "That's just a game I used to play."

"So why do you call me 'Chicken Smoothie?'"

"Hm, good question." Kaia paused, frowning, then reached to tap her chin. She used to call her younger sister 'Chicken Scratch', but that was a little different since the girl's handwriting had been an awful mess that Kaia liked poking fun at. For why she called Killua 'Chicken Smoothie'... Eventually she just shrugged it aside because thinking about it didn't help find any answers. "Dunno. No reason behind it that I can think of. I'll stop." She brightened, glancing behind. "Oh, hey, Pokkle."

"Oh, you again. Kaia, right?" The lean man weaved up the last few steps quickly before trotting over to her with a handful of plates. They were pretty, yellow aged plates that Kaia could picture old ladies hoarding. Kaia counted seven of them. On her other side, Gon and Killua viewed them skeptically. 

"Are those worth anything?" Killua asked.

Pokkle, brown eyes rolling, lifted one up carefully. "These guys are antiques. I could probably sell the whole set for a billion. But since the rest were broken..." He put it back down and leaned on one hip. "Still, not all expensive things are made of gold, guys."

"That's so cool!" Gon said brightly. He jabbed Killua in the shoulder. "Hey, hey, do you think this chest is worth anything too?"

"I don't know. The stuff inside's pretty expensive though."

"Yeah, but what if we can offer the chest as well? I think somebody could use it for something..." The boy trailed off thoughtfully before saying, "a laundry hamper?"

Killua's stare went flat. "How's that supposed to sell?"

"I don't know."

"Stupid."

Pokkle chuckled, and Kaia listened with curious, interested ears. He had a nice laugh, she decided. Something like a...well, she couldn't exactly describe it, since she couldn't quite relate it to anything, but it sounded nice all the same. Longer rolling breaks, ones where his eyes, a pretty reddish brown, would crease at the corners. 

She looked away, scratching at her neck before folding her hands in her pockets, unsure. 

"Who's up next?" Genner asked. Kaia refocused on the now, coming to stand beside Killua. The boy opened the treasure chest in time with Gon, revealing an overflow of silvers, various lesser gems, some diamonds, and gold. Genner, enthusiastically, grabbed a ruby from the bunch, holding it to the sun. 

Killua leered. "Whaddya think? This has gotta be worth at least ten billion!"

Genner abruptly frowned and he pulled the gem closer for inspection. After staying quiet for a moment, he adjusted his glasses and said, "it's worth no more than ten million jenny."

Killua dropped the chest. "Are you kidding me?"

"Well, you've got the gems all scratched," Genner explained, "because they were mixed with the diamonds. They need to be re-cut to be of any use."

Banner held out a key. "A second class cabin for you two as well."

The two gloomily splotched toward the lighthouse, grumbling as they went. Kaia twirled her key. Then, mirthed, watched the exchange with Pokkle and his plates.

"How unfortunate." Banner was the one speaking this time. She held the antiques with dainty, old hands. "If you had found all twelve plates in the set, it would have been worth at least nine million jenny. We'll give you a second class cabin." She handed him a key that didn't match Kaia's. He took it quickly though, nodding to them before coming up beside Kaia. 

"Were you waiting for me?" He flashed a smug sort of grin that Kaia copied.

"'Course. Wanted ta see if we'd have the same room." She held her own key up then, puffing her cheeks. "Fortunately not, though. Guess I'll jus' have to wait for everybody else to pass to see my roomie."

He stared at her oddly before scratching at his pale brown, shoulder length hair. "Yeah. You know, because you hang around that magician guy, I kept thinking you'd be different."

"Really?" Kaia perked. They walked a short ways to the lighthouse, still chatting. She pulled her hair up like Hisoka's. "You thinkin' I was creepy?"

"Actually, yes." And then he got quiet, and Kaia got quiet, and then she felt awkward so she tilted onto her heels before rolling to her toes. The man must've felt the same sort of awkwardness, 'cause he edged toward the doors. "Well," he said, "I'm going to my room now."

"Oh, yeah."

"You should, uh, change your dress. It's really...bloody."

She glanced down. "Oh. Yeah. Probably."

The door slapped shut behind him. Kaia blinked at the metal before smiling and wheeling back around, marching toward the line, where she figured to study anyone gaining a second class cabin. Before she could make it there, she caught sight of a familiar face pulling up the stairs.

Kaia's smile grew. "Leorio!"

"Huh? Hey! Kaia! There you are. Look what I found." Leorio scurried up those last few steps. The whole time, he lugged a huge black chest with him, one that sounded heavy. When he started dragging it to her, she met him halfway, stopping before she hit 'cause somebody rammed into her shoulder.

Lorelei cast her an irritated scowl. "Oh. Sorry. Didn't see you."

"Whoa." Kaia, noticing the tension and not feeling up to keeping it, lifted her hands. "I didn't see me either."

"Hey, hey, guys," with a quick pull at her arm, Leorio drug her back to relaxed. "Instead of glaring at each other, look at what I found. It's..." He lifted open the top in a fabulous glory that showed four massive cannonballs. He gagged.

Kaia reached for one. "These look heavy." It was a bit of a struggle getting it out of the casing, but once it sat in her arms, she realized it wasn't that heavy at all. Perhaps she was just getting stronger? That sounded right. "Were you going to turn this in? Wonder how much it's worth."

"So now you're taking other people's stuff too?"

Kaia blinked quick and thrice, a mind of frustration pecking at her neck. "Yup. I'll put it back. My bad." She stared at Leorio for a moment, then at Lorelei; Kaia really didn't want to get irritated. She didn't want to allow herself to get irritated. Best to avoid it, then. "I need a shower," she said simply. 

Leorio met her gaze. "So do I. But you stink a little more."

"Yup." She laughed, then, "see ya around, friend."

The inside of the lighthouse differed greatly from the out, something Kaia acknowledged immediately. For one, the air was a much thicker, wetter kind of warm; a sea tainted humid. The floors were a dark hardwood and had dents littered here and there, but were overall well taken care of. Much like the walls, which held paintings and soft pink interiors. The ceiling had hanging bulbous lights. Kaia didn't like it.

But, she mused while stepping quiet past the lines of rooms, she wasn't here to like it. She was just here to enjoy it. So she would. 

A while of wandering lead her to the second class hallway, which on one side held all the rooms, and on the other, dozens of windows that'd been recently cleaned. They left a friendly, sunny mark all around. Kaia reached to copy the feeling. And, although it was just a little hard, just a little, she did. 

Her room was a large one. Green carpet, green bed sheets. Both beds sat against the right wall, and between them was a vase with a dead daffodil. The far wall had two big square windows with pale curtains resting on each side, while on the left wall, there was another stand with a vase, this time with a living flower. Beside that was a door to what Kaia assumed to be a bathroom. A quick check proved that true. Nothing fancy, but it included a bathtub with a showerhead, and a clean toilet and a bar of soap by a white sink. Kaia walked back into the bedroom to the farthest bed. 

Half way done with fishing out some yellow pants and similarly yellow shirt, the bedroom door squeaked open. Pleased, Kaia glanced up, welcoming words on her tongue. But the words curled and hesitated at the tip. Lorelei mirrored Kaia's surprise. 

The other girl recovered first. "Kaia," she said curtly.

"Probably," was her response, and it startled the both of them. 

Lorelei sighed. Crossed her arms. "I don't want to room with you."

"Thanks."

"And that's why. But...how about a temporary treaty?" She scratched her arm, shifting the green of her eyes around. "I don't remember this happening in the anime. I'm not sure what to expect."

Kaia hooked her clothes under one arm and straightened, now amused. "It was in the old version. Gonna be a big storm, if I remember right, and then we'll get to the other island where we's to fight each other. It'll get back on track pretty soon." To herself, she added, "I think."

Lorelei looked appalled, but then her features merged to one of hope. "You saw this? Wait, so you know who's rooming with who?"

"Probably."

"Do you or don't you?" She crossed her arms.

Kaia shrugged. "I do and I don't. Who you wanna know about? I can tell you what they used to be."

"Killua."

"He's with Gon." Kaia tilted her head. "I think Leorio changed rooms so he could talk to Kurapika, and Tonpa got stuck with Hisoka? Don't remember too well. Say," she swallowed her thoughts, "know what to say to people about to die?"

"...Excuse me?"

Kaia shrugged. "Just, you know. If not, that's cool. I'll figure something out."

Lorelei took a step back. "Are you...threatening me?"

"Oh," Kaia shook her head, "nah, no reason to. Just wondering is all."

"...I'm," Lorelei, cautious, pulled the door back open and eased out, keeping eye contact the whole way, "going to switch rooms now."

Kaia wasn't sure what to say when the door shut so she didn't say anything at all. Just locked herself in the bathroom, stripping off her clothes along the way. She turned the water on as hot as the knob would twist before peeling away her bandages. Since nobody was looking, she didn't grimace. Or flinch. Or really care much about the pain, since she didn't feel like she had to. She just stared at the still gaping hole in her arm and wondered why it hadn't healed yet. Her palm was fine. Why not her shoulder?

Maybe something to do with leaking her nen? 

She dismissed the concern and stood up, but paused at her reflection in the slowly misting mirror. Still flat, glass blue eyes rimmed by the marks of sleeplessness and uncannily long lashes. Sunburnt cheeks. Wildly curly black-brown hair, made even darker with clumps of dried blood and the occasional jumble of sweat salt. Scabs and scrapes across her skin, down her neck to her collarbones that were starting to sink beneath shoulder muscles and child-like pecs. None of her fingernails were gold anymore. Kaia had liked them gold, but Kaia hadn't, so now Kaia didn't have them.

Because Kaia wasn't Kaia.

It was a weird thing, Kaia decided. When she showered, she made sure to not think about anything, just focus on the blistering heat pounding her back and the screech of fire from her injuries when they touched soap. The water hit her clear but drained away a very muddled, red color. 

Kaia didn't care. 

She didn't want to. 

She didn't feel cold hearted.

That didn't matter.

Dressing herself after took short work. Bandages were found in a drawer by the sink, and they felt cooler, pleasant on her wounds that she'd picked at prodded at till no dirt or grime remained. Idly, while sliding some thick socks on, she wondered who her knew roomie would be, and whether or not she should call Kurisutaru again, and maybe if she should feed Neko more, since he was starting to look a little skinny and if he was following her, it was her responsibility to make sure he stayed alive. 

But...the same could be said about Runa.

Kaia brushed her teeth. Ruffled her hair. Pulled at her sunburn, flashed her canines, and headed out the door, bundle of dirty clothes under one arm. Killua, who had just walked in, stared at her stupidly. 

Kaia let herself smile. "Well, that's a relief. Here I was thinkin' I'd be stuck with a weirdo."

She supposed, as they started to chat, that if she wanted to avoid irritating things she'd just focus on happier ones. Like the living yellow daffodil, and her steadily growing muscles. The sky stayed blue from her view of the window. The trees a nice, friendly green. Killua was a good kid with an interesting way of talk that Kaia had been unsure of at first, but now enjoyed, and she didn't have a problem sitting cross legged beside him to converse. The occasional tap on the arm or shove of the ribs didn't bother her. He did need a shower though—something she mentioned more than once. Something he also, continuously, changed the subject on.

Finally, as the outsides were starting to get just a little warmer, with the haze of midday, Kaia leaned back across the bed and stretched, yawning loudly. "So we just gonna sit here all day or go do something?"

"Gon was going to show me how to fish. Wanna come?"

"Sure," she said, "I like fishing. Oh. Speaking of, who's he rooming with?"

Killua's face contorted. "Lorerei. She came over to us demanding to change rooms since her roommate was threatening to kill her or something."

"Oh." Kaia grinned. "Wonder who that was."

"So...fishing?"

"You need a shower."

"I'll take one later, sheesh, stop nagging me!" He stood up, brushing off his pants before moving around the bed for the door. He paused at the side. After waiting a second, in which she just stared at him blankly, sprawled on the bedside, he said, "well? You coming?"

Kaia hummed and picked at her fingernails. “Say, Killua, what do you...” she said, though she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to ask. Well, it didn’t really matter. They were just words.

“...What? Did you suddenly go dumb or something? What were you gonna ask?”

She looked at him again. “...Probably something stupid. Though,” she sat up, “I think I’d rather just go fishing.”


	15. Notice Me Senpai

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings, Humans!  
> Yes, yes, this chapter’s a couple days later than usual. Reasons for that, the most prominent being that I’ll be taking a big break from writing for a while. Being in bootcamp and all, won’t have as much time to write when I’m busy being yelled at ‘cause my push ups ain’t hitting standards or whatever. Anyway, I’ll do my best to pop one more chapter out before I go, but if I suddenly disappear? It’s ‘cause next week, I’m gone, and that’s…  
> It’s scary.  
> Totally wasn’t expecting to be scared but here I am, having some troubles eating and a problem staying asleep. WELP it is as it is, enjoy the read!  
> (Also I got some ninja awesome fanart, you can find it on my profile!)

Neko’s master liked to talk to herself. 

He knew it was not him she spoke to—obviously, since otherwise, she'd be looking at him, or gesturing, or making that funny clicky sound from her mouth. No, who she spoke to was just herself. He didn't know what she said but she didn't sound angry, or sad, or any bad emotions, so he decided that this must be fine, and he didn't have to protect her from words.

But then...he still felt confused. He was her dog. He was a good dog, too. And good dogs may not understand all the wonders of the world, but surely they'd know when their master  _ was  _ sad, even if she didn't act it, or sound like it. 

Was she really sad?

He didn't know. She just wasn't right, and it confused him. 

All of a sudden, that flicker of energy he'd first felt from her slammed into her feet. He barked when it swelled, bubbling up, while she just up and charged at the nearest wall, taking a flying leap onto the side. Simply, it ended with her sliding back down to the carpet, where she just sat for a while, frowning to herself. She mumbled some more. The bubbles moved to her hands, then, oddly, and he could barely tell, they looked like they hardened. Cautious, she touched the wall. Her fingers went right through.

His master stared at the printed hole for a bit longer before staring at her palm, whereas Neko stared at her. Why? Because his master was amazing! She could make her hands go through walls! But then she made a different clicky noise, a frustrated one, so maybe she didn't get it as far as she wanted. No worries! Neko bounced to her legs to lick at her elbow, letting her know that she'd definitely make it go as far as it needed to because she was a good master, and he was so very certain of this because he was a good dog. Her eyes met his and—

Oh wow, was he going to get pat on the head?

He loved getting pat on the head!

Oh please oh please oh please—

His master sloped to a stand, muttering some more, before scratching her head wildly and strutting for the door. Neko followed eagerly. He loved going outside, 'cause his master loved going outside. At least, he thought she loved going outside. She liked staring at long grass so yes, he decided, she definitely loved outside, because there was no grass inside. Duh. Completely pleased, Neko continued to follow her down the pretty bright hallways, past the funny looking strangers she didn't talk to and the funnier ones she did. One of 'em, that tall male friend who’d worried his master earlier, had been chatting with the odd hairless man when Kaia walked past. Tall male paused to garble some friendly nonsense to her. He waved his hand and smiled, and his master waved her hand and smiled back, but as she turned, Neko saw how her face fell so very, sadly flat.

Neko didn't like it when she fell flat.

She looked very frustrated when that happened. Or maybe confused. He didn't know. He also didn't know if she knew, which was probably why he didn't know, because otherwise he'd definitely know because, again, he made sure to be a good dog. 

So Neko bounced his little paws on her sandy shoes. 

She looked at him. He wagged his tail. Was he going to get pat? He was going to get pat wasn't he—

She pushed open the big metal doors that made an awful screeching noise before stepping out fluently, looking incredibly majestic. Of course, this meant Neko had to be majestic as well, so he held his head high whilst trotting a step behind her, just like the good dog he was. 

Outside, where so much water just kept on singing, licking at the sky and the sands of the very, very massive beach they'd come too, his master seemed to ease. Just a little. It made Neko happy. Whatever tensions she had, they went away, though not when she stared at the blues and yellows. She only looked at ease when her eyes lay on the trees beyond the beaches. Neko took notice of this and memorized it. This way, he knew that if she got weird again, he could just dig up a tree and bring it to her. 

It might occur to the dog that he was far too small to dig up a tree.

But Neko was pleased, so his mind never bothered bringing it up.

He trailed after his master when she went to the big, large leafed trees. His eyes barely made it over the shrubbery and strange wild grasses, and there were spots that his fur caught on, snagging in wily thorns, while his master walked ahead without pause. She took long legged steps with her short legs; practiced, easy steps that didn't leave her scratched hardly at all. Neko became amazed at it all. Then, more determined. For he, a simple dog, could not possibly ever show dishonor by falling behind so far as to lose his master. This in mind, Neko kept going. And she kept going. And he followed.

The two came upon many small game trails. Neko could smell the animals and it made him excited, but his master merely glanced before moving toward another hill that he couldn't see over. Their pattern, path, whatever she was moving toward, made no sense to him. It continued changing. Shifting. Darting in random directions. But Neko wasn't worried. No, he wasn't, because his master progressively became more and more pleased, as if her mind was clearing whilst she walked to wherever. It made Neko wonder where they were headed, though, for what was so amazing that his amazing master was becoming so happy over? He wasn't sure what, but he sure wanted to see! 

As the sun started to sink, he thought that maybe she just liked walking in circles. That was fine, he liked walking in circles, too! But then, they came upon a long rocky outcropping, and his master sat down at the tip of it, her legs hooking over the edge. Neko came beside her to sit. And for a while, they viewed the curved land surrounded by waters that never seemed to end, and for a while, his master felt very, very happy. 

And then she just didn't.

She started talking to herself again. Neko looked at her oddly, barked a little. She glanced at him suddenly, as if realizing he was there. It made Neko so happy! He was being noticed! He was being looked at! Oh wow, he was getting pet! She took out her hand and just barely, just a little, tickled his ear! That had to have been because he was such a good dog, right? Of course, since he was a good dog, and good dogs got pet. 

Suddenly, he quirked his head, alert to an odd rumbling noise toward where the sun dipped. His posture went rigid. Low, quiet rumbling. Really really slight. His ears flicked and his head cocked the other way, to hear better, but the dull noise still sounded...disconcerting. 

He barked.

His master mumbled something in response, looking where he looked. But since she didn’t do anything, and the sound, as quick as it came went away, he assumed everything was fine and his master obviously could handle whatever got thrown at her.

Since she was awesome, obviously.

Her mood did a weird tranquil thing that felt very odd to Neko, but he stayed bubbly beside her when she stood up. His master started fiddling with that black bag she always had. After a moment, she pulled out a funny bendy stick with a string. Fetch? Were they going to play fetch? He loved playing fetch, especially because his master looked very happy when she threw things, and he loved seeing her happy, so he'd bring them back so she could throw them again because it made her happy.

She didn't throw the stick. His master, instead, grabbed more sticks, without strings, and used the stringed stick to shoot the normal sticks into a nearby clump of sand. 

Neko would fetch!

"No."

Oh. He knew that word. Neko stopped, staring at his master, because he became confused. Was he in trouble? Was he not supposed to fetch? He whined, that way she'd know he wanted to grab the things so she could shoot them again.

But she garbled some nonsense he didn't understand, and he just wagged his tail since she didn't seem mad.

Because, see, Neko was a very good dog. Good dogs, happy dogs, didn't question things like this. And Neko wanted to continue being a good dog.

"Neko," she said, and he perked. She'd finished shooting all her sticks by now. Three times had she gone to collect the bunch, shoot them again, and repeat. Neko just assumed she liked playing fetch with herself. He did that sometimes, too. "Come," she continued. Neko leapt to his feet, gleeful. She viewed him skeptically before clicking her tongue and waltzing away, almost in a straight line for the big metal thing they'd been inside earlier. Neko realized she must have an amazing memory, if she could walk through all those circles before coming straight back. Then again, she was his master, so of course she was awesome.

Neko huffed to himself, displeased at his own inability to see his masters amazingness for those few dreadful moments. When he did, his master glanced at him again, but didn't say anything else, just continued waltzing around. She didn't go inside just yet, though. She meandered by the giant flying whale that had been grounded. She picked and prodded at specks of sand, some little crawly bugs Neko tried to eat. They didn't taste good. He ate another one just to check and that one tasted bad too. 

His master garbled at some people he recognized. The really loud male boy, and the really pale male boy, the one who'd been on the bed with his master earlier, as well as the nice girl female who gave nice pats. This in mind, Neko bounced over to the girl, and what did you know, he got some nice pats. He liked nice pats! He liked his master's pats more, but this girl female gave them away freely and he was no fool to refuse! 

But then, his master started off, and Neko cared about nothing else but following her down the sunlit sands. They walked a ways with the wind before lingering at a fold in the beach, where there were many broken piles of wood and those floating water logs that humans liked to ride on. She climbed over a lot. Neko tried to follow, but he was very small, and had a very hard time.

He did it anyway. He, certainly, was the best dog around.

Eventually, he caught up to her, popping his head over a higher stretch of sunken brown wood. In the reddish light, beside the very strong, very scary man who traded cards, she sat. At least, he thought they'd traded cards. Those flimsy papers never looked very interesting but the humans liked passing them to each other, for whatever reason. It was beyond Neko, but again, he also didn't understand how stars worked, so cards were probably very amazing too.

This time, they didn't play cards. Neko curled beside his master, who sat beside the person Neko assumed had become her master. Such a strange thing, wasn't it? At least, Neko felt rather certain the scary man had become her master. She had that weird feel to her, the one that he saw on other dogs when they followed their masters. The same one Neko felt in himself when he followed her.

Wait.

Did that mean that the card human was also, by default, Neko's master?

Neko barked at the card man since he didn't like that idea. The card man pat his head. Neko liked pats, so suddenly, he decided the card man was okay as well and Neko would be alright around him for as long as his master served him. It was a big line of serving. That was good. Good things served other things, and this just proved his master was better than other masters because she had a master, too.

The two masters garbled to each other with voices that sifted softly over the sound of water and seagulls. The sky had begun drawing a reddish color, the sun slipping into the sea where it bled light, and Neko liked the faint breeze tickling his tangled fur. He bit at a thorn on the side of his paw before spitting it somewhere close. And, like that, Neko remained extremely content. 

Abruptly, his master's strange power bubbled up again, this time around her whole body. She garbled something to the card man, who chuckled before garbling something back. Nodding, she held out both hands and fisted them before swirling the strange power so it didn't just float out her body. It became like a cape, a cage, maybe, or a collar. Just, around all of her, not only her neck. Neko watched with no lessening amazement. 

A funny, quizzical tilt passed her eyebrows before she bubbled everything into a single fist. It swirled for a moment, then spiked. Then came to a thin film before becoming an odd middle-ground between volatile and calm. A quick glance shot to her master. Her hand. Returning the look, her master raised a smile while she reeled back her arm, all slow like, before punching him square in the chest. 

Oh wow it was a fight! He was ready to fight!

A burst of terror hit Neko hard. A yelp escaped him before he could think. He couldn’t even move. And that was bad, very bad, because the scary man now crouched over Neko’s master, hand wrapped around her neck. It was scary—he couldn’t move—but his master—he had to move! 

But by the time he got his feet under his control, the scary man let go, and stood only to garble something quiet before leaving back for the ship. Neko stumbled to his master’s side. She had her fingers on her collarbone. Carefully, Neko licked at the big red mark below her chin, but she didn’t look at him. Her eyes were wild. Her teeth showed like his had when the scary man made things, well, scary. Neko whimpered, licked again, and curled on her chest to listen to her thrumming heartbeat. 

That scary man was definitely not a good man.

Unless she’d just gotten in trouble? He got in trouble when he ate the paper in the bathrooms. Maybe she’d just gotten in trouble, and her master was disciplining her.

Yes, definitely that. But then, his master was amazing, so surely she could do no wrong.

He wasn’t sure what to think about it, so he just didn’t.

When the sky had become a pretty blue-black with spots of those unknown stars poking holes through it, she'd stood. Before he could get up, he was lifted instead. Lifted, wonderfully, amazingly, into his master's arms, where she wrung her fingers through his fur whilst walking alone to the big metal ship. And, though it had become a little dark, the sky left everything bright enough to see, and Neko felt only the faintest flicker of fear in his master's heartbeat. 

He licked her fingers. He'd protect her.

He was a good dog.

He'd keep her safe, definitely, forever, from anything, even if she was just a little scared, and he was more than a little terrified. Definitely, because he was a good dog.

They went inside, down the halls, to the room with the pale boy, and Neko got set on the far bed. The room was lamp-lit and smelled of man-sweat, of that pale boy's sweat. His master garbled at the boy until he'd gone away to clean himself, since Neko recognized the order of 'bad' and 'dirty', which had been said to him before. And after, when it became quiet, his master laid down to sleep. 

After a while, the pale boy came in and turned off the lights. He garbled something toward them, and his master, very very quietly, garbled something back, but didn't sound scared.

Neko would protect her anyway, since she didn't like the dark.

Neko would be a good dog. He couldn’t do that last time but he’d do it next time. He’d protect her.

Neko fell asleep.

He had a good dream.

...

...

...

Kaia’s eyes, a dull grey-blue from the darkened room, glared dully at the faded, pale trails of moonlight sifting across her ceiling. She made no noise. Heard the shallow breaths coming from her dog, and the boy on the other bed. Listened to the slow creaks of the ship, and the shuffled clash of water on stone outside. Brought a hand to her face. Closed her eyes. She couldn’t sleep.

Quietly huffing, she sat up and balanced her elbows on her knees to hold her head. For the past four, maybe five hours, she’d done nothing but pretend to sleep, hoping maybe pretending would lead to her actually doing so. The mask worn too long and all that. But still, nothing. Just the ceiling, the waters, the cold and barely salty air inside. A chill brisked across her shoulders. Kaia reveled in it before stilling again.

None of the windows were open. 

Her gaze stirred across the blue-tinted room, hesitating on a sleeping Killua, a couple of the darker shadows. The blankets were warm and welcoming against the curb of her hips. Her toes, though, started to curl unsurely against the carpeted floor, and Kaia became intensely focused.

Her heart beat a step too loud and Kaia flashed her teeth, straining her ears, now wary. Nothing moved but the waves outside. Her ears strained. Abruptly she noted a rile in her chest, above the heart. Like a twinge, like somebody playing on her rib cage. A high ringing noise started. Kaia felt her gut twist, and her tongue went dry. She gave a growl.

She caught on fire. 

Kaia jerked up. She was in her room again—her old room and it was her old ceiling and her own bed, her own body, and everything blazed. Bright, too bright, but too dark and the smoke too hard to breathe through and her hands burned a red orange so awfully vibrant and Kaia screamed—

Kaia jerked up. She wasn’t on fire. She hadn’t screamed. The room she stood in, one not her own, had two beds lit by a blue pale moon dust that crept through two square windows behind her, and her shadow stretched just like both daffodils did. A slow, shaky breath later, Kaia sat back down, forcing her heart down her throat. She was fine. Whatever that image was—whatever that piece of flame came from—it was fine. Kaia, obviously, was fine.

Belatedly, she realized she had probably died that way. 

Belatedly, she realized she didn’t really care.

She just didn’t want to wonder.

Like everything else, Kaia took her thoughts to a corner of her mind to dump, never to be paid attention to again, unless it mattered, which it didn't, because she didn't care.

Something cold flicked across her arm and she tensed, then calmed. Neko’d been licking at her elbow. He whimpered slightly, staring up at her with these simple but bright brown eyes and Kaia again thought that she liked brown eyes, but she didn't like small dogs. And that, probably, like with Runa (oh what was she supposed to do with Runa) and with her family (dead? alive? mourning?) and with the fires (they burned but she obviously wasn't burning) and the everything (that never became too much), she didn't really care.

“Cold hearted, huh?” she whispered. It took her a moment to realize how shaky her words were; then, how much her hands refused to stay still. They felt like jello, like pudding, formless but stuck inside a bulge of skin not her own. Kaia flexed, breathed through her nose, and slapped her cheeks.

“Oi,” Killua’s tired voice, something soft and scratchy in the night, called. Kaia peeked at him through cold fingers. He scratched his face, sitting up. “What’re you doing up? I can’t sleep with you making all that noise.”

“Makes two of us.”

“What?” He squinted at her, confused, but his face broke into a yawn as he slipped his legs out from the covers. “Nevermind. Now I can’t go back to sleep.”

Lowly, Kaia chuckled, harsh and whispery. “Makes two of us.”

Killua scowled. “What was that?”

She smiled, but her canines showed more than usual, even up to her gums. “I don’t think tonight’s one for rest, my friend.”

For a bit, they listened to the shores outside. Then, “so what’re you gonna do?”

“Breathe?”

He yawned again but his eyes came back awake and blue. “Are you going to explore? Gon and I checked the island out earlier, but I’m sure there’s something else to see in the dark.”

“Oh. Yeah.” She thought of the trees and the big hill she’d shot her bow on. “There’s a few places that’re probably nice. If you’d care to accompany me, we could like… I don’t know, there’s trees and stuff…” Kaia trailed off. Cold air would probably do her good, but she’d wasn’t extremely fond of all the water around. Would the sound irritate her? Surely, the wind in the trees would be enough. Then again… 

“What,” Killua, on his socked feet by the door, bent down for his shoes. “Scared of the dark?” he teased. But Kaia was. 

“Unfortunately.”

He paused, laces caught on his fingers. “Seriously?”

“Only sometimes.” She shrugged before moving to follow him, only partially paying mind to how her softer fabriced pjs might be affected by ocean spray. Behind her, Neko bounced off the bed. “Got any places in mind? If not, there’s a big hill that’s probably pretty cool in the moonlight. Not sure if I can find it again, what with the lighting, but it ain’t completely black out—” She stilled, stiffening. “Hear that?”

Killua, who’d just started opening the door, stopped. “Hear what?” With a frown, he tilted his head to listen and Kaia did a similar thing. Over the water and low groans of the ship...there buzzed a low grumble. A thought trickled Kaia’s mind. Wasn’t something supposed to happen tonight? A storm… no, no, listen to the buzzing. Like a truck, or plane, maybe, or…

“The airship!” Both said at once. 

Neko howled as he raced behind them, down the halls, through the main metal doors, bursting onto the landing dock. Immediately, a blast of air busted her back a foot before she sturdied her stance. Her fangs were wildly shining at the wind buffeting from the airship’s takeoff. Her eyes creased to see through the sand whipping around. Cold sparks of water splashed her forearms as they lifted to guard her face. 

“Killua!” She shouted over the heavy buzz when she couldn’t feel the boy beside her any longer. Hearing a returning call, she shifted her gaze from the bright, red blinking airship lights to the shadowed kid already by the guardrails. Stiffly, she moved for that. The airship swallowed all other sounds. 

A dozen others were out by the time Kaia could focus. They stared balefully at the lifting lights. As they got about fifty yards up, she could just begin to understand the surrounding garble. 

“What’s going on!” Hanzo shouted from the doorframe. The man’s clothesless form became clear when her eyes adjusted. Her gaze swiftly went for the stars.

“Obviously,” Kaia bellowed with her stomach, “we just got stranded. And put on some pants!”

A red haired man with a monkey on his shoulder stumbed near her, eyes glinting in the heavy dark. “You were here when I first came out! Why didn’t you stop them!?”

It took a second to register his stiff grip by her wrist, and a second later for her to recognize her volatile irritation at being touched. Just as she reached to bend the man’s pinky finger away, another large hand took hold of the unwelcome one. 

Leorio growled lowly. “She’s just a kid. Blaming people for something they obviously couldn’t stop isn’t very profiting of a Hunter.”

Monkey man scurried back, eyes flicking to the disappearing airship before falling back on Leorio.

“What are we supposed to eat!” A thin man, one that whirred in Kaia’s mind till pegged as one of those three loud brothers, cried over the drifting wind. He grabbed his thicker brother’s shirt. “We’re going to starve if the hotel people left!”

“There’s fish,” Gon piped in, standing near the back beside a shivering Lorelei. “And we have water still.”

Kurapika’s small frame eased from the shadows on Leorio’s right. He donned a purple robe for sleepwear, and there was an evident tiredness to his eyes. “This is probably what those shivers were trying to warn me about,” he said. 

Kaia shoved her hands in her short pockets. “Wow. Can’t say I ever been warned by a shiver. Maybe you were just cold?”

“Shouldn’t you be mad?” Leorio asked. He crouched down beside Kaia, the flaps of his unbuttoned shirt showing more chest as he sank. “They just took off and left us here.”

Killua leaned on one leg. “We were being careless.”

Kurapika scanned the moonlit shores and turned to face the crowd. “It seems all we can do is wait”

“For what?” A man from the back argued, a high pitch cracking his voice.

“To see if they come back,” he lifted his chin, stepping closer to the mass, “panicking does not solve any problems. If anyone has any other ideas, or knowledge on this occurrence, I highly suggest sharing it. This could be another test in itself, forcing us to work together.”

Hanzo steepled forward—a dark, clothless shadow. Kaia made to not look. “Not that I’m against having a leader here, but since when did we decide it to be you?”

Kurapika stood straighter, stating something back, but Kaia, feeling an odd twinge in her belly along with the usual uncomfort of being near the spot of attention, crept closer to the much calmer form of Killua. The boy gave her a curious glance that she didn’t return. Instead, she spoke lowly over the hushed wind, keeping her eyes moving as tensions continued to rise. “People’re getting stressed. Soup calms most down. By chance, do you got an idea where the kitchen was?”

He frowned a little, but nodded, easing around the big bunches of people. “Why would you think I knew where the kitchen was?”

“You said you was exploring earlier,” Kaia explained. The two of them stepped in quiet manners, confident yet unassuming, around the mass watching the argument. 

When Killua and her made it inside, they were met with the soft, pinkish glow of the bulb lights against carpet. Killua lured Kaia down the right hall, taking few turns before they came to a double doored, white tiled room that she’d seen in many hotels before. She gave him a nod, starting a step forward, when her neck prickled with that instant alert of being watched. 

“What are you doing?” was asked at the same moment she began to turn. Gon stared at her easily enough, meeting the bared teeth head on with little more than a curious glance at the whites. “Were you hungry again?”

“Gon, you didn’t say you were following us.” Killua poked the other on his head. “Make some noise next time. I might have killed you otherwise, stupid.” Then, he pointed to the double doors. “She said she would make everybody soup to calm them down. Don’t know with what, but she cooked the sushi, so…”

“Really? That’s really smart, Kaia!”

She shifted uneasily, scratching at her neck. “Ah, yeah, sure. I actually just said ‘soup calms people down’, I think. Right?” She glared at the ceiling. “That is what I said, right?”

Killua scoffed, but pushed her through the doors anyway, saying, “if you’re gonna make soup, then make the soup. Just thinking about it is making me hungry.”

“Since when did I say I was gonna make it for you?” She caught her hand on the door. 

“That’s what that means!” He argued. “Besides, you,” his back pushed against hers, light but with a definite weight behind it, “help me out here, Gon! And you owe me since you kept making noises in your sleep!”

“Ah, Killua,” Gon started, but Kaia spoke over him, digging in her heels.

“I owe nobody nothin’ unless I agreed to it first!”

“Just make the soup!”

She heaved back. “What kind!?”

“I don’t care!”

And like nothing’d happened, Kaia let herself be shoved into the kitchen, grinning at the surprised quiet that followed. “Dog soup it is,” she called. The pale boy bit something afterwards, but it was too quiet to hear, and both boys’ footsteps started off a moment later. Kaia took a second to view the kitchen’s state—the clean walls, bright white floors, small creaks in a fridge near the sink. Scouring a bit more until her curiosity was fed, Kaia pulled out a cutting board and a dozen veggies. Her hands rubbed together as she tasted the faint, delicate musk of fresh fish when the fridge’d opened. “Fish soup,” she said, scanning for tomatoes and salt, “here we go.”

“Actually, Kaia,” Gon’s voice startled her and she stiffened before giving him a slow look. He smiled sheepishly, scratching at his cheek. “We,” here he yanked Killua back into the kitchen, though the boy returned the pull with a heavy glare. “We thought you might need some help. There’s a lot of people. If you don’t want any, that’s fine, but Aunt Mito always likes it when there’s guests coming over, or when she has to cook a lot of food.”

Kaia stared. “Kurapika sent you here?”

The boy had the decency to look guilty. “He said it was a good idea, since nobody else knew what to do, and leaving one person alone would be rude.”

She shrugged, but a smile caught her cheeks. “Gon, shell the clams. Killua, take over the veggies.” She hesitated, frowning, then brought the tip of a wide blade to her bottom lip. “Veggie king?” She snorted. “Ha, king of the vegetables, haha.”

* * *

 

The soup tasted good. Missed some salt, but nobody else seemed to mind.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUESS WHAT
> 
> I’M BACK
> 
> LET’S DO THIS!
> 
> (I own nothing but my shoes and my laptop)(and Kaia)(Kaia’s mine)(so is Neko)(have a good day everybody)

 

Eight hours had passed since they’d been abandoned. It was hitting the middle of the day, and it was hot. The island stood as a bakery for a sun that held no qualms with flinging around heat, burning white sand, and the sea caught the drift, reaching its own heavy, static-like warmth that added no sense of comfort for any around. All parties sat in a permanent state of sweaty. The trees were no escape, nor was Kaia's room, and honestly, it made her a little frustrated. Confused, jittery, a little anxious, but mostly frustrated. The other emotions could be dealt with later, when she understood them.

Anyway, this is why she avoided the sea.

At least, she muttered to herself, in the desert or forests when she showered she'd feel clean for at least fifteen minutes after. Here on the island? It was ridiculous. 

(perhaps there was a reason behind that thought, since it really only started getting humid today, but Kaia's mind cataloged that note to a small little corner of ignorance)

It didn't matter. Kaia shook her head and slid a ball of nen from one hand to the other, barely focusing on it. Since the start of the day, she'd felt so strained with her mind—focusing even a little now made her dizzy—but she couldn't just do nothing, so she figured she'd just get better at not focusing while working. In theory, a person could keep practicing new arts, memorizing and learning, with only half a mind of attention, and eventually become adept at retaining it. Right?

It sounded like it made sense.

But she didn't want to focus on whether or not it actually did since, well, dizzy. Not quite tired dizzy, more like... more like it made herself just feel...dizzy? Like, if she were angry, but she was hardly ever angry, or maybe it was just desperate, perhaps, but that made little to no sense. She'd just woken up that way. Noticed after cooking breakfast, and the feeling hadn't gone away since. Like the world was about to swallow her up, or maybe just take off without her. Kind of scared her, but that also didn't make sense, and since she had no reason to not make sense, it kept scaring her, and she kept talking it down, because it  _ didn't make sense _ and it switching back and forth between a terrified panic just—

The hallway she'd tucked herself away in had little traffic, most examinees set on a job of finding any hints at why they were abandoned here. Notes, compasses, maps, old catalogues of random things… Kaia herself would have been on one of those expeditions, but after everyone had eaten the early morning soup, they'd ordered her to cooking duty until further notice. Notice that, she figured, wouldn't be coming anytime soon, since nobody else apparently knew the least about cooking. Which was rather stupid, considering the Hunter dream and all, and really, what sort of person just comes into a Hunter's exam unprepared to merely cook their own meals, hm?

(she ignored the fact that she took the exam half dead with nen exhaustion in a new body)

Off on her left, in a puddle of sunlight through a porthole, Neko rolled with one of those dinosaur looking stink bugs. She'd just bathed him earlier and his hair was puffed, a prim and clean black. Then he'd found the bug on the wall a good ten minutes back and hadn't lost interest in spreading it over his coat yet. Biting, spitting it out, batting at it, throwing it, all sorts of usual dog-like playful things. It was mildly hilarious, and Kaia made no move to stop it. The dog would tire eventually and just eat the poor thing, and that would be that. Until then, well, he could get a foul mouth all he wanted. She'd just stay over here in a different corner.

"Yo, Kaia," Killua called suddenly, his head popping around the curb of the hall. Kaia turned immediately, a flight of unreasonable fear leaping over her tongue but not past her lips, and carefully, she made sure to look directly at Killua. He had a bright look to him, something of an interest, like he came with a mission. Some sand clung to his cheek and ear. "Finally found you. Gon and I were going to snoop around the old lady's room to see if there was anything useful. Wanna come?"

Confused at the invitation but impressed he bothered to come find her, Kaia melted her nen into her palms, moving her face to a more attentive appearance with raised eyebrows. "Of course. Thanks for asking." She stooped up. In the puddle light, Neko flipped over stupidly to scurry to her side, bug forgotten. "Heading up right now or later?"

"Right now, duh." He pointed over his shoulder, starting a walk as she came to his side. "Gon went to see if Lorelei wanted to help." His face soured a bit and it made Kaia laugh. "She asks too many questions."

"I think you're just shy."

"I am not!" He acted offended. 

Kaia knew he was. "Sure. Call me convinced, mister awkwardly shuffle at the first meeting."

"You were the awkward one. I almost walked away right at the beginning, it was so bad. You just stared at me!"

"And yet, I was the one to walk away."

"That's because you're bad at talking."

"Debatable." She shrugged at his disbelieving stare, offering, "I can be pretty convincing when I want to be good with words. Just say the right things, smile the right way, you'd be surprised what you can get out of a person."

"...So you're a scammer?"

She hesitated, then, "that's a weirdly accurate definition. Huh." 

For a while they walked like that, Kaia following him, all bright eyes and eager smiles, pretending she could feel it. The boy might have caught on—then again, maybe not. The only note that tipped her off was a suspicious stare, one quick with a soft eyebrow raise when her smile caught flat for a forgotten few seconds, but he said nothing on it. Kaia appreciated the thought.

The halls were a cloaking, coating sort of stifling. Considering all the sweat Kaia'd accumulated just sitting there, by now, she felt like nothing more than an empty bag of stink, and it kind of dug a paranoia to her mind—which she found sort of ridiculous, since Killua smelled no better. But paranoia stuck just as bad as the nasty roil in her chest. 

"Gon should be right up here," Killua mumbled, jartling her out of a mind that she hadn't realized she'd sunk into. The two of them had just reached the top floor. It looked no different from those below aside from a brighter, pinker carpet that shined a bit from the window's sunspots. Kaia tried to shake away her thoughts, her strange idle irritation at nothing, but the muggy air remained as obnoxious as before and she couldn't seem to change anything she felt.

_ You control your emotions before they control you _ , she'd been told.

_ Yeah _ , she thought,  _ because strong people don't let weird things bring them down. _

(and of course, Kaia was strong)

Killua sniffed. "Something stinks."

"Probably a couple things," Kaia agreed, half grin stationed and mentally duct taped in place. With her thumb and forefinger, she pointed at the nearest double doors. "There first?"

"No, the manager's room is way down here... Gon and I already looked in those ones."

"Find anything?" It occurred to her that maybe she should share about the storm. In the anime (if she remembered right), it sunk the whole island, and some people had been sucked into the hurricane, and wouldn't that be bad? Sure, the main gang lived just fine. But hoping it'd stay that way was a fool's wish. It was fairly probable something changed with her presence—a little extra time to prepare would have its benefits.

(she didn't want to be a fool)

"Some papers, and a couple old maps. Oh, Gon found this dirty little notebook that looked like a Captain’s log. Kurapika’s said that this might be our next test, and we should find a way to Zevil's Island on our own, but he’s making everyone double check in case."

Kaia hummed in acknowledgement. "I see." She kept her eyes flicking at the windows, doors, half shadowed benches, which for whatever reason left her with an anxious curl beside the nauseous one. Rather odd. She wasn't sure what to do about it so she did nothing, and pretended it wasn't there. "Any plots yet?"

"Plots?" The boy's pitch rose curiously.

"Yeah. Thoughts, ideas, why d'ya think we was left if not for a test?"

"Hmm..." Killua stared ahead to think, and Kaia watched him bounce subtly with each smooth, swift step. She mirrored him. After a minute, his brows furrowed and he said, "I'm not sure."

Kaia considered letting things move like the plot dictated, but then she remembered she didn't care, and the island was too hot anyway. 

Before she could say much, though, they reached the door they needed. Inside revealed a small but colorfully painted room hoarding every single piece of treasure all the examinees had turned in. Gold, silvers, gems and such, trophies and old mementos of a greater age, all stacked on the red carpeted floors, or dark wood tables or drawers. They glistened from the opened windows and bounced light off the low ceiling. Killua muttered, "they left everything? That doesn't make sense..." and Kaia made a split second decision.

"Hey, Killua," she began, almost drawling the words. He was digging around a drawer cupboard half buried, and barely hummed to show he was listening. Kaia picked up a silver vase. "Why do you think there's so many crashed ships outside? I mean, I'm all for treasure, but it's a little strange, don't you think?"

He paused, a scrunched, thinking face on. "Not really. Ships crash on islands all the time."

Slowly, Kaia shook her head, looking puzzled. "But this spot's pretty well known, being a hotel. And it's a smooth island—there's not actually that many rocks and stuff, so like, how'd they even crash? Did they just sink themselves?"

Now she had his attention. 

(a scammer was right)

"What do you mean?"

Again, as if it were merely a passing thought, Kaia shrugged. "I saw some of those sea scrubby things—"

"At the top of the boats..." Killua's mouth parted, and the box he held landed back on the floor. "And they only grow underwater."

"Yeah. I thought it might have rained, but it looked like they was growing for a while, got dried, and then regrowed. All layered."

About then, a knock wrung out on the door, and Gon stepped in, slightly sheepish. "Sorry I'm late. I couldn't find Lorerei." He halted a couple steps in, mouth dropping open. "Whoa! They just left everything here?"

"Yup. Weird, right?" Killua tossed him a fancy plated samurai statue about the size of his fist. "It's like they didn't care about it or something."

"Hmm. I won-" Abruptly, he stopped, head turning slightly. Killua sat up. 

"What?"

"Did you hear that?"

They both listened, and then Killua shrugged, and said, "I don't hear anything. Sure it isn’t just the waves?"

"...I don't think so. Maybe." Gon hummed and wiggled the statue, lifting it this way and that. "Well," finding nothing important, he let it fall back to the piles, "let's start looking for clues!"

Both boys almost immediately fell into a quick banter that flowed easily enough, Kaia only occasionally dropping in a word to show she was listening. And she was—she just had a hard time staying focused on it. The way her body was acting bothered her like a steady stream of water in the same exact spot on her back. It scared her mind a bit, which she figured probably didn't help, since her body felt scared anyway. Even though nothing was scary. She'd already passed the scary stuff. Sitting here on an island to relax? Didn't make a lick of sense, yet here she was, wary of every single shadow, heart seizing at every loud noise, mind stretched and worn like chewing gum. And though Kaia liked knowing what she felt and why, she did not wish to focus on this.

Each time she did it only got worse. She couldn't find a valid cause. Waking up burning? Sure, okay, she probably died that way. Big deal. But she'd be standing somewhere, just fine in the kitchen, and suddenly she was on fire again, and then she wasn't. That didn't make sense. Or she'd just be sitting there, messing with her  _ nen _ , and suddenly everything was too loud and she could focus on everything but it overloaded, like a high run game, and she couldn't stop feeling afraid which still made no sense and just thinking about how nothing made sense drove the initial fear to a more panicky state where she almost felt like she was in a cage but  _ that _ didn't make sense because she  _ very obviously _ / wasn't, but she felt stuck anyway. And she  _ still _ couldn't figure out why. It cycled like that. It made her want to cry. But she didn't need to cry because she  _ didn't have a reason to _ .

(she was stronger than this. She was overthinking things. She just needed to calm down.)

Kaia pretended not to feel it. 

"...ia? Kaia?" A brown hand waved in her face and she blinked, sound and sight returning to her.

(when had it left?)

"What's up?" 

(she was very good at scamming)

Gon pursed his lips, stealing a glance at Killua picking at a window. "Are you feeling sick?"

Kaia frowned. Thought about herself, her body. "...Nah. Not sick."

"...Okay?" He mirrored her frown, stepping from one foot to the other before looking at Killua again. "What should we do?"

"Don't look at me. What am I supposed to do about it?"

"It was your idea."

"No it wasn't! You're the one who brought it up in the first place!"

"Mm, that was because you said—"

Bright blue eyes met flat ones. "You're acting all weird and Gon's getting worried. There," he darted off a glare, "happy now, Gon?"

"Killua's worried too."

"I am not!"

"He asked about why you were all weird today—"

"Because it  _ was  _ weird! She keeps staring at stuff!"

"And I didn't know either," he continued, "so we decided—"

"You decided! Don't make stuff up, Gon!"

"—To ask you." Gon finished, looking pleased with himself. Or, with the wiley quirk in his lips, just trying to divert her thoughts.

She appreciated the sentiment. She'd been trying to do that, too.

"Well," Kaia conceded and sat back, elbow balanced on her knee so her hand could hang loose, but then she stopped. The words she wanted to say tasted sour on her tongue, unsure, or maybe just not ready. She couldn't even tell what they were a moment later. "...I'm not sick," she decided on, moving her gaze to Neko crawling with only his front paws on the carpet.

"What's wrong?" Gon pursued, and Kaia felt a rile of embarrassment adding to all the other strange emotions trapped in her chest if only because whatever this was would probably turn out to be nothing, and they were just making a deal out of it. 

"Just tired, I think," she didn't lie, "woke up early and all." When Gon opened his mouth to retort, Kaia said, "anywho, Gon, is it usually this hot on an island? That's part of what's bothering me. It was kind of cold last night, and it wasn't muggy or anything, and yet right now," she made a motion of squishing the air, "I could probably grab wind whenever it flows by."

"Oh," Gon turned his head, bringing a finger to his chin. "It could get pretty muggy on Whale Island, but that was only before a..." He stopped, blinking.

Killua hopped off a table to approach. "What?"

Gon didn't respond, brows furrowing, until Killua hit him on the head. The boy folded instantly. "Ow! What was that for?"

"You're thinking too hard."

"Yes, but... It's just," he played with imaginary words he didn't say, then, "air on an island like this only gets bad right before a storm..."

Killua rapidly blinked before leaning in. "There's sponge things on the boats. Is that normal?"

"You only find those when the water recedes. It growing up high meant water was there at least once before."

"But there's layers," Killua added.

"Then..." He looked up. Killua nodded.

"The island went under."

"...Multiple times."

Together they paused, then, "Kurapika!" and they bust through the doors, hot on each other's tails, quickly shooting more explanations at each other—birds and lack of island critters and such. 

Kaia wondered for a split second if she'd made a smart move, but the paranoia of that being wrong made her feel wrong, so it only lasted a second (not really, it stuck, like magnets) and then she stepped off toward the kitchen, intent on cooking her weirdness away. It had been nearing meal time anyway. Right now, it was probably around...

She glanced out the window, taking in the sky—but then she was on fire and she was burning in her room and the smoke was bad was bad was bad was burning was burning she was burning—and the heavier, darker blue of the sea melted calmly, placidly below the white, lazy sun. A bird hovered patiently with the wind, taking its time to droop below. Kaia clenched her fists, closed her eyes, forcing her lungs to work again (because strong people weren't affected by nightmares) before looking at the blue once again. Eleven. It was eleven o'clock. She'd feed people at twelve thirty. She needed to cook.

So she did, and she fried the fish well, laying out long flays with ease. Her knife felt comfortable and her fingers nimble in the kitchen. Kaia felt fine. For about twenty minutes, and then she'd break, clench her teeth and fingers by a bare trace of frustrated desperate frantic terrified scared angry helplessness, and then she'd remember she was being dramatic, and it didn't matter, and she didn't care. 

Then she'd keep cooking, feeling like her chest would pop and her guts would split, and the cage around her tightened just a bit more while staying unseen. Unfair. 

But really, she was just being dramatic.

She'd eat, and feel fine again.

(strong people felt fine again. This wasn't even that bad, she was being dramatic.)

There were no clocks to tell her time, and the room was sweltering hot. Kaia managed well enough, keeping her hands busy and using her internal clock. At around noon thirty, when all the fish had finished and been stacked on plates to be set at the big rectangular table in the break room, Kaia let off a loud call for meal time. Though it turned out unnecessary—the smell of fresh fried food had already done most of the work. 

Soon after, when the halls were filled along with the well used but functioning chairs and everyone had served their fill, Kaia collected her own specially set aside dish piled high from the kitchen, and headed out to meet with Hisoka. But she found him on a side boat with Illumi, and promptly adjusted her path to the far safer one with Leorio. Though, when she found him, he sat by Kurapika, and Kaia considered tapering away until they called for her.

"Kaia! This stuff tastes delicious," Leorio waved and pat the rail beside him. He'd been staring out at the sea and had to twist to see her fully. His mouth was full of food. "Come and sit. Mr. Grouchy Face here doesn't make good company at all."

Kurapika barely shifted to glance behind him. "I'm not the one with a permanent scowl, Leorio."

"Permanen-what? I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you completely with your nose so high. Can you repeat that?"

"Ears deafen over time, I've been told." He took another bite, side-eyeing Kaia as she seated herself on Leorio's right. "Kaia," he began, before Leorio could argue further, "I've been meaning to ask. What do you think of the situation?"

Kaia ignored her terror, fingers tightening on her plate. Kurapika noticed. She became intensely aware of him noticing. "I think," she said slowly, thinking, "that we got ditched here, and we should probably leave pretty soon."

"Why."

Not a question, not a question, him asking stuff like this didn't bother her before why did it bother her now why was she bothered she needed to get outoutoutout—

"Felt like we should," is what she said before lifting up a chunk of breaded sea to take a large bite... 

(it tasted like nothing)

She frowned, ate a second. Nothing. She was hungry, but food suddenly didn't seem all that appealing to her. Tasted just like nothing. Disappointed but aware nourishment was indeed required to grow, she pulled a salt shaker from her bag and proceeded to pile white on her plate. Leorio and Kurapika, who'd been muttering various ideas and potential hazards to themselves, both stopped to watch her. She took another bite. Still nothing. She almost needed to barf. More salt. More nothing.

Kaia set her plate down, face blank.

"Yeah," Leorio started, grimacing, "that's what happens when you put that much salt on. I would have thought you knew that since you're a cook and everything, but I guess you're still a kid. Here, have some of mine."

Kaia stared at the meat that looked incredibly, dishearteningly, disgusting. She shook her head. "Nah. Not that hungry."

(but she was)

She rephrased it. "Ah, just not... Just don't feel like eating?" But that still didn't sound right, and she didn't want to lie. She decided on, "I'll eat later."

Because she would. When she wouldn't barf. 

(and how did that make sense?//how did that make a lick of sense//she tasted nothing)

(and wasn't that strange)

"Really?" Kurapika leaned forward, dipping a hand in the water below. He swirled it a bit while little fish curiously drifted up to see what caused the disturbance in their peaceful sea life. Flicking his fingers off into the water, he sat back. "You usually eat a lot more."

"Sometimes," was her answer.

"Sometimes," he repeated, "but I have yet to see you eat less than two platefuls of anything."

She shrugged. "A true warrior can live off a drop of the universe. I think. That's probably how it's phrased."

(she felt like she was going to die)

Leorio clapped her hair, tussling it. "Brat, if something's wrong, you can tell me, you know?"

"Mn."

(she didn't know if something was wrong)

"So why should we leave the island?"

Kaia ignored the rile, this time choosing to meet Kurapika's eyes with a quizzical, innocent tilt. "Because we can?"

"You seem to know a lot of things you don't let off."

(just knowing she liked knowing there wasn't a problem chill chill calm down she's fine she's fine no problems)

"I like knowing things."

"Do you."

(she was going to pop to pop something was  _ wrong _ she didn't know  _ what _ stop asking her questions)

"Yeah."

"Are you sure you're not hungry? You're shaking." Leorio pointed at her right hand, which was, when she looked, quivering like a scared rabbit. Kaia made to stop it. It stopped, then kept going. 

"Hm. So it is. I think I...will go lie down. Hm." So she pushed her plate to Leorio's lap, setting it right atop his while ignoring his confused outburst. The ground felt shaky beneath her legs, which similarly felt wrong. Her body didn't burn in any way and when she checked, she found her nen securely wrapped in the twisting bundle by her spine, so that wasn't the cause. She didn't have a reason to feel as she did—like the world was about to up and grab her, or maybe just take off and leave her behind, and while neither of those options really bothered her in her mind, she still felt  _ bothered _ . Nervous, jittery,  _ anxious _ for whatever needed to happen to happen.

She wasn't sure if she wanted to find out what that happening was. She wasn't sure something was happening, she wasn't sure if she wanted to know, she wasn't sure of anything...she just wasn't sure.

She wasn't sure why she wanted to find it out, either.

All she could keep thinking was, 'hm,' and 'maybe I just need to take a nap,' and 'I'm being dramatic.'

(because surely this was all just a load of drama)

(unnecessary)

(ridiculous)

( _ wrong _ )


	17. And Wasn't That Hilarious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And she laughed and laughed and laughed and cried, just a little.  
> (I own nothing but my shoes.)

 

The window glared light. Lines of dust hovered in the stale, dull room. Each of the walls glowed with a cinder tint, burning off the sky that dripped color with a lax haze. Light bowled over the crumpled blankets of one bed and the bare, wrinkled mattress of the other; its covers rolled and thrown to the far corner of the room. They stunk of sweat and fear. A picture of a beach had been turned face down on the single drawer. The daffodils lay dried beside it; their crisp, browned petals curled and chipped. Black flies littered the windowsills. Kaia sat facing them. Her hair was barely long enough to clip at the edge of her collar, and there were gritty curls where sweat had stuck and it hung over eyes reflecting nothing. 

She was quiet. The dog coiled around her toes was quiet. The slow push and pull of waves outside remained true to the solemn, coaxing atmosphere, and the dead black flies didn’t make any noise at all. 

Kaia snorted. 

“Awful dramatic,” she whispered. She didn’t quite feel all there. But that was fine. That panicky feeling riled in her lungs and the wiley terror of nothing felt slick around her bones, so of course, for the time, dissociation was fine. In the long run this’d surely be bad, but for right now, she didn’t care, and didn’t want to, because this quiet was somber, and fine. 

A scratchy sheen of dust made the image of fading light and bleeding sea blur in a soothing, real way. If she looked past the brown tint, changed her focus and let her eyes fall into miosis, she could pick out the darker lines of large fish skidding their fins along the water’s broken ripples. Shells and charcoaled, broken pieces of wood specked the otherwise clean yellow sand. They left sharp black shadows reaching for the grey blocks of the hotel’s railings. Three or four seagulls hopped in and out of view across the beach, some dipping behind the jagged bones of wreckage, some drifting too high to remain visible. Her eyes glanced down where a fly buzzed half-heartedly on his back, its little legs wiggling in a short spasm before going still. Neko’s breath paused for a second to allow a squeaking yawn before it returned to the slow, rhythmic puffs it was before.

Someone knocked on her door. A slow, hesitant knock, unsure of the status inside, and a second later Kaia heard the telltale squeal of old hinges. Then the door shut, clicking into place, and a hot flash of nerves demanded her back inside her body. She lingered in the Not There.

“So. You’ve been here this whole time.” Killua’s voice, his tone trepid and slightly demeaning, carried closer. Begrudgingly, Kaia pulled her eyes from the burning sun. She had to blink the memory of it away shortly after for the sake of making the conversation half as awful as she felt. But then nobody said anything and the nerves once again yanked at her mind.

“Mn,” she eventually allowed. It made her mouth water. Perhaps she’d throw up. “Feel...not good.”

Killua, who’d taken a comfort in staring at the window just a foot on her right, made a heated step back. “Ew! Are you sick?” He pinched his nose. “If that’s the case I’m switching again with Lorelei.”

Kaia’s face scrunched, confused. “Aren’t you to poisons?”

He raised his arms as if to block an attack. “To poisons what?”

“Aren’t you...oh,” her wrist flicked nervously, jittering like a rabbit. Her stare drew sideways. “I forgot words. Aren’t you immune to poisons?”

“Yes...to _ poisons _ . That doesn’t mean I can’t get sick. That’s completely different.”

“Oh. That makes sense… Sorry,” she added offhandedly, unsure. Neko yawned again then, and she felt his fur scratch her ankles as he stood up and stretched his little paws over her bare feet. He shook himself, glanced around and, upon noticing Killua, charged. 

“Wha-hey!” The boy jumped, and Neko, tongue lolling and body wagging because his tail couldn’t keep up, ran two solid loops around him before shooting toward the door to scrabble at it with his claws. When nobody moved to open it, he stopped short, staring at them with an oddly intelligent face, head quirked as if to say ‘why do you fools fail to release me?’. 

Kaia snorted. It broke the dog into a wildly gleeful bounce, and he howled while scrabbling back to Killua to body slam his legs, then shoot under the bed. 

Both humans started laughing. Killua’s rolled with his body and his eyelids squeezed together with mirth. Kaia’s left her chortling and wheezing and crying a little, but that was quickly smeared away, and forgotten. Killua gave her an odd look—one similar to the few he’d been tossing her way when they’d been searching for clues. 

She didn’t feel like those questions. “Say,” she drug the word out, glancing from the flies to the bed with Neko’s floppy black head sticking out to Killua’s shoulder. “What came of that discovery ya’ll made earlier?”

“Discovery? Oh, the storm.” The blue of his eyes rolled up and to the right, and his hand reached to scratch the side of his neck. “Kurapika’s making people go outside and do manual labor because of it. He’s trying to,” here he paused, lip curling in disgust, “‘make this ship capable of its old feats’. And what’s worse is everyone’s actually working to make it happen.”

There was a small surge, just something barely there but different enough to be noticable, of relief that glinted near the panic. Then it faded away. With it, a small chunk of worry, but Kaia took what she could get. 

“Cool. So, what have you been doing?”

He faced the window again. “What do you mean?” He ducked his head slightly to look up, squinting, before dismissing whatever he’d seen. Kaia followed what he looked at. Some birds had just hit a window a few floors above. Wonderful. They could all eat seagull tonight. 

“What have you been up to? What have you been doin-” she swallowed the burst of early-regurgitation saliva, wiping the excess with the back of her hand. “Doing. You was with Gon when I last saw you.”

“Gon keeps trying to do all the weird wacky jobs,” he narrows his stare here, “and tomorrow  _ I’m _ going to cut all the seaweed from the ship’s turbines because  _ he  _ wants to.” He scratched his neck again. There was a little red bump there, she noticed. Even he wasn’t immune to mosquitoes, then. Ha. “Lorelei kept showing up and asking me to help her get all the junk out from below deck ‘cause she’s afraid of  _ spiders.” _

Kaia let her gaze roam to the upper corner where a spider sat unperturbed. Just a little thing, no harm to nobody. She’d leave it. “Why’d they want the junk out?”

“Somebody wants to shoot the cannons at the island so we can break away from it. I think it’s a great idea, too. I just...don’t want to be downstairs.”

As Kaia similarly dreaed questions and curious gazes and extensive social interactions, she hummed in agreement. Neko barked, darting out from the bed to make a fast round around the room and grab somebody’s sock, maybe hers, and dart back under. She looked at the bed for a second, then huffed a chuckle and returned to the outside. The sun had finally touched the waters and it burned an angry shade not at all unlike the bug bite on Killua’s neck. 

“So,” Killua began, after a few more birds had hit windows. “Why do you think they’re doing that?”

“They’re sacrificing themselves for the sake of our dinner.” One slammed into the glass a room over, squeaking wildly.

“You’re gonna cook them?”

“Probably.” Kaia shrugged. Another rile hit her, but it wasn’t as strong and when it faded a lot more faded with it. Kaia wondered if talking like this helped. “Ain’t never ate seagull before. Wasn’t legal back where I come from. I just,” she leaned forward to look at the eight or so birds flopped over the sand. “...Need someone to go fetch them.”

“...Huh. Well, who are you going to get?”

Kaia looked at him. He stared at her. They both feigned innocence extremely well. Kaia rolled her eyes up, touching her chin. “Oh my, I wonder where I could ever find someone strong, smart, and courageous--open doors and collect the slowly cooling carcasses of dead birds.” She stuttered to a stop, rethinking, then touched her chin again. “Courageous to brave the open doors. To brave. Words.”

Killua shrugged dismissively, turning away. “What can you do?”

“Killua.” 

“What?”

She leaned forward. “Please go—”

What sounded like a basketball smashed into the window and both kids jerked, turning wide eyed at the beak sticking through the glass, and the seagull spasming uselessly just outside it. With a final, dying jerk, it broke free and tumbled below. Kaia kept her back arched, eyes wide and muscles tense. Killua relaxed. 

And then Kaia started laughing. “That—” she gasped and held back barf. “It just—stuck there!”

Killua nodded slowly, eventually giving in to his own amusement. “I guess that was kind of funny...sort of. You looked really weird though,” he flexed his fingers and arched his back, baring his teeth. “Kind of like some wild animal. Rawr. Ruff.” He snapped at air. Neko darted out from beneath the bed, stopping just beneath him. He held still as Killua pretended to bite at monsters, and then he yowled and shot back under the bed. Killua barely flinched but at the same time, Kaia’d seen the movement, and knew he therefore had been startled. 

He started to scowl but his eyes slid from that bothered squint to a confused, then amazed wide. He leaned close to the window. “What’s up with the suns?”

Kaia followed his sight, and stilled, breath cutting short. It looked like someone had cut the sun in half and switched the sides around—or balanced a mirror directly above the half melting into the ocean, splitting it to two even chunks. They were red, burning through the hazy sky. Kaia could see the starts of riles in the water and the edges of black clouds seeping from blurs in the atmosphere. 

She cussed. Then reprimanded herself. Then cussed again and tapped Killua’s hand. “Hey, might wanna scurry downstairs. Storm’s starting. Anyone who takes off in this dies.”

“This is the start? Oh, that’s why the birds hit the windows. Wait, we’re not ready to go yet—”

“Two storms, this one’s not that bad,” Kaia interrupted. Then, as an afterthought, she said, “Gon’s gonna start swimming after the stupid people.”

“He’s—what!?” Killua jerked from the window. “He’s doing what now? No he won’t, that’s suicidal!” Their eyes held, a bright blue in contrast with the dulled, unfocused ones, before he scratched furiously at his hair. “Yes, he would, that idiot.” He trotted to the door, swinging it wide, but he hesitated before walking out. “Also,” he said, leaning back. Kaia met his stare balefully. “Your mood swings are stupid. Bleh,” he finished by pulling down the bottom of one eyelid. The next second had the door shut and Kaia left alone, aside from Neko under the bed. Kaia laughed. And laughed, because oh how she must have been so stupid, if even a child had to tell her to control her own emotions, wasn’t that just  _ hilarious— _

She threw up.

Neko licked at her hands and her chin. Kaia bleared at his big, dialated, pretty brown eyes and heaved again. Very little splattered on the floor and what did looked meagre and ugly. When Neko sniffed at it, she pushed him away, and pulled a towel from her bag to clean it up. Her tongue tasted sour. The room started fading dark. Outside, she heard the dull thrum of wind as it began picking up at a pace she hadn’t figured to hear. 

Shaky, Kaia jerked to Neko whining at the door and became intensely aware of herself disassociating again. Baring her teeth, she drug herself back. “Alright, no time for this. Killua said it, didn’t he? No,” she bit her lips, fisting her claws in her belly, “no more mood swings, gotta go be a person. Don’t wanna be called somebody who doesn’t participate.” She made to steady her feet beneath her, taking slow, measured breaths. The floor swayed beneath her feet. “Oooh boy, maybe tha’sa bad idea, shoulda jus’ stayed down there,” she trailed off thoughtfully. Her belly rolled when the wind picked up. “Stay, or go?”

Neko whined. It was a low, crooning noise that Kaia recognized as a need to use the bathroom. But, she murmured to herself while glancing at the blackened skies outside, going the bathroom in a storm just seemed...bad. Like, a really bad idea. He could mess on the floor? But that just seemed cruel, what a bad owner would do, and Kaia…

Didn’t want to be cruel. Wanted to not be affected by imagined things screaming at her. She wasn’t cold hearted,  _ no matter what memories whispered in her mind _ , and what did she care if she got a little wet? If she remembered right, the water’d just come to the edge of the boat but no further. That meant there was plenty room for the dog to pee. Sure, the wind was strong, but Neko’d already managed the trip thus far. He was a good dog.

Neko scratched at the doors again before dropping to his paws, staring quizzically at her. His fur was just a black mass in the shadows. His eyes glinted when light flashed from outside—distantly, she could hear someone screaming over the wind. Bad idea, then. 

Neko barked. Kaia frowned. Then, “forget it, too tired for this,” she started for the door. Neko barked and ran in a tight circle around her legs, bouncing the whole while. She laughed and thought about throw up. “If I upchuck in front of everybody, I’m blaming you, stinky breath.” She opened the door to the black hallway. “Just don’t say I don’t have a heart, ya hear me?”

…

...

...

(Funny how things worked out)

…

…

...

She didn’t feel along the wall as she measured downstairs, trusting the wile in her gut to tell her when she’d hit something. It didn’t work. She kept going anyway, since running into a few walls wasn’t really that big of a deal. 

…

...

...

(It really shouldn’t be that surprising)

…

…

...

The yells were louder here, by the big metal door. The wind screeched outside and barely, for a moment, Kaia wondered if she should carry the small dog or just go back upstairs and forget the whole thing. But here he barked, and she’d never liked thinking too hard.

…

…

...

(She’d never made good decisions when tired)

…

…

...

“Well,” she muttered, reaching for the handle. “Too late now. Left to fate, huh?”

…

…

…

(Bad things happened when left to fate)

…

…

…

The force blasted her back like a cannonball of ice. She caught herself with spikes of nen drilling from her heels. It was an instinctive move, not one thought out fully, and while focusing on it she realized that Neko wasn’t in the hall any longer. 

…

…

...

(Bad things happened when left to fate)

…

…

...

The door slammed angrily on the wall. Rain splattered like shrapnel over the hallway. The screams were outlined by a flash of lightning. Kaia pushed outside, baring her teeth. 

…

…

…

…

…

...

(Bad things  _ happened when left to fate) _

_ … _

_ … _

_ … _

_ … _

_ … _

_... _

The water whipped her soaked within the second and her body chilled, a coil of irrational fear building at the sight of the massive waterspout drilling up the sky not four hundred yards from the island. 

…

…

…

…

...

( _ Badthingsbadthingsbadthings—) _

_ … _

_ … _

_ … _

_ … _

_ … _

_... _

The world screeched and groaned and gave a gutteral roar. Shudders rocked the island. Something yelped on her right and Kaia yanked sideways—

…

…

...

...(Kaia was a fool)

_ … _

_ … _

_... _

Her dog flew over the railings. 

…

...

...Kaia was a _ fool. _


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the support!   
> I own nothing.

 

_ Sometimes, Kaia wondered if she were too careless. _

She drug her hand through wet sand, frantically searching. Her teeth bit wildly at torrents and waves. She couldn’t breathe underwater, couldn’t see underwater, couldn’t hear underwater, but she could feel the stones and sand beneath her hands as she  _ dug and dug and dug and dug _ . 

_ Sometimes, she thought she was just bitter. _

Because the storm had started. The sun had doubled. Clouds showed up and everything went black and the ocean took control. Kaia squinted through knife-like rain.

_ Sometimes, she realized just how little she was. _

Gon had jumped ship and a line of people were yanking at a thick rope to pull him back aboard the battered battleship. Everyone on board had been scrambled in a collaborative movement for safety when the world shuttered, and Neko had slid straight into the black, swirling, starving waters below, and now Kaia couldn’t breath because she was digging through wet sand under the ocean to find a wet dog she wasn’t even sure she liked. But that didn’t matter. She didn’t care if she liked him. He was her dog.

_ Sometimes, she realized she was still so weak. _

Sound exploded back to life when her head popped out to the rainy sky again. She gasped—a gurgling, slapping noise—and kicked her legs to avoid a large log rolling from a wave, then ducked below, where noise became a hollow, muted, squished echo of rage. Pressure on her ears and lungs increased as she sank. Cold water tried up her nose. She couldn’t see. She felt like she’d die. She clawed wet sand. 

_ Sometimes, she was scared that she was too calloused. _

And there he was again, in a puddle of sunlight, chewing at a stink bug with the most disgusted dog face she could picture. There he was, dragging himself forward on his front two paws. There he was, bouncing at her feet with a briar knotted by his floppy, half pointed ear. There he was, bounding through the tall grass and flipping over because she didn’t want to slow down, and he didn’t want to fall behind.

_ Sometimes she was scared she didn’t have the right emotions for being human. _

She couldn’t breathe and the ice-like water pressed on her ribs, burning her lungs. Wild strikes of currents tugged her extremities random directions, and it took more than every bit of strength in her to keep focused on the murky black fade of her hands scrabbling for a fur. For a paw, for a tail, for wet sand. All because—

_ She was afraid the people she cared about would fade away and she wouldn’t be affected. _

He blinked up stupidly at her, all big, shiny brown eyes nearly black. They glinted in the moonlight. He crawled into her lap, and licked her chin when she sat to do nothing. His whole body wagged when his tail worked too slow. 

Kaia gagged, popped above, spat water, and dove again. She didn’t have a thought to return to the boat. She didn’t have a thought to let go. She’d let go the memories in her mind. She’d let go her family. She’d let go Runa. She’d let go burning, and home, and her freaking life but this was her freaking  _ dog and he was here and she was fighting. _

_ Sometimes, she was afraid her feelings weren’t legitimate. _

A clump of string flitted by her fingers. She grabbed, then let go, because she didn’t need a downing man’s hair. She forced away from his frantic grasp to grab at wet sand. 

_ Sometimes she thought everything she did was an act. _

“—Aia! Kaia!” shattered into a voice over the roar of the waterspout. Kaia, bleary eyed and gasping, shot a look over the dark waves. “Kaia! Over here! Take my—”

She didn’t care and didn’t listen. A light swung past her, falling over a limp mass folding in the reflective, black waters. She dove for it, and it sucked under, and she followed thinking

_ That what she did didn’t matter. _

And she was cold and bitter and painfully everything but she

_ Never mattered _

Took

_ Couldn’t matter _

Hold

_ Shouldn’t matter _

Didn’t

_ Didn’t matter _

Let

_ Not important _

Go

_ Never enough _

even as a yank of sticky spun her from the sea to the big, struggling, groaning ship, and a huge arm hooked beneath her ribs.

_ Sometimes, even if it didn’t matter, she didn’t care. _

And then there were flustered, panicked voices, and someone yelled from a distance, and the rain slammed against metal and wind sucked at her skin and she curled tighter around the limp, cold body. 

_ Occasionally, she realized that she did. _

An unknown pried at her locked arms, touching at the limp. Kaia’s mind blurred. She faintly registered her hand contorting before it became covered with warm because she’d sunk it into the unknown. Not dead. But it backed away, and she pulled the warm back to the limp because something didn’t feel right and all she could think was—

This is supposed to be warm, too.

But it wasn’t.

She held it closer. 

It still wasn’t. 

She wasn’t stupid. 

It’s probably dead. 

_ She didn’t care.  _

Belatedly, she realized that someone had picked her up, and was now carrying her inside towards the bedrooms. That’s nice, she thought, for just a second. They were big and strong and warm. They deserved good things, she thought. With sunshine and yellow grass and dogs that weren’t dead. She checked who it was. Hisoka smiled down at her. She smiled back, uttered a ‘thanks’ as he set her on a bed. Blankets were rolled around her and Nek—

_...When had it ever mattered? _

His mouth moved, but no words came out, but she heard him anyway.

“Clean up when you’re done.”

And then he’s gone.

Kaia felt the ship rock, and everything returned to her. Slowly, she unwrapped her arms. They were sticky with salt. Although it was darker than twilight, she could make out the bundle of unmoving fur clustered over her palms. It felt slightly heavy, and stiff. She set it down atop a folded, half curled quilt. 

_ Because maybe she messed up and it’s random fur. It’s a log. It’s some other creature, like an otter, or a seagull, or someone’s scalp.  _

But eyes that don’t see looked there. A soft pink tongue stuck between slim, sharp whites. His paws were stone cold. His ribs, still. He was so small. She should have fed him more. Should have carried him on the boat, should have put him inside, should have watched him better, should have actually done something that wouldn’t have let him slide off into the water and what was she thinking all the signs were there she could barely hold on herself why did she expect the dog to stay aboard why did she keep moving around she wasn’t even needed outside this was her fault—

_ What was she supposed to feel? _

Kaia hesitated, just a second, then screamed. 

_ What was she supposed to feel? _

“Da...ad…” A wail, a pause, a wave of regret bigger than the ones outside. 

_ Whatwasshesupposedtofeel— _

“Da...ad! I killed a dog. W-wh at d-d-o I﹘he’s not﹘Daa...ad!”

It pricked. She wondered if she felt something. She wondered—

_ If this is what sadness felt like. _

_ To be truly, completely, lost. _

_ But she didn’t feel lost. _

_ She just felt. _

“Da...aaaad! Dad! I﹘I don’t﹘! I killed﹘it’s my﹘! Daaaad!”

_ She didn’t know. _

The boat jolted, shuddered. The body rolled and hit the floor. Kaia left it to curl up, clinging a blanket to her stomach as she bit fabric and bitterness and carelessness and stupidity and selfishness and awfulness and the hole of nothing she had inside of her because she didn’t care and didn’t care and didn’t care and—

“Dad!” It came out like a squeal and some part of her catalogued the sound for later use when pretending. Then she gagged, coughing up the sea she’d swallowed when doing something that didn’t matter.

_ She always pretended. _

Kaia shivered. Shook with the world. Listened to the raging ocean, and wondered if that’s what she was supposed to be feeling, if that’s what she was supposed to be  _ doing.  _ But she wasn’t. She was curled with a blanket between her teeth, not knowing if she felt anything.

_ Kaia _

_ Was _

_ An _

_ Actor _

She reached for her face. Finding no tears, she blinked, slow, then released the blanket. Her body quivered and felt like stone.  _ She’d be fine.  _ Because she couldn’t care, didn’t care, and would be fine. She was just tired, and confused.

_ Coldhearted. _

Kaia fell asleep like that.

_ Uncaring. _

She doesn’t move.

_ Does she ever feel anything? Does she even care? Did she have the capacity to, or was there something wrong with her? _

_ Was this also an act? _

Kaia doesn’t dream. She woke before morning, before the pale glow of hungry sunshine creeps through the window. The ship was smooth, gentle on gentle waves, resting against a gentle island. The blankets were so many they almost burned, and she liked that, and hated that. She was alone in the room. Her eyes, a pale but stark blue, drifted over the everything before resting on the fallen petals of a daffodil. 

A dead dog lay on the floor. 

Kaia sat up, remembered, and moved to brush her teeth. A coil of something awful nestled in her belly. Unsure of it, nor what to do with it, Kaia decided to ignore the feeling. And the thoughts. And the nothing. And the everything.

Placidly, Kaia left the bathroom to feel the sun on her skin when making the bed. After, she put the daffodils on the drawers, then picked up the dog and went outside where it remained warm and muggy. Just like the days before. The fur on her skin felt cold and she’d been right. He was dead. 

She didn’t care.

_ But she did. _

_ And she was so, so weak. _


	19. Little Things; Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends. Welcome back to the show. Thanks for all the kind feedback, and the support! I ain’t responded to all of you, but I read your comments and it gives me so much encouragement, you know?
> 
> Anyway, been fighting my way through unit tests and such, so now it’s time to post the new chapter!
> 
> I own nothing but my shoes and my laptop.

 

Kaia wondered why she didn’t hate the ocean.

_ Coldhearted,  _ she thought.  _ She wasn’t. _

“Kaia! There you are! We’ve been looking everywhere for you, we’re starving! Why are you up here, anyway? I haven’t seen anyone else...” Leorio trailed off, his steps becoming nothing more than heavy thumps in the bare foliage as he took in the island from the tall spokes of earth where Kaia rested. Below the rolls of fresh green palms, the beach curved in a smooth claw, the sea lapping contentedly at the white sands. If one were to look straight out, they could watch where the world rounded off. But up here the wind blew softly and the short stubs of sand-grass waved eagerly at the two atop. 

Kaia breathed with a slow breeze that chilled the sweat sticking to her skin. “Leorio,” she started, voice sturdy in a way she sort of maybe felt. There was blood and black sand scabbed beneath her fingernails. “Would you call this spot a knoll, a spoke, or the start of a mountain?”

Because she wanted to remember where she’d stood to quote dozens of old songs to the simple, quiet, painless push and pull of the sea. Where she’d counted pushups until her brain couldn’t think anymore and punched air until her arms shook. Where she’d shot her bow until she didn’t imagine him chasing the arrows; where she’d released her nen until her body felt heavy and leaden; where she’d stained the granite and sand with sweat and blood from where she’d dug a hole to rest his cold, stiff body, because that was something people who should care did. She wanted to care. She could feel so much, but none of it felt like loss, because she knew that absolutely  _ normal  _ wasn’t what people with loss felt.

She wanted to remember where she’d tried to have a heart, and buried him. That’s what people with feelings did.

She wanted to feel human, but—

_ Coldhearted— _

—the only thing she could feel was a sour wanting of the act she kept putting on to become reality, so she could legitimately do what real people did. 

She didn’t feel like she missed her dog buried in the ground.

She felt like she had three days ago; like the world might swallow her up and leave her behind, and she wouldn’t care. Complacent in her standings, where she was going and what she would do. Accepting of the previous dreams and goals she’d released— _ she’d never really had dreams— _ and absolutely, completely, in the simplest word, fine.

_ Coldhearted,  _ she thought.  _ But she had a heart. _

The mound of turned up dirt sat right beside the broken shoulder of a boulder, half caught between the clear morning rays and flat shadows, overlooking the whole of the island. Far, far from the water that’d surely swallow him whole later that night because she wasn’t strong enough to stop it and didn’t care enough to try.

Kaia swallowed and sat, her elbow resting on one leg’s knee while her other hand stretched in the brittle yellow grass beside her, when Leorio responded.

“A mountain?” He hemmed and hawed with each step closer, scratching at the stumps of a beard. “Bah, doesn’t matter as long as it looks good. So? Taking a peace of mind after last night?” He chuckled and plopped down on a rock not too far from her. It was a nice spot where he could overlook the valleys on the left and the big battleship they called a hotel. Kaia’d screamed there just an hour before because she couldn’t feel anything, when the morning sun was peeking a curious gleam over the purple skies. “Sheesh, that storm was way to strong. And there’s another one tonight supposed to be worse? What were those examiners thinking, just leaving us like this. If we hadn’t caught the signs in time, most of us would have died!”

Kaia shrugged and quirked a smile. “Your wording’s amusing.” 

She wondered how that smile worked. It certainly reached her eyes, but there wasn’t anything inside.  _ Actor,  _ something whispered. Maybe the truth. She ignored it, like she did everything else.

“And why’s that, huh?” Leorio cast her a narrow-eyed glare that was too quick and common to be worth anything rude. He sniffed in a false haughty manner. “You saying I would have died? I’ll have you know I am perfectly capable of managing myself, brat.”

“Tonight you’re going to climb into a diving suit and be knocked unconscious beneath the ocean.” Kaia spoke before her brain could catch up. She decided to not care and continued conversationally. “Gon will fish you out. Then he’ll be knocked out and you’ll wake up, and fish him out. I suggest going beneath at least an hour before noon. Then, you won’t get hit at all.”

He stared at her as if she’d cut herself in half, or blown up, or maybe killed a dog. Kaia let her focus slide to the thin blue line splitting the water from the sky. After a long, stretched and tense minute, he proceeded with, “What, you think you can see the future or something? If anything, it’s you who needs watching over, being as rambunctious as you are.” He gave a meaningful point to her hands, and Kaia glanced balefully at the dirt and blood around them. Then, to the clearing, and the mound beside the broken boulder. 

She looked at the sea and offered a, “dunno what you’re talking about. I ain’t never did a dangerous thing in my life except the things I did.”

“Uh huh. Pretty sure there’s witnesses that say otherwise… On that thought,” Leorio gave a low grumble and twisted around, leaning up a bit to study around. Not finding what he wanted, he frowned and asked, “where’s that dog that’s always following you, anyway? Did you forget him in your room?”

A pause, then, “for a bit, yeah.”

“Oi, don’t talk in riddles.” He huffed, releasing a quick laugh that evidently wasn’t meant to come out based on his quick covering of the mouth. Straightening, he pushed up his glasses and shook himself. “I came up here to see how you were doing. You seemed pretty out of it yesterday. I wasn’t sure if I made myself clear when we ate yesterday, but as your elder, just know you can talk to me about anything anytime.” He stopped, sunlight blinking off his glasses to add, “especially if it’s about...a boy, maybe?”

Kaia caught his look with her own baffled one. “Serious?”

He grinned. “Of course! It’s only natural for young teenagers to fall in love with anyone they find attractive, and I  _ know  _ you and that ar—”

“Before you go any further,” she cut in, drawing out the words, “I’d sooner fall in love with you than with probably anyone else you’re thinking about.”

He startled, blushed, then regained himself while twisting his neck collectedly, narrowing his stare. “Is that supposed to be an insult?”

“Nah. You just, ya got…brown eyes...I guess. They’re the best color.”

“Really?” It was a suspicious, self conscious, too prideful question.

“Have you never looked in a mirror? Your eyes really are brown.”

“I’ve seen their color,” he snapped before falling on his back. Then he sat back up and took a breath. “Well, as the older person, I’m going to tell you that I’m flattered you think of me that way but I’m not interested in anyone with an underdeveloped body.”

Kaia half grinned. “So if I had breasts and hips you’d be down?”

He spluttered but eventually nodded. Kaia laughed until she couldn’t breath. For a while then, they sat with idle banter about irrelevant things, listening to ocean and the white gulls. When a pitched growl crept from his stomach, and Kaia laughed, he said, “you haven’t cooked breakfast yet. Or dinner last night. Sheesh, I even got up early to find you and nobody knew where you went! The only person who seemed to have any idea what was going on was Gon, but even he refused to talk about it!” His voice lowered to a grumble. “What happened to him, anyway? That obviously wasn’t from any stray piece of shrapnel.”

“Whatcha mean?”

“He has a huge gash on his side that someone else messily wrapped up before I could get to it, and he won’t tell me who gave it to him. It’s obviously a stab wound. I’m this close to just confronting that white haired little assassin boy but even  _ he  _ doesn’t seem to know, and he’s  _ always  _ with Gon.”

Distantly, she remembers everything up to her knuckles burrowing into warmth. 

“Oh.” Part of her screamed to be quiet. She’s an actor. She doesn’t care. The other part of her wanted to. “I, uh, um.” She lifted her arm and remembered it contorting. She rethought. No, not contorting, she’d  _ forced it different.  _ Nen? She tried, and it folded around her nails after a short spout of coaxing. “Well. I think I did that.”

Leorio, who’d continued mumbling to himself, stiffened up. “Come again?”

Her hand sunk into the cold, cold earth. She withdrew a second later, marveling at the black and yellow sand nestled around flakes of her own dark blood. She didn’t answer until Leorio badgered her with increasingly concerned remarks, and when she did, it was quick and quiet.

“I should go apologize, shouldn’t I?”

“Apolo—yes! Yes you should apologize, why did you even stab him? Was it an accident? What happened!?”

Kaia felt the burn of memories and sunlight on her back. “Life.” It made her snort. “Death. Stuff. I let my emotions get the best of me and acted upon them. Never have made good decisions when I’m tired. Should’ve...Well, probably coulda done things differently, but I ain’t never liked thinking about things to regret. I’ve been stuck inside my head for a bit too long anyway, might as well go fix what I can now.” But she didn’t move and couldn’t make the muscles that bubbled like molten lava work.

_ Couldn’t,  _ she thought bitterly, was a lie. What she could and couldn’t do was up to her. 

_ Weak,  _ she thought.  _ Bitter. That meant she felt something, right? _

Leorio shuffled. She felt a hand on her shoulder. When she flinched, Leorio took it back, but stayed close. “Hey,” he started, then rethought and said, “Look, Kaia, it’s alright to get stuck inside your head sometimes. I know how it feels. Can you tell me what happened?”

Kaia shrugged and burned a heavy stare on the curb of the beach. “Felt sick. Got caught in my head. Made a stupid decision. Got Neko killed. Stabbed Gon. Went to sleep. Buried my dog right over there. It scratched my hands up real bad. I’ll have to bandage them later. Anyway, buried him and—” she felt a coil of something nasty and hot in the back of her throat that she hated and hated and hated and “—came out of my head.”

He didn’t move. She could hear him breathe, the sharp intake, the slower, heavier outflow. A seagull cried from high above and its shadow left a quick cooling brush over her skin. 

“W-what…” Leorio’s voice sounded too quiet. Too soft too careful too quiet and she hated it. It made the burn in her throat sear into a knot she could barely swallow over. 

She left her eyelids flat and relaxed, but her stare heavy, and sturdy, and certain on that corner of the beach. “Stuff happens. Already took care of it, and it’s probably better now than later when he could get seriously messed up on some Hunter trail. I mean, it’s only—” she cut off when something ripped in her chest but she regained herself so quickly it gained no hold. There wasn’t anything anymore. She was fine, and it didn’t matter. “Eleven days. I only knew him for eleven days.”

It was probably the sad pangs that were telling her how to act. She knew how to act. She’d taken four years of Drama, had spent hours after class in plays learning how to manipulate the ways to feel things. She knew how to pretend it hurt here, how to pretend she cared there. Like last time, with the other dog, it was the same then and she’d only known him for eleven days too, didn’t she? 

_ Actor,  _ she thought, and it was nothing more than a mere observation.

“It’s nothing new,” she said.

_ Cold hearted,  _ her memories whispered.  _ Actor,  _ it said.

_ She knew she had a heart. _

Leorio remained silent. Kaia kept going, if only to stop hearing her blood pump over the ringing, ever-hushing ocean. 

“I, um. Dad,” she wasn’t sure what she was saying but it was certainly being said, “got along really well with my dad.” She frowned. Those weren’t the words she wanted. Maybe in the next string, she’d get it right. “We shot our bows in the yard a lot. The dogs liked running back and forth when we did. I used to love it.”

She stopped again and took a shuddering breath, listening to the wind shake. 

“There was a...” She struggled to keep going but at the same time couldn’t find the taste of language on her tongue. Suddenly it felt too heavy to keep talking. She waited, then continued. “He, uh. Dog. I was fifteen? Or sixteen, I can’t remember. It was a german shorthair. All black, a little white heart on his chest. He had a habit of holding real still when crouching before suddenly jumping up three or four feet in the air. One time, he stole a leaf off my raspberry bush.” She cocked her head. “He also chewed on unripe hazelnuts that’d fallen down in our yard. He messed with yellowjacket nests.” This got a snort. “One time, I told him if ‘he didn’t poop in the grass, I wouldn’t have to pick it up’, and he went over to these bark chips and pooped in there.”

She considered a chuckle for a good minute before her fingers picked at sand. 

“I, um. My arrow kept falling off the string when I was practicing—I should have looked at it closer, the knock was coming loose. Didn’t. Left it to fate. When I’d shot, the arrow swooped low, right as he did one of those sudden jumps.” 

Here she held her fingers to her temple like a gun and didn’t look at anything but the beach. 

“Caught him right on the temple.” She spoke softly and hated how easy, blatantly and uselessly easy it was. “An inch higher, it’d have missed him completely. I… Sometimes, I just remember the color of red on my hands. It wasn’t that it was traumatizing. I hunt, so I’ve seen blood on my hands before, and I’m not bothered by the color now. I don’t know. I just… It’s not that different. Don’t misunderstand—I’m aware it’s not my fault, I know what accidents are, and if it were someone else of course I wouldn’t blame them. I had a good dad who made sure I knew, so… I just...eleven days, really? And I hadn’t even—it was for the same kind of thing, ‘cause I wasn’t trying to think, and that just means that it’s…”

She felt him shift and took herself from her mind when his hand touched her shoulder again. She could recognize the start of a hug, but it hurt,  _ it itched and irritated to be touched like this not right then don’t touch herdon’tlookdon’tkeeptouchingdon’t— _

He hugged her with long arms that were warm and could wrap fully around her stiff, stiff, too uncomfortably stiff body. It made her eyes ache, prickling with telltale tears she hated. Before offering a small squeeze, he held her, a whisper of things being alright. She screamed in her head for the ache to go away. She hated. Then he let go, and Kaia didn’t move. The memory of the touch felt vile. She considered throwing up. It was probably wrong because touching was supposed to be a good thing, everyone said to welcome hugs for they healed what words could not, but  _ she didn’t feel broken and she didn’t want touch, and she hated hating this. _

And Leorio, for all the things he could be defined as, was not an idiot. “That probably wasn’t welcome,” he explained. “But you looked like you needed a hug.”

Kaia wanted and wanted and wanted to want, to need. She didn’t. She didn’t have a reason to not. She didn’t even have a reason to dislike the contact—usually Leorio’s (only him, nobody else, otherwise it itcheditcheditched) touch brought comfort, odd in the world where she tended to avoid the physical portion, so this lacked sense. A lot of things lacked sense. Kaia didn’t know, and wasn’t sure, so she did what she always did and acknowledged, then ignored it. It was a thing. She didn’t want to be touched. Recognition, and action upon that. 

That’s what she always did. The ‘why’ never mattered.

They were thoughts for different days she might never reach because there were too many things to think about, and she’d never seen a reason to do more than acknowledge.

_ That wasn’t coldhearted. That was normal. _

Leorio started to lift his hand again.

“Perhaps if I were somebody else,” is what she said, and he stopped. Kaia swallowed and ran dirty fingers through her dirty hair. “Sorry. I just started spilling out stuff. You can go, if you want. Probably have stuff to do anyway, haha. I just—I don’t know, I just. I mean, I didn’t even cry, ya know? Except like for one minute and that was in my room ‘cause I was feeling dramatic or something. Doesn’t matter. I think I just...I thought that maybe this wasn’t that different and it was a little funny because of it, ya know? Just eleven days, and I didn’t think things through again, didn’t do the double check because of whatever and it ended with my next dog drowning.”

It burned like someone dropped a coal straight from the fire down her throat. She memorized the pain— _ she could act better with it later _ —and wanted to hate herself for it.

“My dad,” she whispered, because that’s what a sad person might do, “took me out the next day to the back of his truck. My bow was on the tailgate. He told me, ‘if you don’t pick it up now, you never will again’, so I did. I killed my second elk that year and I still love hunting. It didn’t bother me.”  _ People who were affected were bothered. She’d heard the stories. She wasn’t part of that.  _ “...My mom told me,” here she chose to breathe in the absence of the words she would say, “that it was alright if I didn’t want to. That I didn’t need to pretend and pick it up again, no one would blame me if I  _ didn’t want to _ . But I did. I wanted to keep hunting. I wanted to keep shooting the thing that had killed a puppy. Isn’t that something? Some sort of bag of a human, right?”

Leorio waited, then asked, almost like he knew what she was thinking, “what did she say after that?”

Kaia huffed a laugh. “She said I didn’t need to act in front of her. I wasn’t. She didn’t believe me, but I really, really wasn’t...It’s not that I didn’t feel anything, see. I just...didn’t feel anything _different._ Felt...normal. She noticed that pretty quickly. That I didn’t care enough. It um. It.” It didn’t hurt. The accusation irritated in a way similar to being touched, yes, but it did not hurt. Or maybe it did and that was what itched. She didn’t know. It didn’t matter. “Yeah.”

Maybe a minute passed. Maybe ten. He stopped staring at her, turning to the ocean the way she’d glared at the beach. Somewhere in that timeframe, he began talking. 

“I grew up in a poor area. There weren’t any nearby doctors, and the few that passed through the area demanded huge fees nobody could hope to pay.” His tone flowed soft and merged gently with that of the wind in grass. Kaia found a focus in it, a way to ground herself so she could be a person again. “I had a friend back then. He was sick. It was a curable disease, and wouldn’t even take that long to get rid of, but we didn’t have the money to even get him looked at.”

Kaia could see the end of this story.

He continued. “We’d been playing a game when it happened. It was obviously worse that day, too, but I’d insisted on going outside to mess around like the other kids. My friend...couldn’t catch the ball. Sometimes, when I look back, I think to myself, ‘maybe if I hadn’t thrown that ball so hard, he wouldn’t have died so soon.’ I had to move past that. I had to realize that it wasn’t my fault.” His eyes tilted down, resting on the glinting flecks of sand caught on the folds of his suit pants. He breathed a deep sigh before meeting Kaia’s eyes. “That’s why I’m going to be a Hunter. I want to cure people with all sorts of illnesses from all over the world, and when they ask me how much, I want to tell them that it doesn’t cost a thing. But,” he added slowly, his tone taking a notable lighter note, “to do that, I need a lot of money in the first place.”

Kaia nodded, and pulled on the playful tug of thoughts that would let her pretend correctly. “Man. I’m here ‘cause I just want things to move when I push them. You… I like you a lot,” she told him. He threw that suspicious narrow eyed look again and she chucked a laugh that didn’t sound hollow because it wasn’t, because she could act. “Thanks, Leorio. And I’ll tell you straight up; your dream’s a good one, and I’m rooting for you all the way. You ever need to borrow money, know I got you.”

“Really?” Leorio, caught in the uplifted moment because he was a normal person, plopped his palm on his knee. “And just how do you expect to do that if you couldn’t even pay for those shoes you’re wearing?”

Kaia grinned, all teeth. “I have a magic bag that can store an unknown amount of stuff inside. I got so much treasure right now it’s ridiculous. I also took most of the stuff inside the managers’ room, so there’s that.” Her grin folded into something more bitter. “Probably coulda put Neko in there and he’d a’ been fine, too. Huh.” Then, because she felt bad about the atmosphere she’d carried back, she said, “You could say this time I made the most of the opportunity.”

“...Is that one of your jokes? I think you need more work on that. I don’t get it at all.”

“That’s probably ‘cause I didn’t either. Oh, say,” she changed topic and pulled out her phone, clicked a button. Nothing happened. She showed the black screen. “Know why this shut off? I ain’t been able to call my sister because of it.”

Leorio inspected it shortly before asking, “have you charged it lately?” Her face fell blank and Leorio grumbled a laugh. “You kids always think you’re so smart and yet you didn’t even charge your phone?”

“I...didn’t think about it.”

“Bah. There’s plugins in some of the break rooms connecting to the generator. Take that advice as payment for cooking all the meals you have…” The line trailed off to something uncomfortable, lingering, and Kaia thought it matched whatever happened to be going on in her brain.

They both stared at shards of sunlight on shards of waves. Another bird passed over. A grasshopper flicked past her tennisshoe. 

“We should get going,” Leorio said.

“Probably,” she agreed. They didn’t move. 

“You know, Kurapika’s waiting for me right now. I only got away from all the work because somebody needed to find the cook, and—” he shivered “—Hisoka said I would be the best one to talk to you.” He gulped. “He’s incredibly terrifying. What was it you called him?”

“Sensei?”

“Yeah, that. What does that even mean?”

“Teacher?” Kaia frowned before realizing that  _ they weren’t speaking Japanese.  _ “Oh, shoot. Does this mean I could speak English, too?” She tried. It felt foreign on her tongue. 

“Oh, I haven’t heard that language in a while. What was it… English, you said? Man, that’s not that common anymore. Wait, teacher? Is that why you’ve been following him around? Sheesh, is he what you meant by saying you wanted a strong teacher back with the Captain?” He flicked her nose. “You really worry me, kid.”

Kaia went cross eyed before shrugging and leaning back. “Me too, Leorio… So what do you want for breakfast?”

“Ham, eggs, and a _ huge _ dish of potatoes.”

“Gotcha. Fried seagull it is.”

He jabbed her side. “That’s not even close.”

She jabbed his elbow. “I only asked what you wanted, never said I was gonna make it.”

“What was the point of asking, then!” When he stood up, she followed.

“It’s polite to ask.”

“That’s only when you’re planning to actually do what the other person says. Goodness, sometimes you seem like you’re so much older than you are, but then you go ahead and say the weirdest things.”

“Now hold on, it’s society that says I have to do what the other person says. Man, I try to be polite, and look at what happens. See if I’m ever polite again. Sheesh.”

“You say that but I took the time to teach you how to read and this is how you repay me? People call me greedy. ...Have you been practicing your letters?”

They meandered down the stones, from the stubby grass to the overbearing curled plants of undergrowth, bantering the while. They were mostly friendly words that didn’t hurt. The warm, early afternoon air didn’t bother her as much as it had the day before, didn’t make the stick clinging to her skin itch that irritating, nasty itch that’d made her nauseous. Whether that was from the time spent with Leorio or the fact that she’d actually gotten a good night’s rest (more than three hours, more than four, bad things had a habit of bringing good along with them), she didn’t know, but for the moment...No, no, what she was about to think was wrong. 

It wasn’t that she felt happy, or glad, or still down. 

She just didn’t really feel anything other than what she usually did. And it was so true she considered being sad, but that would counteract the mood she’d set right then—it wasn’t the time, so she’d consider it later, when people weren’t watching.

After she cooked something, apologized to Gon, showed she was fine. Maybe she would come back up here. Maybe she wouldn’t look back. She’d figure out if she needed to feel bad when people couldn’t watch her act.

“Kaia?” Leorio, who’d been leading them slightly off from the direction of the battleship, came to a stop where the thick undergrowth caved to make way for a small, maybe five foot length of hidden beach. Kaia stared warily at the water pushing white foam upon the slim shore, eyeing a little red crab scuttling over a white-baked rock. 

“Yeah?”

His hand touched her shoulder. She stiffened, but it was short and quick, more of a tap than anything and it quickly moved to tussle her hair before falling back to his side. “I don’t know all of what your mother said to you, but I can give a good guess. And I’m telling you now you’re not a bad kid, and what happened both then and now, is not your fault.”

A lot of things slammed through her mind right then. Things like of course it wasn’t her fault. It was a storm. It was a mess up with the nock of an arrow. It was circumstance, an accident.  _ It didn’t make sense to blame herself.  _ She’d heard those things before, and she knew them well. But there were always things she could have changed if she’d just been more careful, or thought with more than the first sidle of a plan that half landed in her head. And yes, still, things like that could not be her fault, but. But. 

_ Did she really care? _

A lot of things slammed through her mind, and Kaia decided she would ignore them now, and think about them in the corners of her room where nobody else would be, and nobody else could watch the soiled lack of painful things inside her drip into emotions that might just be real if she let them. 

So she shined the white bones of her canines and said, “I know,” and in the breaks of mosquitoes drilling irritated whines and army ants shifting over gnarled, decaying roots of undergrowth, they went back. 


	20. She Wondered, Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the support, for taking the time to read and leave reviews! Here's the next chapter!

 

Kaia took a step, and wondered why she wore yellow. The trees around had white rolled bark. The leaves and knots of vines were a hard, sturdy green. Her boots were for hiking, a brown and sand-smothered. They were colors that belonged, that didn’t stand out. Kaia wanted that. She wanted, in an absolute sort of confidence, to sink into the background and hide from everything.

Yet Kaia wore yellow.

_ Neko could have worn a yellow collar, a proof he was hers. _

But he didn’t, and now he was dead, so it didn’t matter either way. So Kaia took another step away from that little stretch of beach where she’d been told it wasn’t her fault, and wondered why she wore yellow.

In front of her, Leorio was a pleasant dark blue, black in his hair and tan on his skin, with a broad back and a quickness to his step that Kaia enjoyed, because following someone better than her? 

She did that a lot.

She took another step, and wondered why she wore yellow.

Her neck prickled. She stopped.

Akihiko stood in their path, suddenly, startling in a way that someone ghosting the wild would be. The usual free-going wide smile he typically spouted sat easy on his tanned face, his hands loose and comfortable by his sides. Kaia’s eyes flicked past, but returned to Leorio, who leveled him a look that merged fast from a sharp, calculating study to something simple and friendly and normal, as was the way he treated everyone.

“Ah, Akihiko, right? Did Kurapika send you? Well, as you can see, I’m on my way back right now and I’ve got the little cook with me, so he can stick his nose in his own business.” 

“That’s good,” Akihiko said, but when Leorio started a step to the side and he didn’t move, Leorio paused. That look from earlier came back before flickering out again faster than a dying fire. 

“Ah, haha,” he seemed to taste the words before sliding his legs wider, “you want to fight? It’s not really the time, but I’m not one to back down.”

Akihiko seemed to bat the mere idea away. “No, of course not. That’s not at all what I’m doing. See, I was just wondering if I could have a minute with Kaia there. She’s a family friend,” he added, conversationally, still smiling, “and we were discussing something much earlier that she probably wouldn’t want shared. It won’t take long, promise. I’ll bring the cook back with me when we’re done. Sound good?”

Kaia swallowed. Leorio began a barter back, but now really wasn’t the time, and Kaia should try to get it over with at one point or another. Whatever fear she felt didn’t really have a reason to be there.

Her mind fell to a state of ‘do now, think later’. 

_ Those were bad states.  _

She didn’t care. 

“She’s dead,” she interrupted just as Leorio squared an angry foot forward. Both men stilled, Akihiko’s face frozen in that endearing smile. Kaia found a way to meet his eyes. It wasn’t hard. “As of yesterday afternoon, she’s dead.”

Akihiko’s smile dropped a fraction before going back up. “It’s okay if you’re lying. I have an idea I think could help right now. I had to work awfully quick, you know. But I already have the husk and everything, all you need to do is…”

“Switching a body,” Kaia muttered, “will do nothing but switch the person as whom I die.” Her feet shifted, her hands slipping in her pockets. “It’s just me now. ...Sorry.”

There’s a tense second that Leorio breaks with a, “whoa, hold up, what’s going on? Kaia, you got some business with this guy here? Who died? I thought we had everyone accounted for but the ones...oh no, was it one of those guys on the small boats yesterday in the storm? I thought everyone had washed up, but…”

Akihiko’s smile dripped further down. Faintly, somewhere, Kaia thought it looked like melted ice cream, and because she’s a child, she considered feeling bad. ‘Kaia’ was once a twelve year old girl that  _ She  _ wrote,  _ She  _ killed. Maybe like the dog. She didn’t mean to, but it happened. She didn’t care. She felt, without any sort of doubt, comfortably apathetic, comfortably  _ normal. _

_ Coldhearted.  _

_ Actor. _

_ What should she say next? _

“You,” he swallowed hard. His adam's apple bobbed uncertainly in his throat. “Taru will…”

Kaia thought about the sister she had as a different person, and the sister she’d talked to on a dead phone because Kaia was apparently incapable of thinking enough to charge it. Kaia didn’t care. 

_ She kind of did.  _

An image of a stiff, small dog. Of a talk on a broken pirate ship, of blood on her hands, of  _ coldhearted, do you even know how to feel anything _ , of picking up the bow again. Of the little mound beside a boulder. 

_ She really didn’t. _

“I’m not a good person,” she said. Akihiko’s smile hadn’t disappeared, but the sterling silver he used as eyes were lonely without it. But she couldn’t read eyes, and didn’t care. She didn’t have the words for these talks. She wouldn’t help. “I’m…” she wondered what to say and settled on a repeat. “I’m not a good person.”

“...You let your dog out in the storm, too.” Akihiko’s voice was lower now and his grin bubbled into something marked like a scar on his cheeks. Kaia thought it reasonable, and expected. That would be a proper response to pain. “I saw you stab that green boy, your friend.”

Kaia let off a slight shrug. Trying to hurt others, or the cause of the pain, was a proper, natural response.  _ Kaia didn’t have that. _ “He survived. Dog didn’t, but Gon did.”

“You really don’t have a heart,” and he started to move.

“Oi!” A body jammed between them. Kaia stared, confused, at the blue crinkles of a well worn suit and the slight musk of aftershave. Her eyes rolled up to Leorio’s shoulders. They towered above her, because he was tall, and how had she forgotten that?

_ He was built like a tree. _

She’d thought that the first meeting, too.

“Get out of the way.” It came like a hiss from Akihiko’s tongue. 

“This conversation is over,” Leorio returned. His own voice was something harder, steeled with an earnest resolve that Kaia  _ lacked she lacked she had no resolve how could this person be so earnest and easy with his emotions it wasn’t fair— _

“I’m not done talking to her. This isn’t—she’s killed my best friend’s sister. Now get out of the way. You’re not par—”

“This conversation,” Leorio’s words were heavy and Kaia was picked up and up and up and high onto tall, tall shoulders. Large hands took hold on her thighs to keep her there. The world coiled as Leorio twisted to his full height again. “Is over.”

Akihiko’s smile looked ugly, she thought.

He had real emotions, she thought. Fear, and hatred, and broken desperation she couldn’t feel, but if she wanted to, could pretend to have. It’s a good look, she thought.

_ He’s a good person _ , she thought. 

But then the world spun again and Kaia had to duck beneath a high branch she wouldn’t have even noticed before, because now she was so, so tall, and wasn’t that a thought? Leorio covered ground fast. His steps were smooth and long. It didn’t take much before they could hear people on the ship moving crates of metal across the wide deck.

Kaia swallowed the distaste of being touched. “That probably could have gone better.”

“Well, that’s that and this is this. He’s just going to have to deal with it.”

“He lost someone important. His was a natural response to the person responsible, even if their actions were unintentional. If he’d seemed fine, I’d have suggested being concerned. He has a good heart. I like him.”

“Bah,” when they sloped onto sands, Leorio’s speed slowed. “I don’t know any of what happened, but it’s not the time. You, missy, need to go cook something before this hole in my stomach eats me alive! Do you realize how long I’ve been waiting for food?”

Kaia pulled his ear. “He doesn’t have anything else to fall back on. He’d been trying to get something done, too. Didn’t go through ‘cause of me.” 

Leorio’s shiny black shoes were loud on the stairs up to the main deck. “He could still take a little more time with it. He came off way to aggressively!”

“He was trying to get it done before there wasn’t any time. He’s a day late. That’s my fault.”

She got set down in a way her tennis shoes barely made a noise on the deck, but Leorio’s hands held under her armpits as if reluctant to pull away so fast. In the end, his own selfishness rode over as he crouched in front of her, giving a short squeeze she desperately wanted to end, but didn’t bring herself to. 

“You,” he spoke slowly, holding the contact between their eyes. Flat, reflective blue contrasting the gentle brown of the earth after a fresh spring rain. He squeezed again. “You are not at fault for things like that.”

_ She knew. _

“I know.”

He held on for another minute. The buzz of the sky became too hot, picking at a sunburn sticky over her arms. Somebody pushed a metal crate of ancient torpedoes from the bow of the ship to the flippy set of stairs leading to the brigg. Kaia frowned at brown eyes, at flecks of a beard and slivers of a mustache below a nose long and straight as the man’s legs when he walked. 

Leorio let go and pat her shoulder and mused her hair for a last ditch good effort before pushing her in the direction of the main door. She took the order studiously. Her smile felt real. Her insides didn’t. 

But a lot of things didn’t and she liked to ignore them and pretend she felt things anyway.

So she would ignore this.

Perhaps she’d think about that later. Right now, she wanted to feel glad instead of empty, and feel a cooking knife between her fingers instead of the gritty rawness of sand and dirt and blood from scraping her nails raw against a shallow granite grave overlooking an island she didn’t like and a sea she’d never loved but couldn’t find a reason to hate.

_ Ah,  _ she thought as she rounded the swinging doors to the kitchen,  _ I’ve never liked the beach, have I? Was it just the ocean, or the association with it? _

That was from a different set of memories she didn’t care to think about.

There were no distinct memories regarding the color yellow, yet she covered herself with that every day she’d been here. 

She wondered why.

Inside, where there were less people and scratched electrical sounds of a generator kicking to life, Kaia found herself at the fridge, which held bodies upon bodies of seagulls. Her mind supplied,  _ Killua,  _ and a mental note to say thank you later. There were at least forty of the birds, plenty enough for everyone there if added with a plate of rice. When they were pulled out she was hooking her fingers around a thin bladed knife on the way to the cutting board. Her movements were those of practice—

—Pinch where the breast turns into stomach, slice through, peel the skin back. Hold the back joint of the leg and press up so it pops out of socket. Cut the lining, pull the leg off, snap off the leathery part of the foot. Follow the white bone down the breast before cutting along the side of the brisket. Don’t break into the ribs. Pull the slab out, follow on the other side. Dump the body. Two legs, two breasts. Rinse, repeat.—

—but she didn’t sing, or dance, or get too into it. She tried. She could remember what it felt like to hum. But the things that came out were too slow and sad, and she wanted too much to hate it. 

She focused on washing the feathers from cold, stiff chunks of pink meat. She focused on laying it on hot oil over a hot, hot pan she couldn’t feel. When she pressed her fingers to it, it burnt, and that meant she could feel it, and yet she didn’t think she did. 

She ignored that, too. 

Salt, pepper, flip the sides. Legs in the oven, pan half full of water, tinfoil over the top so it cooks evenly. Kaia was alone in the kitchen. She couldn’t hear her dog behind her. Funny, since she didn’t really miss him, since she hadn’t paid him much mind before—

_ Coldhearted _

—so it probably didn’t matter. 

The breasts came off the pan, and four more went on. She put the finished dish on the side counter so whoever walked through the kitchen doors to follow the scent she couldn’t smell could just grab and go without talking to her with words she didn’t want to hear. 

It really wasn’t fair how easily people could just...be people.

Kaia wondered if maybe she shouldn’t be alone. 

Then Lorelei walked through the double doors and took a slow look around the kitchen. She looked put together, Kaia noticed. Mentally healthy. Her hair fell straight and shiny down her back, tied in a low ponytail. It glistened slightly and the pale girl’s cheeks glowed red, bringing out the sharp green in her all too large eyes. So she’d just showered, then. She wore the same clothes as before. Her scarf was not there, and the mouth Kaia could see moved quickly in a way that Kaia found entirely amusing.

“...ime you actually started doing something,” she said, and Kaia realized she’d missed the entirety of the conversation. “Kurapika’s been complaining because his cook disappeared, and that creepy clown Hisoka kept marching around all scary-like.” She leaned on one hip to point at Kaia, who hadn’t moved. “I really don’t like you but I’m trying here, okay? Don’t disappear in like the middle of a crisis, don’t keep ignoring everybody because you’re selfish, and don’t be Hisoka’s student, he’s crazy. Also, I’m pretty sure he stabbed Gon.”

“That was me,” Kaia said. Lorelei startled. Kaia thought maybe she should too, but the breasts sizzled and Kaia quickly flipped them without looking. “I, uh, did that. Not Sensei.”

Lorelei appeared to taste the words before saying, “you stabbed Gon.”

Kaia shrugged, nodded, added salt to the pan. After a minute of sizzling and the slight scrape of metal against metal, Kaia offered, “I’ll apologize later. Want to pass out the dishes?” She made to look at Lorelei and found the girl shaking her head, appalled. 

“I’d have to bring it to the scary people,” she whispered. “I also don’t want to work anymore. Why did you stab Gon? He’s Gon!”

Kaia whispered back, “everyone’s the scary people. My hand was cold.”

“Then why do you talk to them? That doesn’t even make sense.”

“I’m not the one who seeks them out, Lorelei. People find me. And of course it doesn’t make sense. I don’t make sense. I said I’d apologize later.”

“When’s later?” She crossed her arms, leaning against the doorframe. “I’m pretty sure you talked to Hisoka first. You marched right up to him, don’t try to deny it. You practically begged to even look at him.”

Kaia pursed her lips, remembering her first encounter, and exchanged the meat for fresh pieces. “He’s terrifying though.”

“...That’s my point.”

“It’s a good point.”

“So you’ll stop following him around? When’s later?”

“Nah,” Kaia shook her head, “wanna get strong too bad. Want things to move when I push them, ya know?”

“You’re insane,” Lorelei stated blandly. Kaia nodded in a casual, good natured manner. She’d just finished the fifth plate when it occurred to her that she’d yet to start the rice. It was something she swiftly corrected, all the while trying to figure out if Lorelei’s presence was a good or bad thing right then. On the upside, when there were people there, she was acting and didn’t have to be nothing. On the downside, it was Lorelei, and Kaia didn’t like her. Didn’t hate her, no, but didn’t like her. 

A few more plates were placed on the counter before Lorelei spoke again. 

“So...when’s later?”

Kaia breathed through her nose, idle in her thoughts. “Pro’bly right after dinner. Whenever he comes in here for his share.”

“Oh. I guess that’s alright, as long as you actually, you know, do it. Where’s Neko, by the way? I’ve been looking for the adorable fluff ball all day. I thought he was with you, but I don’t see him here and he hasn’t been out on the ship—I would know, I’ve been helping move things back and forth, unlike somebody  _ else _ .”

Kaia ultimately decided that Lorelei’s presence wasn’t really doing anything. 

“Neko’s dead.” It almost surprised her how easy that was to say now. Three times. Did it really only take three times to say it before it became easy? 

_ Coldhearted. _

Lorelei blinked a few times before lowly snapping, “excuse me?”

“Saying it again don’t change the answer.” Kaia didn’t look at her. It sounded casual, usual, not at all different from how she’d explain how to gut out an elk on a hot afternoon. “Buried on the top of the island. Drowned last night when I went outside.” Her hands, which had been steadily pushing the chests from one side of the pan to the other with a spatula, slowed. “You’re...a lot more observant than I am. Pro’bly woulda lasted longer with you, but who knows. Doesn’t matter now.” The side of her mouth pulled in a tight smile. “Didn’t beforehand either, I guess. Strange how I still wouldn’ta cared.” 

_ Probably. She couldn’t tell. _

“...Oh my gosh, you’re serious? Did...did you—this…What did you—” The sound of clothes shifted. Kaia scraped metal. “This is your fault.”

_ Kaia knew.  _

“Okay.”

“You—that was you last night, wasn’t it? That’s why you stabbed Gon. Because he tried to help you? You stabbed him because he tried to stop you from killing Neko?”

She frowned. “No, that’s—”

“I knew you were crazy! Oh my—you killed your  _ dog!  _ What’s  _ wrong  _ with you!?” Green eyes swirled around the room frantically, a heavy red flashing up her neck. “He was—you killed—it was a dog! What did he ever do to you? What the hell!”

Kaia watched her lean to the right as if to rush out the doors, take a faltering, shaking step before she wheeled back around, biting out, “What do you have to say for yourself, huh? Well!?”

Kaia opened her mouth, and wondered.

Lorelei threw up an arm with a sharp point, the red on her cheeks moving up her neck. Her eyes flared. “Answer me! I loved that dog!”

“Good for you,” Kaia muttered dryly, but then thought better of it, and tilted her head away as if in thought while Lorelei spat another curse. 

“Don’t you fucking dare look away right now, you don’t have the right, you hear me? I can’t believe I even tried to—you’re a—dog killer! Fucking—stop ignoring me!”

For a second, the sizzle of meat on the pan filled the room. Then Kaia glimpsed a plate from the corner of her eye half a second before it caught the brow of her skull. She went down like a bucket of stones, and the world shook. A knob of something round and hard smashed her nose. Instant tears sprung in her eyes. It was followed by bony knuckles cutting her cheek and cracking against her jaw so hard she saw stars. Needle-like claws gouged into her cheeks, and it seared like she’d been cut, and Kaia wondered if she was acting like she didn’t care if it hurt. The tears were involuntary reaction—she could easily pretend with them, if she wanted to. She didn’t know if she wanted to. Didn’t know if she wanted to want to. 

What would a normal person do?

What would her dad do?

_ Probably not get stuck like this. Probably fight back. Move to the left when Lorelei swings with half her body. Lift her hands, catch the wrists twisting with fingernails scrabbling for her eyes. Jam a fist in the elbows so the girl lets go of her hair.  _

_ Fight back, she’s not here for a beating, it’s not her fault. _

But she didn’t, because it wasn’t her fault, and a normal person would always take the beating because they felt guilty anyway, and her dad wouldn’t be hit in the first place, and Kaia really could have avoided this whole thing if she just  _ got out of her freaking head.  _

Kaia let herself get hit. Just moved her arms above her face in a miserable block. Wondered if she was letting herself get hit, or if she was just really, really stuck in her head. Wondered if this would stain her yellow shirt red. Wondered, and wondered, and wondered what to do next.

Because Kaia was an actor, and Lorelei was not. Kaia controlled what little she felt. Lorelei did not.

Kaia heard screaming, and knew it wasn’t her. 

“You killed him! You killed him! He was your dog and you fuc—” a blow took her by the ear and sound muted to a dull ring. Kaia felt the skin on her lip tear and her nose crunch beneath another hard hit. She felt the small but jagged slams repeat one after another after another after another and all she thought was, ‘wow, so this is angry mourning.’ She let herself get hit. Or maybe was too stuck to stop it. It hurt, and maybe that was a good thing. Maybe she was doing this to let the complacency be replaced by physical pain. Maybe it was because she couldn’t figure out anything else to do.

_ She’d have to get Leorio to patch her up later. _

When sound started returning was about the time Lorelei had moved to just weakly shaking at Kaia’s wrists, crossed carefully above her eyes. Her knuckles were bruised and bloody. Her face looked blotchy and red and ugly and Kaia thought that what she saw through the squinted, swollen, pain-induced teary eyes of her own, Lorelei had a good look. It looked real. 

Kaia wondered. Her tongue tasted of pennies. She moved the syrupy flavor around curiously, poking the slimey feel across her teeth before she swallowed it and gritted out, “you done?”

The slap resounded loud and burned and it hurt. Lorelei’s hands must have been strong. She’d had to have been working to get better. The bones on a face were one of the hardest, and the frail girl’d smacked it a decent number of times. Surely she’d broken a knuckle. 

Kaia, in a bewildered way, wondered.

Up above her, Kaia saw a shimmer of black smoke, and calmly, casually, rolled Lorelei from her straddling position to take the burning steaks off the pan. For a second she worried since there was no smell, but then Kaia remembered that her nose had probably broken, and not even air would go in and out. She wheezed through split lips instead, tasted not the air but the blood on her tongue. Shame. Didn’t want any of that in the food. 

Wet sobbing garbled behind her.

“He-he was j-ju-just a d-dog, why-why would yo-ou kil-ll him?”

Kaia wiped red from her chin with her wrist. “Di’n’t. Sto’m di’.” Her tongue darted out again, pecking at the stinging on her bottom lip. “Da’n. Ca’t hardly ta’k liek dis.”

“The storm?” Lorelei sniffed something snotty and loud. “...Y-you said when you-ou we-nt outside. Then...yo-ou...” A hint of something that might have been horror rung for a second. But Kaia’s head throbbed angrily and her ears rung with enough other noises, so she didn’t know. Everything hurt. She wondered if she should act in pain, or keep the blank, dead look settled over her eyes.

Kaia shifted the pan, breathing through what was quite possibly a missing gap in her front teeth. “Unlessh ya coun’ walking outsah’, ah di’n’t doit. Da’n. Ya hit ha’d. Bro’ mah nose, mahbe, ah sthink” She carefully prodded the maybe gap. Nope. Still had a tooth. Just a very bloody one.

Sniffles and quick panted gasps. “He’s re-really dea-d-d, isn’t h-he? Don’t you e-even care?”

The meat got moved, the rice taken off the stove top, the pan of legs taken from the oven with a friendly pair of green stove mittens. Then Kaia washed her hands, gently probing red from her face. It merged with the sink water and slid a colorful spree along the silver metal, not at all unlike the birds’ blood, because that’s what blood did, and she’d never been scarred by the color even when it had colored her hands and nestled into the crevices of her fingernails. It had changed nothing, even though everyone warned it would, because that’s what happened to people who felt.

_ She knew she had a heart, she did, she hurt and could feel things, she knew, but sometimes it— _

She blinked slowly. Kaia remembered that this would be her first broken nose, first time being hit so hard. She’d do best to remember it to act later. Or write it later, draw out emotions or something like that. 

“...don’t ever show anyth-thing. Why’d yo-ou e-even go outsi-ide?” A snotty sniff. “Did...where did you...bury him?”

Kaia shut off the water, spat a glob of slime at the drain. Her breathing was ragged in her throat. “Don’ ma’er.”

“Tell me,” and this she said with a commanding tone—something darker, harder, deep, void of the quivering waver it had before. Kaia considered rising to meet the challenge, or reacting in a similar manner. She decided to move clean plates onto the countertops and load them with rice and salt and bird meat that she probably wouldn’t be able to taste. 

Then again, she could taste her blood now. Surely she could taste food again. Maybe not salt, but meat, maybe.

A hand dug nails into her shoulder. “Tell me or I’ll fu—” Lorelei cussed gutterally and Kaia ignored it, “—hit you a-again.”

Kaia remembered that there were always benefits to not caring. 

She squinted at Lorelei with one eye sealing shut and said, in absolute certainty and bitter, prideful confidence, “nah.”

Maybe she was being mean because that’s what people in pain did, and she wanted to pretend. Maybe she just didn’t like Lorelei in the way she didn’t like the sea, or ants, or terrifying, small dogs.

About the time the smaller girl shook and fisted a bruised, swollen knuckle, the double doors squealed open and—

“Hm? Oh, my... What have we here? No one told me I’d find a fight in the kitchen… Perhaps I missed the invitation?” 

—Hisoka posed by the fridge. Because he never stood, Kaia realized. He posed in the absolute glory that was his own. Kaia subtly mimicked the leaned back stance, ignored Lorelei’s immediate terrified wheeling away, and said, 

“Bir’ breast’n leg wi’f rice.” She tongued pennies and a new chip on her front tooth. Spat more red in the sink. “Sthink mah nose bro’e. Gonn’ ‘ave skhars.”

Hisoka viewed the kitchen with that slow, methodical way he had. The one where the gold of his eyes rolled from each item to the next, but his head didn’t move, and his mouth remained quirked in a self-satisfied, almost leary manner. He looked from the frying pan to the cracked plate on the floor. The bloody hands painted on the tiled white floor, and the splatters of red on the oven and fridge. Lorelei’s shoes, scuffed and marked, sliding slowly along the farthest wall. The sink. The food. The rice, and seagull bodies in the bag by the door. 

“You didn’t fight back?” He almost spoke to himself, voice blase and alike to that of velvet. His gold rolled to Kaia’s hands. “Are you a masochist?”

She thought. Spat pennies. “Thir’ persuhn ta ‘ell me tha’.” She considered again, then shrugged as answer. Her throat felt raw, her tongue slimy. “Blee’in mou’f ish gross.”

Hisoka hummed, a low register, rolling sound that Kaia honest to dogs  _ liked.  _ Relief, cool and sweet and wonderful in a way she hadn’t even realized she’d been craving, trickled through her skin at it, freezing further when he stepped close to get a good look at her chin. Lorelei edged across the room behind him. Her leaving had Kaia relaxing. Hisoka coming closer brought safety. Didn’t he used to terrify her? She wondered if maybe her problem was that she was sick in the head. 

Didn’t matter.

_ Yet, she wondered. _

She kept focus on the man in front of her, and gave a bloody smile she finally felt. “He’o Shensei!”

His mouth tilted down as he seemed to contemplate her existence. Then it returned, complete with pleasant curves around his eyes. “Why, hello, my  _ precious  _ student.” His grin turned wide, false and obvious, him bending down to stare at her with a tilted head. “That looks like it hurts. Are you alright?”

Her own smile split pain across her ripped lower lip and Kaia thought she just might be a masochist, because it kind of felt good. “Am ‘ow. Sthanks.”

“But of course. Now,” he straightened, hand coming to rest on his hip. “Were you about to serve lunch? I must say, your food is very,” here he shuddered, a rumble in his throat, “ _ delectable.” _

“Sthanks.” Kaia wiped slime from her chin again, washed it off, and moved to the empty plates to dish rice and meat onto them. “Can ya take ‘em out, pleash?”

Warm breath tickled her neck. “You mean hand these out? Since you asked me so nicely...” A single pale hand weeded by to rest on the counter in front of her, squaring her in. “Mn, you’re bleeding a lot. It’s all over your chin...are you sure you’re alright?”

“Well yah,” and by no mistake did she not understand he wanted something. What, she didn’t know, but she wasn’t an idiot. She didn’t really care, though, because he didn’t treat her carefully and boy, wasn’t right now a wonderful feeling? Because she didn’t have to focus so hard on not feeling anything, on keeping that careful, careless complacency, wasn’t that wonderful?

To not be looked at with pity, or stared at like a person, was a wonderful, wonderful feeling. 

Yes, she thought. She felt something. 

Sick in the mind, probably.

_ That’s not coldhearted,  _ she thought.

“Next time,” Hisoka snaked, “if you don’t want to move, do at least block. These aren’t going to be pretty scars at all. I’d hate to see my good little student miss a training opportunity just to get...beaten.”

Kaia filtered through the nonsense and thought,  _ block, block, block with nen? Shield with nen? That made sense. Not like the claws, more like a coat? Slime, maybe form it like scales? It’d probably be stronger with less if she layered it like a braid. _

Hisoka chuckled suddenly and Kaia stiffened when he rolled a napkin over her face. Immediately shoving power to her eyes, she saw telltale pink, and then nothing, and wondered what he’d done until—

“Oh, whoh.” Her lip stung, but didn’t bleed. She felt smooth cheeks, an unbroken nose. “I sthought stha’ was for mashkin sthin’s.”

“I usually only use this for masking things,” he explained, which is what she’d said but whatever, “but a magician always has more than one card up his sleeve. Do be careful taking it off. It’s merely a cover. What’s stored up will definitely hurt more later. Unless you’d like that?”

“Shupah mashk? Sho...jusht go’a no’ shpeak.” Kaia looked at Hisoka through the corner of her open eye. He offered a telltale half smirk, something that drew his eyebrows up when he pulled away. She stared at the man’s back when he lifted plates of steaming food, and at the small, pleasured smile he wore over his shoulder before he walked out, and thought masks couldn’t be that bad. 

If acting offered this foreign but wonderful relief, it couldn’t be bad.

If Hisoka acted like she did, then it was probably actually incredibly bad, in the logical sense. He was fine though. She’d be fine too, and that, she thought, would be fine. ...Did she want to be feared, though? ...No, she just...wanted to be strong.

_ Stupid, weak,  _ a thought flashed,  _ pick a feeling and stick with it. This is stupid. You were fine, still are, always will be. _

...She’d been stuck in her head again. Time to get out.

Shaking the darned thing, Kaia dragged up the next set of plates before trotting out the doors, heading for the stairs leading to the ships’ top room, a place where Kurapika probably claimed as a plotting land. Because smart people chose high points to make plans. Kurapika was an idiot, she thought, but he was certainly a smart one.

There were two people she passed along the way—Hanzo, and a stranger with a braided beard—that she directed to the kitchen for food. They thanked her, directed her to where Kurapika stayed (a different room than she’d thought) and moved along. Kaia did the same. When she pushed open the big door she’d been told of and saw Kurapika, Kaia set the plates quickly and started out, but—

“Kaia, before you go. I know...I know what happened. I understand if you need to be left alone for a bit, but please try to stay inside the ship for the next few hours. We’re planning on breaking off the island after Leorio comes up from the extra turbines. We don’t want to leave anyone behind. And...I’m sorry, for your loss.”

Kaia stared at the boy, the child inside a teenager’s body who’s mind had suffered its own painful, soul-wrenching loss and wondered if he had troubles figuring out if he ever felt anything. Her face played oddly blank, observing, considering. The sky outside the window shined pale, pretty blue above a deep blue, sparkling sea. There were no clouds.

Kaia’s mouth twisted. “S’kay.” 

She was probably managing better than he thought.

Those below the ship were next. Pokkle, she found down in the engine room, sweating away while he charted findings from the staticky radio on the far wall behind the bronze, slightly rusted generator. He looked up when she came in, offered a fast smile and a gesture to where she could set his plate along with a thank you before returning to his work. Kaia watched him for a moment, considering asking if he’d ever struggled with the color red. If he hadn’t, maybe she was normal. If he had...well, it wasn’t the time.

Kaia left, passed Ponzu on the way. The woman remained polite the entire short, one sided transaction, offering her condolences for the previous night. Kaia nodded, she knew things happened, and left that too. 

Kaia realized, by the time all but four of the plates were out, that people either smothered her in kind supportive words claiming to be sorrow, or reacted like usual, simply oblivious because they’d not listened to the many words of gossip littering the ship. And oh, was there gossip. Kaia may be a fool, but she was not an idiot, and she was not deaf. Her ears rang, yes, but she was not deaf.

People always talked. 

She stood outside, and wondered when she got there.

“Kaia! About time!” Killua waved a wet hand, using the other to pull himself up on the ship’s deck. Gon followed shortly after, shaking himself like a dog. “I’m starving. You take so long to cook food, seriously.”

Gon gave him a short frown with his eyebrows squished. “But we couldn’t have eaten anyway.”

Killua rolled his eyes. “Gon didn’t want to come back up until we got everything—” he jabbed an elbow in the other boy’s ribs, smirking when he got a grumble, “—cleaned from the propellers. So we got everything. Every. Last. Piece of seaweed. I don’t ever want to see seaweed again.”

Kaia mused and handed them their servings. Neither boy had dried, but it had grown in heat throughout the hours and they’d have dry clothes within minutes, if the lighter colors creeping along their shirts were any indication. 

Killua jumped right into the bird after a quick, suspicious prod. Gon, however, stared at the meal thoughtfully before asking, “So, are you alright?”

Again, Kaia mused, tongue playfully flirting over the lingering taste of blood on her teeth. “‘Unno.” At his more serious, studious gaze, Kaia shrugged and pointed to the white bandage wrapped around his forearm. “I ‘id. Shorry.” 

It was hard to make words come out like usual when her cheeks felt swollen and her mouth like cotton. She figured they’d notice. If asked, she wouldn’t explain.

Slowly, Gon shook his head. “You don’t have to apologize, but I forgive you. You didn’t mean to, right?” At this, he cast her a blindingly bright smile. 

And he was allowed to feel things like normal. She remembered the anime—he reacted to loss like a real person did. She wondered if she’d ever feel like that.

Kaia decided she didn’t want to. Normal was probably better. Masks were fine. Masks were good. 

_ Coldhearted— _

_ Fine— _

_ She wondered— _

Stay out of her own head.

“Are you going to eat, too?” He shone bright eyes at her. Kaia registered the words, letting the offer sink in and reel in the sluggish portions of her headache before she gave a slow shake of her head. 

“Sthanks for fetch’n da bir’s tho,” she nodded at Killua before setting into an easy, relaxed traipse away. Gon frowned oddly, but eventually waved. Kaia waved back, and turned around.

As she reached the main entrance door again, she looked over the grey railings of the ship, took a breath. Tasted like sea. Nothing like salt. Gon’s backpack lay flat against a side railing, half hanging, caught only by his fishing pole. 

Kaia glanced around, shrugged, and pulled it a little away from the edge without it being too much in anybody’s walking way. That done, she headed inside and to the kitchen, where she fished ice from the freezer, a clean rag from the pulling cupboard. 

She blinked, and she was in her room, and the door was shut tight behind her, unlocked. Something buzzed in her brain, behind her eyes as they adjusted to the patented blue color shining into the stale room. In one hand, she held melting ice in a bag. In the other hand, a rag, slightly damp. Kaia stared at the daffodils. 

And like that, she caught on fire, and  _ burned until there was nothing left of her there was nothing there nothing to act for nothing to feel nothing to be she just burned and burned and burned and— _

Kaia sucked air through her broken nose and slammed the rag into her left hand, ripping the mask off with her right with an urgency she couldn’t understand aside from  _ offoffoffoffoff _ and her swollen black eye felt bloodshot and painful and her jaw ached and her tongue tasted like pennies or nickels or dimes and she 

**_B_ ** **U** **_rnE_ ** D

“Friiiick,” she whispered, jabbing her nails under the divet beneath her ear, that little nestled spot caught between jaw and neck and dry curled hair. Hard enough to feel, but not enough to leave a mark for more than an hour. Just enough to help her focus. “Frick, frick, shoot, stop, stop thinking stop—”

She burned and blistered and the smell of sick and sweet and charcoal and smoke clouded her nose and  _ her fault her fault she let him out she opened the door she didn’t th _ **_inkSheDiDItNOtHeRFaUltsheBu_ ** **RN** **_eD_ **

Sledgehammers, a completely clear and void thought rang. Someone was hitting her with sledgehammers, and she was going to die burning with sledgehammers.

_ How could she be coldhearted if she burned? _

Somehow, she got to the bed, was sitting on the corner before she could notice she’d started to walk. Maybe it was the pressure and pinpricks of her own nails cutting into her skin that made her notice anything at all. 

“You’re fine,” she jutted out, and because she wasn’t stupid enough to leave marks, she chewed at the tougher flesh that hung between her thumb and first finger rather than her wrist, where people usually looked for self harm. She wasn’t self harming. She was waking herself up. “You’re fine,” she bit out between her teeth and the nails in her neck, never going deep enough to damage. Just enough to hurt. Controlled, managed, “you’re fine, you’re fine, I’m fine, we’re good, outta your head, we’re good, I’m good.”

Gosh, what would people think if they saw her right then?

Like that, the  _ everythingtoomuchtoopainfulshemessedup _ stopped being outside. Kaia stared blankly at her wrist tilted in front of her blue, blood-scabbed nose. And breathed out her teeth. The back of her eyes ached. She breathed in, blinked. She wouldn’t cry.

_ She wasn’t weak. _

Crying, she quickly corrected, wasn’t weak. She’d not blame another person for that, that didn’t make sense. She knew that the strong cried, too. 

She didn’t cry.

She hated the feeling.

Slowly, her teeth released their hold on her skin. The only marks they left were small, purple indents that wouldn’t stay for longer than maybe an hour. Kaia rubbed her neck, feeling the half circles from her nails. They’d fade too, quickly, passing like the words in her brain, like the trickles of emotions she’d occasionally acknowledge before pushing them on their way. And yes, maybe that wasn’t healthy, but she would always choose that over letting her emotions run rampant.  

Whatever just happened was strange and wouldn’t happen again.

Kaia placed both thumbs on either side of her nose, and pressed the swollen bone until it snapped straight. It didn’t hurt. Tears sprung up, but she didn’t cry. This was controlled, and easy, and would probably become normal, because Kaia didn’t get affected by such things, because she had more control over herself, and was not a loose cannon flinging about her thoughts or desires like a carnal animal. Kaia wouldn’t keep burning. 

She’d be the one choosing what she said, what she did. Not her _ feelings. _

And no, she thought,  _ this was not said from the mind of a person afraid of themselves. _

_ She was stronger than that. _

_ This was said from experience. _

_ … _

_ … _

_... _

Kaia didn’t sleep that night.

...

…

...

Instead, she watched shadows, flashes of lightning from the howling storm outside dart across her ceiling while she cuddled in the welcome warmness of her blankets, alone and without people, and she wondered.

…

...

...

By morning, Kaia had decided that while she  _ knew  _ she could continue the Hunter’s exam, she wouldn’t. 

…

...

...

Her choice of cloth was complete, total, absolute yellow. Everything she could wear. Long sleeved shirt under a normal tee. Underwear. Socks. Pants. Everything but her shoes, which glinted an unwelcome dirty brown. She’d be fine. She could do whatever she set her mind on, and she’d thought enough, and now she was going to leave the Hunter’s exam.

...

…

...

Never that she couldn’t complete it, only that she wouldn’t. She might not have won, but she was certainly capable of trying. She simply wouldn’t be trying. 

…

...

...

She’d meet Hisoka at the fighting tower, whatever it was called. That detail escaped her. Didn’t matter.

…

...

...

Didn’t care.

…

...

...

_ Kaia flashed her teeth, and came out of her mind. _

 


	21. No Humans Allowed (So Kindly F--- Off)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Better late than never.
> 
> Thank you guys for all the feedback--I’m sorry if I missed getting back to you. I think I’ve developed a sort of intense social anxiety? Like, talking one on one has started to kinda kill me, and even responding online sort of terrifies me to the point I nearly quit a game that people kept trying to talk to me on. Still though, I love reading the feedback, and I’m trying to get my head on straight enough to make sure I respond! So, lo and behold, here is the next chapter!
> 
> Thanks again for sticking through, readers!
> 
> (I own nothing but my shoes and my laptop)

 

The chilled, brisk air smelled of ocean and night. Stars glinted lazily in the far reaches of the wide milky black sky, blinking out just to reappear, as they were known to. Deep voices murmured over the metallic groans, clicks, and whines from the ship. If one listened closely, they could hear the generator’s heavy thrum below deck. The waxing morning breeze that pressed from the edges of the dark was brisk and cool, drifting over the slow, languid laps of the black water that slapped at the old battleship. Silver flashes of fish could be glimpsed from a weary man’s peripherals. It was a good, early morning to anyone who’d seen the storm the night before.

A majority of folks hung in clusters on the deck. They played with cards in the low light or inspected the last bits of water caught by dents in the metal, and their shapes were bulky and black, some just outlines against the stars that sank in the sea. Kaia breathed the waking sky, listened to the water slap the sides of the boat.

Her neck pricked like the nerves of nonsense in her belly that made her feet turn to stone as she pushed past the old, rusty door. This early, and she was already stared at. She thought, for a moment, that she’d once craved that. The idea of returning was likened to the blinking stars, and just as quick to fade.

How dramatic.

Kurapika cleared his throat to her right. He dressed in his tabard and a pair of white pants that caught the bare light, and he leveled her a pressing stare from his spot by the main door. His arms were crossed. When she greeted him, he gave a subtle nod in the direction of Leorio, who was wrapping Gon’s arm near the rails. 

“Leorio mentioned something last night.” He drew out the words, his voice light but distinct, almost startling in the quiet of the morning. Kaia tasted the breeze and looked where the warning signs of a sun were creeping a pale blue hue on the corner of the world. Although she’d never had qualms with open air, she wished, quietly and in the mostly ignored crevices of her mind, to be away from the sea. Away from people. She wished for a desert, or the long grass. Maybe for a ceiling. Maybe for a mountain.

The sound of water pressed on the boat. 

Kaia hesitated a second longer, debating the offer of fleeing straight to Leorio to get her face fixed before the sun showed her bruises, but Kurapika sighed, and Kaia forced herself to relax as he moved, cataloging the dark shape in his hand before identifying just what he held up. She waited, then said, “you got me a book?”

He flipped the water-stained thing open, a sharp crinkling accompanying the pages, and heaved a deliberate sigh. “This whole log…” he turned another page, a cool, contemplative blandness to his eyebrows, “it foretold the storm’s occurrence. As far as I’m aware, the Captain only made one when he abandoned his ship, this ship, to the island. Hanzo and I are the only ones who’ve read it.”

Kaia shifted and shut the door behind her. It clanked noisily, whined with the rusted metal hinges, and she cringed. _ Hesitant,  _ she licked her split lip and returned her eyes to the dark shape of Leorio. “Good for you?” A quick thanks passed her mind for the brisk air. It chilled the sweat that blistered over her neck and palms. Throwing up over a small interaction would be stupid. The cold helped her focus. 

(Better than the heat that made her forget fate and burn—)

“Do the words, ‘go underwater by noon’, sound familiar? Leorio said you’d mentioned it before anyone had talked of collecting missiles… To add, Gon and Killua both brought up that you were the person who mentioned the signs of a previous storm.”

To her left foot, to her right. “...Not specifically, just told what I’d seen suspicious.”

He tilted his head. “You don’t show the signs of living near an ocean. Leorio is teaching you to read. You have no books, and no mentions of any experiences unless it’s from times you haven’t lived yet. ‘Muscles I used to have’, or ‘when I was sixteen’.”

The skin below her ear itched. She pricked her first finger into her thumb instead. Sharp, steady, just enough hurt to get the buzz of static out of her mind. It nestled like a mountain cat in the back of her thoughts anyway. Dramatic, really. She wished it were colder.

The sound of water pressed on the boat.

“What do you want, Kurapika.”

He shut the book, stepped away from the wall, and faced her. “Are you able to see the future? Or, have you gone into the past?”

“I burned to death when I was eighteen and woke up as a character I’d written in a story.” She cast him a considering lookover, explicit in its force. “You were also a character. Like Gon, Leorio, Killua. Like Neko. So...nice to meet you, huh? Does that serve as an answer?” 

He said nothing for a moment, and she jammed her palms in the large pockets of her startlingly bright yellow pants. A good color, she thought. A sturdy, normal, content color that was really out of place if she didn’t want to be stared at.

Kurapika crossed his arms. “It’s not going to help by lying to me. Don’t mistake me, I’m not attacking you, nor do I have any intent to condemn you if you do have such a power, so there’s no need to be defensive. If you can see the future, or have the capability to see a future, it would be extremely useful of a skill.”

There was a flash of disappointment replaced with relief that, just as fast, paged a streak of carefully monitored irritation. Her lips tightened. So did her lungs, and well, she figured that was as good a sign as any to depart from the conversation. Best to not keep in situations that annoyed her, or made that roil in her gut bite her belly.

“Kurapika,” she said, and tasted the words she wanted, but she must have missed the flavor, so nothing came out more than that. She swallowed, looked at Leorio, and tried again. “I’m just good at making a guess and acting upon it. Doesn’t always turn out the best.” She’d made a stupid decision. She’d continue making stupid decisions. She’d just work to be better.  _ That’s not cold hearted.  _ “But, you know,” she shrugged, started walking, “I’d prefer that to nothing.”

“Kaia—wait, what do you mean?”

“...I.” She stopped. “That’s a good question.” She furrowed her brows, then sped walked straight to the rails, where Kurapika, hopefully, wouldn’t follow. “Leorio,” she called before the blond could even be given a chance to try, “can ya take a look at my face?”

He made for a dark shape, lanky and long but folded awkwardly over the smaller form of Gon, who’s large eyes glinted in the low light. Behind them, a reddish hue pecked stars away. A ripple in the water flickered for a second before stilling back to the contented lazy waves. Kaia swallowed the bile in her throat.

“I can as soon as I’m done here. What happened?”

Her fingers curled in her pockets. “Ran into a hard thing and broke my nose yesterday. Wanna know if I got it set right.” 

“What do you mean you broke your nose?”

She frowned. “I’m not sure how to answer that question. Like… I meant that my nose got broke?”

“That’s not what I—oh, forget it. Well, give me a second, Kaia. I’m almost done here.” Aside from a swift acknowledging glance, he didn’t look at her, focusing on his task at hand. Gon’s upper arm was mostly a mess of white swathing tied tight and neat to his tanned skin. The boy watched Leorio’s quick wrapping with an amused, curious sort of purse in his lips before smiling broad and bright at Kaia, who wasn’t sure what else to respond with other than a smile of her own.

It was one that reached her eyes, and creased the lids, and left dark dimples on her cheeks, but remained nothing more than a facial expression. 

An expression, she thought mutinously, that should be feeling real, but she was busy being too dramatic to make herself actually happy.

A breeze tickled the stiff, salt-stained strands of her neck hair. Off on the side, a few seagulls made themselves known, bending white-washed wings in preparation of flight. Leorio muttered nonsense to himself, quiet like, and Gon replied in an even, conversational tone attuned to the morning. Kaia sort of liked it. The breeze, she guessed, and where the sun began tipping red paint into the sky. See, she could do this. A person just had to focus on the good in their life, and they’d turn out just fine.

The sound of water slurped and slapped at the ship.

Kaia’s elbows rested on her knees, the tips of her fingers just barely able to touch the cold metal flooring. Because the early haze of morning had mostly brightened, Kaia could now make out the rest of the competitors on the deck. Lorelei over by sour faced Killua, Akihiko muttering by Hanzo on the far corner. Kurapika came to join the two of them, his steps slow and measured, still clearly in thought. Pokkle, Ponzu, and one of the large chested men started a new game of cards. They looked to be enjoying the morning. Kaia decided she’d do the same.

“—aia? Wow, you space out a lot,” Gon said, and Kaia turned just barely toward him. “Leorio’s done now. You said you got…” he trailed off, mouth parting softly, and Kaia looked at the shape his lips left and then his eyes, confused as to why he didn’t finish his sentence. The sun was higher now, just light enough to make out the smaller details on his face. His brows abruptly dropped down. “You were in a fight?”

Leorio dropped the kit he’d pulled out. “What?” He snapped his head toward her. “Who—when were you in a fight? I’d thought you just got it hit—oh, you were being literal, you brat! Somebody’s fist? Tell me who it was, I’ll give it to them!”

Kaia blinked. For a split second, she felt abashedly amused and ashamed, and sort of like she’d throw up. A bitter part of her wanted to blame Lorelei. The stronger, better part of her, just wanted to get fixed. “It was a one sided massacre against the toils of my heart.” She grinned,  _ still felt empty, how typical,  _ and let the falsity crease the corners of her eyes while her teeth flashed friendly and bright against the fresh sunlight. “Just means I gotta go get tougher, yeah?”

He grumbled distastefully, but got to work. It didn’t take long to get her face washed, her nose pressed into a more proper position, and by the time it had finished, Leorio’d understood he wouldn’t get an actual answer for who’d left the big black marks around her eyes. He was a doctor, yes, but the man also had a keen awareness and perception of those around him that let him determine quiet things fairly soon. Kaia figured this was one of the reasons she liked him.

Unlike Gon, who hadn’t shut up, and kept swapping between a salty toddler told ‘no’ and an irritating five year old who just recently learned the word ‘why’. 

“You know, Aunt Mito said that you should tell your friends when somebody’s bothering you.”

She didn’t hesitate, looking straight at Leorio. “Gon’s bothering me.” 

“That’s not what he meant!” He jabbed her shoulder. She chuckled, bitter but easy on her tongue. “Sheesh, you stubborn brat… We’re here for you, though. You know that, right?”

A shrug. “You’re here for a Hunter’s Exam, actually.”

He leveled her a glare and Gon whined something long and pitched. Well. He didn’t appreciate her sense of humor, but she didn’t appreciate...something. She forgot. Was she supposed to say something back? 

“Gon! There you are!” Killua popped his head over Leorio’s shoulder, mouth forming into a pleased half smile, then he looked at Kaia, and it dropped. “Oh. What’d you fight? A shark?”

“Yes,” she said, in absolute seriousness. Movement behind him had her shifting to the side to see Lorelei, shuffling from one leg to the other, her eyes on everything but Kaia. So Kaia smiled, splitting her lip again.

“Long time no see.”

The glare she got could rival a bothered cat’s. “Kaia,” she said curtly. 

“Lorelei,” Kaia returned in kind.

Gon blinked, then offered, tentative like, “Killua?”

“Gon.”

Leorio pat his chest. “And I’m Leorio. Now that we have that out of the way, does anybody here know when breakfast is going to be done?”

“Yeah,” Lorelei hummed. “When is breakfast going to be done, Kaia?”

Ah, there came that irritation, swallowing the nausea. Shame she hated it just as much as feeling sad. Otherwise, she’d just stick to being angry. 

“First of all,” she started, eyes sort of flattening out, “breakfast is fish fillets with the leftover lemon peels. It’s sittin’ on the counters downstairs for whoever gets hungry enough to look for it. Second of all,”  _ say it kindly, don’t start a fight, _ “cooking is not my job, so you can kindly take a step back, friend.” 

“We’re not friends,” Lorelei bit out, “and if you started doing it then yes, it is your job, that’s what _ responsibility _ means.” She opened her mouth to say more, but a cautious look passed her features, and she side-eyed Leorio and the rest. Eventually, she shifted, and asked, “can I talk to you...alone?”

Kaia felt the bandage along her nose. “Don’t see why not.” She heaved herself on balanced legs easily to walk a couple yards down the rails. Close enough she could still see the curious, amused tilt to Killua’s smile when he joshed Gon, and the cautious narrow-eyed look Leorio leveled the two of them, like a decidedly insulted hawk. Kaia scratched her neck and sat, one arm resting on her knee comfortably. “Whatsit now ya wanna talk of?”

“I’m still mad at you.”

“Goodie. But my nose is still busted so I don’t think punching it again will do much for you.”

She gave an irritated huff, but stayed standing. “I’m just warning you, okay? I know you have Hisoka the Creep on your side or whatever, but like.” Her lips tightened, and she licked them. “I talked to Akihika. He told me that the ‘real’ Kaia was stuck in your head?”

Slowly, she nodded. “That’s correct.”

“She’s dead now though, isn’t she?”

“That’s correct.”

“You didn’t even do anything, did you. ”

Kaia listened to the water slap the boat. “To get her out? No, I didn’t.”

“And yet I’ve seen you call your beloved older sister. I’ve  _ seen  _ you  _ lie  _ to that family. This?” She jabbed a finger at Kaia’s forehead. “This is why I can’t  _ stand  _ you. But I am  _ trying and it just— _ I was really mad yesterday, okay? And it’s your fault, because I heard about Akihi...Akihika and Neko and—You just—you make me so mad. I mean what gives you the right to just...act like that? How can you even walk around like this, knowing what you’ve done?”

Kaia squinted. “So...you brought me here for a lecture? ‘Cause yeah, no, I’m not gonna sit through it. If you don’t mind, excuse me.”

Lorelei crossed her arms, blocking Kaia’s immediate exit. “That’s not what I—ugh, okay. So you’re really bad at listening, okay. I get it. My point, if you would have let me get to that, was that if you send Hisoka,” she swallowed quickly, “after me, Gon and the others aren’t going to stand for it. Especially if they know about what you did with a  _ real live person,  _ Kaia _.”  _ She sort of spat the name, like it left a rotten taste in her mouth. _ “ _ I figured you should know that before you do something stupid.”

A trickle of understanding twisted in Kaia’s brain. So that’s what this was. Lorelei just...didn’t want to get hurt in return. An aggressive way to get a point across. Kaia wasn’t impressed.

“Just saying,” Kaia offered in a friendly sort of manner—the sun felt too warm on her back—the water was loud— “I ain’t in control of my teacher, ‘cause that’d be weird. So I’m not inclined to sic him on anybody. Since I can’t. Because he’s my teacher. For serious though, I get that you’re upset.” Because she  _ did understand.  _ She just...managed— _ coldhearted— _ better. “But, if that’s how you’re going to react to everyone doing stuff you don’t like, how’s you supposed to be a Hunter?”

“Excuse me?”

“Fighting,” Kaia monotoned, “losing, winning, just stringing along in life. Stuff happens, people will make bad decisions, and things will end up dead. Are you going to freak out every time somebody messes up?”

Lorelei didn’t do much for a second, just kind of stood there, processing-like, before an ugly twist slathered her face. “It. Has been. Two days. Since he died.”

“Yeah.”

Her whole face twisted. “Do you seriously feel nothing?”

Kaia’s mouth flattened. “Apparently not. Stuff happens. Best to take it, and move on.”

“Are you trying to—no, no, you do not get to just brush this off. Neko dying was your fault!”

A bottle of disinfectant clattered on the flooring when Leorio shot up, face dark with a glare. Lorelei’s mouth snapped shut. She looked up, and up, at Leorio, who was appropriately more than twice her height, and angry stalking close enough that it wouldn’t have mattered if he wasn’t. “What did you just say, Lorerei?”

_ Oh, shoot,  _ Kaia thought. 

Lorelei hushedly whispered, “Lorelei”, but it seemed more habit than anything.

“You,” he jabbed a long finger in the girl’s face, “need to apologize. What happened wasn’t anybody’s fault.” He waited, then started tapping his foot. “Well? Go on. Apologize.”

She grew a spine, “what the hell? Who do you think you are, telling me off like that? I wasn’t even talking to you!”

“Excuse you? I’m older than you—”

“It’s Kaia who—”

“It’s  _ you  _ who is going way to far for a kid, and somebody has to push you into a better path because that is no way for a child of any standard to act—”

“You’re not my mom!”

“I’m still your elder!”

Kaia watched the argument rise. Panic crept along her shoulder blades but she stayed where she crouched, highly aware that doing nothing was doing  _ nothing.  _ She heard the waves, and thought,  _ I should stop this now. _

Yet she did nothing. People were starting to  _ watch.  _ Bristles of unease poked up like goosebumps. Leorio shouted, Lorelei shouted back. But that was Kaia’s job, to shout back? No, no, because  _ control your emotions,  _ she was better than this, she could manage this,  _ but she wasn’t doing anything— _

_ This is her fault. _

“She killed Neko!” Lorelei screamed. She was crying now, but there were no gasping sobs. Just indignant, angry tears.

The morning sort of...didn’t seem so peaceful, placid anymore. Kaia listened to the water slap the boat, felt the pricks of eyes on her, and thought,  _ I should stand up. _

Gon lifted his hands. “That’s wrong, Lorelei. It was the storm that—”

“It’s still her fault! I don’t care if she didn’t do it herself, it was  _ her  _ that brought him into the storm in the first place!”

Leorio gritted out, “take that back! What happened wasn’t her fault.”

“He was tiny! Of course he drowned, that’s on her!”

Gon frowned further. “But she didn’t mean for him to die. So it was an accident. My Aunt Mito says—”

“Ugh nobody understands! Am I the only one with a heart here? Well, excuse me for caring!” She breathed harshly, glaring around as if expecting someone to agree, or disagree with her. No one did. The build of anger was palpable. “So that’s how you all wanna play it? Well, if you don’t care about a dog, you!” She swung around at Kaia, “What was your older sister’s name again? Oh wait—want to share how she’s not actually your older sister,  _ Kaia _ ?”

Gon, in the way he was, caught himself on that statement. “Huh? What do you mean?”

Kaia wondered how she should respond to this. What she could say to diffuse this before things went really bad.  _ Maybe if she’d just stand up and take the blame—But then Leorio would—this is too dramatic for just a dog—it’s not that she didn’t care—why did everyone react so much more than her— _

“I mean,” Lorelei continued, “that she’s not even Kaia. She killed Kaia. Isn’t that right?”

Kaia face remained apathetically blank. She blinked slow, boredly. 

_ If she lived on a mountain, she wouldn’t have this problem.  _

_ Or,  _ she thought,  _ maybe if she wasn’t dead.  _

_ Or maybe if she’d get off the freaking ground and act like she should— _

“That’s not true—” Leorio started but Lorelei wheeled at him.

“You don’t know her at all, though! Come on Kaia, tell him. You can do that at least, right? How you took over the body of some twelve year old kid so you could play whoever you wanted. At least I wasn’t somebody else before now! Oh, but you’re scared, right? They’re your friends, right? Spin something nice that makes him believe you.”

Kaia didn’t move.

_ Speak,  _ she thought,  _ say something useful. Act. _

What would she say?

_ Ugh, this is dramatic. Just stand up. _

Lorelei scoffed. “That’s right. Worried they won’t stay on your side if they know the truth, killer? Well, what about all of you?” She glared fiercely at those watching from a distance. “You know what happened, right? How does it feel knowing someone ‘nice’ and ‘innocent’ like her killed a fucki—”

“Lorelei,” Kaia cut in, and maybe it was due to the quietness of the tone, but Lorelei shut up. Kaia finally stood, relaxing into a stance that left her almost leaning backwards, hands comfortable in her pockets. 

Step one, done. Now to get her butt in gear and act like she should. Get something done.

Not just stand there like an idiot.

She sighed, the heat of it leaving whispers of smoke behind. She looked at a fading star. Took a breath. Lifted her voice so others could hear, and looked for something to say. 

And, upon finding nothing, just offered, “Breakfast is downstairs, friends. Help yourselves.”

Lorelei curled her lip. “Can’t even deny it.”

Kaia, slowly, scratched her neck just a little too hard to smother a different kind of itch. 

“Leorio,” she muttered instead of responding. The man straightened. “Thanks for fixing my face.” She should...resolve this also. Be blatant about her decisions. “I...will be dropping out of the exam around here.”

“What? Why?” Gon looked startled.

“Gonna go apologize to a stranger who lost her sister. That’s why Akihiko was mad yesterday, Leorio. If you’ll excuse me.”

“Wait, Kaia—”

But she didn’t, and they didn’t follow her, and Kaia felt the barest thread of relief as she crossed to the other end of the boat. Then it toppled back like jenga blocks. Where was she to go? 

She stopped at a rail, glared at the pale blue tint the world was taking on, and bit her tongue. Her neck prickled. Warmth tickled her back, raising hairs on her neck. Why, why couldn’t people just leave her alone?  _ Why the frick was there already somebody behind her— _

She bit a little harder.

“Sorry,” she muttered, focusing on the pain. “Breakfast is downstairs.”

The person smelled a little like cinnamon and a little like ocean. It made for a nasty fish. 

“Oh? I see breakfast right here...” Hisoka murmured. Kaia jolted into awareness and bleared up at him. He had a contemplative purse in his lips, the barest tilt to his angular face, an amused, curious lift to his eyes. “Hm? Are you going to cry?”

Kaia, right then, distinctly felt like crying.

_ Couldn’t cry over a freaking dog but could cry because something didn’t go her way. Pathetic, seriously.  _

“Sensei?”

“Yes?”

She...shoot, what was she about to..? “Do you know where...” she swallowed some nerves that couldn’t decide where they wanted to go. Like her. They moved to her eyes. Frick, she wanted to have a good day, she hated...whatever this was. Stick to a mood, act with it. None of this wishy washy stuff. “Where, um. Somewhere cool?”

Hisoka watched her, eyes flicking to her brows, her shoulders, her nose, her left eye, then the right. Then he pointed up to the metal bucket thing that most would probably call a, what was it, crows nest? Where people looked for other ships from, in pirate movies. “Then, if you would care to join me?”

She did. 

She followed him up the side of the building, tried to mimic the confident stride he held over the slanted metal roof, ignoring all the creaking, whining footholds as they passed each hotel room till they reached the top. 

And when there, Kaia thought maybe, maybe today was still okay. The ocean had taken a blinding sheen to it beneath the ever increasing warming sun. The sky had settled on a pale, gentle blue, littered with the faintest white wisps of clouds that curled against the wind. Seagulls swooped and hung on the breeze. It was beautiful, Kaia thought, to be far enough away from the people below to feel, just for a second, like she wasn’t about to combust. That there was one person out here who didn’t twist her belly into knots she hated. That the people who did stay around here weren’t always just... _ there. _

Because Leorio was _ there _ . But he wouldn’t bring her elsewhere.

Elsewhere is where Kaia wished to go.

Elsewhere, like up here, where the others weren’t.

Today, Kaia would have a good day. She just needed to focus on the good again.

Where they’d sat was a small little corner beside a broken telescope stand. There was a sort of basket-like material hanging from the flooring, and a few standing poles about two hands worth around. Hisoka leaned against one of those poles now, his gaze out at the rising sun. Kaia’s hands rested in her pockets. She could focus on this, she told herself, focus on the good things and that meant she’d be alright. Happiness was a choice. You controlled your emotions, or your emotions controlled you. The frustration with Lorelei, the panic at the confrontation, the apathy from Neko...

She wanted to be happy.

She spoke up. “Sensei.” It was a little quiet, but it was clear over the soft slush of water and wind. Hisoka hummed in acknowledgement. And since Kaia had never been good at beating around a bush she couldn’t even find, she figured to just go ahead with it all. “I’m gonna leave the Hunter’s exam. Come back next year, probably.”

There was nothing, for a second, then, “are you?”

She paused. Considered how he spoke, and glanced him over. Tall, compared to the people she’d seen so far. His hair shined a brilliant blood-pink shade, the yellow of his eyes almost glowing in the sunlight. He looked at her now. 

“...Yes?”

Hisoka raised one brow. “Is that a question?”

“Well,” she paused again, thought about a storm and a dog and a sister she had but didn’t have, thought about a girl with angry green eyes and a ceiling. Thought about the edge of serenity right here. Frick, she loved being able to breath. “It wasn’t, but I guess it sounded that way, huh?”

“Hm...you’re still leaving, though?”

“Yeah. Can’t...erh, no. I can stay. I just...don’t want to.”

A new look Kaia couldn’t decipher passed Hisoka’s face before he curled his lips into a long, stretched smile with edges of teeth. Something that tilted his eyes, something akin to a selfish pleasure seen by robbers or men with their power. He reached out one clawed finger. Kaia watched, waited, as it brushed the top of her head, tugged at a knot before sliding down to her neck, where it pressed as deep as the indents she herself had left beneath her ears. 

_ The waves muted,  _ Kaia thought deliriously.  _ That’s good. She hated the sound of water. _

He brought his head to hers, pushing his lips against her ear. She shivered, a nervous coil in the bottom of her gut, but held still, stiff, while the muscles of his chest pressed against her much slimmer shoulder.

“You are scared?”

Kaia’s breath stopped, then continued. She considered. Her next words were very soft, very quiet. “Yeah, probably.”

His finger cut down the back of her neck. “Then why did you ask me to teach you?”

“‘Cause you’re strong?” She tried to pull just a little so she could gauge him based on sight, but he tightened his grip to five fingers, and she settled for curling her lip instead. She thought, hard and fast and about what the heck he might be talking about…

“There are many teachers who are ‘strong’,” she felt a tongue there, ew, “and much less...terrifying...to learn from.”

Oh.

She almost, almost laughed. 

“Ha, haha,” nevermind, she did. She should laugh with relief a bit more often. It felt good. _ Focus on that. _ “I’m not weak minded enough to let my fear of a single person stop me from doing what I want.”

There was a pause. His hand fell away, but he crouched at eye level in front of her, that same smile still painted on, but there was a raise to his brows that she’d only caught when he looked at Gon, or Illumi, or sometimes a passing examiner. 

“Hm?”

She made to look him straight on. “‘Sensei’ means ‘teacher’. I chose you as mine. You’re scary, Sensei, but you’re not the reason I’m leaving.” Kaia offered a half, tentative smile, and closed her eyes. She remembered the glee she felt when seeing him at the bottom of Trick Tower. “I actually really admire you, Sensei. I get all warm and buzzy inside when I get to call you my teacher.”

“Oh.” All at once, all the amusement, the pleasure on his face, spread to something plain. The smile barely lifted the edges of his lips. The yellow of his gaze rolled up to the right, as if to ponder, and his finger tapped gently on his chin. “Is that so.”

Kaia, subtly, tried to catalogue a proper response. “I mean,” she continued and  _ ooh boy nevermind maybe stop talking— “ _ I’m...not at the best mental state right now. Figured I’d head home, tell my sister that I killed her sister, and then meet up with you back at...wherever you want to meet up at. So we can train. Or something. If that’s...cool with you? If not, I can like. Stalk you. From a distance, I guess?  Is...that good? ‘Cause, again. You’re my teacher. If. You still want me?” 

“Is that all?”

“...Even if you don’t want me, I’ll probably stalk you anyway.”

He still didn’t look at her. “I see.”

“Cool.” She shifted. “So. Where should I meet you? For legit studies, since I haven’t really been a good student recently. I...don’t actually recall ever really doing student stuff. I mean you’ve been giving me hints and ideas and hey, look, I can melt my hand through a wall with nen now, which is awesome and whatever but uhm. Training. Yeah.”

What the heck, since when were words so hard?

...This would be hilarious later.

Hisoka leaned on his heels. “Are you sure you want me, specifically, as your teacher?” 

There was the subtlest, smallest wave of something that screeched death. Every hair on her neck struck up. Kaia’s eyes dilated hugely, and her teeth showed as they usually did, and her heart seemed to cling to her spine but her answer was still,

“Yes.”

The wave left. Their eyes met, briefly, then Hisoka looked to a nearby bird. “I see. I might be unavailable after the exam. What will you do?”

“Oh.” Kaia frowned. “Unavailable like super busy? Or just you have no clue where you’re going?”

“Both, perhaps.”

“...Okay. That...makes it more difficult.”

“Hm… Then wouldn’t it be easier to stay?” The large man smiled innocently at her—not a charming half grin or a slow, sly lift of the lips. It looked nothing more than the face you’d see on a vaguely interested dog who saw its first bug.

Kaia felt like a bug.

An armored beetle, she thought. Because tanks didn’t stay hurt.

She shook the thought away and considered what he said carefully. She wanted to leave, she’d thought this over already, but she’d...think again anyway. There was no shame in changing one’s mind. To stay would mean, what? To maybe pass the Hunter’s exam. To see Illumi show his face and terrorize Killua; to make do with Lorelei, maybe, and face Akihiko. Put off explaining Runa’s demise to an older sister she wanted to trade for a memory that _ burned.  _ To, probably,  _ burn some more. _

Hisoka pulled a deck of cards out and flipped through them idly, now back to leaning on the standing pole. Hisoka was strong. There was no doubt there—he was powerful, and confident, and could do what he wanted when he wanted and he didn’t need other people to rely on him, or to rely on other people. He walked into a room, and people stopped to stare because he wanted them to, not because he simply stood out. He was...self assured. Didn’t find fear in challenges. Took them, made them stronger, to break later. He didn’t care if someone didn’t care. He didn’t care if someone cried, or broke themselves, or worked too hard. He just did what he wanted to do, and let other people do as they did, too.

Hisoka was already elsewhere.

To stay, would mean to what? 

She flexed her fingers. Blisters from hard work budded on her palms. Sunburnt skin stretched along her shoulders, scratchy under her shirt. The telltale heat from nen swirled in endless circles behind her gut. When she unfurled it, fire flashed over her skin and warmed her eyes, sent goosebumps along her scalp, but it didn’t burn. She felt it flicker and prick out of her skin, felt it smooth out the knots in her muscles, reaching down to every last piece of her to smother the frustrations and grant a soft, wind-like relief. Kaia wondered what would happen if she left it locked by her gut for longer. Wondered what would happen if she just—

No, if she let it just flame over her like this, she’d drain out. 

Hisoka had shown her that.

So to stay, would mean to what?

...Ah, she was really being too dramatic about this. Too much time in her own head. Make a decision, stick with it.

Why not stay?

She nodded to herself, tied up the nonsense buzzing like nausea in her brain, and trusted her gut. “Sensei,” she began, rolling lines of nen into bubble like clumps. He hummed. “Could...I’d, um.” Her lips tightened. Words were hard enough when she knew what to say. Suddenly she didn’t, and she couldn’t speak at all. She could act better than this—no, no, stay focused, and just speak what’s in her head. 

_ There were too many words in her head, too many feelings she couldn’t be sure were real. _

“Could you…?” Hisoka prompted. Kaia scratched her neck and felt the bubble of life-force latch onto the contact, like a torch touched to grass. It helped to focus. 

“Could I, um, act as your shadow, then?”

He looked sharply at her. “Are you staying?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah. So. Can I. Um, follow you? Like.” Ahh, frick, that buzz of panic wiggled into existance. She felt shame splash her cheeks. Couldn’t even talk right. Ridiculous. “I need—no, want, not need, I just want too—can.” Take a breath, close your eyes, speak clearly, efficiently,  _ the way you act.  _ “I have been getting caught in my head a lot lately. I was wondering if I could, therefore, follow you around for the next phase, or two. It’s easier to stay out of my head if I’m working. So. I guess, I’m asking for…” she trailed off when her brain shuttered to a stop, and almost cringed at the ridiculousness of it, but Hisoka simply turned his head to one side, and clarified. 

“You want me to help?”

She breathed. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s basically. Yeah.”

“But of course,” his smile came back, “I am your ‘Sensei’. Now—”

Whatever he intended to say got cut off by a quick shout below, following by fast cheering and the like. Hisoka’s lips pursed as he leaned over the poles to see the people down below frantically pointing off to the right of the sun, some of them dancing. 

“They’re excited,” he stated.

“The airship is returning.” A new, cricket voice replied. Kaia glanced, faltered. Gittarackur clicked and popped his needle-ridden body up the last lip of metal to where they were. When he came close, Kaia edged closer to Hisoka, who cast her a curious side-eye before gesturing to the sky. 

“So we’ll be flown to the next phase?” 

“It seems like it.” The man gave Kaia a wide-eyed, observatory once over. “Your toy?”

Hisoka scratched her head, his nails dragging through the mess of nen she’d let fester over her neck. “She’s going to be my shadow for the next phase.” He paused. “Does this mean I can dress her up?”

“No,” Kaia declined, at the same time Gittarackur claimed, “Yes.”

They stared at each other. Kaia broke first. 

“Hey, I can see the airship,” she said.

“What’s your toy’s nen ability?” Gittarackur asked. Kaia stiffened. The nails in her hair pressed sharper. Kaia breathed cinnamon (never the sweet kind—only the bitter, stinging sort) and hesitantly, relaxed. Hisoka prodded one of her cheeks while dragging her against his leg, so her head pressed the lilac cloth of his upper thigh, caging her. It was...a declarative move? A possessive sign, surely. She supposed that was fine.

“She unlocked her nodes almost two weeks ago,” Hisoka spoke for her, and she couldn’t remember ever telling him a time frame but maybe she’d forgotten, or he’d just guessed like the genius he was. “...And she can already move it so well. Isn’t she smart?” 

The other seemed to think about this and hummed, but conceded, and said nothing more. The whole while, Hisoka did not once let Kaia pull herself from his leg. It was an awkward stand, and she felt unbalanced and prickly at the constant contact, but she’d a feeling if Hisoka let her head go and took that step away, she might be...a little more dead, maybe, than she was now. 

She hated eyes on her. 

She was glad she could read body postures well enough to know Gittarackur cared for her less than she cared for him. 

She kept by Hisoka, and breathed cinnamon. 

Eventually, the little black dot of an airship came close enough to blow Kaia back with its wind as it landed on the main deck. When the three of them made their way down, Hisoka’s hand never once left her, whether it be on her shoulder, or neck, or threading through the knots in her hair. 

Distantly, she wondered if maybe he was just fixing her appearance. Maybe he’d actually try to dress her up later, she couldn’t tell if he had been serious. It was certainly something she could picture him doing, though.

As long as it was yellow.

Kurapika, who lingered by the ladder to the airship, started for her the moment she made herself known. Upon seeing Hisoka, though, he stalled, then finally mouthed a ‘we must talk’ that Kaia diligently ignored. 

They climbed up. Kaia followed her teacher, and unsurprisingly, nobody bothered her. 

Once in the air, the previous examiners brought out a plethora of fresh fruits, vegetables, meats and water. Hisoka picked brightly colored foods, oranges, green apples and pears and the like, before claiming a comfy round seat for himself. On the edge of the big circle of people, Kaia saw Lorelei with Gon inspecting strawberries, while Killua and Leorio prodded at chunks of meat. Kaia pressed a hand to her belly, tracing the faint outline of abs. The same nervousness resided underneath her skin, but still, she felt no hunger. 

Three days, then. Three days and she still didn’t want to eat. She may be a fool, but she was not a stupid one. 

Kaia settled for lighter fruits that were heavy in sugars and probably wouldn’t make her barf. Things like grapefruits, plumbs, a nectarine, and a few slices of jerky she poured salt on until she mostly saw white. She wouldn’t taste that, she thought, but her body would appreciate it when she needed to sweat. 

When she sat, it was on the carpeted floor, just shy of touching Hisoka’s shoe. He moved so they touched anyway ( _ and it itched, why did it have to always itch, she didn’t want it to itch _ ) but it kept people from staring too long, or moving toward her, so she let it be. 

_ Rather burn than face a conversation. Weak, really. _

After food finished being passed around, the hotel owners stepped onto a small little pedestal by the big square windows, along with that mohawk man who’d examined them in Trick Tower. 

He coughed once, twice. “Good morning, contestants. I trust you had a good night’s rest?” He paused, as if waiting for feedback, but continued too quick for that to be true. “That’s splendid, splendid. Well! Now that you’re all relaxed from your visit to the island hotel, we will be moving onto the next phase. We shall begin with a lottery.” 

He gestured to his right, and the old woman stepped forward with a wide black box. 

“This must be for the next exam,” Kurapika, from the far side, whispered. Kaia thought,  _ oh great, he’s still a genius. _

“This lottery,” the mohawk man continued,  _ what was his name, she forgot, she always forgets—  _ “will allow us to determine...the hunters, and the prey. Inside the box,” he spoke with his hands, Kaia noted. They swiftly darted to left or right, higher or lower depending on his tone, while his face remained almost completely still. “There are 27 numbered cards. These numbers are just the ones given to you at the beginning of the competition. You will all pick a card. You will draw in the order you arrived at the bottom of Trick Tower. The first person to finish, please step forward.”

Despite having grown comfortable in her spot, Kaia rose up and trotted to the box. A few folks muttered uneasily upon seeing her move, but the dismissals (she  _ is  _ with the clown—I knew there was something strange with her—what kind of twelve year old would really make it this far if not a monster?) were quick and without abandon. She shook her head, bit her tongue, and drew a tag. Red on one side, a blank clip-cover on the other. She left it covered.

Just as swiftly as she’d come, Kaia returned to her seat, and got comfortable. Hisoka went next, followed by Lorelei (another one? Sheesh, what’s with the 12 year olds…), then Gittarackur, and soon after, all the cards were passed out. Instructions went on same as she recalled from the fuzzy blocks of her memory.

Your tag worth three points. Target’s tag worth three points. Anything extra worth one. You need six points to pass. Win by any means necessary.

She wondered how many people would die.

“Now,” the mohawk man clapped for attention once again, “you may uncover your cards, or check later. The numbers you drew have already been recorded inside this box. I would tell you to relax, but in just a moment we are going to dock on another ship, which will take you to the next phase—” he paused when the airship rumbled to a stop, and he gestured to the window with a wide arc of his hand. “Ah, here we are. If you’ll all go outside now, we can begin the trip to the next exam. Not to worry, you won’t be on the boat for more than an hour.”

They headed out. 

The ship they docked on was a gold railed passenger ship with a long and square main deck. There were no sails. When she listened to the water slap the boat, she could make out the motor beneath the water quietly humming. Contestants were ushered off swiftly, and the airship took off again alone—

Kaia snorted.

Chuckled.

Stopped, got her bearings. Hisoka eyed her oddly, statively, before taking a seat with his back to the golden rails and starting a tower of cards.

Kaia choked on her humor, then just let it bubble and build, and laughed without regard to the uneased faces staring at her from the odd corners of the ship. The brightness of the sun on the ocean made her eyes water—but maybe that was the stress, or that she couldn’t breathe anymore, ha, what was air again?

Hisoka subtly shifted his card tower away when she sat down. 

She chortled, then stopped, and sighed in a relaxed manner. “I realized,” a snort made its way out, then back to her normal bland face, “that we’re going to be in a Battle Royale.”

“Hm...it seems so. Is it that funny?”

“Well,” she grinned widely, pulling on the mostly healed cut on her lip— _ not hurting, should be dead split, like earlier, just a few hours ago, strange—  _ “not really, I think, but I wanted it to be. So it was. I guess.” 

“I see.” 

They were quiet. Water slapped the boat. Akihiko glanced her way, but nothing came of it. Eventually, Kaia went back to fiddling with her nen. She...wasn’t sure what else to do, and the constant, almost bleary focus remained enough to keep her from her head. It was nice, sort of. Like this, she didn’t have to pretend to be fine. 

‘Cause Hisoka didn’t care. He just played his cards.

She appreciated him.

In many ways, nen reminded her of goo. A puddle of tar, maybe, or the very slow burn of a nearly dead campfire. She let it flicker over her fingers, allowing heat to dance across her palms in invisible mock fireballs. When it reached her nails, she thought carefully, and kneaded it into a thick goo. Like caramel, maybe, in the way that she pictured it. It dripped from one hand to the other with phantom weight. 

Hisoka’s nails cut cooly down the nape of her neck and she spilled.

“Your friends,” he said, and Kaia flicked her eyes to see Gon staring her down as if he’d bolt over if Lorelei wasn’t hanging on his arm. “I believe they wish to talk to you.” He paused, as if in thought, then, “are you going to talk?”

She held back a grimace, keeping her face an easy, comfortable mix of mildly curious, and open. “I guess. I’ll be right back.” So she squared her shoulders, pulled her nen back into that tight, winding bundle in her spine, and stood up.

_ Breathe deep, figure out your act. Curious, open, see what he says and respond accordingly. You can do this. _

She already felt like she’d throw up. Gon dragged Lorelei with him to meet halfway across the deck. Kaia caught Killua’s blue gaze on the side, and wondered if, for a second, he would make the world disappear. But he didn’t, because that notion was ridiculous, and oh hey, here they are, already meeting in the middle—

Kaia put on a smile and acted. 

“Yo, Gon!”

“You can’t quit.”

She stalled for half a second, then, “actually, I can. I think you mean that I won’t quit.”

“You can’t quit,” he repeated. “I won’t let you.”  
Her lip curled. “Well, halfway there, I guess. But really, Gon. If I were still going to quit, then you wouldn’t be able to do much to stop me. It’s not a ‘can’t’. It’s a ‘won’t’.”

“Kaia,” He grabbed her by the shoulders.  _ Burns—don’t flinch—ignore the itch—this is fine— _ “You aren’t allowed to quit the Hunter’s Exam. Let’s work something else out instead.”

She let her eyes flatten, just barely enough to show irritation. “Actually, I am allowed to quit. If I were still going to, again, you wouldn’t stop me. I can do whatever I set my mind to and if that’s quitting, then that’s that.”  
“No, I don’t want you to—”

“So you’re staying?” Killua butted in and Kaia flashed her teeth at him, friendly-sort.

“Figured I’d stalk Sensei instead, see. Sorry, Lorelei. Looks like you’re not rid of me yet.”

Lorelei sneered but otherwise did nothing. Kaia was impressed. 

Killua tapped Gon’s shoulder, a decidedly appeased set to his brows. “See, I told you she wasn’t going to quit that easily. Ah, that reminds me.” He leaned in real close while holding up one finger. “You finished first in Trick Tower, right? How?”

“Killua,” Gon grabbed the other boy’s arm, “I don’t think she wanted to answer that.”

He whipped his head around. “What? Why?”

“Kurapika asked her when we finished and she didn’t answer, remember?”

“So? I’m asking her now.”

“But Aunt Mito says you’re supposed to respect when a friend doesn’t want to talk about something.”

“Oh, so you can demand that she stays in the exam, but I can’t ask how she got down the tower?”

“Yeah!”

“What?” He ground his finger into Gon’s forhead. “How does that make sense?”

“Because I wanted her to stay!”

“Huh!? I just want to know how she got down first!”

“And I wanted her to stay!”

“I mean,” Kaia broke in, though the boys barely seemed to pause in their heavy glare-down, as their foreheads stayed mashed together in an aggressive display of head-power. Idly flashing the red side of her card, she said, “you still couldn’t stop me if I was going to, but I already drew the tag. Don’t make much sense unless I was planning on competing in the first place.”

Gon frowned, then looked straight up, something almost simultaneously joined by Killua. Then, in the same moment, they both asked, “who did you draw?”

“And that’s,” Kaia flashed her teeth again and showed them the lovely sight of her two first fingers signing a mock salute, “for me to know and you to wonder about. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go back to stalking.”

After taking a step back, she waited, and though he looked unhappy, Gon turned around with Lorelei to go settle himself against the far rails, where his backpack and fishing pole, and Killua’s skateboard, sat. Kaia nodded to herself once, then looked behind her.

Kurapika lingered in the blurry lines of a respectable distance and an obvious eavesdrop almost directly between Hisoka and her. Hisoka, and she admired him greatly but  _ really,  _ just stacked another two cards up. Kaia looked at the blonde, looked at her teacher, looked at the ocean behind them. Her lips tightened. 

“Darn. Out one fire and into another.”

But Killua tugged on her shirt sleeve before she could work up the mindset to step forward again. It wasn’t a full contact, and Kaia wasn’t sure if that was on purpose or not, but she appreciated it. Kaia hesitated, but glanced behind him, where Gon had gone back to picking at pieces of stored away fruit with Lorelei. If he wasn’t with Gon...She furrowed her brows, now confused.

“Do you want to hang out instead?” Killua asked, quickly moving his hands to his pockets now that he had her attention. She stared blankly at him as he turned sideways, looking at her through the corners of his eyes. “It’s kinda boring,” he explained, “with Lorerei there.”

She scanned behind him again, determining if Gon had maybe put him up to this, but no. The wild boy was fully absorbed in his berries, and Lorelei, though she stole glances this way, didn’t seem to know what they spoke of.

It...was really unfortunate, sometimes, how much Kaia really wanted to be left alone.

She gave a crooked, friendly smile anyway. “Sorry,” she scratched the back of her neck and shuffled from her left foot to her right. “I’m. I really just want to. Stalk, I guess. You...can join, I guess, if you want, but I can’t guarantee much with my head the way it’s been going lately.”

She watched the blue of his eyes slide to the left to study Hisoka (who could be making horrific faces for all she knew), then to the right for Kurapika (who wavered before moving back toward Leorio) then back to her. He seemed unsure, and turned again toward Gon and Lorelei for half a second, until he finally shrugged and said, “I guess. But if he gets weird, I’m leaving.”

“Oh.” She blinked quickly, then grinned once more. “He’s always weird, but you’re welcome to stay, I think. I should ask.”

She did.

“Is this your pet?”

“He’s being weird,” Killua said.

“Sensei, you’re being weird,” she repeated. 

He pursed his thin lips. Kaia sat down beside him anyway, and soon, Killua followed, distinctly using Kaia as a barrier between them. That was fine. Kaia didn’t mind, and Hisoka, though he seemed intrigued, didn’t offer more than a sparing glance. 

“...So,” Killua started off. He leaned back on his palms to face the big, open blue sky. “What did you do in Trick Tower?”

“Pft, figures.” Kaia mimicked his position. “I just jumped the side.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.” She made to look like she was thinking of a story, turning her head this way and that to sell it better. “Turns out,” she said, and she could see Killua subtly twisting to watch. “At the bottom…” she trailed off and sighed.

“...What was at the bottom?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah. The sand was really hot.”

“...That’s it?”

“Burnt my fingers a little. ‘M glad they let me in pretty fast. Might’a baked myself if not.”

“...Wow. You led that up all the way, and what do you say? The sand was hot.”

She flashed her teeth. “I do my best.”

“...You’re really weird.”

...Well, Kaia figured she had an appreciation for Killua, too. 

 


	22. Oh, Happiness

**__** __

To be completely honest, Kaia didn't really mind the sound of water. She used to fish a lot. Never on the ocean, but in rivers and streams, and sometimes on a boat with her grandfather. She could remember waking in the early, dark hours of the morning just for the chance to fish with her dad along the riverside, and she remembered that those memories were good. In reality, most of her memories with water were fairly fond. They were good, strong, uplifting memories that brought a smile to her face. 

Despite this, Kaia still didn't like the ocean. She had no specific reason, no traumatizing situations; she never drowned or was hurt or had lost something incredibly important. She just...didn't like it.

People had always asked if she had a real reason. 

She had speculations, yes, but never a reason.

That was okay. 

"...and that's when I learned how to contort my hand like this." Killua lifted a palm and, with a big ol' grin, sharpened each nail to a long, fine point. "It makes assassination a lot easier," he added, thoughtfully. 

"That's a very useful skill to have," Hisoka observed. Killua, who still kept a good, safe three feet away from the man at any given time, narrowed his eyes before shrugging the statement off. Kaia nodded in an appraising manner, then rolled her eyes up, thinking. She pulled out her still covered card. Killua leaned over curiously. 

“Wait, you haven’t checked who you drew yet?”

“Nah,” she answered. Hisoka hummed—a soothing, welcome sound. Better than the waves or the gulls, easily. “Lesse… 118, huh? Hm.”

Killua’s nose curled up. “Who is that?”

“Monkey guy,” Kaia answered. She pointed to the far side of the deck. “Dude with the red hair and the monkey, see him?”

“Him?” Killua hummed himself, something lighter and easier in tone, without the low grumble her teacher had. “Well, I have number 197, whoever that is.”

Kaia gestured to the stack of crates by the middle of the deck. “The biggest of the brothers over there. Name’s Amori or something, I think, but I’m pretty bad with names so I could be way wrong.” She drew a circle in the sea spray on the deck with her finger, boredly. Almost as an afterthought, she added, “oh, one of the brothers, youngest I think, has your tag, Killua.”

Killua puffed up one cheek. “You sure know a lot…”

“Thanks. Numbers are easy, though.”

“...Sure.” He set his face on one hand and stared over to where the Amori brothers rested loudly against the crates, lounging in a way that left their limbs sprawled all over the wood to take up as much space as they could. Rude, but a show of their own confident power. 

Kaia snorted, immediately incredibly amused. 

"Yes," Hisoka murmured when Killua'd turned curiously, "we are having a battle royale."

"What? Oh, no," Kaia twerked her lips, "just thought, they're over there in power positions as if they was strong while Sensei, who is strong, is over here in the corner playing cards with himself. And then, earlier they was all talk on Lorelei, makin' comments 'bout how she couldnt'a been that far ahead of them in Trick Tower since she's a girl an' she's twelve. She finished third. I finished first."

Killua looked up. "Oh, yeah, she did mention she finished third."

"Yeah?"

"Mmhmm," he nodded, then rolled his shoulders. "I wasn't that interested, though, so I don't remember how she did it."

Hisoka let a little note of agreement out his throat. "The girl was my...partner...during the exam."

"What, really?" Killua lifted his head. "You didn't kill her?"

Hisoka pursed his lips, his hands hovering around a fresh card. "There was a rule against killing teammates. It was very unfortunate."

Killua hummed once more. For a minute, they sat quiet. Then, Kaia layed down, pointed at a cloud and said, "call me curious, but what would happen if somebody drew their own pin number?"

Killua sat his chin on a lifted knee. "You mean like they had to hunt their own number?" His nose scrunched up. "I dunno. They'd have to hunt a random three people, wouldn't they?"

"Maybe. I was thinking more along the lines that they'd already have all their necessary points—three points from the number on their tag being theirs, and three points for the number on their tag being the numbers they needed to collect. They'd just be tasked with keeping their tag the whole time. I think. Sensei, what do you think?"

"Hm...I wonder."

"...Lovely answer, thank you, very expressive, Sensei." She blew a huff, bright eyes on the blue above. "...Say, should we ask?"

"Why? You drew 118, not 405."

Kaia covered half the cloud and pretended it wasn't there anymore. "Ha, now it looks like a duck. Kay. Anyway, I'd just ask 'cause I'm curious."

"Oh. Well," Killua leaned back like her, squinting at what she kept shaping up. "I think the lady who's got the microphone is part of the committee. She'll probably know."

"Probably."

"...Are you going to ask?"

"Probably not."

He locked up his fingers on his belly. "Why not?"

"...I'd have to talk to her." She glanced at his hair. She liked the color. "Do you think there's anybody out here who would ask for me?"

"What? No."

"What if I said please?"

"What's in it for me?"

"A high five."

The boy sat up and leveled her the flattest, most 'done with this nonsense' glare. She flashed her teeth. He sighed deeply. Despite this, he still eventually made his way over to the orange haired woman who, true to word, seemed to have an understanding of his question. While he was gone, Hisoka side-eyed Kaia.

"Is there any other reason you wondered about the tag?"

She shook her head. "Nah, not really."

"Is that so?"

"Yup."

Slowly, he pulled out his own card, with the cover off. It read, '44'. Kaia took in the number, then her teacher's half amused, half dog-pout-like face, and promptly barked a laugh. Because that definitely meant the plot had gone awry. Gon, she remembered, was supposed to pull Hisoka's tag—so whoever he had now, she hoped he'd at least learn something from. What if he drew Gittarackur's? ...Well, lucky thing he had plot armour—or, at least, Hisoka's attention. If he had that? Wait, didn't he only get it after Hisoka punched his face...

"Yo." Killua kicked Kaia's shin in greeting. "She said it counts for all six points." He paused, gave a thoughtful frown. "She also said if you have a question, you should ask it yourself instead of relying on other people."

"Well, it's decided." Kaia nodded decidedly, folding one arm over the other, still flat on her back. "Only half of what she says can be true."

There was a mirth to the way Killua looked at her, before their attention was pulled to Hisoka, whose hand muffled his own insane cackle over the messy pile of knocked cards on the deck. Killua watched, then edged a step closer to Kaia's other side. 

"He's being weird again," he whispered.

"Tha's 'kay," she whispered back, sitting up. "Oh, hey," she cut back to normal voice, "I can see the island. Betcha that's where we're gonna do our battle-royale."

"Huh? Oh. Oh, that reminds me, what do you mean by 'battle-royale'?"

"Means everybody against everybody. A bloody free-for-all. A battle to the death with no sides and no winners but the single man who stands on top at the end of the game—but can he really be a winner, since he killed all his friends himself?"

"...So," Killua said, slowly, "more than one person is going to pass."

"The principle, Killua." Her wide eyes met his, which when in the light, caught as a pretty, river-moss teal. She appreciated the color. "It's the principle of the subject."

"No," he leaned back, a small smile playing on his lips, "I'm pretty sure we're on completely different subjects."

A loud, sharp clapping drew their attention from the lilt in the conversation. As a few others continued to discuss quietly, the orange haired woman cleared her throat to garner the rest of the people's interest, and then gestured to the island they'd finally come close enough to dock at. It was a large thing, trading first small palms for large, spruce like trees that stretched over the hills and distant cliff side. On the shore, the sand stretched as bare, sliver of a barrier between the blue water and the short green grasses. 

"Here we are," the woman spoke with a nasally, albeit cheerful, voice. "You will depart in the order you drew your tags! There will be a two minute interval between each contestant. Any questions? No? Then, you will stay on this island for one week! During that time, you must amass your six points of ID tags, and return here. Alright then! The first person may start!"

So Kaia rolled her fists in her pockets and did just that, walking smoothly through the crowd to cross the plank leading to the grass. When she stopped, she took note that the grass, though appearing a rich green from the distance, was actually a more pale reflective color and the blades that looked smooth actually cut her finger when she reached to touch. Knife grass, then. She wondered what kind of sound it'd make if she whistled with it.

She looked at the boat. Twenty or so faces stared back at her, expectant in their waiting. Kaia looked at the grass in her hands, then at the ocean, then the faces again. They continued staring back. 

She stood, dropped her hands in her pockets, and diligently ignored the boat’s entire existence, because  _ no. _

After two unreasonably long minutes of  _ literally just standing there,  _ she heard, "Time's up! The next person may start!"

Kaia pulled two longer blades free before straightening again, a sort of bored yellow blob in the sunlight, to meet Hisoka as he strutted his way onto the knife-grass. He looked at her as he passed, her staring back with stretched, observant eyes, and without words, they began to walk. Hisoka didn't seem to mind her following, for he said nothing of it as they disappeared from the sight of the ship.

(When they walked, she walked behind him, she walked quiet, as was the way of followers—)

Hisoka led them along a sloping incline, rather than the immediate jagged uprising from the cliff side. The knife grass grew more pale there, and with more height. Soon it became littered with clumps of darker green shrubbery, or small, twisting, long-spined trees bearing green olives. Kaia studied the few they passed, those growing just past her head, but it seemed no animals frequented the trees. She noted to stick clear of them.

She'd find food elsewhere. They still had a good three hours before noon.

After a short time, when Hisoka abruptly upturned and started edging along the steeper hillside, Kaia realized many of the small critters were following them. Perhaps they hadn't seen people before, she mused, as a black, porcupine-eske thing scuttled over one branch to another to keep pace with them. Perhaps they had, and were hungry themselves. Well, if all else failed, she supposed she could eat them—

Actually, why wouldn't she just start with meat? She could never go wrong with meat, and even if she wasn't hungry, this was fresh and she could cook it herself. Why not?

That decided, Kaia took the time to appreciate how the sunlight scattered on the undergrowth. She liked the sounds and smells of the wooded lands, and the soft hush of the more fielded areas they passed. It was very different from the endless ocean she’d been stuck staring at atop that mountain-like mound, where she buried her dog. It kept quiet here, and it felt cleaner, the still crisp air warming comfortable with the rising sun.

Contemplative, Kaia considered the broadness of the back in front of her. Long ago, she’d followed her father this way. Three steps behind, and always watching. This didn’t feel that different from then—the swells of respect and appreciation rolled steadily in her chest, right above the hollowness where nothing else felt. But, she reminded herself, focus came easier out here, and she didn’t need to pay attention to the desperate ache to feel what she, logically, didn’t really need to.

Her eyes strolled to the red of the cut on Hisoka’s shoulder. A few similarly red butterflies fluttered into view, bright and eye-catching. She watched them sidle up to the red on his shoulder before tentatively landing. 

Taking a breath, Kaia eased to Hisoka’s side to ask, "Did you ever clean your cuts?"

"Did I?" 

She blinked, then, "that was my question?"

"Hmm. Perhaps."

"Dude." Kaia scanned the treeline and the ring tailed cats that sprung along it, as if thrilled at the sight of people beneath. They were big enough to make a meal, she figured. "Like, infections are a thing."

“But of course.” Hisoka rolled his broad shoulders, startling the butterflies, before abruptly turning off the incline to start down a sharp decline, where the grass mixed with long, feathery, waist length greens. Kaia felt a few of them before skidding to his side again. 

"So," she began, like a schoolgirl with a crush. She could hear water trickling in the distance. A river? "Did you use your face mask thingy for them?"

He glanced at her boredly but answered anyway. "It seemed to work best that way."

"Ah, probably.” Hey, that was an actual answer. Maybe she got brownie points for school-girling it. "It's still cut underneath though, right? 'Cause it's not a magic healing thing—it just sorta masks and holds steady what's already a problem, right?"

He slowed to a stop to cast her a considering look, something appraising in his features. She made sure to return it with an air of subtle confidence, but childish curiosity, and a tint of eagerness in the set of her shoulders. He took that in, then smiled and said, 

"You are very brave to try to manipulate me. Is this something you do often?"

"Nah." She dropped most of the features but left the subtle confidence, returning to a more idle curiosity, which she usually had in most situations. Almost boredly, Kaia kicked the dirt. "Was just wondering if you wanted me to sew ya back up. And I kinda wanna know what the healing limits for nen are."

"Is that so… The common understanding is that only a Specialist can use a healing ability."

Kaia frowned, staring at the hills. She looked away to the darker eddy far up and to their left. She felt disappointed and confused inside. A common understanding? What did that mean, that it should be common sense? But it really didn’t make sense. A person theoretically should be able to do pretty much end-all with their nen—they could do pretty much anything destructive, at least. She would think that fixing it would just make it harder, like most broken things. But apparently, this ‘common understanding’, meant no?  
She shook her head, away with it the questions. Didn’t make sense to get bothered over something she didn’t understand just yet. Later, she decided. She’d bring it up again later, not for the sake of her using it (she did not wish to be a medic) but simply for the mental satisfaction that she could, potentially, be right. 

“S’almost at the river, Sensei.” Kaia nodded to the eddys. “Are we gonna camp there?”

“I wonder,” he said. Which was not an answer, but she nodded anyway. A thought came to her, and she rolled her eyes up.

Kaia unzipped and pulled a water bottle from her bag. She drank the last of the warm, dusty water in there, sloshing it around in her mouth before she swallowed. There hadn’t been much clean water left on the hotel by the time they departed, and Kaia had been running on what little was left in her bag to cook and drink. An ignored part of her desired to drink and drink and drink...alas, her bottle emptied. She watched the smaller droplets on the inside drip down to nest in the bottom.

“Do you think it’s clean enough to fill all these again?” Kaia said suddenly. “We’re gonna want water, I’m guessing. ‘M not of a mind to die of dehydration.”

“It should be clean. Is there reason to think otherwise?”

Kaia returned the bottle to her bag. “If it flows from the sea, it’ll be salty. Not safe to drink. But if it comes from under the island, there’s a fair chance it’s cleaned from the minerals...I think that’s how it works, at least.”

Hisoka continued walking placidly along the draw, silent. Figuring he didn’t know, Kaia rolled her widening shoulders and steadied herself behind him again, as was the way of followers. He slowed as they came near enough to see the river, and there was little of it to see. More of a wide stream, it sparkled in the strokes of sunlight, and in some spots it grew to a width of twenty feet across. Fish drifted along the slower catches, behind rocks that lifted smoothly above the stream. Across the stream, Kaia saw a family of hedgehogs. They wavered unsurely but ultimately came close enough to drink.

Hisoka pointed their way. “It seems they found it safe to drink. Will you count that as a good sign?”

Kaia bent, and stared a hundred yards upstream. It looked clear of anything dead. When she dipped her hand in, it flowed fast, brittle and cold around her fingers. She’d always been wary when drinking from mountain water, and knowing this came from the island helped none at all. Parasites, poisons, or plain sicknesses were on the last of her plans for the week here. She considered the hedgehogs; if they drank, then the water would not be salty. 

Since she'd figured out these important bits, she turned to her teacher, who she'd expected to start walking again. Rather than expected, he instead had a forlorn cast to his angular face. He  _ glared _ across the water. He seemed to be thinking...she did not wish to irritate him. She waited, finishing filling her bottles (all twenty, she’d collected so many it surprised even her) and drinking the freshness herself. Eventually though, since he did nothing, she went on to shoot and gut three ring-tailed cats. 

They weren't actually related to the cat family. Whoever'd come up with the name was a troll of a high caliber. The things were more squirrel than anything, and she figured would taste fine just the same, since it was nearing noon anyway.

Hisoka hadn’t moved from his position when she made it back from the treeline. As she came upon him though, a question of camp on her tongue, Hisoka simply sighed, turning from the water to start in the direction of the cliff-edge, whose outline loomed over the tops of some trees. 

Kaia followed. That’s what followers did, she decided, and students. Her job as student was carrying the food, picking vegetable plants she saw along the way. Hisoka, she determined, was doing everything else. He would pick the camp. He would teach her how to nen properly. He would probably make sure she passed—she sure as hell didn't have any inclination to seek out somebody to fight anytime soon. So she, as she debated the worth of a spinach-looking green, would make sure he got fed.

Kaia, in these woods, felt sort of happy.

~~~

The place they chose as a camp took form as a small clearing but fifteen yards across in any given direction. Something with shorter, softer grass, and a towering lone tree decorating the middle. Forty yards past the large heart-leaf bushes that acted as a wall was a natural seep where Kaia could pool whatever water she needed from. Kaia settled a spot for a fire a few feet from the tree, while Hisoka took a seat against the spruce itself. After three or so trips to the nearby woods for larger sticks to be broken down later, Kaia lit a small flame with a lighter, and set the ring-tails up on a make-shift spit.

They were not done fancy. Just skinned, stabbed and filled with the garlic and headier scented plants she'd found, and dusted with salt and pepper.

Once they were eaten, and the day hit its stifling sunny noon, Kaia settled into a seat across from Hisoka. She picked a longer, thin stick from the fire and prodded the dying flames idly, causing sparks to flare and trail dust up. After a moment, she met Hisoka's eyes from over the sparks. 

"Sensei," she began, "you said the common understanding is that only Specialists can heal. Is there a contrary uncommon understanding?"

His fingers absently rubbed a blade of grass. "Perhaps. What are your thoughts?"

"Well," she tossed the stick lightly, palming it, "nen is supposed to be burning your soul or something, right? Using your will to make your aura do something? Or just a manipulation of the aura, I guess."

"That seems to be the idea, yes."

"So then," she abandoned the stick in favor of plopping her chin in her palm. "How come, out of all six types, only a Specialist can heal? I'm pretty sure there's comments about how Enhancers usually increase their natural recovery speed—" she stopped, "—oh, wait, if I'm an Enhancer, then my muscle recovery, and the broken nose and my shoulder and pretty much everything else is like, way better explained. Gotta double check that. Anyway, if an Enhancer can increase their recovery, what's to say they can't increase another's? Or Conjurers, couldn't they like, make a new kidney for somebody who needed it?"

He gave her an appraising look. "Name all the types, Kaia."

"Enhancer, Emitter, Conjurer, Specialist, and Transmuter." She bit her lip. "Five types. Which one am I missing?"

"Manipulator," he provided, and Kaia made a noise of acknowledgement. Then for a moment, he stalled while Kaia turned the spits. When she turned back to him, he asked, "how much do you actually know?"

Kaia's lips tightened until she told herself to deflate, and offer the truths. "A lot of stuff, to be honest. Last time I think I just said the bare minimum, but hey, I never said I didn't know a little more in depth?" She offered a half grin centered around a pointed canine. "See, I just have no real personal experience. Most of what I do know is forgotten, and I need a trigger to remember it. I get bits and pieces during most related conversations—like the eye thing, Gyo. You said I wasn't looking right, and it took me a second, but haha, yeah, already knew."

Hisoka raised one brow. "That still does not explain what you know now, does it, hm? I wonder..."

"Huh? Oh, no." No rambling, she noted. Stick to a subject and answer forward. Noted. "I have all six categories, and a basic understanding for the differences. I know a bit about the differing states one can put their aura into, like Ren, In, and Zetsu. Could do with a refresher though. I know when you first get awakened, if not naturally, you have the potential to fatigue yourself quickly and, perhaps, die...I know that the understanding is 'specialists heal only', apparently, but now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure there was a Manipulator? and a Conjurer who could make health-like benefits. You're a Transmuter, and you do that face mask thingy." She stopped short and blinked, quick and thrice, before leveling heavy eyes on her teacher. "Also, now that we've eaten, take your shirt off."

He raised his brows as a smile curled over his lips. "You're very upfront. How...daring."

"Yeah. Sewing up bloody wounds. Very heart-pounding. Makes me feel all giddy inside, ah, the wonder of staring at an open wound. Let me see your cuts, Sensei."

"It seems my shoulder has healed already...do you wish to check anyway?" 

"Well, since I'm getting the idea you're lying to me, yeah. Strip."

"Scandalous." He turned his face to the side and held a hand against his cheek. "Oh my, am I being put in a compromising situation?"

"Can you just take off your shirt?"

He sighed dramatically before he slowly, carefully, and completely making sure to hold direct eye contact, peeled up the edge of the blue crop-top bit. Then he stopped, fingers holding delicately onto the fabric, to say, "pants first?"

She bared her teeth. "Keep your pants on, please and thanks."

"Oh? Are you certain?"

"Sensei, shirt."

"...You have no healing powers, as of yet...or perhaps you do?"

"Sensei, I have—" she reached in her bag, "—this very sharp and pointy needle and this very long and sturdy thread. If you don't want me sewing your clothes to your skin, then I suggest taking off your freaking shirt."

"...But I'm shy."

"Really?" She raised a brow, waited, then, "no, you're not."

Half a second to blink and he bared his naked chest like a badge, chin low and features seductive. His hands were up, caught in the cloth by his wrists, and he said, "Oh, admiring the view?"

"Your side's bleeding, dude." Kaia's stare went to the red, crusted slice on the lower bit of his ribs, where the muscle rippled and shifted as he breathed. Then, she looked at the crest of his shoulder, where a longer, more irritated and puffy cut marred his paler skin. It was evident, from the small bits of crustings, that he'd managed a shower sometime on that island, but hadn't bothered to cover the marks with his mask thing. Did he just not care? But she'd figured he put thought into his appearance, since he'd so carefully gelled his hair each day. 

She frowned, puzzled, and Hisoka abruptly shied away to cover his nipples with flexed arms. 

"Staring like that makes me nervous," he supplied, albeit with that liar smile he fronted during most card games. Kaia raised one brow, but her own half grin peeled across her cheeks. 

"I hope you know that you're kind of ridiculous."

He set his hands on his hips. "Oh my, it appears I've lost my shyness. I call that a 'change in view'. It must be something about you..."

She stood up, marched over, and prodded his arm. "Ya gonna sit down and let me fix ya or are you gonna keep being difficult?"

"I have no idea what you could mean."

After more goading, he finally sat, and she picketed a spot behind him, where the cut on his shoulder traced further down the bone. Gently prodding it, (ignoring the low moan Hisoka gave when she did because  _ this man _ ) she could see that although irritated, it hadn't gotten infected. Most of it did seem to have healed anyway. She rubbed it gently with some water from her bag, to clean the small bit of dirt that’d gotten in the flesh, slapped a big ol’ band-aid on it, then moved to the ribs. Same as last, but it looked like Hisoka's constant movement had just ripped a smaller tear in the already healing flesh. Band-aid went on that, too.

Satisfied, she sat against the tree beside him, and started fixing up his shirt. 

"A doctor and a mender," Hisoka's breath felt hot over her ear and she gave a distinct nudge at his band-aid. "How wonderful. My student can already do so many things."

Kaia considered this for a second, then laughed. When prompted with a question, she explained, "I was just thinking you give a lot of compliments. Like, not just to me. You do it off hand, or when you're like...fighting, I guess. At least, you did in the anime. Hm. That's weird." 

"I give credit where it's due, simply. It would do no good for a potentially...delicious fruit to...lose confidence."

She squinted at him, thoughtful. "You're pretty nice."

"...Perhaps."

"Maybe that's in my head, though. I dunno. I like you." Probably because, as she sat here and relaxed, she cared less and less about the scary factor of being by the man. She liked the giddy feel he gave her—that belly-twisting admiration that made her sometimes just wanna stare. It contradicted her usual apathy, the dislike of hanging around the same person for longer than a day, so she...liked it, she supposed. She'd see how she felt tomorrow. "Can ya tell me about the states of nen?"

"But of course." He rested his elbow on one propped knee and reached forward to draw words in the bare patches of dirt. Four symbols, each a square away from the others. Kaia mouthed the sounds as she read them. Once he finished, Hisoka leaned back on his other arm and said, "Ten, Zetsu, Ren, Hatsu. You can read them?" She nodded, and he continued. "They are the...principles of basic mastery. You said you understood minor differences."

"Yeah," she pointed at the third mark. "This one was supposed to be exploding your aura in an outward direction, I think, and Zetsu was like, hiding. I always thought that was cool because a person should still be able to tell if they're being followed, right?"

A large red butterfly floated over the grassy part of the meadow. "Locating a person who has completely erased their presence is exceedingly difficult for a majority of users. You would have to rely solely on sight, or sound, or smell."

Kaia nodded. "Or the prickle on your neck."

"...Kaia, do explain."

"You know," she lifted her hands as if to show him what she meant. "The, uh, the itchy feeling you get on the back of your neck when something's staring at you. It's why you shouldn't stare directly at an animal you're hunting, 'cause they start feeling antsy and get a whole lot more observant. Especially older animals who're hunted harder, sometimes they just up and leave without waiting. Had a big bull elk do that to me once."

"Hmm... You must be very observant."

She frowned. "I dunno. I think. I can usually tell when something's watching me, so if that's what you're meaning, I guess so." She glanced at the butterfly. It came by Hisoka's bare shoulder, hovering nervously for a moment. "'S easy though. 'Cause, you know, it kinda sticks at the base of your skull? Like, sticky, kinda? And if you're careful, you can work it backwards to figure out what's watching you. I did that before when I was stalked by a mountain cat."

He hummed a low, thrumming noise deep in his throat. The contemplative sound left him quiet after, until… "It's very good to keep track of your surroundings."

She turned wide eyes to him. "You can tell too, right? I mean, we’ve been watched for a while already."

“By who?” He rested his chin in his hand, smiling idly.

Kaia leant back on her palms and stared outwards. “I dunno. I think it’s an examiner though. There’s no malice in the gaze or, like, want? It’s mostly just kinda curious.” She tapped her stomach. “Makes this spot here get a little fritzy, but I’m pretty confident it’s not an examinee.” She looked at him again, sly-like. “You  _ can _ tell, right?”

He smiled. "I wonder."

"So, yes."

His gaze rolled up, to the right. "...Perhaps."

She squinted. For a good minute, Kaia thought long and hard. Surely he’d picked it up—the person wasn’t really trying to hide, either, so surely. But, she remembered that Gon had stalked him for a while too, didn't he? And Hisoka hadn't noticed. But later, during Greed Island, Killua's brother...the pretty boy, with the paper abilities...had hidden from Hisoka, and her teacher had recognized it almost immediately. A comment… Something about him just being a monster?

It was an older memory, and the bare wisps of her mind whispered that it could have simply been a story she made up instead. Sometimes not remembering frustrated her. 

Kaia decided to just trust her teacher because he was strong enough to kill whoever it was anyway.

"Well," she pointed at the symbols again, "what's the difference between the others?"

He pointed to the top word. "Ten is the process of keeping your aura nodes open while your aura flows through and around the body, neither suppressing, or expelling it. When you first arrived, your aura acted freely. Perhaps you did not die because you instinctively curbed enough back, but you were still blind to it regardless." He pat her head. "How wonderful you're still alive, Kaia."

"Mn, thanks, for that. Seriously. And for...teaching me. Covering up my face and stuff." She swallowed, a feeling of sheepishness twisting her gut. "I'm probably gonna develop a complex around ya, to be honest. Not a romance one. But like. Reliant? Yeah. Anyway. Zetsu."

"Suppressing, or nulling the aura completely. You are using a form of it now...but it is not complete. Your nen is clustered..." Slowly, he dipped a finger from the top of her scalp to the middle of her spine, and she suppressed a shiver when he pressed slightly into the skin there. "It's almost knotted," he observed, amused.

Kaia grunted. "I wasn't sure what to do with it, so I put it right below my ribs. Figured it'd keep me from dying. I just rolled it into a little ball, so it can keep spinning and moving, see? 'M guessing we're gonna change that?"

"That is the idea."

"Cool. Here's your shirt. The purple thingies were a little harder to repair, but I think if you get the bloodstains out, it'll still look normal." He took the shirt and she tapped the third mark. "So Ten is basically managing your aura, Zetsu is hiding it, and Ren is exploding the aura out of the body, yeah?"

"Splendid job. It's wonderful that my little student can learn so many things... Hatsu is for a more advanced user. It is to project the aura for a specific function. Like this..." He reached out one hand and Kaia shot warmth to her eyes, a little wiggle of delight in her chest when she saw the usual pinkish light fanning around his skin. He pointed at her cheek, and then, pulled his finger inward—

She felt the stretch of her skin a second before she crashed into the man. Blinking quickly up at the face above hers, Kaia tentatively felt at her cheek. Hisoka shifted beneath her. The smell of cinnamon and seawater wafted strongly from his skin, along with the low undertone of blood. It smelled of grass, and sunlight, and  _ Hisoka _ . Kaia wiggled and told herself to appreciate it, and she did. 

"Oh, my." He smiled pleasantly at her, in that wide, stretched way of his, all closed mouth and shut eyes. "The ground is very rocky here," he said. "Do be careful not to fall."

"Like falling for you?" she asked. "Or falling ‘cause you used your magic nen powers?" She let a wider grin stretch her cheeks. "'Kay, so, what'cha want me to do first?"

"Most people start with Ten."

"Are we most people?"

"I wonder. Eyes open, Kaia." He removed her from his lap while Kaia did as asked, flicking warmth up again. She could see...a faint, washed out white shroud, like fog, lifting around him. Smooth and crisp, and sort of round-shaped? "Ten is used to protect against basic physical attacks, or emotional ones...such as blood lust."

"Ah," she tapped her chin thoughtfully, "and Ren was making it, then? Cool, cool. This is the thing that helps when exchanging blows, too, right?"

He held up one finger. "It has the potential to slow the aging process as well."

"Sweet. So, lesse, bubble shaped..." She felt for that bundle on her back and slowly, carefully, coaxed it over her limbs. A bubble of protection was her goal, sort of. She gently let the slick warmth fan over her skin. While she tested it out, Hisoka relaxed, pulling his shirt on and grabbing a deck of cards from...somewhere. She didn't know where he stored those. His pants didn't seem to have pockets. 

For a while, Kaia stayed focused, and felt happy. 

~~~

Night came swift and without abandon. The small critters were traded for wide eyed beasts whose curious gazes glinted orange from the fire. Stars glittered lazily behind the blanket of wood-smoke and the wide spruce branches. Night birds cooed from high, hidden places, slow and long songs that drifted over the quick chirps of lonely crickets and lost insects. The sweet, telling smell of roasted hog lingered in the cool air. 

Kaia shifted her head, which rested on her bag, and blinked up at those stars. She could feel the cold knife grass, and she could feel the bare edge of a breeze sweeping over it, and she could hear the fire crackle and Hisoka's slow, soft shuffling of cards. Once upon a time, she thought, she wouldn't have been able to see those stars. When she slept in the woods, she slept blind. Now she didn't need glasses, or contacts. 

Once upon a time, she thought, she wouldn't have been able to meet Hisoka either. And yes, he was terrifying. She remembered her first meeting with him—the swift, terrifying burst of power he held, and that awe-inspiring twist in her gut when she saw in him Trick Tower. Yet, she thought. Yet, with all of that...

Here he sat just playing cards. 

Illuminated by firelight, content with his standings, playing cards. 

"It's fluctuating," he mused, and Kaia tugged at the tightening knots of aura once again. It should be surrounding her entirety, Hisoka had told her. A full body cloak, but smoother than the rapid burning she'd initially had. A three foot minimum wide bubble, he suggested. Many nen users found it easy in their sleep. 

She could make two and a half. Those last six inches were stubborn things. But, if Hisoka had done it, so could she, so she would. She focused on letting her soul burn where it wished to, and listened to the crickets and the wind and the fire crackling, and thought, 

"This is better."

Some odd hours later found her asleep there in the grass, comfortable with the wildness of the area and the solidity of her company. She slept fearlessly with the confidence of a child, and for once, her dreams were not of fire. 

They were of floating in a blanketed darkness while voices from her memories quoted words from her past. 

"I was thinking we could try going low this time. The animals haven't been calling up high—"

"You're making sure she's safe, right? I don't want any cougars or bears eating her—"

" _ That _ is what an angry bull sounds like. Good job, -a---ne—"

"Was it worth missing the first week of school? You didn't even—"

"Isn't it beautiful up here? ...I don't think I've ever been able to show your mom—"

"Have fun! Remember, we both love you—"

"Hey, you can do this. The elk won't know what hit him—"

"But it's dangerous, -a---ne. Aren't you scared—"

"It's your very own hunting knife. Merry Christmas—"

"You know, the woods are very scary at night—"

"-a---ne, we love you so much—"

"It's been dry lately, so tonight, let's hunt the waterhole—"

"Your father forgets that you're a girl and can't do—"

"She can make her own decisions, honey. Let her choose—"

"No matter what, we still love you—"

"...I don't talk about this often. I only had my first dog for fourteen days—"

"Dear, I know it was an accident. You don't have to act strong—"

"-a---ne, pick it up. If you don't do it now, you never will again—"

"Are you sure? You don't have to force—"

"Oh -a---ne, I'll always love you—"

"I'm proud of you, -a---ne. A lot of people would have quit—"

"I understand it hurts. It makes sense if you don't want to hunt anymore—"

"Remember the good feelings, -a---ne, and keep going—"

"Always, -a---ne. Remember I always love—"

"If she wants to go, I'm going to let her. It's her choice—"

"Honey, but the blood—"

"Remember, we will always love you—"

"I'm proud of you, -a---ne. Know that I'm proud—"

"You don't have to put up a front to me, your mother—"

"I will always love—"

"You did good, -a---ne—"

"Don't you care—"

"Love you—"

"I'm proud."

" _ Cold hearted. _ "

She woke up the way a dog does. Without moving, but all at once, with every bone in her body itching to bolt while her eyes stole awareness. She breathed cold, crisp air, and held it in her lungs. The sky above edged toward a pale blue sheen and offered a soft tint to the knife grass. The usual morning dampness clung to her boned skin as she let the air out. Slowly, she rolled to stretch, and her hair caught on her fingers, wild and a mess. Her muscles ached. 

She was fine. It was a good morning.

A quick survey showed the died fire remains, though a quick prodding revealed the still warm coals. They caught on dry wood and grass soon enough. The hog skeletons had been dug up from where they'd been buried some twenty yards from camp. Hisoka flipped through cards quietly with the tree as a backrest. He did not look, but returned a morning greeting when she offered one.

Yes, she determined. She was fine. She'd take that over burning. 

She stretched a final time before disappearing in the woods to relieve herself, all the while summoning her nen to freely thrum beneath her skin, and tickle atop it. Two extra inches, she noted. She could fill her bubble with two extra inches. Four to go. 

By the time she'd arrived at the clearing, with a few hedgehog-like creatures and some leafy greens, Hisoka had turned the small waving flame to a solid, eager fire. When she came close, he showed a collection of nuts to add to the meal.

They ate breakfast in silence. Kaia returned to training.

Three inches, she thought. Not two, but three. Three to go. 

Hours passed and they remained without words. The sun inched up the sky with the patience of a freight train. By noon, most of the morning animals settled to doze or lay relaxed in the humid warmth. Kaia watched a set of butterflies dance around Hisoka's shoulder, and listened to the sound of wind rustling through the long grasses, the trees, and distantly, above the ocean. She pressed on her bubble. Two to go. It was a good day, Kaia figured.

For lunch, they ate wild potatoes flayed over strips of hog. It tasted good. She missed the salt, but still, at least her appetite had been edging back.

It was not until she returned to expanding the bubble that Hisoka finally spoke. 

"You're very quiet today. Are you alright?"

"Yeah?" She felt the bubble ripple and coaxed it smooth again. "I jus' figured ya didn't want me talking too much."

He observed her for a moment, then slipped his eyes shut. "I'd love to hear the sound of my precious student's thoughts."

"...Alright," she crossed her legs and held the ankles, leaning forward, "I think I almost got the full three feet around me. I'm picturing it like a big bubble, and I'm...filling in the spots? Pretty sure I'm about ready to push it just that last little inch."

"Are you?"

Kaia paused to blink, quick and thrice. "Yes? I mean, you can see..." she squinted at him, cocked her head. "Unless I'm doing something totally wrong." Her suggestion met with a simple shrug of the shoulders, so Kaia decided she'd make her full three feet, then figure out if this was all for naught. She didn't... _ think _ she was doing it wrong. It's what Hisoka's looked like, and she made sure she could move with it, and she almost didn’t need to focus hard to keep it smooth, so, it should be good?

"Your friends..." Hisoka set down another two cards on his tower with careful, steady hands. "They are very interesting."

She waited for him to continue but, as he did not, she said, "okay." A second pause. She glanced at the sky, at her palms. Did he... "Leorio's my favorite. He's. A very kind person, I think. He has a good dream, nice eyes."

"I see."

Ah, so, he did just want her to talk. She supposed she could ramble, for a bit. 

"He's got a good set of emotions, and is pretty free with them. It's cool."

"Gon is also expressive, as well as that blond boy...Kurapika?"

"Yeah," she smoothed out a crease, "They are. But it can be bad when people are ruled by their emotions."

Hisoka hummed. "You enjoy Leorio's feelings, but not the others’?"

"I think it's less appreciating the feelings," she lowered her tone, eyes going soft, "and more appreciating the person behind them." She let herself go light again, happy, "Kurapika’s just Kurapika, and Gon's just a kid. I'm probably just irritated he kept pestering me earlier when I didn't talk. Leorio backed off, so I respect that."

Hisoka drew a card to his lips. "Yet, you pestered me to remove my clothing."

"Yeah."

"So you can pester, and he cannot?"

Kaia blinked. "I feel like I've heard this conversation before. But no—I guess I shouldn'ta pestered that hard, even if you was bleeding. So," she scratched the back of her head, shifting in a nervous manner, "if you're bothered by it, 'm sorry. I was probably overstepping my bounds—I'll stop."

He smiled. "It's fine. Your determination is amusing."

"I'm..." she squinted, "gonna take that as an 'ok' to pester if you're hurting yourself, then. Unless you directly tell me otherwise, Sensei." She expected a response, but got none, so she eventually went back to expanding her bubble. 

But of course, Hisoka did, indeed, speak again. "Would you like to learn your nen type?"

Kaia glanced up. "Hm? Yeah. I have your guess and all, but sure. I figured we'd do that later?"

He tilted his head, closed his eyes. "I'm bored."

"Guess we'll do it now."

He asked if she had heard of the water divination test. Something with a glass full of water, and a leaf, and releasing your aura around the cup. Kaia remembered seeing this in the anime—a trickle, of sorts, of memories flash-flooding her brain. Along with twenty other odd questions, but she'd ask those later. Hisoka pointed to her bag. 

"You surely carry the necessary things, correct?"

"Yessir." 

Half a minute later had her setting down a glass filled to the brim, along with a little green leaf drifting lazily atop. When she presented it, her teacher held both his hands out in front of him, fingers almost touching. 

"Ren," he said, "is also any extension of aura from the body. What you've been doing is similar, but more controlled." And wasn't  _ that _ a question? She’d been under the impression she'd been using  _ Ten _ . Well. One inch to go anyway. "Simply focus your aura to your hands like this..." he drew his hands apart and she could see the soft, fog-like light flickering across his palms. "And watch what the water does." 

"The water didn't do anything, though," Kaia pointed out. A breeze brushed past, with quiet. Kaia dipped a finger in the water, and it tasted sour. "Kay, never mind, it did do something." She inspected her finger. "This is pretty tart. My mouth's watering."

Hisoka let off a pleased note before dumping the water and sending her to fill it again. Upon coming back, she copied his earlier position and  _ focused. _ It was easy, to pull her nen around her like that. She thought, less bubble, more...cloak. A big, wide, fuzzy blanket. Then she blew that up, eyes narrowed at the glass, and—

It  _ cracked _ , the water swelling, bloating too quickly for the glass and it— _ shattered. _

Sound exploded. Hundreds of bladed shards glinting sunlight shot at her chest and she reeled, scrambling back. A second, and then Kaia hesitantly glanced at the cut earth where she had stood, and the ring of glass surrounding it.

She let herself relax. "So, Enhancer? You were right, Sensei."

"...How entertaining." Hisoka, too, moved to prod a piece of glass. He chuckled, then. A quick, chortling noise that sent prickles across her scalp. "I can't wait to see you ripen,  _ Kaia. _ "

"Creepiness aside,” she digressed, “I appreciate the compliment."

"But of course."

"So. What do I do with this? I figured it’d like, swell just a little?"

"Many choose to strengthen their aura output, however..." the yellow of his eyes rolled smoothly to the water darkening the dirt. "Perhaps, when you can use Ten...I really can't wait..." 

"Sensei," Kaia said. She crossed her ankles and held them. "I have to pass this exam first."

"Oh." His face fell sort of flat, drawn. "Yes. That."

She cocked her head. "Did you want to kill me already?"

It was an innocent question, an honest one, and she kept her eyes steady when she asked. Kaia knew she may have been a fool, but she did not think herself an idiot, and she could read the signs that he craved a fight well enough. She was not stupid enough to believe he'd spare her simply  _ because _ . He’d been hinting at it for a while already, and if she remembered right, this was the exam where he’d go ballistic with the need to spill blood. So, perhaps, it would be hers. She might die here.

It was a...stilling thought. To know one might die right there on the warm knife grass, half hidden by the shade of a spruce tree, coupled only by the slowly crackling fire remains. To know that there would be no way to stop it.

Yet.

She snorted, shrugged, dropped her head in a laugh that sounded like a windshield wiper on a dry day. Here she goes, she thought. Being dramatic again. Here Hisoka was teaching her what she'd asked, and here she was, wondering if she'd die before the week finished.  _ It didn't really matter, not really. _

_ She'd already died once. _

Kaia wiped the lines of laughter from her mouth and stared up at him from the crooked hang of her coiled, messy bangs. She could feel the volatile grin peeling back her lips. She knew she looked sort of awful. 

But she felt fine, and she would be fine, because  _ this was fine _ . 

"What do you want for dinner," is what she asked. Hisoka, returned to a pleased, self satisfied grace, gently shuffled cards. 

"Are you sure you wish to stay that long? My appetite has...grown. I can't guarantee your safety."

"Is 'kay." She flopped onto her back, took a deep, heavy breath. "Whatcha want for dinner, Sensei?"

"...Surprise me."

_ Gotcha, _ she thought.  _ At least she could do this. Maybe she could use sour nen water for something, too. _

(It was her job, after all.)

~~~

Between making the camp and the missions she sent herself on to scout the nearby area, Kaia found plenty of time to herself. Initially, she'd worried that she'd get stuck in her head, but the idea ended for naught. She just had to take in the wide, sweeping hills speckled with tall trees that smothered out the ocean blue, and smell the sharp, perfumed odor from the paint-like wildflowers, and she felt  _ good _ . She felt glad she hadn't quit. Oh, the sun fastened hot on her skin, and dirt and dried blood coloured her arms, but she had never been bothered by those things before and she was not bothered now. Right now, she was _ good— _

—she stopped. Stared at a rock, glanced around again. Distantly, she could hear the stream, far and below the spot they'd camped. This stone before her, though, reminded her distinctly of a river rock. Kaia watched it for a moment longer before she raised her head to offer a level, heavy scan to the deep green bushes, then the cleared branches of the taller trees. Nothing stood out, nor did she feel any itch on her neck or a twist in her gut. So, shrugging, she collected the stone that wasn't more than two of her fists put together in size, and trotted back to camp. 

Upon arriving, she said, "Dude, check this out."

Hisoka shuffled his cards quietly, the slap of them against each other filling the quiet in the clearing. He moved his yellow eyes to the stone she held. He looked for a while, considerate-like, then he looked at her, and the reckless grin on her face. He returned to his cards. "I do believe you found a rock."

Kaia dropped to a crouch and rolled the cold thing between her hands, marveling its smoothness before saying, "I think I did find a rock."

He hummed. "What are you going to do with it?"

"That's a good question. I found it back thata'way. Pretty far from the water, at least. It's weird." She weighed it in each hand, contemplative. "Maybe I'll break it."

Hisoka slowed his shuffling. "Is there a reason?"

"Wanna know what's inside," she said. So she drew up a line of nen to her palms, sticking close to her finger pads to ensure a strong grip, before twisting her hands opposite directions. The rock easily snapped into two clean breaks. 

There was nothing inside. It was just a rock.

She looked at Hisoka. "I found a rock," she said.

He looked at her, too. "You broke a rock."

She looked at the rock. "Yes, I did."

"Are you pleased?"

"...Yes."

"I see."

"Okay."

For good measure, she set both broken halves on the ground so they just looked like two small mounds of smooth stone. It'd be funny to somebody, she figured, who had enough care to wonder about the broken river stone so far from the river.

She never did figure out why it was so far, anyway.

  
  
  



End file.
